Alastor/Quotes

This is a transcribed copy of iconic quotes by Alastor. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the respective episodes.

Hazbin Hotel pilot
"He-llo!"

- Alastor, to Charlie, when she shuts and reopens the door to him

"Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on the picture show and I just couldn't resist. What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929, hahaha.... So many orphans."

- Alastor, regarding Charlie's performance

"Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, (voice becomes distorted) I would have done so already."

- Alastor, to Vaggie

"Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No, no, no, no. I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done!"

- Alastor to Charlie, about redeeming the sinners

"Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom!"

- Alastor, to Charlie and Vaggie

"Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip, and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure."

- Alastor, explaining why he wants to help

"It's the purest kind, my dear. Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage, and a stage is a world of entertainment."

- Alastor, about Charlie's fight with Killjoy

"So it’s a deal then?"

- Alastor, attempting to make a deal with Charlie

"Smile, my dear! You know, you're never fully dressed without one!"

- Alastor, after seeing Vaggie frown

"Hah! No!"

- Alastor, denying Angel's offer of a blowjob

"Do I know you?"

- Alastor, to Sir Pentious

"Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?"

- Alastor, after defeating Sir Pentious

"Now... stay tuned."

- Alastor's last line in the Pilot

A Day in the Afterlife
"Here you go, you filthy scavengers, enjoy!"

- Alastor, feeding the carnivorous birds deviled eggs.

"Show off. All hat and no cattle!"

- Alastor, when Vox appears in the television screens

"Obnoxious...pompous......piece of shit...television."

- Alastor, walking away from the TV's with Vox's face on them.

Hazbin Hotel season 1
"Well, hello there, you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do! That's why you're in Hell. What would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!"

- Alastor, in the Hazbin Hotel commercial

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