Loo Loo Land (episode)/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Loo-Loo Land". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode opens to a shot of the exterior of Stolas's mansion at night, before cutting to the master bedroom where Stolas and Stella are asleep. Octavia's frightened voice can be heard from offscreen.]''

Octavia: [offscreen] ''Mummy! Daddyyyy!''

''[Stolas is roused from his sleep. He turns to Stella who has most of the blanket.]''

Stolas: [sleepily] Mmph. Via's calling us, Stella.

Stella: [sleepily] You get up.

[Stolas sighs and gets out of bed, and enters Octavia's room, where she is hiding beneath her blankets.]

Stolas: Via? What troubles you, my owlet?

Octavia: [sobbing] Daddy! Daddy!

''[Octavia climbs down from her bed and runs into her father's arms. Stolas hoists her up to comfort her.]''

Octavia: [sobbing] I had a dream! A really bad dream!

Stolas: [yawns and wipe away Octavia’s tear] A nightmare.

Octavia: [sobbing] I was looking all over the palace, and... I couldn't find you anywhere! You weren't there!

Stolas: [pats Octavia on the back comfortingly] There there, Via, it's okay. You're okay.

[Stolas summons his Grimoire to him telekinetically as he walks Octavia back to bed.]

Stolas: When you're scared, and you don't know where I am, you must remember...

''[Stolas's Grimoire floats over to him. He telekinetically flips it open.]''

Stolas: No matter what happens to me, I will never be far away... from my special little star fire.

[Stolas begins singing a lullaby to little Octavia.]

♫ It always seems more quiet... in the dark ♫

''[Stolas opens a portal above himself and Octavia. She looks up in awe of the beauty of space through the portal.]''

Stolas: ♫ It always feels so stark... how silence grows under the moon ♫

[Stolas and Octavia float up through the portal and into the cosmos, landing on a barren moon.]

Stolas: ♫ Constellations gone so soon ♫

♫ I used to think that I was bold ♫

[Walking across the moon, Stolas leaves footprints in the dust.]

Stolas: ♫ I used to think love would be fun ♫

♫ Now all my stories have been told, except for one... ♫

''[Stolas looks down at Octavia, and she looks back with her large, curious eyes. Her gaze shifts to a pink glow to her side.]''

Stolas: ♫ As the stars start to align ♫

♫ I hope you take it as a sign that you'll be okay ♫

[A meteor begins its descent towards a giant, pink colored star.]

Stolas: ♫ Everything will be okay ♫

[The meteor makes contact with the pink star, and begins to sink beneath the molten surface.]

Stolas: ♫ And if the Seven Rings collapse ♫

[Multiple planetary bodies begin gravitating toward the pink star, including the moon that Stolas and Octavia currently reside on, which eventually shatters into pieces as the star's gravity pulls on it.]

Stolas: ♫ Although the day could be my last, you will be okay ♫

[Octavia yawns and falls asleep contentedly against her father's chest.]

Stolas: ♫ When I'm gone you'll be okay... ♫

''[Distant planetary bodies fly through the cosmos, pulled in by the pink star's incredible gravitational pull. They disintegrate upon impact and causes the star to explode in a powerful supernova just as the portal closes behind Stolas causing him to sing louder.]''

Stolas: ♫ And when Creation goes to die ♫

♫ You can find me in the sky ♫

♫ Upon the last day ♫

[Stolas drapes the sleeping Octavia in a blanket.]

Stolas: ♫ And you will be okay... ♫

''[His lullaby finished, Stolas leaves as his daughter settles to sleep, content. Cut to several years later, where a teenage Octavia is jolted awake by smashing objects and her parents screaming at each other, far less content.]''

Stella: [offscreen] I can't believe you slept with an Imp, IN OUR FUCKING BED!!

[Octavia, annoyed at being disturbed, gives a long groan.]

Stolas: [offscreen] It was unexpected! I didn't have time to go to a motel!

Stella: [offscreen] A motel?! Like a fucking PLEBIAN?!

''[Octavia grabs her phone and puts in earbuds, playing "My World is Burning Down Around Me" to tune out the screaming as she strides down the halls of the Goetia estate, stepping over the smashed remains of a plant thrown in her path. In the kitchen, Stella continues screaming at Stolas.]''

Stella: You want to fuck this one, TOO?!

[Stella grabs an imp servant and violently tosses him in Stolas' direction.]

Stolas: No! Of course not!

Stella: You are a goddamn embarrassment! I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, IMP-SUCKING FACE!!

''[Stella storms out of the room, shouting angrily the entire time, and smashing more potted plants. Stolas sighs in exhausted exasperation before he notices his daughter has entered the kitchen.]''

Stolas: Good mooorning, Octavia! Did you sleep well, my owlet?

Octavia: Was that a serious question?

[Stolas opens the refrigerator to retrieve a massive chunk of zebra meat.]

Stolas: Mm-hmm... What's that you're listening to?

Octavia: This song is called "My World is Burning Down Around Me". It's by Fuck You Dad.

[Stolas looks down, thinking the name of the band his daughter mentioned is a hurtful remark.]

Octavia: It's a band.

Stolas: [bemusedly] Ohhhh! How charming...

''[Stolas grabs the zebra meat and feeds it to a massive potted plant situated in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pets it. Sated, it falls dormant, closing its three eyes.]''

Octavia: So, you two done screaming for the day? [sips her coffee]

Stolas: Umm...

[Stella lets out another scream of anger and an object is heard shattering in the distance.]

Stolas: You know what I haven't done in a long, loooong time? I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don't we go to Loo Loo Land?

Octavia: I'm not five anymore.

Stolas: You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us?

Octavia: I'd... rather kill myself.

Stolas: There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security.

[Stolas picks up a phone carried on a platter by his now bruised and battered servant.]

Octavia: Security for a theme park?

Stolas: We are rich, and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies!

[Octavia grabs a box of cereal on the table and begins shoveling handfuls into her mouth.]

Octavia: [under her breath] Our money, maybe.

Stolas: Speak for yourself, Princess. Now... I'm calling the only man who can f*** me!

Octavia: [drops a handful of cereal, disgusted] What...?

Stolas: [hurriedly backpedaling] Who can protect me! Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.

[Octavia groans and pulls her hat down over her eyes.]

''[Cut to I.M.P Headquarters, where Blitzo is busy doing very important work in his office, involving crude representations of Millie and Moxxie made out of office supplies that he puppets around and speaks with. Between them is a framed photo of Blitzo with a robe pulled down off his shoulders seductively and a flower between his teeth. The text reads "#1 Bitch" with "BOSS" written in red over it.]''

Blitzo: [impersonating Millie] "Oh, Blitzo! You're such a good boss!" [impersonating Moxxie] "Yeah, I really want you, sir." [Impersonating Millie] "Me too!" [As himself] Let's three-way!

[Blitzo lowers his "employees" below his desk to crotch level, looking momentarily pleasured before being interrupted by the ringing of his Hellphone.]

Blitzo: [angrily] WHAT?!

Stolas: [lustfully] Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.

''[Both Blitzo and Octavia spit out their coffee in sheer surprise. Blitzo slams his "BOSS BITCH" mug onto his desk.]''

Blitzo: What--

Octavia: the--

Blitzo: FUCK--

Octavia: Dad?!

Stolas: Language, everyone! [into the phone] I have a special request~

Blitzo: Aw... G- Look, I just had a chemical peel, so you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass.

Stolas: It's for my daughter.

Blitzo: Ah. Well, make sure she washes it.

Stolas: [taken aback] No! No, no-no-no. I'm taking my daughter to Loo Loo Land, and I was hoping you brave little Imps would accompany us!

Blitzo: We're assassins, not bodyguards, 'kay? Don't invite us to shit unless someone's gonna die.

Stolas: I'll pay you~

Blitzo: Pay me what?

Stolas: Moneyyyy~

Blitzo: Done!

''[Blitzo hangs up and accidentally slams his phone down on the desk hard enough to smash it to pieces. After a brief annoyed glance at it, he pulls out a megaphone.]''

Blitzo: M n' M, get in here! We're goin' to Loo Loo Land!

[Moxxie opens the door to respond.]

Moxxie: Loo Loo Land?

[Millie excitedly smashes her head straight through the office door's glass.]

Millie: [excitedly] Loo Loo Land?!

Blitzo: Loo Loo Land!

Loona: [offscreen] SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

''[Cut to Loo-Loo Land. A van with an I.M.P decal spray painted on the side pulls into the rather empty parking lot. Moxxie exits the van and opens the side door. A very cramped Stolas extracts himself excitedly. His daughter exits the van far less excitedly. Stolas dons an apple-themed hat and gestures toward the park gate. Octavia groans and pulls her hat low over her face.]''

Blitzo: Now, remember: this is work and work only. Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?

Octavia: [disgustedly] Hey... Dad... Do we have to--?

Blitzo: Okay, yeah, hold on right there, sweetie. [turns to Stolas] If you try fuckin' my little ass in that park, I swear to--

Stolas: You are so cute when you are serious!

Octavia: I'm literally gonna be sick.

Moxxie: Oh, crumbs! I knew today would be a lot! What do you need?

[Moxie fishes around in a fanny pack and throws out several pill bottles as he lists off his inventory.]

Moxxie: Antacids? Ibuprofen?

[Moxxie shows Octavia several hypodermic needles of a glowing, acid green substance.]

Moxxie: Morphine?

Octavia: That was figurative, old man.

Moxxie: Oh, right.

[Moxxie chuckles sheepishly as he discards the needles into a nearby baby carriage, where a baby imp happily reaches out to play with its dangerous new "toys."]

Moxxie: [under his breath] But she said it was literal.

Millie: [excitedly] Wooooow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot!

[A large letter falls off the sign of a nearby ride, crushing the teenaged imp underneath.]

Millie: It hasn't changed a bit. Ohhh! LOOK! It's Big Woobly!

[Millie gestures toward a hideously malformed animatronic dinosaur, which opens its mouth and lets out a terrifying, demonic shriek.]

Moxxie: That is... deeply upsetting.

Millie: Oh, come on! It's fun! You've never been here?

Moxxie: No. Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots.

[The park's mascot, Loo Loo appears out of nowhere behind Moxxie.]

Loo Loo: Well, hey there!

Moxxie: [jumps back in terror] AAAAAH!!

Loo Loo: I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us!

Stolas: [gasps] Look! Via! It's Loo Loo!

Octavia: I have a question.

Loo Loo: Well, ask away, little girlie! A-hyuk a-hyuk a-hyuk!

Octavia: Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer's far more popular Lu Lu World?

Loo Loo: [beat] No?

Octavia: This place reeks of insecure corporate shame.

[Stolas chuckles in slight embarrassment, as he leads Octavia away.]

Stolas: Why don't we go check out the rides?

Loo Loo: That chick's creepy, huh?

Blitzo: Eh, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes.

Loo Loo: [to Millie and Moxxie] What's that mean?

Moxxie: Don't talk to me! I know you're a pervert under there!

''[Moxxie leaves, leading Millie off with him. Loo Loo hangs his body dejectedly.]''

Loo Loo: Yeah...

[Moxxie and Millie head down a pathway, and Moxxie, sweating profusely, stops to catch his composure.]

Moxxie: You really like this place, huh?

Millie: I love this place! My parents would bring me and my siblings here when they could swing it. Money-wise.

''[Moxxie looks over to see a worker wheeling a wheelbarrow piled to the brim with money into a nearby giftshop. The two approach the window, where novelty cups and stuffed apples are for sale. The cups appear to cost at least 29 souls per.]''

Moxxie: Yeaaaah. The prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup that you use one time?

Millie: 'Cause it's Loo Loo Land!

[Blitzo walks up, having loaded up on merch, including a novelty cup, as well as a hat with attached can holders and straws.]

Blitzo: [bumps Moxxie with cup] Listen to your hoe, Mox.

[Blitzo takes a swig from his novelty cup.]

Blitzo: How 'bout I take the first watch while you two have a little [winks] fun?

Millie: OOOOOH! We gotta do my favorite ride!

Moxxie: Oh yeah? Wh- which one?

''[Cut to a shot of a lone imp riding a roller coaster named "The Lawsuit" that suddenly plunges off a sheer 90-degree drop at incredible speed while also on fire and with its rider hanging on for dear life. The coaster violently plunges into a tunnel in the ground.]''

Moxxie: [terrified] Oh, crumbs!

''[Cut to Moxxie vomiting into a trash can after having left the ride. A vomit-covered family walks by in the background, glaring disapprovingly at Moxxie. A massive dragon-like creature from the nearby petting zoo looms overhead, also glaring at Moxxie. In another part of the park, Stolas and Octavia walk along the path, as Blitzo takes up positions all around them with his rifle, on the lookout for any danger. A group of imps creep up behind the booths, ropes, knives, and pitchforks at the ready. They quickly scatter as Blitzo looks in their direction.]''

Stolas: You know, it's quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.

Blitzo: Save it, bitch. I'm working.

Octavia: You both need to get a room.

Blitzo: Hey, I am not a day-hooker!

[A woman walking nearby with her baby glares at Blitzo before continuing on in a huff.]

Blitzo: What? I just said I'm not one, prude! [Flips her off.]

Stolas: [gasps] Oh, look, Via!

''[Stolas points excitedly at the circus tent. A demon mother is struggling to pull her crying son into the tent.]''

Stolas: You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!

Octavia: [panicked] Oh no...

''[Cut to a flashback to Octavia as a young girl, as she is pushed against the stage by an excited crowd of imp children, as Robo Fizz sparks and cackles maniacally leering over Octavia, who soon breaks into tears. A younger Blitzo is seen in the background tending to a food cart, dressed and painted as a clown, scowling.]''

[Cut back to the present.]

Blitzo & Octavia: I hate that fucking clown.

''[Pan to Stolas, who has been captured and hoisted aloft by the crew of imps from earlier. Stolas' arms are bound and his head is covered by a cloth sack, and the imps are pointing various weapons at him. One has stolen Stolas' wallet.]''

Stolas: [unconcerned] Oh, Blitzy! I need my bodyguard, please!

''[One imp jumps, to try and skewer Stolas with a pitchfork. Blitzo quickly brings his rifle to bear, shooting the imp in the torso, splattering Stolas's head with blood. The other imps quickly scatter. Octavia enters the big top and finds a seat. Blitzo carries Stolas in, head still covered in the blood-soaked sack, sets him down, and walks off to take position. Stolas makes no move to remove the sack, until Octavia annoyedly rips it off her father's head.]''

Robo Fizz: [glitching and sparking] Hey-hey-hey-hey-heyyyy, Implings! It's me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Big Ozzie's factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo Loo Land, spelled with 'O's, to avoid lawsuits! H-H-H-H-H-Hit it!

[Stage lights turn on and point at Robo Fizz as he begins to dance and sing a song of the same name as the park.]

Robo Fizz: ♫ Loo Loo Land, Loo Loo Land! ♫

[The curtains open to reveal Robo Fizz's band, FizzaRolli 'n Friends, composed of various hideously decrepit animatronics, including Big Woobly on guitar.]

Robo Fizz: ♫ Everybody sing along with the Loo Loo band ♫

''[Robo Fizz goes around pointing and gesturing at various demons in the audience. Stolas looks excited when Robo Fizz gets to him, but this is short-lived as Blitzo pops up and points his rifle at Robo Fizz, who dashes back to the stage.]''

Robo Fizz: ♫ Ev'ry boy, ev'ry girl, ev'ry woman, ev'ry man loves Loo Loo Laaaaaand! ♫

[Platforms in the stage rise up in time with the music.]

Robo Fizz: ♫ Loo Loo Land, Loo Loo Land! ♫

♫ Everything is beautiful at Loo Loo Land ♫

♫ Ugly children holdin' hands in Loo Loo Laaaaand! ♫

''[Robo Fizz grabs various Imp children out of the audience and wraps them up in a big hug, before jumping up and tossing them away. Most of the children slam into the bleachers, while one soars behind them.]''

Robo Fizz: ♫ Everybody's friendly, ♫

[Robo Fizz hugs Big Woobly so hard that Big Woobly's neck breaks a bit more than it already had been.]

Robo Fizz: ♫ And nobody is mean ♫

''[Robo Fizz dashes over to the two-headed, banjo-playing bear animatronic and slaps it in the back. The animatronic then squirts a stream of oil from its bigger head at the face of an Imp in the bleachers attempting to drown out the song with music from his phone.]''

Robo Fizz: ♫ No copyright infringement's ever seeeeeeen ♫

[Robo Fizz dumps a gasoline canister onto a large stack of cease-and-desist papers, lights a match, and throws the match and the canister at the stack, setting the whole thing ablaze.]

Robo Fizz: ♫ I have a dream... ♫

Backup Singer: ♫ (He has a dream) ♫

Robo Fizz: ♫ I'm here to tell... ♫

Backup Singer: ♫ (He's here to tell) ♫

Robo Fizz: ♫ About a magical, fantastic place called Loo Loo Laaaaand! ♫

''[Octavia is sitting and absorbing the musical with disgusted boredom. Outside, Moxxie and Millie walk along a row of game booths, when they are addressed by one of the vendors. Millie gleefully yanks Moxxie over towards the booth.]''

Carnie Imp: Hello, hello! Step right up and win a thing!

Millie: [gasps excitedly] Oh, look Moxxie! A THING!

''[The "thing" in question is some sort of purple stuffed penguin creature with Imp horns, wearing pink overalls. The stuffed animal is labeled with a tag that says "THING?"]''

Moxxie: Oh, you like that thing?

Millie: YEEEEESSS! I don't really know what that thing is but I want that thing!

Moxxie: [smugly] Ahhh... Finally, something I can handle.

[Moxxie takes out some money and hands it to the carnie.]

Moxxie: Okay! One game, puh-lease!

''[The carnie Imp rolls his eyes and uses his tail to hand Moxxie a pistol with a cork projectile in the muzzle. Moxxie does not even line up the shot, instead looking to his wife as he effortlessly hits the target right in the bullseye. Unbeknownst to Moxxie, the target barely moves. He makes a "ricochet" noise with his mouth and blows the black powder smoke clear of the gun, pleased with his marksmanship.]''

Carnie Demon: Ohhhh! Strike one, little man!

Moxxie: But I hit it!

Carnie Imp: Hmmm, I don't know what to tell ya, buddy. The target, see? It didn't go down. So, yeah...! No go, bro.

''[Moxxie growls in anger, and fishes another bill out of his pocket. He grabs the pistol and fires another cork, hitting the target dead-center. The target does not budge. Moxxie slaps the pistol in annoyance.]''

Moxxie: The Heaven's wrong with this thing?!

Carnie Imp: Oh man, a real shame, I tell ya. [mockingly cries]

[Moxxie hisses in anger as he slaps another bill on the counter.]

Moxxie: Another!

''[Cut back to the Fizzarolli show. Stolas is gleefully clapping to the music, while Octavia has thrown her head back in torment, banging her fist on the seat next to her.]''

Robo Fizz & Backup Singer: ♫ --body sing along with the Loo Loo band! Ev'ry boy, ev'ry girl, ev'ry woman, ev'ry man loves Loo Loo Laaaaaaand! ♫

''[The show ends with a small pyrotechnic display as Robo Fizz cackles maniacally. The bear animatronic faceplants onto the stage and falls to pieces. Stolas claps and cheers even harder.]''

Stolas: Ah hohohoho ho ho ho ho ho, how delightful!

[Behind Stolas, an imp armed with a kris dagger rises from beneath the seats ready to stab Stolas, but the top of his head is quickly blown apart by a shot from Blitzo, who has taken up a position in the gallery behind the back row of seats while Imps scream in absolute fear and run away.]

Stolas: Oh! My, what aim you have, Blitzy.

Octavia: [furious] ''Ugh! I can't do this anymore!''

Stolas: [concerned] Wait- E-... Octavia!

[Octavia storms off, with Stolas following behind as Blitzo cycles his rifle, and prepares to give chase after his charges.]

Robo Fizz: Mua ha ha ha ha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo [pronounced as spelled] my sensors spot up the-e-e-ere? I bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh? [laughs]

Blitzo: The 'O' is silent now!

Robo Fizz: A-A-Awwwww, just like your audience always was when you to-told your lazy jokes here! [laughs]

[Blitzo removes his visors and throws them on the ground as he continues his argument with Robo Fizz.]

Blitzo: Bitch, I make more money killin' people than you do being a cheap-ass robo ripoff of an overrated sellout JESTER!

Robo Fizz: [glitching] Oohoohoo! Someone's salty! Real or not though, people lo-o-ove me! Does anybody love you... [appears creepy with demonic voice] BLITZO?

Blitzo: No. But I'm really good with guns now. Dance, bitch!

''[Blitzo slams a new magazine into his rifle, switches it to full-auto and opens up on Robo Fizz, who cartwheels out of the way of the incoming rounds. Robo Fizz rapidly spins like a wheel rolling up the stair to where Blitzo is. He coils himself around Blitzo like a snake, before using his own momentum to launch Blitzo through the top of the tent.]''

Blitzo: Ohhhh, FUCK MEEEEEEE...!

[Outside, Wally Wackford rolls a cart of lit torches in by the tent.]

Wally: Torches, I say, I say! Get your inconvenient torches here!

[Blitzo lands on the cart, scattering the torches everywhere, which light the big top on fire.]

Wally: Owww! I say, OWWWW!

''[The green fire very rapidly spreads to all corners of the park. Burning and melting animatronics flee the tent as Robo Fizz cackles and spins his head with demonic glee at the destruction. Elsewhere, the carnie Imp at the shooting gallery holds 600 souls of Moxxie's money, with Moxxie himself glaring at him with seething anger.]''

Carnie Imp: Wow! Man, you're really starting to make this sad. Y'know, if you suck, you suck! Guess you won't win your honey here a prize...

Millie: Let me try!

''[Millie grabs the pistol and fires a cork at a target, which misses wildly. The carnie Imp grins mischievously, and presses a foot pedal in the booth, which causes a target to fall down.]''

Carnie Imp: Ohhhh, look at that! Lucky shot, baby.

Moxxie: Are you kidding me?! You- you- you charlatan!

Carnie Imp: Hey, uh, get lost, pipsqueak. I'm talkin' to the lady~

''[The carnie Imp leans toward Millie and makes a seductive purring sound at her. Millie immediately recoils in disgust. In the background, Blitzo and Robo Fizz continue to do battle against each other as the fires spread. Blitzo is thrown up into the air by Robo Fizz and comes down through the roof of the shooting gallery, crushing the carnie Imp under him.]''

Carnie Imp: OWWWW! Oof! Auuugh!

Moxxie: [surprised] Sir?!

Blitzo: [dazed] Ohhh, hey, guys! You should probably go, uh, make sure Stolas is okay. I've... got some unfinished business to take care of.

''[Blitzo draws his flintlock pistol, cocks it, and fires at the now burning Robo Fizz. The impact of the bullet spins Robo Fizz's head around, but when he spins his head back, he is revealed to be unharmed by the shot, having caught the bullet in his teeth. He then spits the bullet out.]''

Blitzo: Oh, what a mouth!

''[Blitzo immediately grimaces when he realizes what he just said. Robo Fizz coils himself up into his rolling form again, charging straight at Blitzo. He leaps out of the way as his enemy hit the booth, destroying it in a large explosion. Several pieces of shrapnel and burning prizes shoot in all direction, as the camera follows the severed heads of three of the "things" Moxxie attempted to win. The piece of stuffed animal strikes a young Imp boy in the head, knocking him unconscious the second a photographer takes a picture of the Imp family.]''

Father: Goddammit, Nathan! You ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!

[Elsewhere, Stolas is still running after his daughter.]

Stolas: Octavia?

Octavia: [off-screen] Just leave me alone!

Stolas: Octavia!

''[Octavia runs into a building called the "Fun House." Inside, Stolas is confronted with a a surreal room of eyes, tubes, spikes, mirrors, and disembodied hands. He goes further into the room, looking around for where his daughter could have gone. A shadow appears behind Stolas, as a random Imp jumps upon his back.]''

Stolas: [annoyed] Umm, I think I'm supposed to be bodyguarded right now!

''[The Imp covers Stolas' mouth with his shirt sleeve, but is suddenly shot in the head and falls to the ground. Moxxie and Millie appear in the entryway, Millie having just shot the Imp with a pistol.]''

Stolas: [wipes Imp blood off of sleeve] Ugh, that's better. Where is Blitzy? He's my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.

Millie: He's, uhhhh... busy.

Moxxie: Being a fool.

Stolas: What kind of fool?

Moxxie: The "everything is now on fire" kind.

''[Disinterested, Stolas leaves the imps, effortlessly dodging between two swinging pendulums, and heads down a tunnel into an adjoining room. There, he sees Octavia riding in circles in apple-themed rail cars, crying.]''

Stolas: Octavia...

[Stolas discards the Loo Loo Land hat, which in response to his emotional state has gone from a goofy grin to a sad frown.]

Stolas: I take it you are... not having fun.

Octavia: [crying] I didn't even want to come here!

Stolas: I'm sorry, sweetie. I... I thought you loved it here.

Octavia: [sniffs] When I was a kid and my parents didn't hate each other... and my dad didn't flirt with some... weird red dickhead the entire time.

Stolas: I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for... everything... happening right now. I know it's... a lot. I, uh-- I should have listened.

Octavia: [crying] I just want to go home... but home doesn't even feel like home anymore... You ruined it.

Stolas: You need to understand... your mother and I... I just-... I felt-... She's always been... I haven't been- Ha-... We weren't in... I'm sorry, I- I- I don't have the words.

Octavia: [crying] Are you gonna run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where... I can't find you?

Stolas: [emphatically] What? No! No, no, never. I'd never do that. Never. I think it's time to leave this place. You were right. You are too old for it, anyway.

''[Stolas carries Octavia out of the Fun House, as an imp grins maniacally in the space above the drop-ceiling, looking down on Stolas. The imp drops down and flicks open a switchblade. Stolas immediately turns around, eyes glowing brightly. The Imp immediately turns to stone and is knocked over by a pendulum. Outside, the park has been reduced to pandemonium as dusk falls. Millie attempts to shoot at Robo Fizz, who rolls around wildly. The robot is caught by the draconic creature from before, and swallowed whole, as Moxxie rides on its back. Stolas and Octavia leave the park gates.]''

Stolas: So, what would you like to do now?

Octavia: Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there.

Stolas: [reluctantly] Hmmm, okayyyyy...

Octavia: [chuckles] Thanks, dad. You're okay sometimes.

Stolas: Thank you, Via. Thank you.

''[A massive explosion rocks the park, sending the employees of I.M.P. hurtling through the air, smoking and screaming. All three land in front of Stolas and Octavia.]''

Moxxie: Way to ruin another good thing, sir!

Blitzo: Worth it! That slutty toy clown had. It. Comin'!

''[Moxxie and Blitzo fall unconscious. A stray animal that looks like Queef grabs Millie by the hair and drags her offscreen.]''