Queen Bee/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Queen Bee". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The scene opens with Loona sitting in the back of a car. Her phone buzzes, and she looks down and sees Blitzo trying to call her. She declines the call.]''

Driver: (offscreen) You want me to drop you off here?

Loona: *glances out the window* Oh! Uh! yeah. Yeah, this looks right. I, uh... haven't been here before.

''[Loona steps out of the vehicle and music can be heard playing as the car drives off. She looks down at her phone and texts Vortex.]''

Loona: (over text) Hey, I'm her

Loona: (over text) Oh shit

Loona: (over text) *here, sry :)

[Loona looks around nervously, until Vortex calls out to her.]

Vortex: *waves hand* Loo-naaa!

Vortex: Hey, girl! Glad you could make it!

Loona: Tex! Yeah, hey. Thanks for inviting me.

[The two walk into the mansion, where the party is taking place.]

Loona: Course! Course! Hey, everyone! Meet the new face!

[Vortex howls in excitement, prompting everyone else to do the same.]

Vortex: You want a…drink or anything?

Loona: Oh, uh… *tail rises* sure! Totally…

[Loona drops her fake smile and looks over to a group of valley girl-esque hellhounds.]

Vikki: And so, I told him "I'm not gonna go get it, unless you fucking throw it this time."

Dalmatian Demon: That is so, not fetch!

Vikki: Not fetch!

[Before Vikki could continue, Loona chimes in nervously.]

Loona: *nervously* Ha, ha, ha, yeah! Like, that happens all the time. Aha…aha…

Vikki: Oh-em-gee. Loona? "Lunatic Luna"? That you?

Loona: Uh, yeah. It's Loona… yeah.

Vikki: Wow. I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one?

Loona: *grits teeth* I'm sure you'll remind me.

Vikki: *takes out phone* Yeah, this? *shows a picture of Loona vomiting* This you, right?

[Loona growls angrily in response.]

Loona: Why do you still have that?

Vikki: *looks over to the picture* It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy.

[Loona growls even more at her.]

Vikki: Wow, you're being really negative. Your aura is being really aggressive right now.

Loona: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it's 'cus I'm in the presence of a massive bitch!

[The word "bitch" echoes throughout the party, making everyone else gasp in disapproval.]

Vikki: *feigns being offended* Oh, my dog! Wow!

Loona: What? Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, come on, it's true!

Demon: (offscreen) You can't say that.

[Loona's ears droop in response as Vortex comes back with drinks.]

Vortex: Did I miss anything?

[Loona notices and puts up her fake smile again.]

Loona: *takes drink* No, no, no! No, nothing. *clears throat* No.

[A voice offscreen booms through a microphone, attracting most of the partygoers.]

Unknown Demon: (offscreen) Haha! How're my partygoing bitches tonight? Awooh, awooh!

[Vortex smiles at Loona in response, inviting her over.]

Unknown Demon: You ready to party with the Queen Bee of Glu-tto-ny? Come on.

[The demon reveals herself to be none other than Beelzebub, who was twirling around the disco ball as she hypes up her audience of partygoers.]

Beelzebub: Hell, yeah! 'Cus the honey is flowin' tonight! And this bitch is about to get fuckin' wild! Let's get it started!

''[Beelzebub grabs onto a pole. Cut to Loona looking around nervously as Beelzebub starts to sing her song.]''

Beelzebub: ♫Cotton candy, cotton ca— candy♫

♫Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy♫

''♫Hey! I'm whatchu need, I'm watchu want♫''

♫I got it all, carnivale, I'll bring you up, I'll take you down♫

♫I'm sticky sweet, stuck in your teeth like♫

♫Cotton candy!♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-oh)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫

♫I'm whatchu want, not watchu need (Ah-ah, ah-oh)♫

[A brief shot of a hellhound drinking while peering into one of Bee's honey pits then gets knocked over by a pillar of rising honey.]

''♫Hey! I don't know why, I'm whatchu want, but it's the truth♫''

♫I'm not your lie♫ ♫Let them eat cake, let them eat pie♫

♫Or better yet them eat cotton candy,♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-oh)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫

♫I'm whatchu want, not watchu need!♫ ♫Cotton candy skies♫ ♫Sweet as apple pie♫ ♫I can't help but shine♫ ♫Brighter than the starlight in the sky♫

♫Cotton candy,♫ ♫Cotton candy (Yeah)♫ ♫Cotton candy♫

♫I'm whatchu want, not watchu need♫ ♫So, watchu want?♫

Ya hungry? Take a bite!

[Bee enlarges the taco one of her guests planned on eating, then shoves it into his mouth.]

Get fucked tonight! (♫So, watchu want?♫)

[Bee moves onto the next table, where she enlarges the alcoholic beverage of two dog demons which she then shoves down their throats.]

Your Queen Bee brings the sweet stuff, so keep making me that motherfucking honey! Yeah, keep it comin'!

[Bee enlarges the party's punch bowl and prompts the others to swim in it.]

♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-oh)♫ ♫Cotton candy (Ah-ah, ah-ah)♫

♫I'm whatchu want, not watchu need!♫ ♫Cotton candy skies!♫ ♫Sweet as apple pie!♫ ♫I can't hеlp but shine!♫

♫Brighter than the starlight,♫ ♫Cotton candy skiеs,♫ ♫Sweet as apple pie!♫ ♫I can't help but shine (Woo!)♫ ♫Brighter than the starlight in the sky!♫

[Beelzebub ends her performance with a firework of confetti and the hellhounds cheer as Loona shakes the cotton candy out of her hair.]

Beelzebub: Awooh, awooh! Vortex! *flies over to Vortex* The party is buzzin' now!

Beelzebub: Fuck! *dusts self off* I feel like I went a little too hard on the confetti this time, though. I have like, *materializes a mini rainbow* a rainbow in my vagina right now.

Beelzebub: *notices Loona* Oh, hey! Is this the sweet pup you told me about?

Loona: Excuse me?

Beelzebub: She's a fucking cutie! Where have you been hiding, girl? *laughs*

Loona: Is there something funny?

Beelzebub: Nah, I'm just really high on all this tasty energy right now. Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this itty-bitty get-together can serve as a fun first time.

[Loona briefly looks behind her to see a hellhound slide down a staircase only to get hit in the crotch when he gets all the way down.]

Loona: Mm-hmm.

Beelzebub: I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphegor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. So fucking lame! I mean, I usually just steal them, but Bel changed the locks.

Beelzebub: *conjures a bottle of beer* She says I'm a total jackass for trying, but hey... I'm proud to be a total jackass. *drinks from the bottle*

Vortex: Heh. Anyway, yeah, Bee, this is Loona. And, Loona, this is my girlfriend, Bee.

Beelzebub: Nice to meetcha, bitch!

Loona: Oh, this is... she's hot. *widens eyes in realization*

Beelzebub: Ha! Holy shit! Okay. Tex, you didn't tell me she was hilarious. That's so funny.

Loona: Right.

Beelzebub: I love that that's the first thing you say to me. You don't give a shit how freaky you come off, and that's fucking beautiful. *moves next to Loona* You're my new favorite person.

Loona: Am I, though?

Beelzebub: Yeah, bitch! *laughs* No, really. Reminds me of the time I saw Satan without a shirt on. I was like, "Oof! Boy! You are hot as hell!".

Beelzebub: But, then I wanted to die, 'cause it was so awkward. 'Cause he's more like a brother to me. You know, but not actually my brother. So, I guess... it was fine. I could hit that...

[Loona looks around awkwardly.]

Beelzebub: Anyway, girl, you have a good time tonight. Get some sweets, get some eats. Drink it, tear it, fuck it up! Whoo!

[Bee walks over to some party guests.]

Beelzebub: Cheers, honey. Thank you for coming.

Beelzebub: Do you need anything? Are you having fun? Are you good? Are you drunk?

[A hellhound with a cone full of Beelzejuice nods in response.] 

Beelzebub: Okay, good. Okay, great. *walks off*

Loona: Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Vortex: Uh, what? Why? You just got here. At least one drink, right?

Loona: Nope, you really wouldn't like me after one drink.

[She puts her cup down and walks out the door, shedding tears as she calls Blitzo.]

[Meanwhile, Blitzo, still in the aftermath of his night out with Stolas, hears his phone ring, then he looks at it and his eyes bug out]

[Back at the party, Loona is waiting for Blitzo.]

Loona: *sighs* So stupid. I shouldn't have come.

[The I.M.P. van arrives as Blitzo rolls down the window.]

Blitzo: Hey, Loonie. How you doin', you alright?

Loona: *gets in the van* Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanna go.

Imp: He-hey, that sounds like Blitzo!

Blitzo: The "o" is silent, asshole!

Imp: He-hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, man, where've you been? You here for the party?

Blitzo: N-no, I'm just here picking up my daughter.

Imp: Oh, shit! You have a daughter now?

Loona: Adopted!

Imp: Aw, man, you're already leaving? Things just got started. Come in and show us all up again.

Blitzo: No, no, thank you, but I think Loonie wants to head back.

[Loona notices a handsome hellhound approaching the van.]

Hellhound: Huh, the hottie next to you wants to leave?

Blitzo: *growls* Watch it!

Loona: *tail wagging* I mean, we could stay a little longer.

Blitzo: I think we need to go, mkay? I think it's been a long night.

Loona: Well, these people seem to know you. Come on! I think I wanna give this another try. *makes puppy dog eyes* Pleeease?

Blitzo: *rubs his temples* Okay, fine. Maybe one drink.

[Cut to Blitzo drinking from a keg as the other guests chant.]

Loona: Blitzo! Blitzo! Blitzo! Blitzo!

Blitzo: *hops off the empty keg* Ahh!

[The hellhounds howl, even Loona.]

Blitzo: Ha haaa! That was nothing, bitch! Gimme a real challenge!

[Beelzebub then appears behind Blitzo holding a chicken leg.]

Beelzebub: Oh, yeah? Wanna fucks with the big bitch, imp boy? I got a challenge for ya.

Vikki: Oh, he's gonna die.

Vortex: *arrives with two yellow kegs* Aaaaalright, let's do this! *puts the kegs down* From Bee's personal stash, the hardest shit there is.

[Blitzo does some stretches.]

Vortex: You ready, my man?

Blitzo: Oh, born ready! *tries to open one of the keg* Bring it, barky! I will drink you under this fucking table, you have no idea what kind of night I've had!

[Beelzebub uses her powers to lift the kegs and prep nozzles for them.]

Beelzebub: *laughs* All right, shit talker, but there hasn't been a soul yet who can beat me at my own game. So, you better bring the fire, baby.

Blitzo: Oh, is Queen Bee too scared to lose to a little imp like me?

Beelzebub: Oh, okay. Let's get it on, you little bastard!

[Vortex signals for the contest to begin, and Beelzebub and Blitzo start drinking.]

Loona: Come on, Blitzo! Fuck her up! You can do it!

[Blitzo rips off the nozzle and chugs the whole keg, surprising Beelzebub.]

Blitzo: *climbs on top of the empty keg* Who's the queen now?!

Loona: Yeah! That's my DAD!

Beelzebub: Well, fuck me! That's a first. I haven't had a first in a while. That was magical, seriously, impressive. I tip my crown to you, imp boy. *bows before Blitzo* Respect.

[She howls, prompting the other part guests, including Loona, to cheer as Blitzo passes out drunk, as he gets carried off as Beelzebub and Vortex look at each other in concern.]

[As the party continues, the guests continue having fun and chatting, Loona is shown laughing with a couple of other hellhounds, Vortex taps her on the shoulder.]

Vortex: Hey, Loon. I don’t mean to be a buzz kill here. But, your uh, dad... guy dude... Is um... He’s seeming a bit...

[Beelzebub then comes up behind him looking concerned.]

Beelzebub: Out of control, like... A mess.

Vortex: Yeah, it’s worrisome. You wanna maybe check on him or somethin?

Loona: What!? No! No, Blitzo is fine. He’s always a mess, trust me.

Beelzebub: Look, honey. I see people having fun and getting fucked up all the time. But, he’s clearly getting wasted off his ass and causing problems on purpose. So, I feel like, you should check up on him at least.

[Loona starts to get angry as the hounds she was talking to poke their heads over to eavesdrop.]

Beelzebub: Just see if something’s up.

[Loona then marches over to Beelzebub and confronts her.]

Loona: Don’t act like you know him like I do.

Beelzebub: I ain't sayin' that. I’m just pretty sure he’s had like four tongues inside him at once. I mean... good for him.

[Vortex nods in agreement.]

Beelzebub: But... I can taste the flavor of people at my parties, and he's giving off a very, not okay vibe, you know?

[Loona gets progressively angrier.]

Loona: Oh, yeah? And I bet you’d know the “okay” vibe, right? I mean everyone likes you so much.

[Beelzebub flies up near Loona's face to challenge her.]

Beelzebub: What's that supposed to mean? You got a problem or something, sour cream? *shifts into her larger demonic form* Don't fuck with me!

[Loona preps for a fight until she sees how it's upsetting Vortex.]

Loona: *sighs* Sorry. Yeah, nope, I'll, uh... I'll check on him.

[She walks off as Beelzebub shrink back to her normal size.]

Beelzebub: Ugh... sorry. Sorry. I know I got a little spicy there. I just... hope everyone works out. Now, let's dance! *flies off with Vortex*

(Meanwhile, Loona looks around trying to find Blitzo)

Loona: Blitzo! Bliitzo! Where are you, shithead?! BLIT- (she sees Blitzo French kissing a male imp) Oh, piss on a dick! (she grabs Blitzo by the collar) What the fuck are you doing, Blitzo?!

Blitzo: This guy~ (points to the imp, who briefly waves)

Loona: It looks like you're in the middle of a god damned orgy! Stop!

Blitzo: (slurred) Look, I didn't expect you to come in here and see any of this, Loonie. I'm so sorry, but it's a party, I'm just havin' fun with, uh... (turns to the imp) The fuck is your name again?

Dennis: Dennis.

Blitzo: Christ on a stick, you would be a Dennis. (waves his arms, shooing Dennis away) Get the fuck away from me, I'm not fucking a Dennis tonight! I need a Monica or Alejandro in here, stat! (another male imp pulls him in) Better... (Loona punches the imp's face in, and he backs up, then Blitzo stumbles and Loona catches him)

Loona: You don't need anyone else sucking your face, freaky weirdo. (she carries Blitzo over her shoulder) You need to drink something other than Beelzejuice.

Blitzo: Ugh, no...

(Loona carries Blitzo to the van, and buckles him up, then her three new friends wave her goodbye; Loona waves back, then she gets in the van and drives off)

Loona: (to Blitzo) Do you need to throw up?

Blitzo: mmm.. No.

Loona: (scoffs) Yeah, you do.

(Back at the apartment, Loona turns on the lights and puts Blitzo back on the couch, then gets a glass of water and a blanket for him)

Blitzo: I had a really shitty day

Loona: Oh, yeah? Is that why you drank like five gallons worth of who-knows-what?

Blitzo: Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. Will you be there, Loonie?

Loona: Be where?

Blitzo: I dunno, just (mumbles) Lonely... die alone.

Loona: I'll be there, Dad. (she drapes the blanket over Blitzo and pats his head) Now go the fuck to sleep, okay? (she turns off the lights)

Blitzo: (mumbling) Millie, Moxxie, Stolas... (Loona takes one last look at Blitzo before heading into her room, then after a beat, Blitzo vomits up the Beelzejuice) Fuck... yeah, I did need to throw up.

[Monster's Ball plays during the credits]