Hello Rosie!/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Hello Rosie!". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [The episode begins with Vaggie, Niffty, Alastor, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk all sitting in the hotel's lounge.]

Niffty: So, like where are your wings?

Vaggie: Niffty, I don't have--

[Vaggie's sentence is cut off by Angel Dust.]

Angel Dust: Did you ever think maybe she's sensitive about her lack of wings, just like her lack of tits?

[Niffty tugs at Vaggie's shirt]

Niffty: Yeah. Where are your tits?

[Vaggie sighs]

Vaggie: Any other questions?

Husk: I got one. How come every time Charlie talks to Heaven we get in deeper and deeper shit?

Vaggie: It's not her fault. Angels are just--

Angel Dust: Liars?

Vaggie: ...difficult. But Charlie's trying her best.

Husk: Yeah, well, her best is turning out real well so far.

Angel Dust: And where is miss fearless leader anyway? Isn't it about time for another "doomed-to-fail" plan?

Vaggie: She's upstairs. Coming up with something, I'm sure, in our room. Alone.

[Sinister music starts to play]

Alastor: Hmm.

[Alastor vanishes into black smoke.]

''[The scene changes showing Charlie in her bed under her covers softly crying. While Razzle and Dazzle comfort her with Tissues. Alastor reappears in her room and approaches her bedside.]''

Alastor: Oh, Charlie, you look an absolute mess.

[Charlie begins to appear annoyed]

Charlie: Ugh, go away, Alastor.

[Alastor sits down on her bed while Charlie hides again under the covers]

Alastor: Now, now is that any way to act after picking a fight with all of Heaven and dooming everyone you love?

[Charlie emerges from the covers]

Charlie: I have enough on my mind without hearing your sadistic idea of a joke, asshole.

[Charlie wraps herself under the covers again, only for Alastor to appear laying beside her.]

Alastor: Who's joking?

[Charlie scared, jumps and falls off of the bed.]

Alastor: You have a captive audience downstairs waiting to hear what kind of inspiring performance you have planned next.

[Charlie now leaning on the bed.]

Charlie: Ugh, I can't. How can I face them after failing them all so hard?

[Alastor repositions himself on his stomach and begins kicking his legs in the air.]

Charlie: They came here to be saved and all I gave them was more pain.

[Charlie begins tearing up again.]

Charlie: I'm just as bad as the cruelest Overlord in Hell. And maybe worse.

[Charlie stands and paces back and forth.]

Charlie: At least they don't go around giving false hope.

Alastor: Well, I never expected to see such a miserable display of self-loathing from you.

Charlie: Oh, fuck you, Alastor.

[Alastor adjusts himself, now laying on his side]

Charlie: All you do is stand there, smiling while you watch us struggle and fail. I don't know how you can enjoy all this suffering so much.

[Alastor stands up, wraps his fingers on Charlie's shoulder while chuckling]

Alastor: *Chuckles* Just because you see a smile don't think you know what's going on underneath.

[Alastor lets go of Charlie]

Alastor: *Grabs Charlie's face with his hand and makes her smile* A smile is a valuable tool, my dear.

Alastor: *Let's go of Charlie's face* It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing, and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you're the one in control.

Charlie: But I'm not.

[Charlie starts walking towards her bedroom window]

Charlie: I'm the farthest thing from in control. The person I trust most has been lying to me for years. Heaven refuses to listen.

[Charlie thuds both fists against the window.]

Charlie: Even if they did, I can't prove that the hotel works. Adam has an invincible exorcist Army pointed right at my doorstep and there's nothing I can do

[Charlie thuds the window with her fist.]

Charlie: *while shouting* about any of it.

[Sinister music plays again and Alastor starts smiling.]

Alastor: [in a sing song tune] I know something you don't know.

Charlie: Huh?

[Alastor walks over and grabs Charlie's arms.]

Alastor: Those big, scary angels are not quite as indestructible as they seem.

[Alastor let's go of Charlie and walks away.]

Charlie: What are you talking about?

Alastor: Just that you and your little band of misfits might stand more of a chance than you think.

Charlie: [desparately] How? I'll do anything.

Alastor: Anything? Then... let's make a deal.

Charlie: You... You want my soul?

Alastor: [sinisterly] Your soul? [brightly] Heavens, no. All i need from you is one itty bitty favor. What's a favor between friends?

Charlie: I won't hurt anyone for you.

Alastor: Who's asking! One favor, at a time of my choosing, where you harm no one. In return, I tell you what I know. Do we have a deal?

[Razzle and Dazzle both growl as Charlie puts her hands down to stop them.]

Charlie: Deal.

[Ominous music plays as both Charlie and Alastor shake hands resulting in a green demon/ghost-like aura flash throughout the room.]

[The scene cuts to Vaggie, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious and Husk now in the hotel lobby as they observe the flash happen]

[Vaggie begins heading to her and Charlie's room]

Vaggie: No. No!

[Vaggie strains and slams the bedroom door open with her spear in hand.]

Alastor: Right on cue!

Vaggie: What did you do? Let her go!

[Alastor and Charlie finish there handshake.]

Charlie: Vaggie, Stop!

Vaggie: What?

[Vaggie drops her spear.]

Vaggie: No, Charlie, please tell me you didn't--

Charlie: I made a deal with Alastor.

Vaggie: *pleads* Charlie.

Alastor: Oh, calm down. She still owns her soul.

Charlie: He gave me info that can save the hotel, but we're going to need help. The angels can be defeated, and Carmilla is the key.

Vaggie: What? Carmilla Carmine?

Charlie: She killed an exorcist in the last extermination. She knows how they can be harmed.

Vaggie: But... I-- I didn't even know that was possible.

Charlie: If you did, would you have told me?

Vaggie: Charlie, I--

Charlie: I need you to go to her, convince her to teach us. If she can, we might have a chance.

Vaggie: With just the seven of us?

Charlie: No, we're-- ugh, we're going to need numbers too.

[Alastor reenters the conversation.]

Alastor: And I know just who can help. As long as Charlie can be her normal, charming self.

Charlie: What's that you said about smiles?

Alastor: *while patting Charlie's head* Good girl.

Vaggie: *whispering* Charlie, can we talk about this--

Charlie: We can talk later. Right now, we have a job to do. You with us?

Vaggie: *sighs* Ugh.

[Vaggie walks down the stairs, only to be met by a confused Angel Dust.]

Angel Dust: So-ho, uh...Alastor and Charlie just left like they were runnin' away from their responsibilities. Should we be alarmed?

Vaggie: No. We have a plan, but it involves protecting ourselves against the angels.

Husk: Wh- are you fuckin' high?

Vaggie: They can be killed-

Frank: Yeah! That knife lady, Camaro Carfight, killed one.

Vaggie: Wait, you knew about this?

Frank: Uh, yeah. I told Boss about it months ago.

Vaggie: *turns to Pentious* He what???

Sir Pentious: What? They say insane shit all the time! how was I supposed to know this one was true?

Egg Boi: Bank accounts are actually a scam created by the shadow government!

Sir Pentious: SEE???

Vaggie: (sighs) what's important now is that we're going to have a fight on our hands. Look, this hotel is about to become the most dangerous place in hell, and we....I, can't guarantee you're safety anymore. I still believe in Charlie's dream. I know this place can work. But none of you signed up for this *heads out the door* I'm gonna go learn how we can fight back, and when I come home....Well I'll understand if none of you are here.

[With that, Vaggie heads out the door, everyone sighing in worry for what she said.]

Sir Pentious: Well...This is awkward.

Niffty: 'Kay!

''[Cut to Cannibal Town. Alastor escorts Charlie down the streets as he listens to Charlie, cleaning her monocle in the process.]''

Charlie: Three years! THREE YEARS i've been sharing my life with her, and i tell her EVERYTHING! My hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my embarrassing habits, what fucking DEODORANT i like, and she keeps something, like this, from ME??? Why would she lie for so long? did she think i wouldn't accept her? What about me? Me says un-understanding? *pauses* misunderstanding *pauses* dis-under, wait wh-

[She pauses for a moment, looking at their current location.]

Charlie: Where are we?

Alastor: Cannibal Town! There's a friend here i think you should meet.

Charlie: in Cannibal Town? But it's...*looks at surroundings* surprisingly nice here.

Alastor: Isn't it though? and it's all thanks to a very special someone

[Alastor opens the door for charlie as they enter Rosie's Emporium, where they meet the Cannibal Overlord herself at her desk speaking to a young woman at the front of a long line.]

Rosie: well who hasn't thought about eating their first husband? I certainly would if he didn't taste so bad! Hehe, I tell ya what, you bring ol' tall dark and armless to me, and i'll straighten him right out, Okay sweetie? *gives her card* here's my card a- *notices Alastor* Oh, my, stars! Do my eyes deceive me? *peeks through crowd* Alastor? *makes her way through* Alastor! Where have you been??? These halls really lost some of their sparkle without your lively presence and- *notices Charlie* Oh. Who's this ya brought with ya? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! *Charlie rolls her eyes* Just kidding. i know you're an Ace in the hole.

Alastor: A what now?

Rosie: Where are your manners mister? Introduce us why don't ya?

Alastor: Ahh, yes. Charlie, this is Rosie, *Rosie curtsies politely* the most darling, delightful and dangerous Overlord this side of the Pentagram!

Rosie: Oh! always such a charmer.

Alastor: And Rosie, it's my pleasure to introduce you *pushes Charlie up to her* to princess Charlie Morningstar. Daughter of Lucifer and heir to the throne of Hell!

Charlie: How do you do? *waves nervously*

Rosie: Well well! isn't this a regal surprise! *pushes her to desk* Come in! Come in! Lemme get you somethin' to eat. I'm sure we must have a leg around here or somethin'. Oh, what am i thinkin'? *pokes her stomach* A small thing like you? You must probably be watchin' ya figure! How bout some nice pinkie singers instead?

[As she spoke she got out a box of cut off pinkie fingers in little pink wrappers.]

Charlie: Um...No. no, thank you though.

Rosie: *puts box away* Oh look at you! *pats her head* so polite! Alastor, you could learn a thing o' two

''[Rosie then proceed to take Charlie to a table with two chairs. she sits her down on one of them and she sits on the one across from her. Alastor walks up to Rosie.]''

Rosie: Sit down. Sit down. Tell auntie Rosie what she can do for you. Ya know, Alastor. I got a premo-connect on a guy with about eight blocks of territory and not enough goons to run it. Prime pickin's for a deal to be made, my friend

Alastor: Appreciate the offer *walks up to Charlie* but we're here on business of another kind.

Rosie: well don't keep me in suspense! I'm a very busy woman *drinks cup of tea*

Charlie: well, as you know...*panicking* the extermination is coming early and they'll be here in a month, and their coming to my hotel and my friends first, and I-I-I-I-

Alastor: *interrupts* we need your help. Well, your cannibals help at least, to fend off the attack.

Rosie: well! *puts down cup* when you ask a favor ya don't ask for a small one, do ya, your highness? Oh now, don't fret. *gets up* I didn't say i wouldn't help. But i assume there's more to this plan then a bunch of unarmed cannibals.

Alastor: Oh, your people will be far from helpless we're done with them. And by the end, they will be able to eat, their, fill.

Rosie: well, in that case, sure! Why not?

Charlie: Really?

Rosie: what can i say? I like your moxie girl. And hold Alastor has never done me wrong before.

Charlie: Oooh! Thank you *holds her hands* thank you thank you!