Mammon/Quotes

This is a transcribed copy of iconic quotes by Mammon. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the respective episodes.

"MAMMON'S MAGNIFICENT MUSICAL MID-SEASON SPECIAL (ft Fizzarolli)"
"Heya, implings! How're you little [HONK] doing tonight? I hope you're ready for the best fucking show you will ever see in your shit lives!"

- Mammon, to the audience

"Right. I got tons of really fuckin' cool shit for you 'ere tonight, but first, how many of you worthless bitches wanna be big clowns like me someday?"

- Mammon, to the audience

"Well, I'm happy to announce that I will be starting up a new, yearly clown pageant! You know- Like one 'a them fucked up beauty contests But for clowns, so it's better!"

- Mammon, announcing the yearly clown pageant

"Just for all you aspiring, clown kids out there! A new chance to work with me, Mammon! And be the new face of my clown-ish brand!"

- Mammon, to the audience

"I can't wait to see all the new talent I can exploi-- Uh um... fuck. Wait, I mean enjoy uh, watching me grow my empire!"

- Mammon, to the audience

"Also, if you're a chick, maybe give up on your dreams now. Cause I'm not gonna lie: women just ain't funny."

- Mammon, about women not being funny

"ANYWAY! My plan is to find the new face of my brand, YEAH! So they gotta bring the good shit! The winner will get to be like the son I never had, and I'll be like the stepdad that will love you when it's convenient!"

- Mammon, to the audience

"You're weird, you sick fuck! And if you say it's exploitation, fuck you! It's not exploitation! If you think that then you're a dickhead."

- Mammon, about exploitation

"It's me, Mammon! And I'm here to announce the amazing new brand: Fizzie!! We got a Fizzie for every occasion! We got fluffy, toy Fizzie, fireman Fizzie, therapist Fizzie, wait in line for you Fizzie, doctor Fizzie: beeps every time it senses cancer! Fat Fizzie, skinny Fizzie, so many Fizzies! And if you wanna fuck 'em, you can! We got Fizzies for the kids, Fizzies for the teens, and Fizzies for you sick, fucking degenerate adults! We got 'em all! All based on my new face, Fizzieee!"

- Mammon, during a Robo Fizz advertisement

"Aaay, there he is! Now how's my bright, shiny, brand baby doing? Ready to reclaim your win another year? Yeah?"

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"Goooood, cause, you know, I saw your competition, and it's pretty stiff, right? You are gonna have to try extra hard like- fixin' that posture. (Fizzarolli straightens up) Not gonna lie, you're looking a bit chungo, yeah? Maybe lose a few so we don't gotta make any more adjustments to the Fizzies. People like 'em skinny as FUCK."

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"Oh? And who's this dumpster-diver ya got here with ya?"

- Mammon, when meeting Blitzo

"Riiight, yeah. You can shut your (HONK) ass mouth, boy."

- Mammon, to Blitzo

"I'll see you on stage! And don't forget to fuckin' smile Fizzarolli. The smile is the face people like to seeee froooom you!"

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"And now you [HONK], we are down to our clowny finalists. My very own pride and joy, the marketable son I never had, Fizzarolli! (crowd cheers) And the surprisingly funny women act that made me reflect on my earlier statements: The Glam Sisters! Now we're gonna have a quick meet 'n greet with our finalists..."

- Mammon, during the Clown Pageant

"Aaaw, come on Fizzie my boy. Don't you wanna do this for your fans? Listen to them, they're dying to meet you! Dying to see your little Fizzie face! You gotta make a good impression, mate. The better the impression, the more they'll want a piece of you they can take home and fuck! Don't you want that, Fizzie? To be fucked?!"

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"Tell you what: I'll let the hotties go on before ya, give ya some time to get your shit together. Get your shit together, Fizzie. You're a bloody legend. You're a bloody legend, ya bitch!"

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"Uuuh- D-Don't worry, folks. I-I'm sure Fizzarolli will be out soon with a grand fucking performance."

- Mammon, to the audience

"WHAT?! QUIT? You miserable piece of shit! What do you mean quit?"

- Mammon, when Fizzarolli announces he quits

"You FUCKING UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT!"

- Mammon, when he transforms

"I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING! YOU'RE PRACTICALLY IN MY IMAGE! I RAISED YOU LIKE THE SON I DIDN'T WANT!"

- Mammon, to Fizzarolli

"Ha-ha, hooo. Look who's acting like a big fuckin' hero. Careful what you say, Ozzie. Wouldn't want your little secret getting out, would we?"

- Mammon, to Asmodeus

"Because if you let him quit, I could tell everyone here that you-"

- Mammon, threatening Asmodeus

"Oh... uh, shit, ah, you dirty bitch."

- Mammon, after Asmodeus admits his feelings for Fizzarolli

"You are gonna regret revealing that, Ozz."

- Mammon, to Asmodeus