Masquerade/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Masquerade". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode opens with Angel waking up in a dimly lit room, tied up to a chair. He tries to budge free but fails. His captor paces around him.]''

Captor: Finally awake, Angel Dust.

[Angel glowers but eventually regains his confident smile.]

Angel Dust: Yeah, and what's it to ya?

[Captor holds a knife against Angel's face]

Captor: I want you to tell me where your boss stashes his vault.

Angel Dust: *laughs unbothered* It's hilarious you think I'd tell you anything.

[The captor grabs Angel off the ground by the neck]

Captor: Fine! I guess I'll just have to fuck the information out of ya.

Angel Dust: *stares defiantly* Do your worst *then breaks into a seductive smile* daddy~

[The captor rips his shirt open and engages in sexual intercourse with Angel, revealing this is a porn film played on the hotel's TV.]

Angel Dust (onscreen): ~Oh yeah baby~

[Cuts to Sir Pentious and Charlie watching creeped out, Vaggie annoyed and Niffty rather interested.]

Angel Dust: You know, this performance won me a Sex x Sex award

Charlie: It's -a - very honest - oh *turns away, nauseous*

Vaggie: Ew. Ok, enough of that. Angel, what the fuck?

Angel Dust: What? You said it's a show-and-tell day. I'm showing you my best film, and I'm telling you that it scored me a win over that bitch Tiffany Titfucker.

Husk: You know, not a very convincing interrogation scene.

Angel Dust: *laughs pissed off* Alright then, dickhead. What makes you think you have any right to insult my work to my fucking face?

Husk: You really gonna sit there and act like these scripts ain't hot garbage?

Angel Dust: Fuck you! This is classy art! *points to the TV screen*

''[Co-star slaps Angel's butt and bites it. Sir Pentious covers his eyes.]''

Husk: That's bullshit. You get drunk and bitch about them all the time. Everyone likes to bitch to a bartender. I learn everything about you and these motherfuckers at this point.

*points to Sir Pentious* That one, that one is an insecure buffoon whose lonely ass watches you asleep.

*to Charlie* Princess is a heart who wants to solve everyone else's problems except her own

Charlie: What - no - I -pfft no

Husk: *to Vaggie* This one judges everyone and everything because she hates herself

[Vaggie groans]

Husk: *points to Niffty smiling mischievously * And Niffty? Yeah, you don't even want to know what her deal is.

[Husk raises another bottle of wine.]

Angel Dust: Haha, you weren't kidding. Oh ho, kitten's got claws, meow~

Husk: *breaks away* And you! Don't get me started, I see right through you with all this bullshit, and how fake you are.

Angel Dust: Oh ho, me? Fake? Wow, I had no idea. Guess that's why I'm an actor, dumbass. And - hold that. *phone rings*

Angel Dust: *answers the phone nervously* Hello, uh yeah - I'm- No, no I'm just. No I'm not - But, yeah I'll be right there.'

[Angel hurriedly heads to the door]

Angel Dust: Well, looks like Val needs me for an emergency shoot.

Husk: Uh huh, sure

Angel Dust: You know what? Fuck you, I don't give a shit what some drunk ass bartender thinks of me. So why don't you just crawl back to whatever cave you came from, porn critic *flips off Husk*

Charlie: Angel, you can't leave yet. We haven't finished our exercises for the day

Angel Dust: I'm sure you'll manage without me.

[Charlie blocks the door.]

Charlie: There isn't much time left for the hotel to prove itself.

Angel Dust: Dollface, it's my job. I know you want to fix everything but unless you can fix my boss, there's nothing you can do.

[Angel slams the door and leaves]

Charlie: Ugh, why is this so hard? What am I doing wrong.

Vaggie: Well, I mean, you're the princess of Hell.

Charlie: So?

Vaggie: So you don't really use the power that comes with that, which I love about you, but maybe you can, I don't know, command a little more authority?

Charlie: But that's so mean!

Vaggie: It's not mean exactly. It's uh aggressive kindness.

Charlie: Ok, I could be so aggressively kind to Angel's boss that I convince him to let him spend more time at the hotel!

Vaggie: Sure, whatever gets you there babe [Cuts to Angel working at the porn studio.]

Angel Dust: Oh daddy ~ I - ugh. Do you really expect me to memorise this whole script?

Valentino: Just improv it. You think watches for the dialogue? *points to Travis, who nervously shakes his head* Action!

[A gang of demons enter the room, preparing to initiate the sex scene.]

Angel Dust: Oh no ~ so many burglars ~ and only one me. Whatever shall I do? I guess I'll just have to do all of you

[One demon grabs and pins Angel to the bed.]

Angel Dust: Oh ~ what are you gonna do to me ~

[Charlie suddenly enters the studio]

Angel Dust: Charlie ?!

Rocky: Uh, my name's Rocky.

Angel Dust: *pushes Rocky off the bed* No one gives a shit.

Charlie: Oh, so this is where the magic happens. *bumps into an actress undressing* Oh wow, that is - *see another actor get slathered in mud* that is alot -

Angel Dust: What in the ever loving fuck are you doing here?

Charlie: I am the princess of Hell, Angel, and I go where I please *whispers* I'm here to get you some time on the hotel. Now where's your boss?

[Angel pulls Charlie away, frightened.]

Angel Dust: Oh no nonono. You're going no where near Val

Valentino: Angel, what is the fucking hold up?!

Angel Dust: I'm-coming!

Valentino: Not off camera, you're not.

Angel Dust: Please, please, just wait until I'm done working and we'll talk about this but first you gotta go.

Valentino: Ah, your Majesty.

Angel Dust: Oh, shit

Valentino: Welcome to my humble sex dungeon. What can I do for such a *lecherously licks Charlie's arm*

Charlie: *grossed out* Ah, no thank you.

[Angel looks away disgusted.]

Valentino: Only specimen ~ You don't want a role, do you? Because I can make you a star, make us both richer than, well, your papito -

Charlie: *backs away, shocked* FUCK NO - Uh, I'm sorry. I have come to aggressively kindly speak with you about Angel.

[Angel gestures her to stop.]

Charlie: Later, of course. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of your work

[Val scowls at Angel.]

Valentino: Well, then, make yourself comfortable your Majesty. And enjoy the show. *motions the film crew back to the shoot* Let's take this shit from the top.

Travis: Hehe, action!

Angel Dust: Oh wow ~ mister robbers ~ I sure hope you don't hurt me with those big guns of yours.

Demon: Don't move, you spicy little - er- cocksleeve *pans to Charlie whispering to the cameraman about the hotel* or else I would -

Valentino: CUT! What the fuck is going on with this?

Charlie: Ooh I'm sorry, were we too loud? I was just telling him about the Hazbin Hotel.

Valentino: *fakes a smile* Not at all, princess ~ *glares at Angel* It doesn't bother me one bit.

Charlie: You know, this scene feels awfully violent. If you want help with the script, maybe I can pick some scenarios that are more -

[Charlie trips over the cable.]

Charlie: OK *the cables and wires catch fire* That's on fire.

''[Everyone runs away screaming. Charlie tries to put out the fire to no avail. Valentino glares at Angel Dust menacingly, believing he's the cause of this mess]''

Charlie: Oh I'm so sorry, I'm so-so-so-so-sorry-

'']Valentino flaps his wings and stops the fire. Angel sits up and grabs his clothes,]''

Angel Dust: Fuck, fuck ,fuck, fuck

Charlie: Oh my gosh, I'm so-so-so sorry, I- I can clean this up.

Valentino: Don't you worry your pretty little blond head about it. We have people for that. *turns to Angel* Angel, can I see you in your dressing room for a moment?

[Angel runs off to Val, leaving a concerned Charlie.]

Angel Dust: Val, I didn't know -

''[Valentino slaps Angel hard across the face. ]''

Angel Dust: Val, I -

Valentino: You really think you can have Lucifer's little bitch fight rounds for you?

Angel Dust: Val, please, I'm sorry -

Valentino: You bring her here to protect you, to fuck with me

''[Red cigar smoke circles Angel's hands like cuffs. Val beats and pins him to a couch.]''

Angel Dust: Ow, fuck -

Valentino: *teeth gnashed* You think she can get you out of work.

Angel Dust: No, no, that's not - *Val's hands touch Angel's chest fluff* - what I'm trying to do - no

[Valentino violently pushes Angel to the ground. ]

Valentino: You know she can't do anything.

[The smoke forms a chain around Angel's neck, lifting his head up to read his contract binding him to Valentino.]

Valentino: I own you, or have you forgotten that?

Angel Dust: *sniffle* No.

Valentino: When I say "come", you say

Angel Dust: Yes, Valentino.

Valentino: When I say you're fucking 20 times before lunch, you say

Angel Dust: *voice deepens* Yes, Valentino.

Valentino: When I say you better get that fucking CUNT out of my studio, you say

Angel Dust: Uh, I-

Valentino: You say...?

Angel Dust: Look, Val, she just gets involved in everything. I'll tell her to leave. Just don't hurt her-

Valentino: I have killed bitches for less than this attitude you're giving me! You're lucky you make me money! Now, go get rid of her, and then you're filming all night! Get me?!

Angel Dust: Yes Val.

Valentino: *smiles sickeningly* Good

[Val violently drags Angel out of the dressing room, and back to the studio.

Valentino: All right, get your asses back on set. We're taking this from the top.

[Charlie now furious, revealing her horns and glowing red eyes.]

Charlie: What makes you think you can treat him like that-

[Angel stands in between Charlie and Val's way.]

Angel Dust: Charlie, just stop!

Charlie: Angel, what are you talking-

Angel Dust: Charlie, leave!

Charlie: What, but-

Angel Dust: I didn't want you to come here, I already asked you to leave and you didn't listen! You made things worse!

Charlie: I just wanted to help you.

Angel Dust: Well, you ain't! You actually want to help me? Get the fuck out of here! Right now! And let me finish my work.

Charlie: I- I didn't *driven to tears* mean to *looks at the smug Valentino* I'm so sorry.

[Charlie leaves crying.]

Valentino: *laughs satisfied* Good boy.

[Cuts to Angel resuming his film.]

Valentino: And ... action.