The Show Must Go On/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "The Show Must Go On". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. ''[The episode opens in Vox's surveillance room, as overlapping videos from various cameras stationed around the Hazbin Hotel play on the screens stationed around him. Vox himself is sitting in his office chair, watching them all while drinking from his mug]''

Vox: No fucking way! They're going to fight? Oh, my god. Hahahaha! Oh, looks like your little hotel didn't work out so well. *watches a screen with Alastor on it, which glitches slightly* Oh, Alastor, I cannot wait to watch you get FUCKED!

[Vox laughs maniacally as the camera pans away from his chair and screens] ''[The scene changes to show the cannibals all gathered outside the hotel, practising with their weapons. As Charlie watches them all from the hotel's entrance, Vaggie comes up to her]''

Charlie: Oh, I wish my mom were here to see this.

Vaggie: The cannibals seem ready to fight. Are we?

[ Sir Pentious bursts out of the hotel's doors, wearing a Victorian-style British army uniform and looking proud of himself]

Sir Pentious: Fear not, damsels. I shall have the staff ready for victorious combat!

Vaggie: What in the hell are you supposed to be?

Sir Pentious: *salutes* General Pentious, reporting for duty. I'll turn those rapscallions into soldiers in no time at all!

Charlie: Thank you, Pen.

[ Niffty, running around the hotel's entrance, now runs up to Pentious]

Niffty: What can I do to help?

Pentious: I'm glad, you asked, soldier. The base needs fortifications. Reinforce the southern wall! Create a moat around the perimeter to stop a ground assault.

[Niffty blinks up at Pentious, having no idea what he just said]

Charlie: How about this. If you see an angel, stab it! *hands Niffty a small blade*

[Niffty sees Angel Dust a few metres away, talking to Cherri Bomb, and, thinking that Angel Dust is what Charlie meant, runs towards him with her knife]

Angel: Hey, hey, hey, hey! *climbs up the pole he was leaning on*

Charlie: Not him!

[As Niffty runs off to find other things to stab, Angel does a flip and lands on the ground, before walking over to stand with Charlie, Vaggie and Pentious]

Vaggie: *drill sergeant style* Listen up, sinners! We've got 24 hours before the Extermination begins. Let's get to work. [As the cannibals and the hotel's residents begin training to fight, Vox continues to watch them all from his surveillance room]

Vox: Oh, they suck. Oh, they suck so bad! Oh, God. They're gonna fucking die! They're- they're gonna die. [Back at the hotel, Charlie is holding Alastor's microphone, preparing to give a speech to the cannibals and the hotel's residents]

Charlie: Hello? *taps microphone* I want to thank everyone for coming. Even people who aren't staying here yet...Cherri.

Cherri Bomb: Look, I can't resist a fight, okay? Especially when I get to tag team with this fuckhead. *wraps arm around Angel, who smiles*

Charlie: Tomorrow, the Exorcists will face a Hell ready to defend itself and win!

Vaggie: Yeah! Yeah, we will! Tell 'em, baby!

Charlie: Yes! And we are-we are going to win! But in case we don't, I want you all to know... that getting to know you has been the biggest honour of my life. Whatever redemption really means, I know you all tried. I have seen the good in all of you. And it's...I-I'm just...I love you all, so much, and-and live tonight however you want because-

Niffty: We're all gonna die! *laughs*

Vaggie: *starts clapping* Alright! Let's give it up for not dying! Love not dying. *pauses* Drinks?

[Inside the hotel, the gang are sharing drinks, talking and laughing with one another]

*muddled conversation*

Sir Pentious: Here's to being alive today and not dying tomorrow!