Unhappy Campers/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Unhappy Campers". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode begins with Blitzo peeking out of a corner of a building to check if the coast was clear. It was clear and then he runs across to the St. An's Hospital and starts climbing up the drain gutter downspout before he sneaks on the edge to a windowsill.''

Blitzo: (low whisper) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

''[Blitzo opens a window and tries to get inside But, his head was having a hard time getting inside because his horns are blocking his entrance. He started to make it through, but then he ends up falling in and rolls over.]''

Blitzo: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!!

''[Blitzo crouches up and looks around for anyone who saw him. However, unbeknownst to him, a hand holding a taser shock device comes into the scene and painfully tases him right in the butthole below his tail, making Blitzo seize in shock with static electricity before falling head first to the ground with smoke fussing out of him.]''

Unknown: Well, if it isn't the deadbeat.

[Blitzo gets back up after his painful tase and brushes his sleeves.]

Blitzo: (mockingly) Well, if it isn't Nurse Pussy Face.

Rehab Nurse: You ain't gettin' in here. *crosses her arms and scowls at him* How many times do I have to sodomize you with a taser before you take a hint?

[Despite being tased, Blitzo doesn't seem all hurt and brushes his coat.]

Blitzo: As many as it takes to get me off. *turns back back to the nurse* Now, enough with this foreplay. Where's Barb?

Rehab Nurse: She checked out months ago, but that ain't none of your business.

[Blitzo, surprised, comes over to the nurse, hands shrugging in confusion.]

Blitzo: Wait, what? How? This is- wh-where the fuck did she go?

[The nurse is skeptical of his intentions and brings up a taser to his face, making Blitzo so nervous and anxious that his tail straightened up and his arms down in fear.]

Rehab Nurse: Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you, ass clown.

[Blitzo regains his composure and stares down at the nurse.]

Blitzo: You know, I kill people for a living, right, bitch?

Rehab Nurse: (nonchalantly) Oh, I'm SO FUCKIN' scared...

[Blitzo realizes that the nurse isn't all afraid of him and sighs.]

Blitzo: Ugh... Fine.

''[Blitzo walks back to the window to climb out of the room. Halfway through, the nurse calls back to him.]''

Rehab Nurse: Blitzo, she's got a job now, a life.

[The scene changes back to the point of view of Blitzo trying to exit out through the window.]

Rehab Nurse: Don't fuck it up by finding her.

Blitzo: Oh, that's nice. Why don't you take that advice and shove it right between your pussy *loses his grip and falls from the building* Liiiips!

[Blitzo ends up crashing into the ground and a cat screeches in fright offscreen].

''[The scene changes to the office inside of the I.M.P Headquarters where the imp couple, Moxxie and Millie were talking to a sinner client when Blitzo burst open the door, now covered in bush leaves, bruises, and dirt all over his clothes and body, walks pass the three of them in a dejected manner. Moxxie calls to him to get his attention.]''

Moxxie: Sir! There's a client here who wants to-

''[Blitzo does not heard him and interrupted Moxxie when he opens the door to his office and slamming it shut loudly. Moxxie and Millie took a second to stare in confusion at Blitzo's foul mood today before turning back to the client.]''

Millie: *nervous chuckle* I'm sorry, you were saying?

Demon Client: *hands shrugging in his confusion* Well, it's just that I'm sure one of the other camp counselors killed me, I'm just not sure which one...

Moxxie: How could you not know?

Demon Client: I was out on the lake when my boat  *pointing down with both hands* started to sink. Someone  *twirls two fingers to gesture* had drilled holes in it. *stops* The counselors are the only ones with keys to the boathouse, and they're the only ones who knew I couldn't swim. It had to be them.

[While Millie was delightfully smiling, Moxxie had a questionable look on his face about that work.]

Moxxie: Hmm, *places a finger below his chin* we don't typically do investigations. *gestures his thumb to Blitzo's office* I'll have to check with the boss.

[Moxxie moves around the desk behind Millie and stops at the office door before he opens it.]

Moxxie: Uh, pardon moi, sir.

''[Moxxie sees Blitzo flipping his contacts through his rotary address card file. Blitzo was so preoccupied that he didn't look up to Moxxie as he flips through different address files on the rotary.]''

Blitzo: (peeved) Not now, Mox.

Moxxie: Sir, *jabs his thumb behind him* there's a client that needs us to investigate his death, *claps his hands together* and we don't usually-

Blitzo: (annoyed) No tiiiime!

Moxxie: But, sir, we really need the cashflow, and I was thinking maybe-

[Blitzo is now completely irritated with Moxxie interrupting his search that he finally faces him and stopped flipping through his rotary address file.]

Blitzo: (now irritated) What part of "NO. FUCKING. TIIIIIIIME." do you not understand? *starts flipping back his rotary address file cards* Just handle it yourself.

[Moxxie was now surprised and confused at the same time and points to himself.

Moxxie: You want me to lead? *gesturing back to his boss* On a hit?

[Blitzo is now growing more frustrated with Moxxie and stops flipping his rotary card file while holding his head with one hand to keep cool on what he wanted to say.]

Blitzo: I swear on all that is evil, Mox! If you aren't out of my office in negative *slams both hands on his desk angrily* three seconds-

[Moxxie, not wanting to piss off his boss anymore, but also ecstatic of him giving this chance, grabs the doorknob and salutes him.]

Moxxie: Yooou GOT IT, SIR!

''[Moxxie closes the door behind him, his face full of sunshine and excitement. He was so excited about this job that his small little iris in his pupils expands out with stars gleaming bright shine. The scene switches back to the demon client camp counselor and Millie as Moxxie returns with new conference and leans against the desk.]''

Moxxie: We'll take the case! *jabs a thumb to himself* And I'll be handling this investigation, personally.

[Millie looks on at Moxxie with concern and hesitation of her husband.]

Millie: Honey, are you sure? *gestures to Blitzo's office* What about Blitzo?

Moxxie: Honey, honey, please. *postures himself* Blitzo put me in charge this time.

Millie: (in disbelief) He did?!

''[Moxxie heard the disbelief coming from his wife and narrows his eyes as he looked back to her skeptically. Millie realized her mistake and then corrects her attitude to make her husband feel better.]''

Millie: Oh! I mean, He... he did!

Moxxie: Right! And this is going to be the *swipes his hand across* cleanest, most *fist down* well-prepped, most surgical hit we've ever had! Don't worry sir! *points at the demon client* We'll find your killer, and give him what's coming to him.

[Moxxie had second thoughts of who the targeted killer might be and thinks for a while before he corrects himself.]

Moxxie: And/or her... *pause* Or they... *pointing back at the client*

''[The scene comes back to Blitzo's office, and after so many fruitless search, he is still searching for his sister. He checks on Barbie's profile of her social media profile, where she has not made any effort to improve her profile.]''

Blitzo: Why the fuck wouldn't she tell you where she was going? *scene change to Blitzo* I mean, did you even ask-

[Blitzo's phone started to vibrate, indicating another call.]

Blitzo: Wait hold on, I'm getting another call... *answers a call* Hellooooooo? (noise) Oh, good! Did you find- (noise) Really, where? (noise) Thanks, and I promise if we ever get a contract on your children, we'll make it quick and painless, byyyye! *ends the call*

''[Blitzo puts his phone away and then starts running out of his office, unknowingly running pass Moxxie and Millie with a police investigation board on the wall that has red strings all over the place that it even extends out of the board. Moxxie was way over his head with the investigation that Millie finds the whole thing to be obnoxious.]''

Millie: Mox... Are you sure this isn't a little... much?

Moxxie: It's my first lead, Mills. *waves* It has to be... perfect.

[Moxxie turns back to the investigation board.]

Moxxie: Now, in front of you, you'll find a comprehensive guide to your cover persona. *slams the board* Memorize it. We've got a lot of work to do.

''[The scene moves to the summer camp called Camp Ivannakummore, where children and pre-teens can be seen laughing and playing in the background. Across the way, three preteen girls chat on a picnic bench. Moxxie and Millie are then shown in the bushes wearing disguises. Moxxie is dressed as a "human" girl while Millie is dressed as a "human" boy.]''

Moxxie: *fixing his tube top* Okay, Millie, one last time for safety. (in a girly voice) I’m Moxxine, the hottest, most popular girl at my school, and you are?

Millie: (in a guy voice) Your brother, Millerd, I like sports and *thrusts hips* fuckin' bitches!

Moxxie: Hm, you know these kids are a bit younger than I was expecting *putting a hand to the side of his face* maybe lose that last part.

Millie: (in a manly voice) Check!

Moxxie: Alright, (in a girly voice) I think we are ready.

[Millie notices something up head and points at it.]

Millie: Hey, Mox!

''[The scene cuts to the cabins where an individual wearing a coat who's carrying a large sack over his back. He checks his surroundings to see if the coast was clear and then sneakily tip-toes to the bushes.]''

Millie: (voice-over)Check out that shady-lookin' fella over there. I think that's our guy.

[The scene cuts to Moxxie.]

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) Ahem, Millie... I hardly think pointing out the first guy you see is the proper way to conduct a-

''[Millie picks up a pair of binoculars and looks right at the guy carrying the sack, obviously clear that the guy was the killer their client wanted dead. He looks behind him to notice that the sack was slipping, so he drops it to reveal stashes of cash, couple of bags full of drugs, and syringe needles. He picks up the sack and then the binoculars shows a drill in his hand.]''

Millie: (looks through binoculars) No, that's definitely him. That bag's full of money, and drugs, and what looks like a drill one would use to poke holes in a boat.

[The scene cuts back to Moxxie, looking a bit letdown after the obvious observation.]

Moxxie: But- but that's all circumstantial at best! (in a girly voice) We need to methodically eliminate all suspects until we can be sure.

''[The scene phases out to Millie looking annoyed that the suspect was obviously the killer before the scene cuts back through the binoculars to show a boat house. The suspect's pair of eyeballs were visible in the shadows, looking nervously around to see if anyone else spotted him before disappearing behind a door. Unbeknownst to Millie, a single red-eye was seen into the crack right before the scene cuts back to Millie and Moxxie, as she puts aside her binoculars.]''

Millie: Now, he's lookin' around and headed into that locked boathouse we heard about. That would be the perfect place to-

''[Millie notices how visibly upset Moxxie is after making her obvious statement. She reconsiders her thoughts.]''

Millie: Fine, Mox. We'll do it your way.

''[Moxxie cheers up and he and Millie gets up after Millie puts the binoculars away in her backpack. He comes forward and observes the scenery to find the perfect human to manipulate to get close to their suspect.]''

Moxxie: With my sleuthing skills and your killer eye, we should have this wrapped up in no time. Now, (in a girly voice) we just have to find the kids with the most influence.

[He scans the camp horizon until he spots three pre-teen girls at a table talking to each other.]

Moxxie: Oh... target, acquired.

''[Moxxie adjusts his top before he proceeds to head out to meet the girls. Before Millie can joined him, a volleyball rolls over to her. She notices and approaches the ball before one of the campers calls to her.]''

Unnamed guy camper: (offscreen) Hey!

[Millie looks over to see kids playing volleyball.]

Unnamed girl camper: Hey!

[Millie walks off to join them.]

[Over at the picnic table with the three preteen girls, one girl is talking, one of them is chewing gum and watching something on her phone, and the other is listening to her friend's story.]

Unnamed Girl A: So, he snorted a whole line of ground-up mints, and tried to convince us he was high. Can you even believe him?

''[Suddenly. Moxxie approaches laughing obnoxiously and trying to fit in.]''

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) Ahahahaha! Oh, that Derek! What a riot! Riight?

[The girls turn to him and look at him with disgust.] 

Unnamed Girl A: Um, who the fuck are you?

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) I’m Moxxine, I’m the prettiest girl at my school, and all the boys want me. My favorite coloooooor is hot pink. Because normal pink is sooo*crosses arms* basic. I like horses, puppies, fast cars, jewelry, and I got my first period last year, and it was sooo heavy!

[Moxxie makes his way over to the picnic table and sits down.]

Moxxie: I guess I’m just more mature than your typical preteen. So, you wanna be frieeends?

''[The girls stare at him. The first girl looks at Moxxie from head to his toes and notices that he is a digitigrade and points it out.]''

Unnamed Girl A: The fuck is wrong with your legs?

Moxxie: (taken aback) Wha- Um Oh! um-uh....I was in an accident?

Unnamed Girl B: The same accident that fucked up your skin? You look like you spent three years in a tanning bed.

Moxxie: It's uhhhhh....natural?

Unnamed Girl A: Ahah! Yeah, you wish. That botch job looks like it cost five bucks in an alley behind Walmart.

Unnamed Girl B: *stands up* Get lost, you fucking freak!

[Moxxie stands up, obviously hurt and turns to the girls.]

Moxxie: But I-eeeh....

''[The girls all stand up and point in the direction for him to leave. When they looked over to the volleyball court, they notice a new person playing in the field. The scene cuts to Millie enjoying her time playing volleyball. In the girl's visions, they see the disguised Millie as a new hot boy on the block with sweat dripping down from her face and her hair swaying behind a bright color background with stars sparkling around her.]''

Unnamed Girl B: Oh, my god! WHO is THAT?!

[The scene cuts back to the mean girls, all admiring Millie.]

Unnamed Girl A: Look how beautifully tan he is.

[Moxxie, completely taken back and shocked by the girl's turn off from his appears and admiring Millie's own, comes into the scene in front of one of the girls, looks at Millie.]

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) WHAAAAT?!

[Millie comes in close around as a camper passes the ball onto her.]

Millie:  (in a boyish voice) I GOT IT!

''[In one spectacular movement, Millie leaps up in the air with the sun shining down on Millie. With such joy in her eyes, Millie gives it all and smacks the ball so hard that a boom echoed in the air before it rockets right into one of the camper's face. He was smacked in the face with a volleyball so hard that his skull was heard being crunched and broken, and his tooth was knocked out before he was slammed into the ground. The impact was so strong that dirt and dust spreads to the volleyball field right when Moxxie and the mean girls comes down to see what has happened. After the dust settles down, the camper who was hit seemed to be on the ground, dead or unconscious with a massive crater underneath him.]''

''[All the campers were totally shocked and even the Lifeguard Dude was completely taken back. He removes his sunglasses to see that the camper was on the ground and rushes over to check on him. The camper was unresponsive, and Millie looked nervous that she went too far.]''

Lifeguard Dude: That was...

[He pauses before resuming with tears flowing from his eyes with pride.]

Lifeguard Dude: The best spike I've ever seen...

''[The campers cheer on for Millie and lifted her up on their shoulders. As the campers take Millie away, the camper whow as hit in the face by Millie is revealed to be alive and reaches out to the Lifeguard Dude for help while he simply ignores him and wipes the tear away as he stands back up.]''

Unnamed camper: Please, I need medical attention.

[Lifeguard Dude turns down to the kid with a scowl.]

Lifeguard Dude: First Aid is for WINNERS!

[While the campers take Millie away, the mean girls were looking at Millie with admiration in their eyes by Millie's incredible athletic skills.]

Unnamed Girl A: Oh, my god! He is so fucking HOT!

[Unnamed Girl A, immediately infatuated, waves her hand to cool herself while Moxxie makes a attempt to impress them again.]

Moxxie: Oh! Ya know, he's my brother.

[Despite his attempts, the girls all glare down at Moxxie for his obnoxious attitude and starts walking out on him.]

Unnamed Girl B: FUCK OFF, TROLL!

[As the girls leave him, Moxxie feels depressed that he did not impress them to get on their good side.]

''[The scene switches back to Blitzo entering one of the pharmaceutical stores where Barbie is supposedly to be working at. The pharmacist was looking at his phone, completely oblivious to Blitzo approaching to his desk. The pharmacist notices Blitzo as he stops by the counter and brings up his phone to show the pharmacist the photo of his sister.]''

Blitzo: Hi, I'm lookin for one of your employees, her name is Barbie. Does she work here?

[The pharmacist was confused of who Blitzo was or why he was doing here.]

Pharmacist: Wait, what? Who are you?

''[Blitzo, now pissed, grabs the pharmacist by his collar and pulls him over the desk before slamming him hard against the wall. He growls out his frustration and slams him again to show he has no time for any more excuses.]''

Blitzo: Someone who's gonna get reeeal creative if you don't tell him what he wants!

[Using his tail, he slaps the pharmacist repeatedly to leave bruises on his cheek.]

Blitzo: Where is she fucknut? *repeatedly slaps the pharmacist* I know you know! It only gets worse from here, asshole!

[Blitzo slaps the pharmacist multiple times with each slap getting harder and more painful until the pharmacist gives up.]

Pharmacist: Okay! Okay! She's out on a pickup!

[Blitzo brings the pharmacist close to his face as he narrows his eyes at the frightened pharmacist.]

Blitzo: Where?

[The scene changes back to the summer camps where Millie is running across the camp physical course. She appears to be having fun as she leaps over a large wall, and after landing down, she starts to tic-tac herself across the course. Once she reaches the end, Millie hops up and grabs the pull-up bar before she starts spinning. She was spinning so fast that Millie’s wheel spin started to go in flames before Millie rockets herself in the air like a ball. Millie, now a flaming fireball, meteors down and impacts the unconscious camper she hit with a volleyball so hard that she buried him six feet under with a crater of his shape. The campers and counselors applauded Millie for such a spectacular performance. One of the campers had his phone out live streaming the whole thing.]

[Millie emerges head-first with eyes the same as Moxxie when he was excited for his first solo mission, her iris swelled in her pupils with stars gleaming bright shine. She was overjoy with her increasing popularity.]

Millie: Mox! Did you see? I broke the record on the course!

[Unbeknownst to her, Moxxie was having a hard time and grimaced at the thought of Millie outshining her, but he gave her a very sheepish smile while Millie waves back at the crowd.]

Moxxie: Mhmm. I saw.

[Millie was so absorbed by her popularity that her eyes grew big and bright.]

Millie: Can you believe this? Everyone LOVES me, they're cheering, - (bring out her phone) - they even posted videos of me online. LOOK!

[Millie shows Moxxie the social media story of her performance that she meteors down at the camper she accidently injured or killed. Hearts keep liking her story as it increased her popularity. Moxxie was aghast of how Millie was the only one who gets the likes while he only gets the scowl. Millie then starts singing a song: Regular Joe]

Millie: ♫ Every day! ♫

♫ As I walk around camp! ♫

♫ All of these girls! ♫

♫ Follow me around! ♫

♫ I don't know why ♫

♫ Or what could it be? ♫

[A random camp counselor comes up to Millie and then offers her some selfie with a crazed look in her eyes that had veins being seen, which creeps Millie out.]

Random camp counselor: ''Hey, Millerd! HAH! Will you take a selfie with me?!''

Millie: ♫Ah wa oh! I'm regular Joe. ♫

♫ Ah wa oh! I want the world to know. ♫

♫ Ah wa oh! I'm simple and plain. ♫

♫ Why do all these girls ♫

♫ Keep screaming my name? ♫

Campers: Millerd! Millerd! Millerd! Millerd, I love you!!!

Millie: ♫ I'm so ordinary. ♫

♫ Just a common dude. ♫

♫ But, they're all up in my DMs ♫

♫ They keep sending me nudes. ♫

♫ I'm nothing special. ♫

♫ I'll tell you it's true. ♫

[The same creepy camp counselor stalker comes up on stage with a cake in her hand to Millie.]

Random camp counselor: ''But, Millerd! Over here! I baked a cake for you!''

Millie: ♫ Ah wa oh! I'm regular Joe. ♫

♫ Ah wa oh! I want the world to know. ♫

♫ Ah wa oh! I'm simple and plain. ♫

♫ I wish all these girls. ♫

♫ Would stop screaming my name. ♫

[Just like before, the screaming fan girls of the camp were screaming out to Millie. She takes the time to take in the joy and happiness of being recognized by her peers. When the song ended, the scene switched to Moxxie, now being upset that, not only has Millie been taking the glory, but they haven’t solve the case of their killer despite the obvious reason to go after the one they assumed to spot earlier. Millie comes behind the cabins with a bouquet.]

Millie: OOOH MOXXIE THAT WAS SO FUN! No wonder you sing all the time!

[Unlike Millie, Moxxie was more annoyed that Millie isn’t making any effort to solve their case.]

Moxxie: (normal voice) Not exactly low profile...

Millie: I know... but it's kinda nice havin people cheer for me for once ya know? Instead of SCREAMING *rips the bouquet in half* in PAIN and HORROR!

[Moxxie approaches Millie.]

Moxxie: Don't forget what we're here to do, Millie

Millie: I haven't. I'm just waitin' until you're ready... Have you been able to eliminate any suspects?

Moxxie: No, of course not. I can't get anything from anyone because they're too busy swooning over you

Moxxie: If you want we can go off *brings out her two signature knives* the guy right now!

[Millie starts heading on over to the cabin.]

Millie: I think he's alone in the cabin-

[Moxxie realizes what Millie was going to do and pulls her back to him.]

Moxxie: No! I have to do this right.

[Much to Millie's annoyance, she rolled her eyes and puts the knives away to come up with a better solution.]

Millie: I'll tell you what... *comes over and caresses Moxxie's cheek* Why don't you try winning them over with something you're good at like I did? *walks over behind him* How about your music?

[Millie then had an idea that a star shines in her eyeballs.]

Mille: I can even help you since they already love me.

[Just like Millie, Moxxie's eyes had a giant star when he thought of the idea.]

Moxxie: Yeah... YEAH! (in a girly voice) That just might work.

[Moxxie and Millie along with several campers sits near a campfire]

Millie: Ya'll wanna hear a song?!?

Crowd: Yeeeah!

Millie: Alright! I know you all like me, but Moxxine is the real deal y'all

Millie: Let him-heeeeer tell ya all about it! MOX!

Moxxie: Thank you...

[Moxxie starts singing "Everybody Look at Me!" ]

Moxxie:♫Oh everybody look at me! ♫

♫ I'm the greatest ♫

♫ It's plain to see

♫ That all you losers ♫

♫ Wish that you could ♫

♫ Beeeee Liiiiike ME! ♫

♫ But ya cant ♫

♫ Cause I'm a work of art ♫

♫ Yeah, I am hot shit ♫

♫ So pretty and smart♫

♫ Oh, everybody take a look at me!

♫ Look at me, me, me, Moxxine! ♫

♫ Me, me, me, Moxxine! ♫