Scrambled Eggs/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Scrambled Eggs". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [We open with a shot of Keekee asleep on the sofa, with Charlie, Vaggie and Razzle and Dazzle putting up a banner that reads "Happy first week, Sir Pentious!]

Charlie: That looks perfect! Aah! I am so excited that Sir Pentious is staying at the hotel!

Vaggie: Um...Pentious was just trying to take over the city with his weird steampunk bullshit a few days ago.

Charlie: Well, I haven't seen him try to pull any of that here.

[Sir Pentious comes in, rolling in a new machine that his Egg Boiz are sitting on]

Vaggie: What the hell is that?

Sir Pentious: Oh, hello, purple female. It's my new invention, the Skin Flayer 11,000! I'm really looking forward to shooting the other residents.

Charlie: What? Why?

Sir Pentious: Everyone is being too nice. Obviously it must be a lie. I can sense that they are planning to kill me, but when? How? I must be prepared! Ooh, the new parts of my machine are here.

''[ Odette and Clara come in, wheeling in boxes of weapons. Pentious runs over to them]''

Odette: *holds out clipboard* Sign, please.

[Sir Pentious signs the clipboard while Clara wheels in the boxes]

Odette: Thank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase. *walks out with Clara*

Vaggie: Carmine? As in Carmilla Carmine? You are buying parts from an overlord?

Sir Pentious: Uh, of course. She's the top weapons dealer in Hell.

Vaggie: Okay, well that stops right now. *takes Pentious's boxes*

Sir Pentious: Hey!

Vaggie: You absolutely cannot build weapons in this hotel. No one is trying to kill you. People are being nice because they want you to feel welcome.

Sir Pentious: Hmm...I have my doubts.

Vaggie: Well, it's true. You have to trust us.

Sir Pentious: But I don't.

Charlie: Well, why don't we focus on that for today's activities?

Vaggie: Not before we lay some ground rules. No more building weapons, no more plotting against the other guests, and you need to get rid of these things. *points at Egg Boiz*

[2 Egg Boiz, having a tug-of-war over a laser, accidentally set it off and blow a hole in the roof]

Vaggie: Oh! What did I just say? What did I just say?

Sir Pentious: What? Not my little egg boiz. *hugs Egg Boiz* They do my evil bidding for me!

Vaggie: Do you want to stay here and redeem yourself?

Sir Pentious: *narrows eyes* Yes.

Vaggie: Then no more eggs.

Sir Pentious: *with tears in his eyes* All right, eggies. You've got to go. I *sobs* can't keep you anymore!

Egg Boiz: Okay, boss. *they all follow Vaggie as she wheels Pentious' boxes away*

Sir Pentious: No, don't resist. This is how it has to be!

''[Sir Pentious begins crying as he watches his Egg Boiz walking away. Charlie, looking awkward, pats his shoulder]''

''[The scene changes to show Alastor in his room, eating a deer carcass with a knife and fork while jazz music plays in the background. Suddenly, the jazz music stops with a record-scratching sound]''

Vaggie: Alastor!

[Alastor looks surprised for a second and his eyes go from the deer carcass on the table to Vaggie]

Alastor: Do you mind? I'm in the middle of breakfast.

Vaggie: Pentious' eggs are all over the place, and I need you to get rid of them.

Alastor: *throws away knife and fork, stands up and summons microphone* Oh, well, in that case, I'd be delighted to!

Vaggie: Humanely!

Alastor: Hmm. Well, that's a lot less fun *eyes glow red and the x appears on his forehead*, but I suppose I can take care of that on my outing today. *walks out of the room*

Vaggie: Great! *looks at deer carcass* That looks disgusting.