Lucifer Morningstar/Quotes

This is a transcribed copy of iconic quotes by Lucifer Morningstar. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the respective episodes.

"Dad Beat Dad"
"That's it. Almost there. Now presenting... the magic-tastical back flipping rubber duck! Haha! That spits fire! Hoo hoo hoo! Hold the applause please, okay. Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh god, who am I kidding? This sucks."

- Lucifer, after making his rubber duck

"Daughter? Daughter! Daughter calling?! OH! Uhm uh, uh hello, Charlie. He-ey, hey, hey Char-Char. No, no! That's not good. Oh, this is the first time she's called you. Yes, this has to be perfect."

- Lucifer, when he receives a phone call from Charlie.

"Hey, bitch!"

- Lucifer picking up the phone when Charlie called him

"No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot. You know, I've just been really busy, you know, with, um, important things."

- Lucifer, to Charlie

"Wait, you're...inviting me over?! Absolutely! Oh, I'll be there in an hour."

- Lucifer, to Charlie when she invites him

"My daughter wants to see me! Take that, depression!"

- Lucifer, after Charlie invites him to the Hotel

"Oh hewwo KeeKee!"

- Lucifer petting KeeKee

"Razzle, Dazzle. Oh, look how much you haven't grown. Still fun sized. You taking care of my wittle girl? You better be."

- Lucifer, to Razzle and Dazzle

"Who is this? Who is this man? Are you the bellhop?"

- Lucifer, when he first meets Alastor

"Ahem, Charlie! Dear, eheh, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?"

- Lucifer, to Charlie about the residents of the Hazbin Hotel

"Oh my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! You put 'er there, Maggie!"

- Lucifer when Charlie introduces him to Vaggie

"I’m sure Charlie can handle showing me around."

- Lucifer, about Charlie doing a hotel tour

"Alright, I mean, look, I love that you want to see the best in people, these sinners, you know, they’re just the worst. I don’t know how much you can realistically expect from them, and Heaven? Hohooo boy, Heaven, is not exactly as carefree as you might think. They have rules, lots of rules, and they aren’t very open minded as you’d hope."

- Lucifer, to Charlie about sinners

"Our “people” Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything’s terrible!"

- Lucifer, about giving sinners free will

"You see? This is exactly what I’m talking about Charlie. You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn’t matter how well intentioned you are, they’re always going to disappoint you."

- Lucifier, to Charlie

"Mhm, you see? What did I tell you? Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths who are hell bent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There’s really no point in trying."

- Lucifer, to Charlie when Alastor attacks the loan sharks

"Charlie! You don’t understand. Heaven never listens! They didn’t listen to me, they won’t listen to you!"

- Lucifer, to Charlie

"I just don’t want you to be crushed by them like… like I was."

- Lucifer, to Charlie

"Ok, I can get you the meeting but once you’re in Heaven, I won’t be able to go with you. Will you be ok?"

- Lucifer, to Charlie

"That’s my girl. *sighs* Good luck kiddo."

- Lucifer, wishing Charlie good luck

"The Show Must Go On"
"Oh, I'm the only one you have to worry about. You messed with my daughter, and now, I am going to FUCK YOU!"

- Lucifer getting ready to fight Adam, but messing up his sentence. "So this is what you been up to after Eden? Got to say you really let yourself go."

- -Lucifer, fighting Adam

"Well your first wife didn’t seem to hate what I had to offer or the second, bowchika pow pow."

- Lucifer, to Adam insulting him

"You come at me… and my DAUGHTER! Don’t forget, YOU’RE IN MY HOUSE, BITCH!!! HAHAHA!!!"

- Lucifer, in his demon form punching Adam in the face several times