Ozzie's (episode)/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Ozzie's". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The scene opens up with a city shot that pans down on Imp City. Yelling can be heard in the background. Loona can be seen reading a magazine called "IMP GOSSIP" with Verosika Mayday on the front page and drinking out of a glass bottle. She places the bottle on an open page of Stolas's grimoire and rolls off the table. The page of the book glows and creates a portal to the human world. A tree falls through the portal, along with a severed head. Moxxie peers out of the fallen tree, carrying a chainsaw. Blitzo walks into the office.]''

Blitzo: Woo, that was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!

[Millie crawls across the floor, with an axe between her teeth.]

Millie: I'm still so jazzed up!!

''[She snaps the axe in half and laughs. Millie walks over near the rest of the group.]''

Moxxie: Well you better stay jazzed, [points finger guns] Babe, because guess where I'm taking you tonight?

Blitzo: Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street.

Moxxie: Actually sir, it's our one-year marriage anniversary. So I'm taking Millie to Ozzie's in the Lust Ring!

[Millie's eyes sparkle and she squeals in delight.]

Millie: [gasps] Ozzie's?! No way! That place is always booked!

Moxxie: Yeah, well I've been planning it for quite a while.

Millie: Moxxie!

''[She jumps into Moxxie's arms and kisses his face before they both start French kissing and making out. Blitzo rolls his eyes.]''

Blitzo: [groans] Ugh, can you two not?

Moxxie: I'm sorry sir. Maybe another time?

Blitzo: No, it's fine! I-I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy.

Moxxie: Uh no. The reservation is for us.

Blitzo: Uh huh.

Moxxie: Just us.

Blitzo: Mhm.

Moxxie: Without you there. Explicitly without you there.

Blitzo: I wear something nice. It's a big deal after all. [hugs Moxxie and Millie tightly.] See you lovebugs later!

''[He whistles on his way out. Moxxie growls.]''

Millie: Relax sweetie, don't let him get to you today. Let's just go home and... clean this blood off.

''[She drags her finger down from Moxxie's chest and makes a seductive purring sound. They walk offscreen. The scene cuts to Hell's version of a subway.]''

Intercom: Elevator 666 departing for Lust [in seductive tone] in 5 minutes.

''[Moxxie fixes his bowtie, Millie walks on screen. They both walk off together and Blitzo peers from on the other side of a pillar. Millie and Moxxie sit down in a waiting area as Blitzo spies on them behind a newspaper and calls Loona.]''

Loona: [voicemail] Yeah it's Loona. Whoever you are, go for it.

Blitzo: Hey Loonie, just wanted to let you know I'm not gonna be back home until real late. I got something important tonight.

''[Blitzo ends the voicemail and smirks. The scene cuts to several flickering neon signs. Then it zooms out to Ozzie's and cuts to Moxxie and Millie walking inside the building. Blitzo attempts to walk inside but the bouncer Jesse pulls him aside.]''

Jesse: Woah there, buddy. Got a reservation?

Blitzo: Oh yeah. I'm with those two.

Jesse: This club is for couples only.

Blitzo: It's what?

Jesse: No date, no reservation, no entry.

[Blitzo looks up and down]

Blitzo: ...Y-you know, [bats eyes] you have really nice eyes, daddy?

''[He gets thrown into the lid of a dumpster, then shut inside. Blitzo pops up out of the trash.]''

Blitzo: You fucking prude! [Flips him off.]

''[He gets out and lies down on top of trash bags. He crosses his arms and smiles. It cuts to Stolas pouring milk into his cereal. He groans as it shows him sitting at an empty table. He carries his bowl to a couch and covers himself with a blanket. Stolas turns on the TV to "Hell-a-Novela" and slumps down.]''

Gabriella: Why won't you love me Alejandro?

Stolas: That's a mood, Gabriella. [Eats spoon of cereal]

''[The telephone rings. Smoke comes out and says "Blitzy is calling". Stolas realizes and scrambles over to the phone, spilling his bowl and getting stuck in his blanket in the process.]''

Stolas: Helloo? Hello Blitzy!

Blitzo: Stolas, hey you-uh, shit… you busy tonight?

Stolas: Umm, why do you ask?

Blitzo: I was wondering if you… wanna come with me to a club tonight?

Stolas: Are you asking me on a date, Blitzy? [blushing]

Blitzo: I-yes, I suppose that is what's happening. How fast can you get down to Lust?

Stolas: I can be ready in 20.

Blitzo: All right, fantastic. See you soon.

Stolas: I'll see you Blitzy~

''[Stolas pulls out an outfit, transitioning to him putting on eyeliner, looking in the mirror. He turns around and puts on blush. It switches over to Blitzo pacing back and forth on a street.]''

Blitzo: Come on, come on, come on…

[Stolas arrives and steps through a glowing portal behind Blitzo.]

Stolas: Oh Blitzy, I'm here~

[A spotlight appears on Blitzo.]

Blitzo: Wow. That's a bit overkill, don't ya think?

Stolas: [chuckles] W-well I-I just wanted to look a little nicer for you. This is our first real date after all.

[They both walk off together, holding hands.]

Blitzo: Oh yeah, I guess this is, huh.

Jesse: You again? Beat it, shithead-

Stolas: Ahem, do we have a problem?

Jesse: ...Oh uh, shit-uh my apologies your highness. Uh, please go right in.

[Blitzo pops out behind the curtain and flips off the bouncer before going inside.]

[Blitzo and Stolas enter Ozzie's and find a table]

Stolas: [gasps] Oh, MY! Oh no; no, but yes! Oh, Blitz, how romantic is this? What made you choose such a place to bring me?

Blitzo: [pulls out a pair of binoculars] Oh, it just sounded like- I just thought we'd have a blast here, you know? [Blitzo eventually finds Millie and Moxxie] gotcha!

Stolas: Oh, Blitz. What are you looking at?

Blitzo: [doesn't turn around] I'm looking at nothing; how about that?

[A waitress named Crane comes over to their table]

Crane: Can I get you two off- I mean, start you two off with some drinks?

Stolas: Yes! Um, perhaps some wine to share; do you prefer red wine or white, Blitz? Or perhaps some champagne?

Blitzo: [still not turning around] Yeah, whatever.

Stolas: [nervously chuckles] Well, perhaps all three. Why not? So Blitz, how was your day?

Blitzo: [finally looks at Stolas] Huh? Oh, good I guess. We killed a bunch of beardos

Stolas: THAT sounds fun! How did you kill them?

Blitzo: How? I-I-I mean, there was a lot of them, so I-bullets.

Stolas: Right, right... so, what made you decide to ask me out after all this time?

Blitzo: Uhhhhhhhhhh

[music starts playing and several dancers descend from the ceiling]

Fizzarolli: Ladies and gentlemen! I see some sexy faces around here tonight! [descends from the center stage] Welcome, welcome, to Ozzie's: Lust ring's number 1 place for all kinds of sick twisted fantasies. Put on display for all you 'Sleaze' and 'Sleazettes'. The gem joint of Asmodeus himself! C'mon, give him some LOVE!

Stolas: Did he just say 'Asmodeus'?

Blitzo: Oh, no fucking way. Not HIM! [hides behind a menu]

Fizzarolli: I am the one and only Fizzarolli! Some of you may recognize this dashing clown face from my numerous toy-botic replicas across the rings of Hell. Gloriously designed by the big man himself and [rolls up a sleeve, revealing a cybernetic arm] ribbed for your pleasure tonight. We have a great lineup for you tonight: Verosika Mayday, Wet Dream and The Squirterz! [Verosika appears at the bar and quickly shoves aside Wally Wackford as the latter hands her a drink.] But as everyone's warming up, I got a funny one for y'all: did any of you hear about the bat-shittery that happened at Loo Loo Land? [audience laughs] Ha ha ha, oh yeah, oh wow. I'll tell you what: I'd sure love to shake the hand of the crazy son of a bitch who decided to burn down that off brand shithole and then slap a fat subpoena in it, 'cause I am VERY MUCH looking to sue! [both Stolas and Blitzo look away] That robo me made us more money entertaining those kids than the ones we sell to get you freaks off, if you know what I mean. [giggles maniacally]

Random patron: Oh, I know what you mean! I have four of them!

Fizzarolli: [into mic] Okay, keep that guy FAR away from me. [back to the audience] SO, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one! Coming at us from a little imp from the Wrath ring, give it up for Moxxie... with no creative stage name whatsoever.

''[The audience applauds, as Moxxie gets up with his guitar before kissing Millie on the cheek. Fizzarolli moves from his spot to another, as Moxxie takes the stage.]

Moxxie: Hello everyone -- [feedback from the microphone] Oh! [clears throat] Hi, thank you for letting me be here. It's an honor to play.

Wally Wackford: [off-screen] [drunk] Uh, hurry up, Bullet, and uh, SING, boy! I say, I say--

Moxxie: This song is for my beautiful wife, a surprise for our first anniversary. [Cut to Millie with a happy look on her face] I love you Millie. [Moxxie starts strumming his guitar as he begins to sing his song.]

♫I love you. ♫

♫More than the brimstone loves the fire.♫

♫More than Beelze loves her bub♫

♫More than a maggot loves gangrenes stubs♫

[During the song, everyone looks with a confused look on their face. Millie is just touched by the song playing, and Fizzarolli looks at his companion with a smug look.

♫You make my spirit sing♫

♫Yeah, you make me glad I live in Hell♫

♫Our love is a story sweet to tell♫

♫Yeah you cast a special Satanic spell♫

♫Over my heart♫

[The smoke machines activates, hitting Millie directly. The scene is full of pink smoke and hearts only surrounding Moxxie and Millie

♫Love is a journey we decided to start♫

♫Yeah, I hope we'll never ever be apart♫

♫I love you (x6)♫

[Saying the same quote over and over, this is drowned by Fizzarolli and Asmodeus saying the same thing over him. Their silhouettes are shown laughing right behind his back. They appear from the smoke.

Asmodeus: ♫You singing love songs in my lustful lounge?♫

Fizzarolli: ♫Ozzie's ain't the place for sentimental sounds!♫

Asmodeus: ♫What'd you expect from a proprietor like us?♫

Fizzarolli: ♫Your demon host, Asmodeus, the embodiment of lu-u-u-u-u-ust!♫

Asmodeus: ♫Give me a thrust♫

[Fizzarolli trumpets]

♫You show me some lust♫

[Fizzarolli trumpets again]

♫From the groin to the bust, in desire we trust, in the House of Asmodeus♫

Fizzarolli: [vocalizing again] Trumpet!

Asmodeus: ♫Little Imp, you came here to sing your serenade♫

♫Perform your feelings on a velvety stage♫

♫Well, we got a saying that's popular in these parts♫

Fizzarolli: ♫Only little bitches strum the strings of their hearts!♫

Asmodeus: ♫You wanna hang around this lustful town?♫

♫Ditch the lovey-dovey before we knock you around♫

♫Here we sing about wants and desires♫

Fizzarolli: ♫Depravity, savagery, loins hotter than fire!♫

Asmodeus: ♫So give me a thrust♫

♫Show me some lu-u-u-u-ust♫

♫From the groin to the bust, Little Imp, you just must♫

♫In the House of Asmodeus♫

♫Come on, sing us a so-o-o-o-ong!♫

[Asmodeus dances on a pole while Fizzarolli throws money on him]

♫Make sure the subject is getting it on♫

♫Make it graphic and tactfully long♫

Fizzarolli: ♫Be sure to rhyme "thong" and "schlong"!♫

Asmodeus: ♫Go ahead, the mic's on♫

[Moxxie nervously continues his part of the song. He strums his guitar once more quietly.]

Moxxie: ♫I want to...♫

Fizzarolli: Yeah, what do you want? Butt stuff? Piss play? Bondage?

Moxxie: ♫Make gentle love to you♫

[Asmodeus and Fizzarolli are not pleased with the response he gave.]

Asmodeus: Ugh!

♫What a limp-dick imp, you're really killing the vibe♫

♫Get a load of this dweeb and his unsatisfied bride!♫

[The audience make fun of Moxxie, until the song is interrupted by Blitzo speaking up.]

Blitzo: Hey now, I've watched those two pork many times.

[Moxxie is surprised to find Blitzo here.]

Moxxie: What?! Blitz?!

Blitzo: And honestly, they make missionary look, relatively exciting.

[Moxxie has a disgusted look on his face. Fizzarolli pops in]

Fizzarolli: ♫Is that Blitz-o? So you're showing your face?♫

♫Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace!♫

♫Some nerve you've got to comment on a relationship♫

♫Last I checked, your love life is a pile of shit!♫

[Verosika appears behind the two with the spotlight on her.]

Verosika: Oh, Blitz-o?

♫I used to date him (date him, date him!)♫

Blitzo: [annoyed look] Oh, Verosika, you're here.

Verosika: ♫I'd stroke and I'd fellate him (fellate him, fellate him!)♫

♫Yeah, but when it was my turn (your turn, your turn!)♫

♫He did no reciprocatin' (what a dick bag!)♫

♫A selfish imp in the sheets♫

[Verosika backs Blitzo against the wall.]

♫And just as bad in the streets♫

♫A reckless, heartbreaking freak!♫

Asmodeus: ♫Who's that at the table? Is your date a demon prince?♫

[Fizzarolli gets a closer look at Stolas.]

♫Stolas, is that you?♫

Wally Wackford: ♫Are you sleepin' with an Imp?!♫

Asmodeus: ♫Wooo! My dark lord, how the mighty do fall♫

♫You used to have a smoking wife, a kid you had it all♫

[Illusions of Octavia and Stella appear before him, until they walk away and disappear, leaving only Blitzo in front of him]

♫I hope you didn't give it up, so you and him could get it on♫

[Stolas and Blitzo look away from each other in shame]

♫You sold your life for a thrust!♫

♫Now that's the spirit of lu-u-u-ust!♫

♫Grab your groin or a bust♫

♫Prepare to get your hair mussed♫

♫Pretend you don't see that crust♫

♫Hump 'til your junk turns to dust!♫

Fizzarolli and Asmodeus: ♫In the House of Asmode-e-e-e--♫

[Millie interrupts the verse by smacking Fizzarolli with Moxxie's guitar.

Asmodeus: Hey!

Millie: I think you were trying to sing something for me, Mox. [Hands Moxxie back his guitar.]

Moxxie: Yeah, I was.

[Moxxie strums his guitar once more.]

Moxxie: ♫I love us♫

♫I love us just the way we are♫

[Asmodeus tends to a knocked out Fizzarolli.]

♫Don't have to pretend to like to do things we don't♫

[A backstage Imp's looks at this with boredom, but accidentally pulls one of the levers, lifting Moxxie and Millie up.]

♫I've always got you around to laugh at my stupid jokes♫

♫I'll never take you for granted♫

♫I'll always give you my best♫

♫And if you can offer the same thing♫

♫We'll handle the rest♫

♫'Cause I love you♫

[Asmodeus and Fizzarolli share a cuddle, while Verosika drinks a cup of wine.]

♫'Cause I love you♫

[Moxxie and Millie lean in for a passionate kiss. The audience applauds. Stolas looks at Blitzo who seems humiliated. He reaches his hand towards his to comfort him, but Blitzo pulls his hand away from Stolas.]

Blitzo: You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave.

Stolas: Oh. Right. Of course.

[Blitzo and Stolas leave the building. Moxxie and Millie still sharing a kiss, while Fizzarolli, with an unimpressed face, and Asmodeus watch in on them.]

Asmodeus: Aw... ain't that just such a happy display? It sickens me! (demonic voice) GET THE FUCK OUT!

[Cut to the outside of Stolas's castle, Blitzo drives Stolas back to his place, who bumps his head getting out of the van.]

Stolas: Thank you, for... inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I... I enjoyed spending time with you.

Blitzo: [irritated look] Yeah.

Stolas: You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia's with her mother this weekend, so we could--

Blitzo: I'm not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just -- [sighs] I'm really not in the mood, Stolas.

Stolas: We could talk, or... watch a movie, or... maybe cuddle?

Blitzo: Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. [voice breaking] But I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? [Both Stolas and Blitzo look at each other with sad looks on their faces.] I'm sorry.

Stolas: Okay. [sighs] Goodnight, Blitz.

Blitzo: Night.

[Blitzo drives away from the castle, leaving Stolas all by himself, shedding a tear, and sitting in front of his staircase, feeling some form of regret.]

[''Cut to Blitzo, sighing and walking into his apartment. His shadow is seen past a wall of various photos of his coworkers. Blitz is scribbled out in all of the photos he is in. He attempts to knock on Loona's door, despite the warning signs, and finds a note taped on the door that says, "Tex invited me to a party, B back late, Don't wait up!" Blitzo, disappointed again, slumps onto his couch, pulls out his phone, and looks at various photos of himself. He comes across a picture of him and Stolas cuddling, swipes to a picture of him drinking bubble tea with Moxxie and Millie, then swipes to a photo of him with Moxxie joining I.M.P., swiping to a photo to when he first adopted Loona, then swipes to a photo with him and Verosika. Eventually, he swipes to photos of his younger self with a younger Fizzarolli (whose skin color and head tattoo is similar to that of Blitzo's. And finally, Blitzo stops scrolling when he gets to a photo with him and his sister and mother. This causes him to curl up and cry into a pillow.'']