Exes and Oohs/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Exes and Oohs". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [The scene opens with an exterior shot of I.M.P. Headquarters. Cut to a Scene inside the office with Moxxie holding a mug and Loona texting on her phone. Moxxie looks around.]

Moxxie: You know, I checked the scale today. [inhales] And it said I lost two pounds this week.

[Loona looks at Moxxie, then rolls her eyes back to her phone, indicating she has no interest in Moxxie's comment, much to his annoyance.]

Moxxie: I. Am not. FAT!

[Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie as she stomps around the office, mumbling angrily. Passing Loona, she hits a button titled "Nut button!" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying, "Hi! I'm a Hooman!" then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Moxxie looks at her, disturbed.]

Moxxie: Millie, honey. Is everything okay?

[Millie hisses back at Moxxie, disturbing him even more, but she manages to calm down.]

Millie: Yeah. I just bumped into an ex.

Moxxie: Oh! Oh.

Millie: He just kept going on about how he has money now, "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."

Moxxie: Wait, what?

Millie: [yelling] Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it! I just need to--

[Millie punches a filing cabinet in frustration. Blitzo enters the room shortly after.]

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned-- [holds a photo of two imps in horse suits] what is this?

Blitzo: Uh research! For science! Just put it back correctly, okay, I alphabetized them. [walks back into his office] Okay, so let me get this straight: you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

[Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.]

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Uh, you want us killing someone in hell because I got to tell ya, that ain't exactly our business anymore.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. [smokes cigar] It's regarding a business venture I'm sure will be very worth [through the phone] your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. [chuckles] Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already [through the phone] been taken care of.

[Blitzo notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the office Moxxie and Millie are in to find the helicopter before the main window.]

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

[The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall. Loona looks on without a word.]

Blitzo: Satan's ass crack! Enough with the walls, shit, we have a door!

[With the damaged walls, a wind gusts all the photos Blitzo had been saving.]

Blitzo: My research!

[Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one is crying, and the other is vomiting from the result. The helicopter approaches Blitzo, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.]

Pilot: I.M.P.? Right this way, please!

[Moxxie points a gun toward him, while Millie holds a knife.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir? What's going on?

Blitzo: Now, don't worry! It's just some fancy shmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie walk toward the helicopter.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir, I don't think this is a good idea.

Blitzo: It'll be fine. Now get your asses moving.

[Blitzo pushes Moxxie and Millie into the helicopter, and as she tries to buckle herself in, Millie notices her seatbelt is broken.]

Millie: Is this thing safe?

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

[However, they were NOT careful as they then take out a huge chunk of a wall as they fly off. Later, the same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring as they fly over Loo Loo Land, which is going under reconstruction, along with other carnage as they fly over a sign reading, "Welcome to Nomafia Town; No mafia here! We're Mafia-free!"]

Moxxie: [disdained groan] I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh yeah, this is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Moxxie: Yeah, unfortunately. I grew up just over there, swore I'd never come back, and-- uh uh-- what-- what, where are we going?

[The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.]

Moxxie: What-- Blitz who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

[The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.]

Moxxie: Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

[The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.]

Client: [off-screen] There he is!

[The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen.]

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and hug your daddy!

Blitzo and Millie: "Daddy?"

Client: I only let Moxxie call me that unless you pay me! [laughs]

Moxxie: Guys, [clears throat] this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz. And my--

Millie: Millie! I'm his wife!

[Millie takes her hand to greet Crimson as she accepts.]

Crimson: And what a beautiful wife you are. [he kisses Millie's hand] Mox, where have you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Millie: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure. You got to be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

Crimson: No, no! From all over. Looks like you're building a name for yourself here, kid.

Blitzo: Really? [chuckles] Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Crimson: [laughs] I like your attitude. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for you.

Millie: Hey baby, why haven't I met your Pa before?

Moxxie: [nervously] Well uh, y'know, i-it's just, never been a--

Crimson: Hey! You two, move it before it gets cold.

Moxxie: Look, look, Millie, we can talk about it later.

[Millie takes Moxxie's, and both enter the house with Blitz. Crimson's smile fades before he snaps his fingers and enters the house. The two men standing at the door follow him inside, closing the door behind them. Inside, Crimson prepares a drink for Blitzo.]

Crimson: So, Blitzo, ya always been a hitman?

Blitzo: No, no, not always. Yeah, [takes the drink from Crimson] I was in the circus for a long time.

Crimson: Show business! [sits down] Good money in that.

[Everyone sits in the room in an awkward silence]

Moxxie: What are we doing here, sir?

Crimson: Moxxie, I raised you better than that. [lights cigar] Ya know there's no business before dinner. Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.

[Suddenly, the last guest kicks his way into the house, making an entrance]

Guest: Woo-hoo-hoo, what is up, party people?

Millie and Moxxie: Chaz? [to each other] Wait What?

Moxxie: You know him?

Millie: [she groans and slaps her forehead] You remember that "ex" I was talking about?

[Chaz walks over and hugs Moxxie and Millie]

Chaz: Looks like I got two big sex reunions today. [singing] How lucky am I?

Millie: [surprised] Did you date him too?

Chaz: Ha, yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I'm in--

Blitzo: [angrily] Are you fucking kidding me? There's someone who's fucked both of you?

[Moxxie pushes Chaz's arms off of himself and Millie]

Moxxie: [bitterly] It was a long time ago.

Chaz: But I still remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso! Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle! It was like [fondly] it was written in the stars.

Blitzo: Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich.

[Blitzo then notices all of the items in the room to back up Chaz's story: A photo of Crimson and a mob boss, the many trophies of hellbeasts hanging on the wall, and a framed family painting of Crimson, a younger Moxxie, and Moxxie's mother, as if posing like a mob family, hanging over the fireplace. Blitzo hears a knock on the door and looks, just in time for Crimson's goons to enter carrying a body bag.]

Blitzo: Oh shit.

Millie: [concerned] You've never told me this before.

Moxxie: I don't like to talk about this part of my life. But, [dramatically] I first saw Chaz at my induction

[flashback to Moxxie's time in the mob. Moxxie gets a handshake and a kiss from Crimson, welcoming him into the business. Moxxie looks around the room and stops upon seeing Chaz grinning and applauding at him. Moxxie blushes at the attention Chaz is giving him]

Moxxie: [VO] in the family. Our eyes met from across the room. And there was just something about him something that was magnetic!

[Moxxie finds himself hiding behind a car in the middle of a mob turf war. He throws away the Tommy gun and pulls out a grenade, but it slips out of his hands before he can pull the pin. Moxxie runs after it and catches it the same moment that Chaz grabs it, touching his hand. Both share a smile before Moxxie picks up the grenade, pulls the pin, and throws it away. Chaz and Moxxie stare fondly at each other as the grenade explodes in the distance, the smoke forming the shape of a heart. The scene switches over to Moxxie greeting Chaz at the door. Chaz is holding signs that he lets fall from his hands. The signs say "TELL YOUR DAD IT'S A SALESMAN" "I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU" and "MOKSIE, WILL YOU BONE WITH ME?" Moxxie blushes fondly and lets Chaz in. Another scene has Moxxie polishing a rifle when Chaz comes up from behind and assists. Moxxie grows aroused by the interaction. In another scene, Moxxie poses nude, except for a necklace and his socks, on the couch while Chaz paints him before the flashback fades back to the present.]

Moxxie: It's been 84 years

Blitzo: [confused] Isn't that from that "boat" movie?

Millie: Did any of that stuff happen?

Chaz: Oh yeah! [licks lips] But he skipped over the jizz-covered parts.

Moxxie: Anyway. Things changed when we went on a heist together.

[flashback to the heist, Moxxie, carrying the money, is running with Chaz to the exit as the security gate begins to drop. Moxxie throws the money out of the bank and catches the gate with his shoulders to give Chaz time to slide under. Moxxie tries to escape but his leg and tail are caught under the gate when it drops to the floor. After struggling to get out he turns to Chaz for help. Chaz suddenly hears the police sirens and grabs the money, giving Moxxie a final look before running off, leaving Moxxie devastated. Moxxie is thrown inside a jail cell. He sadly climbs into the bottom bunk of the bed.]

Cellmate: So what're you in for?

[Moxxie quietly pulls his tail closer to him. His cellmate, Blitzo, is lying on the top bunk]

Blitzo: Okay, not much of a talker, are you? [hops down and shakes Moxxie's hand] I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office [Moxxie attempts to speak] and I hope you are 'cuz I got a plan to get us out of this dump but I'm going to need some help, you think you can give me a hand? I need to get out to my daughter. The babysitter will kill me if I don't get back soon.

[Moxxie tearfully smiles as Blitzo continues talking about his escape plan. The scene returns to the present day.]

Moxxie: Once I got out, I never looked back.

[Blitzo sits worryingly as Millie glares and growls viciously toward a nervous-looking Chaz. Crimson frowns in his chair.]

Chaz: Well, heh, as you said, it was a long time ago. [chuckles nervously]

Millie: [foaming at the mouth; furiously] I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

[Millie leaps onto the top of the couch, missing Chaz as her knife pierces through the fabric. Chaz hides behind Crimson's chair.]

Chaz: Whoa, the fuck! Crazy bitch.

[Millie tries to lunge at Chaz again but is intercepted by Moxxie and Blitzo, Crimson stands in between I.M.P. and Chaz as Millie holds up her knife.]

Crimson: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hold it!

Millie: [to Chaz] You're going to die, bitch!

[The maid enters the room]

Maid: [french accent] Dinner is served.

[Everyone is seated in the dining room. Millie is viciously cutting through her food but the room is completely silent.]

Blitzo: Well, this is aggressively uncomfortable.

Crimson: I suppose you want to know why you're here.

Blitzo: Yeah, so what gives? You know we kill people on Earth, right? We don't usually do contracts for locals. So, if you want to do business with us, You got to—.

Crimson: I don't want to do business with I.M.P. I want to do business with Moxxie.

Moxxie: [stops cutting his food] ME?

Crimson: Yeah, kid. I only summoned I.M.P. to be sure you'd show. Because, well, we're bringin' Chaz into the family.

[Chaz smirks while raising his eyebrows]

Moxxie: What? Since when can just anyone join the family?

Crimson: Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that [bitterly] I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.

Moxxie: Wait, I thought you always hated his guts.

Crimson: [Chaz looks confused] Well. I don't that I exactly 'hated' him.

Moxxie: You called him a "friendless horse-fucker" and said we lived a "sissy lifestyle".

Crimson: Yeah, well I was wrong. You've been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change. And so has Chaz.

Chaz: Yeah. I've grown, matured, and, recently, came into millions! [shifty eyes] But, y'know, mostly the "mature" thing.

Blitzo: Ohh okay, okay. So the "friendless horse-fucker" over here gets a little moolah and suddenly, it's worth wasting our time over?

Chaz: Well, I'm the whole "package" if you know what I mean. [I.M.P. is speechless] I got a big dick.

Millie: [annoyed] But what does any of this hafta do with Moxxie?

Crimson: [sets down utensils] There's going to be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to [bitterly] ignoring your family to your heart's content.

Millie: [stands up] Maybe he wouldn't "ignore his family" if they didn't force him to rub elbows with a no-good, shark-toothed FUCK FACE!

[Chaz grins at Millie. Millie points a knife at his neck, threateningly]

Crimson: "Ey, look, everybody, relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don't you stay here and get some rest? We'll have the ceremony tomorrow and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared.

Moxxie: [Millie is about to object] Yes sir.

Millie: Mox?

[I.M.P and Chaz begin to leave the room]

Crimson: A moment, Moxxie.

Moxxie: Just give me a minute, Millie. I'll be there.

[Millie looks on with worry as Moxxie steps back inside the dining room. Chaz tries to lean into Millie but jumps back when Millie growls and tries to bite him. The goons close the door behind them as they leave, leaving Moxxie alone with Crimson.]

Crimson: So you think you're too good for this family now?

Moxxie: What?

Crimson: C'mere.

[Moxxie approaches Crimson]

Moxxie: I-I don't understand.

[Crimson stands up and backhands Moxxie in the face, knocking him down.]

Crimson: [angrily] You think you'll just walk away from this family and never come back? You're dead wrong, Mox! [he grabs Moxxie] As a matter of fact, the only thing you're right about is that obnoxious piss-stain can't get made. Not unless he marries in!

Moxxie: "Marries?" But, but who would marry--?

Crimson: Who do you think? [he lets go of Moxxie and sits back down] This family needs that money and it's about time your pathetic ass was useful for something!

Moxxie: Sir, I'm already married. I-I can't-

Crimson: You think I give a shit about your stupid beard? C'mon Mox, I even went through the trouble of makin' the house more to your kind's liking.

[Crimson presses a button on the table and bouncing dildos appear from the dining chairs, the walls, vases, and even behind a potted plant in the corner. A party ball hanging from the ceiling opens, pouring out confetti, revealing a banner that says "CONGRADULATIONS GAY" and a trumpet fanfare.]

Moxxie: Wait What? What do you think I'm into?

Crimson: What? This is the kind of shit gays like, right?

Moxxie: First of all, Dad: I'm bisexual.

Crimson: Yeah. Gay.

Moxxie: Oh, for fuck sake! Secondly [he holds out a hand to block a dildo from hitting his face] I don't know a single person of any sexuality who would enjoy this.

Blitzo: [from the other room] Ha! There're dicks on the walls! [Moxxie frowns] Oh, that is hilarious!

Crimson: [he grabs Moxxie by the face] Look at me, kid. One way or another, you're going to do what I fucking say. Don't cross me.

[Moxxie reflects on his childhood. A child Moxxie was struggling to cut his steak at the dinner table. His mother gently takes the plate and cuts the steak for him. She smiles sweetly at Moxxie and he smiles back at her. Crimson glares at Moxxie. Moxxie takes the plate and begins eating his dinner. Crimson tries to rub his leg against his wife's. She quickly pulls her leg away from Crimson. Crimson stomps his leg in frustration.]

[Another memory shows Moxxie shooting three bullseyes in the shooting range. His mother ruffles his head proudly. Suddenly a goon grabs Moxxie and rushes him away from his mother and toward another shooting range. Two goons prep a live target as Crimson hands Moxxie a gun and point to it. Moxxie slowly takes aim but his mother takes the gun out of his hands and pushes it into Crimson's hands before grabbing her son and walking away. Crimson glares at the disrespect.]

[Moxxie now hides underneath the bed as his parents argue. A slap is heard and his mother walks out of the room. Later, only Crimson and Moxxie are at the dinner table. Moxxie struggles to cut his steak and then looks at his father. Crimson glares at Moxxie, who then goes back to trying to cut his food. Crimson takes a drag from his cigar and blows the smoke in Moxxie's face.]

[Later on, Crimson and Moxxie take a boat ride on the lake with a passenger. Crimson places a cinderblock that the passenger's tail is tied to on the side of the boat over the edge and gestures for Moxxie to push it. Moxxie looks at the cinderblock, then the pleading passenger, and backs away only for Crimson to push him back into the cinderblock. Teary-eyed, Moxxie takes one last look at the passenger while pushing the cinderblock overboard, sending the victim into the lake with it. Moxxie watches as the air bubbles fade. Crimson preps another body over the side of the boat.]

Crimson: [flashback] Let this be a lesson, Moxxie.

[Crimson gestures to the lake, filled with hats, bags, shoes, and light articles that belonged to previous victims thrown into the water.]

Crimson: [flashback] This is what happens when you cross me.

[A high heel that resembles the ones Moxxie's mother wore floats to the surface. The scene returns to the present day.]

Crimson: Now get to bed Moxxie. You have a big day tomorrow.

[Crimson lets go of Moxxie]

Moxxie: [fearfully] Yes, sir.

Crimson: Oh, and Mox, you ever talk back to me again, [Moxxie backs up to the door] you and that pretty little thang you brought here are goin' home in boxes. Capeesh?

Moxxie: Yes, sir.

[Moxxie quickly finds the doorknob and steps out of the room, leaving Crimson alone in the dining room covered with bouncing dildos. Moxxie walks up the stairs, shaken and Millie is standing at her bedroom door. A goon gestures for Moxxie to go into a different room]

Millie: Wait, how come we aren't in?

Goon: Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms.

Millie: But why? Moxxie?

[Millie grabs Moxxie's hand]

Moxxie: It's just one night Millie, it's ok.

Millie: Mox are you ok?

Moxxie: I'm fine please don't worry sweetie.

Millie: You know you can tell me anything. right?

Moxxie: Yes. everything's fine.

Millie: We're partners Mox

Moxxie: It's just my dad, it's ok really [kisses her hand] it'll be over tomorrow.

Millie: Ok, I love you

[Kisses Moxxie on the lips]

Moxxie: I love you too. Goodnight.

[Moxxie opens his bedroom to see many pictures of Chaz on the wall]

Moxxie: What the? [Face palms] Fucking why?

[He snarls, walks into the bathroom, and washes his face with cold water. He glumly leaves the bathroom and goes to turn off the lights. When he hits the switch Chaz pops up on a heart-shaped bed.]

Chaz: Like what I've done with the place?

Moxxie: Uh. Just get out of here!

Chaz: Come on Mox [pulls on a switch which lights up the words "C*] Zone"] We used to have so much fun here. Remember? [Puts his arm around Moxxie]

Moxxie: [Pushes Chaz off] I'm married Chaz, and even if I weren't I would never.

Chaz: Never what? Let me take you to c*] town again?

Moxxie: You are so gross! Just leave me alone!

Chaz: I know what you want most Moxxie Poxxie [spins Moxxie around.] How about a sexually charged musical number HEY! You always loved those.

Song: Chaz Time

Wow

Wo-oa-oh. Yeah. Yeah.

It's Chaz time

Moxxie I see you looking at me looking at you wondering when I'm going to crack you open like a walnut and the answer is soon

[Chaz blows smoke from his vape into Moxxie's face]

Now I'm feeling how you're feeling and I'm feeling that you want to feel my feelings on a sax-a-phone

Now let me get a little something off my chest while I blow off a hot and emotional load

Moxxie, feeling foxy, Want to give me a good taste of your boxxy? I've got two tickets to pleasure land oh baby!

[Moxxie face palms]

I'm now here to have your way hey yeah, yeah, with my sexual bod-ay-ay yeah, yeah!

[Chaz throws his trousers in Moxxie's face]

So long yeah!

[He then steps out of the room just in time for Moxxie to slam the door on him. Moxxie then crouches down on the floor behind the door and starts to heavily sob. We cut to Millie's room where she is anxiously pacing the floor. There is a knock on the door]

Millie: [relieved] Moxxie? [Opens the door and sees it's Chaz; angrily] What do you want?

[Chaz starts to sing to Millie. Millie growls at him and puts her knife to his throat]

Chaz: Damnit, this usually works.

[Millie drops Chaz to the floor and angrily closes the door on him. Chaz gets up and knocks on Blitz's door.]

Chaz: Hey there good looking.

Blitz: Oh I was wondering how long it would take you to make a pass

Chaz: Oh does that mean you're down to clown?

Blitz: Ew. what the. Do you think I would violate my friend's trust by sleeping with their ex, especially one who fucked them over the way you did?

Chaz: I'll show you all of the things they liked in the sack.

Blitz: Deal! [Pulls Chaz in]

[We cut to Moxxie where he is lying on his side in bed, awake, his eyes wide open]

Blitz: [off screen] Ew.. the fuck. Ew.

[Moxxie turns onto his stomach and pulls out his phone. He goes on to his social media and looks at pictures of himself and Millie, they show: a younger Moxxie and Millie on a date [most likely taken 2-3 years prior]; Moxxie and Millie in bed; Moxxie and Millie at the theatre holding up Phantom of the Opera programs, Moxxie has tears in his eyes indicating how much he loved the performance and Moxxie and Millie at their wedding, kissing. Moxxie starts to cry again, he then growls knowing that he must stand up to his father. We cut back to Blitz and Chaz in bed. Chaz is asleep and snoring.]

Chaz: [whispering in his sleep] Oh I got a big d***

[Blitz tiptoes out of bed, picks up Chaz's jacket, and puts it on.]

Blitz: Ok, fucker, nobody who's that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily, I know you gotta be hiding something.

[Blitz checks Chaz's clothing until he finds his car keys. He smiles, sneaks outside the mansion, and clicks the car keys until he locates Chaz's car. He looks in the dashboard and finds an eviction notice, showing that Chaz is broke and has lied to Crim about his millions. Blitz then looks in the trunk and finds a to-do list that shows that Chaz is planning to marry Moxxie to inherit some of the Knowlastname's family fortune.]

Blitz: Oh fuck that! No one fucks with M&M's marriage but me!

[Blitz is injected into the neck. He groans and falls unconscious into the trunk as Chaz shuts him in.]

Chaz: Sorry, babe, you're not the only junk in my trunk! Damnit, that was not a good one!

[We cut to the next day. A goon is filling Crim's mug with coffee. Chaz goes to sit in a seat with another filled mug of coffee but Crim signals him to sit at the other side of the table. Moxxie and Millie walk in.]

Crimson: Hey hey the man of the hour you ready to get started?

Millie: Wait, where's Blitz?

Chaz: I think I saw him head outside he said something about [trying and failing to mimic Blitz's voice] needing some fresh air. [Back to normal] Or something.

Crimson: Why don't you grab him so we can get moving?

Millie: Be right back baby [kisses Moxxie on the cheek and leaves.]

Crimson: What ya looking so glum for kid, it's your wedding day, the best day of ya life.

Moxxie: [sits down] I'm not doing it

Crimson: What was that? I couldn't make it out over the sound of you being a whiny bitch!

Moxxie: [Slams the table with both hands] I said I'm not doing it, sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not letting you take the one good thing I've ever had so you can keep your fragile sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve, and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her. Not even you. I'm leaving, Dad, and if you or Herpes the Clown are over here--

Chaz: Hey!

Moxxie: Try and stop me you'll learn firsthand just how good I've gotten at my job.

[Moxxie is face-to-face with Crim now. A goon comes from behind him and tases him in the neck. Moxxie groans and falls forward unconscious. He hits his head on the table and then falls to the floor.]

Crimson: Now take care of the others.

[We cut to Millie searching the carpark outside Crim's mansion. She hears a bang coming from Chaz's trunk and opens it with her knife to see Blitz dazed inside, still a little out of it.]

Blitz: Oh, Millie, you found me. Who's your friend?

Millie: Friend? [She senses two goons attempting to grab her. She stabs one with her knife and beheads the other using the trunk door]

[We cut to the back garden where a makeshift wedding is set up. Crim has Moxxie in a wedding dress with his hands bound behind his back with rope and his mouth gagged with duct tape.]

Priest: Is everyone here?

Crimson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it, let's get this thing rolling, ey?

Moxxie: Mmmph!

Chaz: Awww, you told me all the chairs would be filled!

[Crim sighs and presses a button which causes dildos with smiley faces to pop out of all of the empty seats.]

Crimson: Satisfied?

Chaz: Oh, fuck yes.

[We cut back to the car park. Millie pulls Blitz out of the trunk.]

Millie: What's going on?

Blitzo: That seductive dick-hole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he's not even rich!

Millie: [Panicked] Moxxie!

[Millie runs to the front door. Suddenly metal shutters block off all doors and exit the house, including the front gate to the estate. We cut back to the wedding.]

Priest: Do you, Chazwick Thurman, take Moxxie Knowlastname to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Moxxie: [Muffled behind the gag] No! No! No! Let me go! Please let me go!

Chaz: Oh, yeah.

Priest: And do you, Moxxie, whatever, take Chazwick Thurman to be your lawfully wedded?

Moxxie: [Muffled behind the gag] Millie! Millie! [Trys to pull away and almost escapes until Crim pulls him back]

Crimson: [Forces Moxxie to face the priest and forcibly nods his head] Look at that! He's just so fucking happy to be here!

[Back outside]

Millie: [Still panicked] Everything's locked down! How are we gonna get in?

[Blitz feels around the jacket until he finds Chaz's keys. He then opens the door and climbs in the driver's seat. Millie then goes into the passenger seat.]

Blitz: Buckle up, Millie... we're doing a Shrek!

[Blitz crashes the car through the wall to the wedding scene and steps out dazed]

Blitz: I object!

Millie: You want my husband, you're going to have to fucking kill me!

[Crimson groans and snaps his fingers, ordering his goons to kill Millie. The goons all stand up to face her and Millie lunges toward them. She begins slaughtering the goons with ease, tearing out the skull, jaw, and spinal column of different goons, and spits out the still-beating heart of another. Millie then begins fighting off four other goons with her knife.]

Crimson: [angrily] What the FUCK? She's a dame! [spots a goon hanging from the altar in a noose made from another's intestines and throws him towards Millie] She's a BROAD! Kill her! [sees the goon he just threw at Millie get chopped into bits of sushi before another goon thrown by her lands on top of him.]

[Millie continues her rampage and impales several goons on the dildo poles]

Crimson: You frigging goons! What the fuck is the matter with you? Why do I pay you!? Get her! You stupid idiots!

[Millie kicks a dildo into a goon's gun, blocking the barrel and causing it to explode. After impaling another goon, she gets knocked with a chair and goes flying into the cracked windshield of Chaz's car. Blitzo yells and takes a poor swing at hitting the goon before Millie recovers and beats a goon with a gas can. She then uses Blitzo as a saber, slicing an incoming goon apart with the latter's horns and takes the goon's pistol, and detonates the goon holding the gas can.]

[The priest quickly leaves, flipping off everyone still alive.]

[One of the few surviving goons get elbow dropped in the skull by Millie, killing the goon who was placed inside the former's jaws. Then Millie ties the goon up behind Chaz's car and gets dragged throughout the venue before Millie brings the car to a halt, crushing the goon's skull.]

[As Millie leaves the car and angrily approaches the alter, a goon tries to suckerpunch her, but Millie knocks him out. She grabs Moxxie and hoists him over her shoulder and Crimson begrudgingly allows her to take him.]

Chaz: Hey! What about my—?! [Millie shoves a dildo down his throat.]

Millie: This ass is MINE! [she slaps Moxxie's rear, causing him to blush]

Blitzo: By the way, y'all should probably know, Chaz isn't even rich, okay? Check his car, he just played you like a fucking rube. Later, losers! [Blitzo quickly sticks his two middle fingers up at Crim as he says this]

[I.M.P hop the destroyed fence and takes a waiting helicopter while throwing Chaz's car keys on the ground. The helicopter flies away with a banner saying "WE'RE Married BITCH" over the original words "Just Got Married" using blood and extra fabric]

Chaz: [pulls the dildo out of his mouth and sees an angry Crim glaring at him] Ehh heh heh heh.

[We cut back to I.M.P where the helicopter arrives; Loona is still sitting in her chair, quickly glances at the camera, and gives an angry shrug]

[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie disembark the helicopter, which quickly crashes.]

Moxxie: Millie, thank you for saving me. You're amazing.

Millie: Next time, just tell me if your dad is a psychopath - I can handle it.

Blitzo: Well, I'm glad everything ended up okay. Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox. Also, I got to plow your ex-boyfriend; isn't that great? Now we ALL fucked the same guy. [Blitzo tightly hugs Moxxie and Millie.]

[Scene cuts back to Crim's house. Crim goes into the dining room where his trophy wall is located and places the torn-out jaw of Chaz, implying that he ordered the latter's death for lying to him. Crim then growls and throws a dagger at his family portrait, the knife landing squarely on Moxxie's forehead.]