Unhappy Campers/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Unhappy Campers". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode begins with Blitzo peeking out of a corner of a building to check if the coast was clear. It was clear and then he runs across to the St. An's Hospital and starts climbing up the drain gutter downspout before he sneaks on the edge to a windowsill.''

Blitzo: (low whisper) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

''[Blitzo opens a window and tries to get inside But, his head was having a hard time getting inside because his horns are blocking his entrance. He started to make it through, but then he ends up falling in and rolls over.]''

Blitzo: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!!

''[Blitzo crouches up and looks around for anyone who saw him. However, unbeknownst to him, a hand holding a taser shock device comes into the scene and painfully tases him right in the butthole below his tail, making Blitzo fizz and seize in shock with static electricity before falling head first to the ground with smoke fussing out of him.]''

Unknown: Well, if it isn't the deadbeat.

[Blitzo gets back up after his painful tase and brushes his sleeves.]

Blitzo: (mockingly) Well if it isn't Nurse Pussy Face.

Rehab Nurse: You ain't gettin in here. *crosses her arms and scowls at Blitzo* How many times do I have to sodomize you with a taser before you take a hint?

[Despite being tased, Blitzo doesn't seem all hurt and brushes his coat.]

Blitzo: As many as it takes to get me off. *stops brushing and turns back back to the nurse* Now, enough with this foreplay, where's Barb?

Rehab Nurse: She checked out months ago, but that ain't none of your business.

[Blitzo, surprised, comes over to the nurse, hands shrugging in confusion.]

Blitzo: Wait, what? How? This is- wh-where the fuck did she go?

[The nurse is skeptical of his intentions and brings up a taser to his face, making Blitzo so nervous and anxious that his tail straightened up and his arms down in fear.]

Rehab Nurse: Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you, ass clown.

[Blitzo regains his composure and stares down at the nurse.]

Blitzo: You know, I kill people for a living, right, bitch?

Rehab Nurse: (nonchalantly) Oh, I'm SO FUCKIN' scared...

[Blitzo realizes that the nurse isn't all afraid of him and sighs.]

Blitzo: Ugh... Fine.

''[Blitzo walks back to the window to climb out of the room. Halfway through, the nurse calls back to him.]''

Rehab Nurse: Blitzo, she's got a job now, a life.

[The scene changes back to the point of view of Blitzo trying to exit out through the window.]

Rehab Nurse: Don't fuck it up by finding her.

Blitzo: Oh, that's nice. Why don't you take that advice and shove it right between your pussy *loses his grip and falls from the building* Liiiips!

[Blitzo ends up crashing into the ground and a cat screeches in fright offscreen].

''[The scene changes to the office inside of the I.M.P Headquarters where the imp couple, Moxxie and Millie were talking to a sinner client when Blitzo burst open the door, now covered in bush leaves, bruises, and dirt all over his clothes and body, walks pass the three of them in a dejected manner. Moxxie calls to him to get his attention.]''

Moxxie: Sir! There's a client here who wants to-

''[Blitzo does not heard him and interrupted Moxxie when he opens the door to his office and slamming it shut loudly. Moxxie and Millie took a second to stare in confusion at Blitzo's foul mood today before turning back to the client.]''

Millie: *nervous chuckle* I'm sorry, you were saying?

Demon Client: *hands shrugging in his confusion* Well, it's just that I'm sure one of the other camp counselors killed me, I'm just not sure which one...

Moxxie: How could you not know?

Demon Client: I was out on the lake when my boat  *pointing down with both hands* started to sink. Someone  *twirls two fingers to gesture* had drilled holes in it. *stops* The counselors are the only ones with keys to the boathouse, and they're the only ones who knew I couldn't swim. It had to be them.

[While Millie was delightfully smiling, Moxxie had a questionable look on his face about that work.]

Moxxie: Hmm, *places a finger below his chin* we don't typically do investigations. *gestures his thumb to Blitzo's office* I'll have to check with the boss.

[Moxxie moves around the desk behind Millie and stops at the office door before he opens it.]

Moxxie: Uh, pardon moi, sir.

''[Moxxie sees Blitzo flipping his contacts through his rotary address card file. Blitzo was so preoccupied that he didn't look up to Moxxie as he flips through different address files on the rotary.]''

Blitzo: (peeved) Not now, Mox.

Moxxie: Sir, *jabs his thumb behind him* there's a client that needs us to investigate his death, *claps his hands together* and we don't usually-

Blitzo: (annoyed) No tiiiime!

Moxxie: But, sir, we really need the cashflow, and I was thinking maybe-

[Blitzo is now completely irritated with Moxxie interrupting his search that he finally faces him and stopped flipping through his rotary address file.]

Blitzo: (now irritated) What part of "NO. FUCKING. TIIIIIIIME." do you not understand? *starts flipping back his rotary address file cards* Just handle it yourself.

[Moxxie was now surprised and confused at the same time and points to himself.

Moxxie: You want me to lead? *gesturing back to his boss* On a hit?

[Blitzo is now growing more frustrated with Moxxie and stops flipping his rotary card file while holding his head with one hand to keep cool on what he wanted to say.]

Blitzo: I swear on all that is evil, Mox! If you aren't out of my office in negative *slams both hands on his desk angrily* three seconds-

[Moxxie, not wanting to piss off his boss anymore, but also ecstatic of him giving this chance, grabs the doorknob and salutes him.]

Moxxie: Yooou GOT IT, SIR!

''[Moxxie closes the door behind him, his face full of sunshine and excitement. He was so excited about this job that his small little iris in his pupils expands out with stars gleaming bright shine. The scene switches back to the demon client camp counselor and Millie as Moxxie returns with new conference and leans against the desk.]''

Moxxie: We'll take the case! *jabs a thumb to himself* And I'll be handling this investigation, personally.

[Millie looks on at Moxxie with concern and hesitation of her husband.]

Millie: Honey, are you sure? *gestures to the boss' door* What about Blitzo?

Moxxie: Honey, honey, please. *postures himself* Blitz put me in charge this time.

Millie: (confused) He did?!

''[Moxxie heard the disbelief coming from his wife and narrows his eyes as he looked back to her skeptically. Millie realized her mistake and then corrects her attitude to make her husband feel better.]''

Millie: Oh! I mean, He... he did!

Moxxie: Right! And this is going to be the *swipes his hand across* cleanest, most *fist down* well-prepped, most surgical hit we've ever had! Don't worry sir! *points at the demon client* We'll find your killer, and give him what's coming to him.

[Moxxie had second thoughts of who the targeted killer might be and thinks for a while before he corrects himself.]

Moxxie: And/or her... *pause* Or they... *pointing back at the client*

''[The scene comes back to Blitzo's office, and after so many fruitless search, he is still searching for his sister. He checks on Barbie's profile of her social media profile, where she has not made any effort to improve her profile.]''

Blitzo: Why the fuck wouldn't she tell you where she was going? *scene change to Blitzo* I mean, did you even ask-

[Blitzo's phone started to vibrate, indicating another call.]

Blitzo: Wait hold on, I'm getting another call... answers a call* Hellooooooo? (noise) Oh, good! Did you find- (noise) Really, where? (noise) Thanks, and I promise if we ever get a contract on your children, we'll make it quick and painless, byyyye! *ends the call*

''[Blitzo puts his phone away and then starts running out of his office, unknowingly running pass Moxxie and Millie with a police investigation board on the wall that has red strings all over the place that it even extends out of the board. Moxxie was way over his head with the investigation that Millie finds the whole thing to be obnoxious.]''

Millie: Mox... Are you sure this isn't a little... much?

Moxxie: It's my first lead, Mills. *waves*It has to be... perfect.

[Moxxie turns back to the investigation board.]

Moxxie: Now, in front of you, you'll find a comprehensive guide to your cover persona. *slams the board* Memorize it. We've got a lot of work to do.

''[The scene moves to the summer camp called Camp Ivannakummore, where children can be seen laughing and playing in the background. Across the way, three preteen girls chat on a picnic bench. Moxxie and Millie are then shown in the bushes wearing disguises. Moxxie is dressed as a "human" girl while Millie is dressed as a "human" boy.]''

Moxxie: *fixing his tube top* Okay, Millie, one last time for safety. (in a girly voice) I’m Moxxine, the hottest, most popular girl at my school, and you are?

Millie: (in a guy voice) Your brother, Millerd, I like sports and *thrusts hips* fuckin' bitches!

Moxxie: Hm, you know these kids are a bit younger than I was expecting *putting a hand to the side of his face* maybe lose that last part.

Millie: (in a manly voice) Check!

Moxxie: Alright, (in a girly voice) I think we are ready.

Millie: Hey, Mox!

Millie: Check out that shady-lookin' fella over there. I think that's our guy.

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) Ahem, Millie... I hardly think pointing out the first guy you see is the proper way to conduct a-

Millie: (looks through binoculars) No, that's definitely him. That bag's full of money, and drugs, and what looks like a drill one would use to poke holes in a boat.

Moxxie: But- but that's all circumstantial at best! (in a girly voice) We need to methodically eliminate all suspects until we can be sure.

Millie: Now he's looking around and headed into that locked boathouse we heard about. That would be the perfect place to- (she notices Moxxie looking upset) Fine, Mox. We'll do it your way.

Moxxie: With my sleuthing skills and your killer eye, we should have this wrapped up in no time. Now, (in a girly voice) we just have to find the kids with the most influence. (he spots three girls at a picnic table, and adjusts his top) Oh... target, acquired. (he goes off as a volleyball rolls by Millie and she picks it up)

Background Boy: (o.s.) hey! (Millie looks over to see kids playing volleyball)

Girl: Hey! (Millie walks off to join them)

[Over at the picnic table with the three preteen girls, one girl is talking, one of them is chewing gum and watching something on her phone and the other is listening to her friend's story]

Preteen Girl 1: So he snorted a whole line of ground-up mints, and tried to convince us he was high. Can you EVEN believe him?

[Suddenly Moxxie approaches laughing obnoxiously and trying to fit in]

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh that Derek! What a riot! Riiiiiiiiiight?

Preteen Girl 1: Um, who the fuck are you?

Moxxie: (in a girly voice) I’m Moxxine, I’m the prettiest girl at my school. And all the boys want me. My favorite coloooooor is hot pink. Because normal pink is sooooooooooo (crosses arms in an x motion) Basic. I like horses, puppies, fast cars, jewelry. And I got my first period last year. And it was SOOOO HEAVY! (Moxxie makes his way over to the picnic table and sits down) I guess I’m just more mature than your typical preteen. So, you wanna be frieeeeeeends?

[a beat as the girls stare at him]

Preteen Girl 1: The fuck is wrong with your legs?

Moxxie: (taken aback) Wha- Um Oh! um-uh....I was in an accident?

Preteen Girl 2: The same accident that fucked up your skin? You look like you spent three years in a tanning bed.

Moxxie: It's uhhhhh....Natural?

Preteen Girl 1: Ahah! Yeah, you wish. That botch job looks like it cost five bucks in an alley behind Walmart

Preteen Girl 2: (stands up) Get lost you fucking freak!

[Moxxie stands up, obviously hurt and turns to the girls]

Moxxie: But I-eeeh....

[The girls all stand up and point in the direction for him to leave]