Western Energy/Transcript

The scene begins at “Richest Cup Café, where the poor pour for you!” Stella and Stolas are sipping tea, giving each other glares.

Stella: Stolas.

Stolas: Stella.

Stella: (censored “cunt”)

Stolas: Witch.

Andrealphus: (facepalms) Aurgh!

Stella: FUCKISH. IMP. SUCKER!

Stolas: Why did you insist on meeting me here?

''Imp server pours tea for Stolas. Stola looks at his phone that says: “Reminder, Deal @ Ozzie’s set.”''

Andrealphus: Ahem! We wanted to properly discuss the terms of this divorce. I feel my darling sister deserves a bit more…compensation. After all, you did CHEAT on the poor thing. Surely you owe…

Stolas: Andrealphus, cheating implies there was a betrayal. This woman never gave two shits about me or our very much arranged marriage. As far as I’m concerned, this divorce is far overdue.

Striker’s horse is seen racing toward the glass window.

Stella: Up yours! (flips Stolas the bird)

Andrealphus: Stellaaa, for fuck’s sake, stop making this harder to bullshit!

''The window breaks, revealing Striker posing on a table. He twirls two angelic revolvers in his hands. He fires one and the bullet hits the window near Stolas’ head. Stella grins evilly at Stolas as he dodges more bullets. He flies out toward the exit. Striker wraps Stolas in glowing white rope before he can escape. Stolas falls to the ground in an alley, captured.''

Stolas: Oh dear…this is worrisome.

''The scene cuts to Blitzo driving the I.M.P. van, with Moxxie and Millie in the back and a fearful Loona next to Blitzo. Blitzo’s phone lets out a bird ringtone.''

Blitzo: Oh shit. Stolas! It’s really not a good time, buddy…

Stolas: I’m sorry it’s a bad time yet again Blitzy, but umm…I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch. I’m tied to the back of a horse at the moment.

Blitzo: Pffttt…lucky bitch.

Stolas: Um, well no, rather unlucky. I seem to have been stolen by little cowboy friend of yours.

Blitzo: Ohh, which one?

Moxxie: How many cowboy friends do you know? (To Stolas) What does he look like, your highness?

Stolas glances up at Striker’s grinning face as he rides his horse.

Stolas: Mmm…sexy?

Moxxie: That’s Striker, sir!

Blitzo: Oh for fuck’s sake! Can’t you just get away? Aren’t you powerful?

Stolas: I believe he has bound me with blessed rope, which limits my ability to free myself, I’m afraid. So, I think you should come save me.

Blitzo: Oh shit Stolas, I can’t today, alright? I’m sorry. I-I’m literally on my way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies S.H.O.T.

Blitzo glances nervously at a frightened Loona.

Blitzo: It takes years to book an appointment at this place, it took five to get this one. And she’s been doing a lot of field work so, you know, she needs it.

Stolas: Oh, ha ha, well I do agree that is very important…but I-

Striker: Would you shut up already? I can hear you, by the way.

Striker swipes Stola’s cell phone with his tail.

Striker: Don’t worry about your lanky birdy…he’s in good hands. (evil laughter)

Stolas: Oh shit. Am I in danger right now?

Blitzo: Gaaagh, damn it!

''Blitzo breaks his phone in his hand. He moves the clutch forward and the can speeds down the highway.''

Millie: Sir, let me and Moxxie handle this one.

Blitzo: Okay, are you sure you two got this alone?

Moxxie: We can do it, sir. Together, we are a lethal combo. And we both have a score to settle with that dickhead.

Millie places a cowboy hat onto Moxxie’s head.

Blitzo: Alright, well hurry. Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time.

Blitzo pulls up to a tall St. An’s hospital building.

Blitzo: And knowing THAT guy’s aesthetic, my money’s that he’s in Wrath.

''Blitzo drops the car keys into Moxxie’s hand. Blitzo pulls Loona out of the van and carries her over his head.''

Blitzo: Now get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something.

Moxxie drives the van away.

Blitzo: Come on, Loonie, come on, this will be over lickity split, alright?

''Blitzo pushes the door open and drags Loona inside by her tail. Loona scratches at the floor, hesitant to go in.''

Blitzo: Christ on a stick! Of all the days for him to get his stupid feathered ass kidnapped…I have waited five fucking years for this appointment! FUCK ME IN MY LITLE RED HOLE!

''Blitzo glances over to a demon women glaring at him. Her child is next to her on a leash.''

Blitzo: Hi. The fuck you looking at?

Blitzo walks up to the desk toward a goat nurse.

Blitzo: Heya toots, I’m here for that S.H.O.T. for my Loonie Toonie. (laughs)

''Loona growls from behind. A nearby poster shows a hound with a needle in its back that reads “Get yours today or else!”''

Nurse: The what?

Blitzo: Urgh. The B.U.L.L shit that my daughter has to get every year that you M.O.T.H.E.R. FUCKERS only allow us to schedule every five years. How the fuck you fuck up that bad, anyway, Titty Haver?

Blitzo writes on a notepad.

Nurse: Oh, I can’t spell…

Blitzo pushes the notepad to her.

Nurse: I can’t read either.

Blitzo: The fucking Hellbies shot you fucking reeeeelllly can’t say that word anymore. The appointment is under Blitz.

The nurse flips through the notepad.

Nurse: Uhhh…I don’t see any Blitz on the list.

Blitzo: With an “O,” is silent you fucking…

The nurse flips the notepad over.

Nurse: OH! An “O” right here, yep, yep. Blitzoooo. Blitzooo.

Blitzo’s eye twitches and he seethes in anger.

Nurse: Yes well, we will be ready for her in just a bit. Please take a seat Mr. “O.”

''Blitzo reveals his pistol hidden in his shirt and the demon lady glares at him in suspicion. Blitzo chuckles nervously.''

Blitzo: Perf.

Blitzo walks over and takes a seat with his arms folded.

Blitzo glances at Loona who is whimpering in fear under three chairs.

Blitzo: Oh, don’t worry Loonie. It’s okay, it’s just one little prick, you won’t feel it.

Demon lady: Ew, don’t say that, it sounds vulgar.

Blitzo: Excuse me?

Demon lady: Pervert!