Exes and Oohs/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Exes and Oohs". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The scene opens with an exterior shot of I.M.P Headquarters. Cut to the inside of the office with Moxxie holding his signature mug and Loona texting on her phone. Moxxie looks around.]''

Moxxie: *softly claps twice* You know, I checked the scale today. *inhales And it said I lost two pounds this week.

[Loona looks at Moxxie, then rolls her eyes back to her phone, much to his annoyance.]

Moxxie: I. Am not. FAT!

[Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie as she stomps around the office, mumbling angrily.]

Millie: *mumbling angrily* Ooh! Such a fucking asshole! That little motherfucker. I just wanna take my finger up and shove it up his fuckin' little thing!

''[Upon coming up to the table, Millie slams her coffee cup on the it disturbing Loona. Millie then passes Loona and hits a button titled "Nut button!!" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying, "Hi! I'm a Hooman!" then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Moxxie looks at her, disturbed.]''

Moxxie: Millie, honey. Is everything okay?

[Millie hisses back at Moxxie in response, disturbing him even more, but she manages to calm down.]

Millie: Yeah. Just...bumped into an ex. *tail twitches*

Moxxie: Oh! Oh...

Millie: *retracts knife* He just kept going on about how he has money now, "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."

Moxxie: Wait, what?

Millie: *raises voice* Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it! I just need to—

''[Millie punches the filing cabinet beside her in frustration. Blitzo enters the room on his phone shortly after.]''

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned—

[He holds up a photo of two imps making out in horse suits.]

Moxxie: What is this?

Blitzo: Uh, research! For science! Just put it back correctly, okay? Alphabetize them.

[He walks back into his office.]

Blitzo: Okay, so let me get this straight: you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

[Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.]

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Uh, you want us killing someone in Hell. 'Cause I got to tell ya, that ain't exactly our business anymore.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. *smokes cigar* It's regarding a business venture I'm sure will be very worth (through the phone) your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. *chuckles* Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already (through the phone) been taken care of.

''[Blitzo peeks through the office blinds and notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the office Moxxie and Millie are in to find the helicopter before the main window.]''

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

''[The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall. Loona looks on without a word.]''

Blitzo: Satan's ass crack! Enough with the walls shit, we have a door!

[With the damaged walls, a wind gusts through the office and distributes all the photos Blitzo had been saving across the town.]

Blitzo: My research!

''[Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one is crying, and the other is vomiting from the result. The helicopter approaches Blitz, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.]''

Pilot: I.M.P? Right this way, please!

Moxxie: Uh, sir?

[Moxxie points a gun toward the pilot, while Millie holds her knife out.]

Moxxie: What's going on?

Blitzo: Now, don't worry! It's just some fancy shmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie walk toward the helicopter.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir? I don't think this is a good idea.

Blitzo: It'll be fine. Now, get your asses moving.

[Blitzo pushes Moxxie and Millie into the helicopter, and as she tries to buckle herself in, Millie notices her seatbelt is broken.]

Millie: Is this thing safe?

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

''[The pilots proceed to take out a huge chunk of a wall as they fly off. Later, the same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring as they fly over Loo Loo Land, which is going under reconstruction, along with other carnage as they fly over a sign reading, "Welcome to Notamafia Town; No mafia here! We're Mafia-free!"]''

Moxxie: *disdained groan* I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh, yeah. This is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Moxxie: Yeah, unfortunately. I grew up just over there *points through glass*, swore I'd never come back, and— uh uh— what— what, where are we going?

[The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.]

Moxxie: What— Blitzo, who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

[The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.]

Moxxie: Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

''[The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.]''

Client: (off-screen) There he is!

[The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen.]

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and give your daddy a hug!

Blitzo and Millie: "Daddy"?

Client: I only let Moxxie call me that unless you pay me! *laughs

Moxxie: Guys, um, *clears throat nervously* this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitzo. And my—

Millie: -Millie! I'm his wife!

[Millie takes her hand to greet Crimson as he accepts.]

Crimson: And what a beautiful wife you are. *kisses Millie's hand* Mox, where have you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Millie: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure. You got to be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? *turns to Moxxie* What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

Crimson: No, no! From all over. Looks like you're building a name for yourself here, kid.

Blitzo: Really? *chuckles* Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Crimson: *cracks up* I like your attitude. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for you.

Millie: Hey, baby. Why haven't I met your Pa before?

Moxxie: *nervously* Well uh, y'know, i-it's just, never been a—

Crimson: Hey! You two, move it before it gets cold.

Moxxie: Look, look, Millie, w-we can talk about it later.

''[Millie takes Moxxie's hand and both enter the house with Blitzo. Crimson's smile fades then he snaps his fingers and enters the house. The two men standing at the door follow him inside, closing the door behind them. Inside, Crimson prepares a drink for Blitzo.]''

Crimson: So, Blitzo, ya always been a hitman?

Blitzo: No, no, not always. Yeah, *takes the drink from Crimson* I was in the circus for a long time.

Crimson: *finger guns* Show business! *sits down* Good money in that.

[Everyone sits in the room in an awkward silence.]

Moxxie: *looks over to Blitzo* What are we doing here... *then, to his dad* sir?

Crimson: *rolls eyes* Moxxie, I raised you better than that. *lights cigar* Ya know there's no business before dinner. Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.

[Suddenly, the last guest kicks his way into the house, making an entrance.]

Guest: Woo-hoo-hoo, what is up, party people?!

Millie and Moxxie: Chaz?! (to each other) Wait, what?

Moxxie: You know him?

Millie: *groans and slaps forehead* You remember that "ex" I was talking about?

[Chaz walks over and hugs Moxxie and Millie.]

Chaz: Looks like I got two big sex reunions today. (singsong voice) How lucky am I?

Millie: (surprised) Did you date him too?

Chaz: Ha, yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I'm in—

Blitzo: (angrily) Are you fucking kidding me?! There's someone who's fucked both of you?

[Moxxie pushes Chaz's arms off of himself and Millie.]

Moxxie: (bitterly) It was a long time ago.

Chaz: But, I still remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso! Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle! It was like (fondly) it was written in the stars.

Blitzo: Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich.

''[Blitzo then notices all of the items in the room to back up Chaz's claim: A photo of Crimson and a mob boss, the many trophies of hellbeasts hanging on the wall, and a framed family painting of Crimson, a younger Moxxie, and Moxxie's mother, as if posing like a mob family, hanging over the fireplace. Blitzo hears a knock on the door and looks, just in time for Crimson's goons to enter carrying a body bag.]''

Blitzo: Oh... shit.

Millie: (concerned) You've never told me this before.

Moxxie: I-I don't really like to talk about this part of my life. But, (dramatically) I first saw Chaz at my induction.

''[Flashback to Moxxie's time in the mob. Moxxie gets a handshake and a kiss from Crimson, welcoming him into the business. Moxxie looks around the room and stops upon seeing Chaz grinning and applauding at him. Moxxie blushes at the attention Chaz is giving him.]''

Moxxie: (voiceover) in the family. Our eyes met from across the room. And there was just something about him. Something that was magnetic!

''[Moxxie finds himself hiding behind a car in the middle of a mob turf war. He throws away the Tommy gun and pulls out a grenade, but it slips out of his hands before he can pull the pin. Moxxie runs after it and catches it the same moment that Chaz grabs it, touching his hand. Both share a smile before Moxxie picks up the grenade, pulls the pin, and throws it away. Chaz and Moxxie stare fondly at each other as the grenade explodes in the distance, the smoke forming the shape of a heart.]''

''[The scene switches over to Moxxie greeting Chaz at the door. Chaz is holding signs that he lets fall from his hands. The signs say "TELL YOUR DAD IT'S A SALESMAN" "I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU" and "MOKSIE, WILL YOU BONE WITH ME?" Moxxie blushes fondly and lets Chaz in.]''

''[Another scene has Moxxie polishing a rifle when Chaz comes up from behind and assists. Moxxie grows aroused by the interaction.]''

[In another scene, Moxxie poses nude, except for a necklace and his socks, on the couch while Chaz paints him before the flashback fades back to the present.]

Moxxie: It's been 84 years...

Blitzo: (confused) Isn't that from that boat movie?

Millie: (skeptical) Did any of that stuff actually happen?

Chaz: Oh, yeah! *licks lips* But, he skipped over the jizz-covered parts.

Moxxie: Anyway. Things changed when we went on a heist together.

''[Flashback to the heist, Moxxie, carrying a bag of money, is running with Chaz to the exit as the security gate begins to drop. Moxxie throws the money out of the bank and catches the gate with his shoulders to give Chaz time to slide under. Moxxie tries to escape but his leg and tail are caught under the gate when it drops to the floor.]''

''[After struggling to get out he turns to Chaz for help. Chaz suddenly hears the police sirens and grabs the money, giving Moxxie a final look before running off, leaving a betrayed Moxxie devastated and in tears. Moxxie is thrown inside a jail cell. He sadly climbs into the bottom bunk of the bed.]''

Cellmate: So, what're you in for?

''[Moxxie quietly pulls his tail closer to him. His cellmate, Blitz, is lying on the top bunk.]''

Blitzo: Okay, not much of a talker, are you? *hops down and shakes Moxxie's hand* I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office-

[Moxxie attempts to speak.]

Blitzo: -and I hope you are 'cuz I got a plan to get us out of this dump but I'm going to need some help, you think you can give me a hand? I need to get out to my daughter. The babysitter will kill me if I don't get back soon. Do you like kids? 'Cause lemme tell 'ya. They're a-fucking-dorable.

''[Moxxie tearfully smiles as Blitzo continues talking about his escape plan. The scene returns to the present day.]''

Moxxie: Once I got out, I never looked back.

''[Blitzo sits worriedly as Millie glares and growls viciously toward a nervous-looking Chaz. Crimson frowns in his chair.]''

Chaz: Well, heh, as you said, it was a long time ago. *chuckles nervously*

Millie: *foaming at the mouth; furiously* I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

[''Millie leaps onto the top of the couch, missing Chaz as her knife pierces through the fabric. Chaz hides behind Crimson's chair.'']

Chaz: Whoa, the fuck- Crazy bitch!

[Millie tries to lunge at Chaz again but is intercepted by Moxxie and Blitz, Crimson stands in between I.M.P and Chaz as Millie holds up her knife.]

Crimson: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY! Hold on!

Millie: (to Chaz) You're going to die, bitch!

[The maid enters the room.]

Maid: (French accent) Dinner is served.

''[Everyone is seated in the dining room. Millie is viciously cutting through her food and glaring at Chaz, but the room is completely silent.]''

Blitzo: So, this is aggressively uncomfortable.

Crimson: I suppose you want to know why you're here.

Blitzo: Yeah, so what gives? You know we kill people on Earth, right? We don't usually do contracts for locals. So, if you want to do business with us, you got to—.

Crimson: I don't want to do business with I-M-P, I want to do business with Moxxie.

Moxxie: *stops cutting his food* ME?!

Crimson: Yeah, kid. I only summoned I.M.P to be sure you'd show. Because, well, we're bringin' Chaz into the family.

[Chaz smirks while raising his eyebrows.]

Moxxie: What? Since when can just anyone join the family?

Crimson: Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that (bitterly) I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.

Moxxie: Wait, I thought you always hated his guts.

Crimson: (Chaz looks confused) Well, I didn't exactly 'hated' him.

Moxxie: You called him a "friendless horse-fucker" and said he lived a "sissy lifestyle".

Crimson: Yeah, well, I was wrong. You've been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change. And so has Chaz.

Chaz: Yeah. I've grown, matured, and, recently, came into millions! (shifty eyes) But, y'know, mostly the "mature" thing.

Blitzo: Oh, okay, okay. So the "horseless friend-fucker" over here gets a little moolah and suddenly, it's worth wasting our time over?

Chaz: Well, I'm the whole "package" if you know what I mean.

[I.M.P is speechless.]

Chaz: (confidently) I got a big dick.

Millie: (annoyed) But, what does any of this hafta do with Moxxie?

Crimson: *sets down utensils* There's going to be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to (bitterly) ignoring your family to your heart's content.

Millie: *stands up* Maybe he wouldn't "ignore his family" if they didn't force him to rub elbows with a no-good, shark-toothed FUCK FACE!

''[Chaz grins at Millie. Millie points a knife at his neck, threateningly.]''

Crimson: Ey, look. Everybody, relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don't you stay here and get some rest? We'll have the ceremony tomorrow and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared.

Moxxie: (Millie is about to object.) Yes, sir.

Millie: Mox?

[I.M.P and Chaz begin to leave the room.]

Crimson: A moment, Moxxie.

Moxxie: Just give me a minute, Millie. I'll be there.

''[Millie looks on with worry as Moxxie steps back inside the dining room. Chaz tries to lean into Millie but jumps back when Millie growls and tries to bite him. The goons close the door behind them as they leave, leaving Moxxie alone with Crimson.]''

Crimson: So... you think you're too good for this family now?

Moxxie: What?

Crimson: *sternly* C'mere.

[Moxxie approaches his father.]

Moxxie: I-I don't understand.

[Crimson stands up and backhands Moxxie in the face, knocking him down.]

Crimson: (angrily) You think you'll just walk away from this family and never come back? You're dead wrong, Mox! [*grabs Moxxi* As a matter of fact, the only thing you're right about is that obnoxious piss-stain can't get made. Not unless he marries in!

Moxxie: "Marries?" But, but who would marry—?

Crimson: Who do you think? *lets go of Moxxie and sits back down* This family needs that money and it's about time your pathetic-ass was useful for something!

Moxxie: Sir, I'm already married. I-I can't-

Crimson: You think I give a shit about your stupid beard? C'mon Mox, I even went through the trouble of makin' the house more to your kind's liking.

''[Crimson presses a button on the table and bouncing dildos appear from the dining chairs, the walls, replacing the framed severed body parts, vases, and even behind a potted plant in the corner. A party ball hanging from the ceiling opens, pouring out confetti, revealing a banner that says "CONGRATS, GAY" and a trumpet fanfare.]''

Moxxie: Wait, what? What do you think I'm into?

Crimson: What? This is the kind of shit gays like, right?

Moxxie: Okay, first off - Dad, I'm bisexual.

Crimson: *shrugs* Yeah. Gay.

Moxxie: Oh, for fuck's sake! Secondly, *holds out a hand to block a dildo from hitting his face* I don't know a single person of any sexuality who would enjoy this.

Blitzo: (from the hallway) Ha! There're dicks on the walls! *Moxxie frowns in response* Oh, that is fucking hilarious!

Crimson: *grabs Moxxie by the face* Look at me, kid. One way or another, you're going to do what I fucking say. Don't cross me.

''[Moxxie reflects on his childhood. A child Moxxie was struggling to cut his steak at the dinner table. His mother gently takes the plate and cuts the steak for him. She smiles sweetly at Moxxie and he smiles back at her. Crimson glares at Moxxie. Moxxie takes the plate and begins eating his dinner. Crimson then glares at his wife, nudging her foot with his. She quickly pulls her leg away from Crimson, now sitting more properly. Crimson stomps his foot.]''

''[Another memory shows Moxxie shooting three bullseyes in the shooting range. His mother ruffles his head proudly. Suddenly a goon grabs Moxxie and rushes him away from his mother and toward another shooting range.]''

''[Two goons prep a live target as Crimson hands Moxxie a real gun and point to it. Moxxie slowly takes aim but his mother takes the gun out of his hands and pushes it into Crimson's hands before grabbing her son and walking away. Crimson glares at the disrespect.]''

''[Moxxie now hides underneath the bed as his parents argue. A slap is heard and his mother walks out of the room. Later, only Crimson and Moxxie are at the dinner table. Moxxie struggles to cut his steak and then looks at his father. Crimson glares at Moxxie, who then goes back to trying to cut his food. Crimson takes a drag from his cigar and blows the smoke in Moxxie's face.]''

''[Later on, Crimson and Moxxie take a boat ride on the lake with a passenger. Crimson places a cinderblock that the passenger's tail is tied to on the side of the boat over the edge and gestures for Moxxie to push it. Moxxie looks at the cinderblock, then the pleading passenger, and backs away only for Crimson to push him back into the cinderblock.]''

''[Teary-eyed, Moxxie takes one last look at the passenger while pushing the cinderblock overboard, sending the victim into the lake with it. Moxxie watches as the air bubbles fade. Crimson preps another body over the side of the boat.]''

Crimson: (flashback) Let this be a lesson, Moxxie.

[Crimson gestures to the lake, filled with hats, bags, shoes, and light articles that belonged to previous victims thrown into the water.]

Crimson: (flashback) This is what happens when you cross me.

''[A high heel that resembles the ones Moxxie's mother wore floats to the surface. The scene returns to the present day.]''

Crimson: Now, get to bed Moxxie. You have a big day tomorrow.

[Crimson lets go of Moxxie.]

Moxxie: (fearfully) Yes, sir.

Crimson: Oh, and Mox? You ever talk back to me again, (Moxxie backs up to the door) you and that pretty little thang you brought here are goin' home in boxes. Capiche?

Moxxie: Yes, sir.

[''Moxxie quickly finds the doorknob and steps out of the room, leaving Crimson alone in the dining room covered with bouncing dildos. Moxxie walks up the stairs, shaken and Millie is standing at her bedroom door. A goon gestures for Moxxie to go into a different room'']

Millie: Wait? How come we aren't in-

Alessio: Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms.

Millie: But, wha... Moxxie?

[Millie grabs Moxxie's hand.]

Moxxie: It's just one night, Millie. It's ok.

Millie: Mox, are you ok?

Moxxie: I'm fine please don't worry sweetie.

Millie: You know you can tell me anything. Right?

Moxxie: Yes, everything's fine.

Millie: We're partners, Mox.

Moxxie: It's just my dad. It's okay, really. *kisses her hand* it'll be over tomorrow.

Millie: Ok, I love you.

[She softly kisses Moxxie.]

Moxxie: I love you, too. Goodnight.

[Moxxie opens his bedroom to see many framed pictures of Chaz on the wall.]

Moxxie: What the? *facepalms* Fucking why?

''[He snarls, walks into the bathroom, and washes his face with cold water. He glumly leaves the bathroom and goes to turn off the lights. When he hits the switch Chaz pops up on a heart-shaped bed.]''

Chaz: Like what I've done with the place?

Moxxie: Ugh. Just get out of here!

Chaz: Come on, Mox.

[He pulls on a switch which lights up the words "Cum Zone".]

Chaz: We used to have so much fun here. Remember? *puts his arm around Moxxie*

Moxxie: *pushes him off* I'm married, Chaz. And, even if I weren't, I would never.

Chaz: Never what? Let me take you to cum town again?

Moxxie: You are so gross! Just leave me alone!

Chaz: I know what you want most Moxxie Poxxie *spins Moxxie around* How about a sexually charged musical number, heyyyy!

[Chaz holds a button on the wall down with the side of his fist."]

Chaz: You always loved those.

''[Chaz moves his hand off the button, showing it to be labeled "SEXTREMELY HAWT SEX MUSIC", which makes a disco ball come down and changes the lighting to be more of cyan and magenta hue. Chaz begins to sing "Chaz Time".]''

Ow!

Woah-oh, hoo, woah-oh, yeah-yeah!

It's Chaz time!

Moxxie, I see you lookin' at me, lookin' at you

Wondering when I'm gonna crack you open like a walnut

And the answer is soon (Walnut)

[Chaz blows smoke from his vape into Moxxie's face.]

Now, I'm feelin' what you're feelin' and I'm feelin' that you wanna feel my feelings

And fee- the feel- you feel me? (Sax-o-phone)

Yeah, so let me get a little something off my chest, while I blow a hot emotional load onto yours

Moxxie, feeling foxy

Wanna get a good taste of your boxy

Well, I got two tickets to pleasure land (Oh, baby)

[Moxxie facepalms.]

Well, come down here and have your way, yeah-yeah (You want me)

[Moxxie quickly turns away and shields his vision with his hand.]

With my sensual body yeah-yeah, yeah (So naughty)

''[Moxxie kicks him out and slams the door on him. Moxxie then crouches down on the floor behind the door and starts to heavily sob. We cut to Millie's room where she is anxiously pacing back and forth. There is a knock on the door.]''

Millie: (relieved) Moxxie?

[She opens the door and sees it's Chaz.]

Millie: (angrily) What do you want?

''[Chaz starts to sing to Millie before being immediately cut off by her. She growls at him and puts her knife to his throat.]''

Chaz: (annoyed) Damn it, this usually works.

''[Millie drops Chaz to the floor and angrily closes the door on him. Chaz gets up and waggles his eyebrows to the camera and then knocks on Blitzo's door.]''

Chaz: Hey there, good-looking.

Blitzo: Oh, I was wondering how long it would take you to make a pass.

Chaz: Oh, does that mean you're down to clown?

Blitzo: Ew, what the- Do you think I would violate my friend's trust by sleeping with their ex, especially one who fucked them over the way you did?

Chaz: I'll show you all of the things they liked in the sack.

Blitzo: Deal! *pulls Chaz in*

[The camera pans over to Moxxie where he is lying on his side in bed, awake, his eyes wide open.]

Blitzo: (off-screen) Augh... chill the fuck out! *groans in pain*

Chaz: (off-screen) Who-ho-ho! That's what my dick does to a bitch!

''[Moxxie turns onto his stomach and pulls out his phone. He goes on to his social media and looks at pictures of himself and Millie, they show: a younger Moxxie and Millie on a date; Moxxie and Millie in bed; Moxxie and Millie at the theatre holding up Phantom of the Opera programs, Moxxie has tears in his eyes indicating how much he loved the performance, and Moxxie and Millie at their wedding, kissing.]''

''[Moxxie starts to cry again, he then growls knowing that he must stand up to his father. We cut back to Blitzo and Chaz in bed. Chaz is asleep and snoring.]''

Chaz: *sleeptalkingOh, I got a big dick.

[Blitzo tiptoes out of bed, picks up Chaz's jacket, and puts it on.]

Blitzo: Okay, fucker, nobody who's that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. I know you gotta be hiding something...

''[Blitzo checks Chaz's clothing until he finds his car keys. He smiles, sneaks outside the mansion, and clicks the car keys until he locates Chaz's car. He looks in the dashboard and finds an eviction notice, showing that Chaz is broke and has lied to Crimson about his millions. Blitzo then looks in the trunk and finds a to-do list that shows that Chaz is planning to marry Moxxie to inherit the Knowlastname's family fortune.]''

Blitzo: Oh, fuck that! No one fucks with M&M's marriage but me!

''[Blitzo is tranquilized through the neck. He groans and falls unconscious into the trunk as Chaz shuts him in.]''

Chaz: Sorry, babe, you're not the only junk in my trunk! *realizes* Damn it, that was not a good one!

''[The next next day. Alessio is filling Crimson's mug with coffee. Chaz goes to sit in a seat with another filled mug of coffee, but Crimson gestures him to sit at the other side of the table. Moxxie and Millie walk in.]''

Crimson: Hey, hey! The man of the hour. You ready to get started?

Millie: Wait, where's Blitzo?

Chaz: I think I saw him head outside he said something about *trying and failing to mimic Blitzo's voice* needing some fresh air. (back to normal) Or something. Pfft.

Crimson: Why don't you grab him so we can get moving?

Millie: Be right back, baby.

[She kisses Moxxie on the cheek and leaves.]

Crimson: What ya looking so glum for, kid? It's your wedding day, the best day of ya life.

Moxxie: *sits down* I'm not doing it.

Crimson: What was that? I couldn't make it out over the sound of you being a whiny bitch.

Moxxie: *slams the table with both hands* I said I'm not doing it, sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve, and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her. Not even you. I'm leaving, Dad! And if you or Herpes the Clown over here—

Chaz: (offended) Hey!

Moxxie: Try to stop me, you'll learn firsthand just how good I've gotten at my job.

''[Moxxie is face-to-face with Crimson now. Alessio comes from behind him and tases Moxxie in the neck. Moxxie groans and falls forward unconscious. He hits his head on the table and then falls to the floor.]''

Crimson: Now, take care of the others.

''[The scene cuts to Millie searching the carpark outside Crimson's mansion, confused and worried as she hasn't found Blitzo. She hears a bang coming from Chaz's trunk and opens it with her knife to see Blitzo dazed inside, still a little out of it.]''

Blitzo: *groggily* Oh, Millie, you found me. Who's your friend?

Millie: Friend?

''[She senses two goons attempting to grab her. She stabs one with her knife and beheads the other using the trunk door.]''

''[The scene cuts to the back garden where a makeshift wedding is set up. Crim has Moxxie in a wedding dress with his hands bound behind his back with rope and his mouth gagged with duct tape.]''

Elder Jaws: Is everyone here?

Crimson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. Let's get this thing rolling, ey?

Moxxie: (mouth behind duct tape) Mmmph!

Chaz: Awww, you told me all the chairs would be filled!

[Crimson sighs and presses a button which causes dildos with smiley faces in tuxedos to pop out of all of the seats, including the two that has goons sitting on them.]

Crimson: Satisfied?

Chaz: Oh, fuck yes!

''[Cut back to the car park. Millie pulls Blitzo out of the trunk, holding him up to support him.]''

Millie: What's goin' on?

Blitzo: *groggily* That seductive dick-hole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he's not even rich!

Millie: *panicked* Moxxie!

''[Millie runs to the front door. Suddenly metal shutters block off all doors and exit the house, including the front gate to the estate. We cut back to the wedding.]''

Elder Jaws: Do you, Chazwick Thurman, take Moxxie Knolastname to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Moxxie: (muffled behind the gag) No! No! No! Let me go! Please let me go!

Chaz: Oh, yeah.

Elder Jaws: And do you, Moxxie... whatever, take Chazwick Thurman to be your lawfully wedded-- Uh...

Moxxie: (muffled behind the gag) Millie! Millie!

[Moxxie tries to pull away and almost escapes until Crimson pulls him back.]

[Crimson forces Moxxie to face the priest and forcibly nods his head.]

Crimson: Look at that! He's just so fucking happy to be here!

[Back outside.]

Millie: *panicking* Everything's locked down! How are we gonna get in?

''[Blitzo feels around the jacket until he finds Chaz's keys. He grabs Millie and pulls her to his car and opens the door to climb in the driver's seat. Millie then goes into the passenger seat. Blitzo turns the car and its radio on, which begins to immediately play "Loo Loo Land" on the Mammon Channel™, to which he stops putting his seat belt on to find a different song, which then cycles to Station 69 which is playing "Vacay to Bonetown". Blitzo keeps changing the channel until he gets to Wrath's #1 "F*ck you up" Hits, which begins to play "Crashin' a muthafukin' Wedding".]''

Blitzo: Buckle up, Millie... we're doing a Shrek!

[Blitzo crashes the car through the wall to the wedding scene and steps out dazed.]

Blitzo: *groggily* I object! *faceplants on the ground*

Millie: You want my husband, you're going to have to fucking kill me!

''[Crimson groans and snaps his fingers, ordering his goons to kill Millie. The goons all stand up to face her and Millie lunges toward them. She begins slaughtering the goons with ease, tearing out the skull, jaw, and spinal column of different goons, and spits out the still-beating heart of another. Millie then begins fighting off four other goons with her knife.]''

Crimson: (angrily) What the FUCK? She's a dame!

[He spots a goon hanging from the altar in a noose made from another's intestines and throws him towards Millie.]

Crimson: She's a BROAD! Kill her!

[He sees the goon he just threw at Millie get chopped into bits of sushi before another goon thrown by her lands on top of him.]

[Millie continues her rampage and impales several goons on the dildo poles.]

Crimson: You frigging goons! What the fuck is the matter with you? Why do I pay you!? Get her! You stupid idiots! Go get 'er!

''[Millie kicks a dildo into a goon's gun, blocking the barrel and causing it to explode. After impaling another goon, she gets knocked with a chair and goes flying into the cracked windshield of Chaz's car. Blitzo yells and takes a poor swing at hitting the goon before Millie recovers and beats a goon with a gas can. She then uses Blitzo as a saber, slicing an incoming goon apart with the latter's horns and takes the goon's pistol, and detonates the goon holding the gas can.]''

[The priest puts his book down and puts both his hands up and quickly leaves, flipping off everyone still alive.]

''[One of the few surviving goons get elbow dropped in the skull by Millie, killing the goon who was placed inside the former's jaws. Then Millie ties the goon up behind Chaz's car and gets dragged throughout the venue before Millie brings the car to a halt, crushing the goon's skull.]''

''[As Millie leaves the car and angrily approaches the alter, a goon tries to suckerpunch her, but Millie knocks him out. She whips her tail and glares daggers at Crimson, who begrudgingly allows her to take Moxxie. She grabs Moxxie and hoists him over her shoulder.]''

Chaz: Hey! What about my—?!

[Millie shoves a dildo down his throat.]

Millie: This ass is MINE!

[She slaps Moxxie's rear, causing him to blush slightly.]

Blitzo: By the way, y'all should probably know, Chaz isn't even rich, okay? Check his car, (Crimson's eyes slightly widen) he just played you like a fucking rube. Later, losers! *flips them the bird*

''[I.M.P hop the destroyed fence and takes a waiting helicopter while throwing Chaz's car keys on the ground. The helicopter flies away with a banner saying "WE'RE Married BITCH" over the original words "Got Married" using blood and extra taped fabric. While Chaz is trying to dislodge the dildo, Crimson slowly turns to glare at him.]''

[Chaz pulls the dildo out of his mouth and sees an angry Crimson glaring at him, nervously shrugging.]

Chaz: (nervously) Ehh...heh, heh, heh.

[Cut back to I.M.P where the helicopter arrives; Loona not having moved an inch from her chair, quickly glances at the camera, and gives an angry shrug.]

''[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie disembark the helicopter, which quickly crashes. Moxxie hugs Millie.]''

Moxxie: Millie, thank you for saving me. You're amazing.

Millie: *smiles* Next time, just tell me if your dad is a psychopath - I can handle it.

Blitzo: Well, I'm glad everything ended up okay. Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox. *Ruffles Moxxie's hair* Also, I got to plow your ex-boyfriend; isn't that great? Now we ALL fucked the same guy. *hugs Moxxie and Millie tightly*

''[Scene cuts back to Crimson's mansion. Where the mafia boss goes into the dining room where his trophy wall is located and places the torn-out jaw of Chaz, implying that he ordered the latter's death for lying to him. Crimson then growls and throws a dagger at his family portrait, the knife landing squarely on a young Moxxie's forehead.]''