Hello Rosie!/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Hello Rosie!". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [The episode begins with Vaggie, Niffty, Alastor, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk all sitting in the hotel's lounge.]

Niffty: So, like where are your wings?

Vaggie: Niffty, I don't have--

[Vaggie's sentence is cut off by Angel Dust.]

Angel Dust: Did you ever think maybe she's sensitive about her lack of wings, just like her lack of tits?

[Niffty tugs at Vaggie's shirt]

Niffty: Yeah. Where are your tits?

[Vaggie sighs]

Vaggie: Any other questions?

Husk: I got one. How come every time Charlie talks to Heaven we get in deeper and deeper shit?

Vaggie: It's not her fault. Angels are just--

Angel Dust: Liars?

Vaggie: ...difficult. But Charlie's trying her best.

Husk: Yeah, well, her best is turning out real well so far.

Angel Dust: And where is miss fearless leader anyway? Isn't it about time for another "doomed-to-fail" plan?

Vaggie: She's upstairs. Coming up with something, I'm sure, in our room. Alone.

[Sinister music starts to play]

Alastor: Hmm.

[Alastor vanishes into black smoke.]

''[The scene changes showing Charlie in her bed under her covers softly crying. While Razzle and Dazzle comfort her with Tissues. Alastor reappears in her room and approaches her bedside.]''

Alastor: Oh, Charlie, you look an absolute mess.

[Charlie begins to appear annoyed]

Charlie: Ugh, go away, Alastor.

[Alastor sits down on her bed while Charlie hides again under the covers]

Alastor: Now, now is that any way to act after picking a fight with all of Heaven and dooming everyone you love?

[Charlie emerges from the covers]

Charlie: I have enough on my mind without hearing your sadistic idea of a joke, asshole.

[Charlie wraps herself under the covers again, only for Alastor to appear laying beside her.]

Alastor: Who's joking?

[Charlie scared, jumps and falls off of the bed.]

Alastor: You have a captive audience downstairs waiting to hear what kind of inspiring performance you have planned next.

[Charlie now leaning on the bed.]

Charlie: Ugh, I can't. How can I face them after failing them all so hard?

[Alastor repositions himself on his stomach and begins kicking his legs in the air.]

Charlie: They came here to be saved and all I gave them was more pain.

[Charlie begins tearing up again.]

Charlie: I'm just as bad as the cruelest Overlord in Hell. And maybe worse.

[Charlie stands and paces back and forth.]

Charlie: At least they don't go around giving false hope.

Alastor: Well, I never expected to see such a miserable display of self-loathing from you.

Charlie: Oh, fuck you, Alastor.

[Alastor adjusts himself, now laying on his side]

Charlie: All you do is stand there, smiling while you watch us struggle and fail. I don't know how you can enjoy all this suffering so much.

[Alastor stands up, wraps his fingers on Charlie's shoulder while chuckling]

Alastor: *Chuckles* Just because you see a smile don't think you know what's going on underneath.

[Alastor lets go of Charlie]

Alastor: *Grabs Charlie's face with his hand and makes her smile* A smile is a valuable tool, my dear.

Alastor: *Let's go of Charlie's face* It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing, and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you're the one in control.

Charlie: But I'm not.

[Charlie starts walking towards her bedroom window]

Charlie: I'm the farthest thing from in control. The person I trust most has been lying to me for years. Heaven refuses to listen.

[Charlie thuds both fists against the window.]

Charlie: Even if they did, I can't prove that the hotel works. Adam has an invincible exorcist Army pointed right at my doorstep and there's nothing I can do

[Charlie thuds the window with her fist.]

Charlie: *while shouting* about any of it.

[Sinister music plays again and Alastor starts smiling.]

Alastor: [in a sing song tune] I know something you don't know.

Charlie: Huh?

[Alastor walks over and grabs Charlie's arms.]

Alastor: Those big, scary angels are not quite as indestructible as they seem.

[Alastor let's go of Charlie and walks away.]

Charlie: What are you talking about?

Alastor: Just that you and your little band of misfits might stand more of a chance than you think.

Charlie: [desparately] How? I'll do anything.

Alastor: Anything? Then... let's make a deal.

Charlie: You... You want my soul?

Alastor: [sinisterly] Your soul? [brightly] Heavens, no. All i need from you is one itty bitty favor. What's a favor between friends?

Charlie: I won't hurt anyone for you.

Alastor: Who's asking! One favor, at a time of my choosing, where you harm no one. In return, I tell you what I know. Do we have a deal?

[Razzle and Dazzle both growl as Charlie puts her hands down to stop them.]

Charlie: Deal.

[Ominous music plays as both Charlie and Alastor shake hands resulting in a green demon/ghost-like aura flash throughout the room.]

[The scene cuts to Vaggie, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk now in the hotel lobby as they observe the flash happen]

[Vaggie begins heading to her and Charlie's room]

Vaggie: No. No!

[Vaggie strains and slams the bedroom door open with her spear in hand.]

Alastor: Right on cue!

Vaggie: What did you do? Let her go!

[Alastor and Charlie finish there handshake.]

Charlie: Vaggie, Stop!

Vaggie: What?

[Vaggie drops her spear.]

Vaggie: No, Charlie, please tell me you didn't--

Charlie: I made a deal with Alastor.

Vaggie: *pleads* Charlie.

Alastor: Oh, calm down. She still owns her soul.

Charlie: He gave me info that can save the hotel, but we're going to need help. The angels can be defeated, and Carmilla is the key.

Vaggie: What? Carmilla Carmine?

Charlie: She killed an exorcist in the last extermination. She knows how they can be harmed.

Vaggie: But... I-- I didn't even know that was possible.

Charlie: If you did, would you have told me?

Vaggie: Charlie, I--

Charlie: I need you to go to her, convince her to teach us. If she can, we might have a chance.

Vaggie: With just the seven of us?

Charlie: No, we're-- ugh, we're going to need numbers too.

[Alastor reenters the conversation.]

Alastor: And I know just who can help. As long as Charlie can be her normal, charming self.

Charlie: What's that you said about smiles?

Alastor: *while patting Charlie's head* Good girl.

Vaggie: *whispering* Charlie, can we talk about this--

Charlie: We can talk later. Right now, we have a job to do. You with us?

Vaggie: *sighs* Ugh.

[Vaggie walks down the stairs, only to be met by a confused Angel Dust.]

Angel Dust: So-ho, uh...Alastor and Charlie just left like they were runnin' away from their responsibilities. Should we be alarmed?

Vaggie: No. We have a plan, but it involves protecting ourselves against the angels.

Husk: Wh- are you fuckin' high?

Vaggie: They can be killed-

Frank: Yeah! That knife lady, Camaro Carfight, killed one.

Vaggie: Wait, you knew about this?

Frank: Uh, yeah. I told Boss about it months ago.

Vaggie: *turns to Pentious* He what???

Sir Pentious: What? They say insane shit all the time! how was I supposed to know this one was true?

Egg Boi: Bank accounts are actually a scam created by the shadow government!

Sir Pentious: SEE???

Vaggie: (sighs) what's important now is that we're going to have a fight on our hands. Look, this hotel is about to become the most dangerous place in hell, and we....I, can't guarantee you're safety anymore. I still believe in Charlie's dream. I know this place can work. But none of you signed up for this *heads out the door* I'm gonna go learn how we can fight back, and when I come home....Well I'll understand if none of you are here.

[With that, Vaggie heads out the door, everyone sighing in worry for what she said.]

Sir Pentious: Well...This is awkward.

Niffty: 'Kay!

''[Cut to Cannibal Town. Alastor escorts Charlie down the streets as he listens to Charlie, cleaning her monocle in the process.]''

Charlie: Three years! THREE YEARS i've been sharing my life with her, and i tell her EVERYTHING! My hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my embarrassing habits, what fucking DEODORANT i like, and she keeps something, like this, from ME??? Why would she lie for so long? did she think i wouldn't accept her? What about me? Me says un-understanding? *pauses* misunderstanding *pauses* dis-under, wait wh-

[She pauses for a moment, looking at their current location.]

Charlie: Where are we?

Alastor: Cannibal Town! There's a friend here i think you should meet.

Charlie: in Cannibal Town? But it's...*looks at surroundings* surprisingly nice here.

Alastor: Isn't it though? and it's all thanks to a very special someone

[Alastor opens the door for charlie as they enter Rosie's Emporium, where they meet the Cannibal Overlord herself at her desk speaking to a young woman at the front of a long line.]

Rosie: well who hasn't thought about eating their first husband? I certainly would if he didn't taste so bad! Hehe, I tell ya what, you bring ol' tall dark and armless to me, and i'll straighten him right out, Okay sweetie? *gives her card* here's my card a- *notices Alastor* Oh, my, stars! Do my eyes deceive me? *peeks through crowd* Alastor? *makes her way through* Alastor! Where have you been??? These halls really lost some of their sparkle without your lively presence and- *notices Charlie* Oh. Who's this ya brought with ya? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! *Charlie rolls her eyes* Just kidding. i know you're an Ace in the hole.

Alastor: A what now?

Rosie: Where are your manners mister? Introduce us why don't ya?

Alastor: Ahh, yes. Charlie, this is Rosie, *Rosie curtsies politely* the most darling, delightful and dangerous Overlord this side of the Pentagram!

Rosie: Oh! always such a charmer.

Alastor: And Rosie, it's my pleasure to introduce you *pushes Charlie up to her* to princess Charlie Morningstar. Daughter of Lucifer and heir to the throne of Hell!

Charlie: How do you do? *waves nervously*

Rosie: Well well! isn't this a regal surprise! *pushes her to desk* Come in! Come in! Lemme get you somethin' to eat. I'm sure we must have a leg around here or somethin'. Oh, what am i thinkin'? *pokes her stomach* A small thing like you? You must probably be watchin' ya figure! How bout some nice pinkie singers instead?

[As she spoke she got out a box of cut off pinkie fingers in little pink wrappers.]

Charlie: Um...No. no, thank you though.

Rosie: *puts box away* Oh look at you! *pats her head* so polite! Alastor, you could learn a thing o' two

''[Rosie then proceed to take Charlie to a table with two chairs. she sits her down on one of them and she sits on the one across from her. Alastor walks up to Rosie.]''

Rosie: Sit down. Sit down. Tell auntie Rosie what she can do for you. Ya know, Alastor. I got a premo-connect on a guy with about eight blocks of territory and not enough goons to run it. Prime pickin's for a deal to be made, my friend

Alastor: Appreciate the offer *walks up to Charlie* but we're here on business of another kind.

Rosie: well don't keep me in suspense! I'm a very busy woman *drinks cup of tea*

Charlie: well, as you know...*panicking* the extermination is coming early and they'll be here in a month, and their coming to my hotel and my friends first, and I-I-I-I-

Alastor: *interrupts* we need your help. Well, your cannibals help at least, to fend off the attack.

Rosie: well! *puts down cup* when you ask a favor ya don't ask for a small one, do ya, your highness? Oh now, don't fret. *gets up* I didn't say i wouldn't help. But i assume there's more to this plan then a bunch of unarmed cannibals.

Alastor: Oh, your people will be far from helpless we're done with them. And by the end, they will be able to eat, their, fill.

Rosie: well, in that case, sure! Why not?

Charlie: Really?

Rosie: what can i say? I like your moxie girl. And hold Alastor has never done me wrong before.

Charlie: Oooh! Thank you *holds her hands* thank you thank you! [Cut to Vaggie at Carmilla Carmine's house, as she bangs on the door.]

Vaggie: *Shouting* Carmine! Carmine, we need to speek.

[Vaggie walks up to the security camera and stares at it]

Vaggie: I know what you did on extermination day. We can talk about it inside, or I can yell about it out here.

[The door clanks open.]

Vaggie: Fuckin' right you open that door.

[The door slams shut.]

Vaggie: Hello?

Carmilla: *Echoing* You have 2 minutes to convince me not to silence you for good.

[A spotlight is turned on revealing Carmilla]

Vaggie: Miss Carmine, I'm here on appointment from the princess to enlist your aid in the defense of hell from the angelic extermination. We know an angel fell at your hands and we need to know how.

Carmilla: No!

Vaggie: What do you mean, no? The princess of hell--

Carmilla: Means nothing to me. You have to do better than that. 90 seconds.

Vaggie: With your knowledge, we wouldn't have to helplessly stand by while--

Carmilla: Clearly I am not the helpless one here. 80 seconds.

Vaggie: Well, then why? Why wouldn't you use what you know to fight?

Carmilla: To avoid the very problem you and your little friends are facing right now. I will not invite destruction into my house, on my people.

Vaggie: You think we asked for this? All Charlie has ever done is try to make things better to help her people who, news flash, include your people too.

Carmilla: And how exactly has that worked out for her? 45 seconds.

Vaggie: We didn't pick this fight, but it's here now. And they aren't going to stop with us. You didn't see the look on their leader's face. With us out of the way, it's only a matter of time before they come for the rest of you. They won't stop until all of hell is wiped out, so you can help us make a stand here together, or you can stand alone tomorrow. And what do you think your chances will be then?

Carmilla: You're out of time.

''[Carmilla jumps down and kicks Vaggie in the face. Vaggie slides on the floor]''

Carmilla: Angels attack quickly, viciously, and without mercy. You'll need to defend better than that. [The scene cuts back to Cannibal Town]

Rosie: *Through megaphone* Cannibals and Cannibettes, assemble in the square.

[Rosie walks with Charlie to the stage]

Rosie: Now, darling, you know I would do anything, anything for my clients, but I can't exactly command all of Cannibal Town to follow someone else into battle. Now, don't get me wrong, they love carnage and bloodshed, but to get this group into line, you got to win 'em over. *Through megaphone* Settle in! Settle in! Important meeting.

[The cannibals form a crowd around the stage]

Charlie: But how do I--

Rosie: With sparkle! Razzamatazz! and that oh so appealing moxie of yours.

Alastor: Shouldn't be a problem. It's not like you've never failed to inspire before.

[Charlie groans as she walks on stage]

Rosie: Now, fair warning. This group sticks together. So in order to convince any of them, you'll need to convince all of them. And there's one in particular--

Alastor: Uuuugh, Susan.

Rosie: Susan, who's a bit of an... uh--

Alastor: Ornery old bitch?

Rosie: That! She's tough, but win her over and the rest will be easy as pie. Ready?

Charlie: I guess.

Rosie: *Through megaphone* Everyone we have a very special, very royal guest this evening! Please put your bloody hands together for Princess Charlie!

[Charlie smiles awkwardly and waves at the crowd]

Susan: Booooo! Bring Rosie back!

Charlie: Susan?

Rosie and Alastor: Susan.

Charlie: [Laughs nervously] Sorry. Uh, okay, uh, my name's Charlie, and...

[Susan and Charlie both speak at the same time]

Charlie: Well, I run this hotel with my part... well someone and...Wait, let me start over. Angels are coming to kill us all and we need help defending our realm. So-- we, uh... we need your help-- With your assistance, we can make a stand for-- [Charlie sings] ♫I...I have a dream♫ and I--

Susan: *Yelling* Booooo! Get off the stage you blue blood bitch! Booo! We don't give a shit about some hotel. Leave before I eat those big ass eyes of yours. Boo! Get off. Where's the showmanship? Where's all the finesse? Fucking mediocre!

[Charlie suddenly leans forward and flips Susan off]

Charlie: *Screaming* Fuck you! You old bitch!

[Cannibal crowd gasps]

Rosie: Okay! We'll be back after a brief intermission.

[Rosie moves Charlie away from the stage] ''[Cut back to Vaggie and Carmilla fighting. Vaggie is slammed onto a pillar but then starts charging at Carmilla. Carmilla kicks Vaggie onto the floor. Vaggie gets up and starts charging again. But again, Carmilla kicks her onto the floor. Vaggie gets up and just barley points her spear at Carmilla before being kicked onto the floor again]''

Vaggie: Fuck! Ow!

''[Vaggie gets up, only to be kicked yet again. She strikes at Carmilla twice but she dodges both times and kicks Vaggie again]''

Vaggie: Come on, what is this?

Carmilla: You want me to teach you how to beat angels? That's what I'm doing.

Vaggie: By beating the shit out of me? I'm not used to fighting with long hair.

Carmilla: By showing you the flaws in your own fighting style. Yours and all your sisters'.

Vaggie: Wait... you know I'm an exorcist? How?

Carmilla: You have a giant X over your eye and wield an angelic spear. It's not rocket science. Before you found out about me, did you know angels could be harmed?

Vaggie: No.

''[Carmilla goes to kick her again but this time Vaggie dodges. She goes for a knee kick, and it hits]''

Carmilla: That shows in how you fight. You leave yourself open with every swing. You fight like someone unafraid of harm, and this is what you'll take advantage of. Angels wield no shields, little armor and fight with reckless abandon. Strike them here, here, and here. [Kicks Vaggie in the face 3 times]

Vaggie: Argh! With what? Some secret weapon of yours?

Carmilla: Stupid girl, are you really so dense you don't realize you're holding the answer?

Vaggie: Angelic weapons? It's that simple? How has no one else figured this out?

Carmilla: Angelic steel isn't common, and those who have it aren't exactly rushing off to test it against exorcists.

[Scene cuts to a flashback with Carmilla and her daughters, rushing home, trying to avoid exorcists. But as they are running, they get caught by 3 of them.]

Carmilla: When my daughters and I were cornered in that last extermination I tried to buy time for my girls to flee, and well... You don't become an angelic arms dealer without arming yourself first.

[One of the exorcists flies in the air and charges at Carmilla. She then jumps in the air. The angelic steel blade on her boots sparkle, as she falls down and uses the blades to cut the exorcist's head off]

[The scene cuts back to Carmilla and Vaggie as Carmilla begins to sing Out For Love]

Carmilla: ♫I see you're driven by your detestation♫

♫Your every step is stoked with animus♫

♫You need a different type of motivation♫

♫Or there's no way that you can handle this♫

♫I know you're thirstin' for vengeance, Vaggie♫

♫You're out for blood♫

♫But you'll only stand a chance if you're out for love♫

♫Out for love~♫

♫Love~♫

[As she sings, Carmilla and Vaggie continue to spar]

Carmilla: ♫Think of who you care about♫

♫Protect them and be out♫

♫For love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫You're gonna fight without gloves♫

♫Long as you're out for love♫

♫Fuel yourself with the fear of losin'♫

♫That somebody who's your reason to live♫

♫Harnеss your heart and you can't help choosin'♫

♫To fight with all you can give♫

♫I know you'rе thirstin' for vengeance, Vaggie♫

♫You're out for blood♫

♫But you'll only stand a chance if you're out for love♫

♫Out for love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫Think of who you care about♫

♫Protect them and be out♫

♫For love~♫

♫Love~♫

♫You're gonna fight without gloves

♫And when that push comes to shove♫

♫Yeah, you just might rise above♫

♫Long as you're out for love♫

[Vaggie jumps into the air when suddenly, she grows a new pair of Angel wings]

Carmilla: Well, look at that. You might just survive this.

Vaggie: We're going to need more weapons.