The Show Must Go On/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "The Show Must Go On". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. ''[The episode opens in Vox's surveillance room, as overlapping videos from various cameras stationed around the Hazbin Hotel play on the screens stationed around him. Vox himself is sitting in his office chair, watching them all while drinking from his mug]''

Vox: No fucking way! They're going to fight? Oh, my god. Hahahaha! Oh, looks like your little hotel didn't work out so well. *watches a screen with Alastor on it, which glitches slightly* Oh, Alastor, I cannot wait to watch you get FUCKED!

[Vox laughs maniacally as the camera pans away from his chair and screens] ''[The scene changes to show the cannibals all gathered outside the hotel, practising with their weapons. As Charlie watches them all from the hotel's entrance, Vaggie comes up to her]''

Charlie: Oh, I wish my mom were here to see this.

Vaggie: The cannibals seem ready to fight. Are we?

[ Sir Pentious bursts out of the hotel's doors, wearing a Victorian-style British army uniform and looking proud of himself]

Sir Pentious: Fear not, damsels. I shall have the staff ready for victorious combat!

Vaggie: What in the hell are you supposed to be?

Sir Pentious: *salutes* General Pentious, reporting for duty. I'll turn those rapscallions into soldiers in no time at all!

Charlie: Thank you, Pen.

[ Niffty, running around the hotel's entrance, now runs up to Pentious]

Niffty: What can I do to help?

Pentious: I'm glad, you asked, soldier. The base needs fortifications. Reinforce the southern wall! Create a moat around the perimeter to stop a ground assault.

[Niffty blinks up at Pentious, having no idea what he just said]

Charlie: How about this. If you see an angel, stab it! *hands Niffty a small blade*

[Niffty sees Angel Dust a few metres away, talking to Cherri Bomb, and, thinking that Angel Dust is what Charlie meant, runs towards him with her knife]

Angel: Hey, hey, hey, hey! *climbs up the pole he was leaning on*

Charlie: Not him!

[As Niffty runs off to find other things to stab, Angel does a flip and lands on the ground, before walking over to stand with Charlie, Vaggie and Pentious]

Vaggie: *drill sergeant style* Listen up, sinners! We've got 24 hours before the Extermination begins. Let's get to work. [As the cannibals and the hotel's residents begin training to fight, Vox continues to watch them all from his surveillance room]

Vox: Oh, they suck. Oh, they suck so bad! Oh, God. They're gonna fucking die! They're- they're gonna die. [Back at the hotel, Charlie is holding Alastor's microphone, preparing to give a speech to the cannibals and the hotel's residents]

Charlie: Hello? *taps microphone* I want to thank everyone for coming. Even people who aren't staying here yet...Cherri.

Cherri Bomb: Look, I can't resist a fight, okay? Especially when I get to tag team with this fuckhead. *wraps arm around Angel, who smiles*

Charlie: Tomorrow, the Exorcists will face a Hell ready to defend itself and win!

Vaggie: Yeah! Yeah, we will! Tell 'em, baby!

Charlie: Yes! And we are-we are going to win! But in case we don't, I want you all to know... that getting to know you has been the biggest honour of my life. Whatever redemption really means, I know you all tried. I have seen the good in all of you. And it's...I-I'm just...I love you all, so much, and-and live tonight however you want because-

Niffty: We're all gonna die! *laughs*

Vaggie: *starts clapping* Alright! Let's give it up for not dying! Love not dying. *pauses* Drinks?

[Inside the hotel, the gang are sharing drinks, talking and laughing with one another]

*muddled conversation*

Sir Pentious: Here's to being alive today and not dying tomorrow!

[Alastor and Niffty watch the rest of the group drinking from the mezzanine]

Alastor: Ah, the celebratory night before a courageous last stand. It's been a surprising thrill to watch these wayward souls find connection. Almost makes one sentimental, eh, Niffty?

Niffty: I really like them, Alastor. They let me put on roach puppet shows without booing!

Alastor: Ah, an enjoyable collective to be around. I admit one could get accustomed.

[Niffty hops on top of Alastor's head and places a crown made of roaches and sticks on his head]

Niffty: I dub thee King Roach.

Alastor: Oh, to understand your twisted little mind!

''[Alastor and Niffty begin laughing maniacally together, signaling that they possibly do understand each other's twisted little minds. Meanwhile, Angel is sitting by the parlor as Husk pours him a drink]''

Husk: Last day of afterlife, and you're not off snorting a line off some hunk's abs?

Angel: Eh, you fucked one cannibal pool boy, you fucked 'em all.

Husk: I guess you have changed.

Angel: Hey, Charlie said live tonight however we wanted, so pour me a fresh one, and let's get to living!

[As Husk pours Angel another drink, Pentious tentatively approaches Cherri Bomb, who is talking to Vaggie]

Pentious: Miss Bomb? Cherri?

Cherri Bomb: Yeah?

Pentious: I want to tell you that I...I love...I'd love to wish you good luck in the battle ahead. *shakes Cherri's hand*

Cherri Bomb: Okay.

Pentious: You are...have always have been a worthy opponent. With the most...brilliant explosive contraptions I've ever seen.

Cherri Bomb: Uh...thanks?

Pentious: Anyway, I guess...please don't die tomorrow. Okay, bye!

[Pentious runs away as Angel comes up to Cherri, passing her a shot]

Angel: You know, you could totally tap that.

Cherri Bomb: Tss, don't be gross.

Angel: Cuz, you know, I hear he's got 2 dicks.

[Cherri looks back at Pentious]

Cherri Bomb: Huh.

''[The scene cuts to Charlie, standing outside Angel's bedroom door. A few photos of Angel and the rest of the group are stuck to his door. Charlie, looks at them, smiling, before realising that she might never see them again if they lose the battle tomorrow, and begins to break down and cry]''

Vaggie: Charlie?

''[Charlie turns to see Vaggie standing in the corridor, watching her. Charlie turns away from her]''

Charlie: I'm sorry...I'm...I'm just so scared. What if we lose?

Vaggie: ♪ You've, already done so much ♪

[Vaggie begins to walk towards Charlie]

♪ So many lives you've changed ♪

♪ So many souls you've touched ♪

♪ And in the end, if it's only me you've saved ♪

Charlie and Vaggie: ♪ There's something that I've been dying to say ♪

♪ More than anything ♪

♪ More than anything ♪

♪ Need you to know I love you more than anything ♪

♪ More than anything ♪

[Charlie and Vaggie draw in and kiss as the camera pans away from the two of them]

[In Heaven, the Exorcists are all lined up by Heaven's gates as Adam gives them all a pep talk]

Adam: Extermination Day is here, bitches. We're going to go down and exterminate demon ass!

Lute: Destroy that ass!

Adam: Prepare to slaughter every sinner in that shit hotel, and you all remember Vaggie?

[The Exorcists all boo Vaggie]

Lute: Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!

Adam: Would you just-ju-chill, Lute. Fuck. Anyway, whoever brings me Vaggie's head gets...uh, I don't know, a million Heaven bucks. How about that?

[The Exorcists all cheer]

Adam: Haha, yeah! Ladies, let's fuck shit up! ATTACK!

''[Behind Adam, a portal to Hell opens and all of the Exorcists fly through it. The portal opens right outside the hotel, where Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Pentious, Husk, Niffty and the cannibals are gathered by the entrance]''

Vaggie: Here they come. Get ready, everyone. We fight together!

''[As the group prepares to attack, Valentino, Velvette and Vox are all sitting in front of a TV in V Tower, which is showing real-time camera footage from the hotel. Valentino and Velvette look bored, with Velvette on her phone, but Vox has a box of popcorn and is excited to watch them all die]''

Vox: Oh, oh. Oh, this is going to be good!

[At the hotel, Vaggie raises her angelic spear]

Vaggie: Now! FOR YOUR SOULS!

[The group cheers and charge as the Exorcists begin pouring out of the portal, charging back at them]

Charlie: Let's FUCK THEM UP!

[As the Exorcists and the hotel group begins fighting, Alastor stands on the hotel's roof, watching the angels flying out]

Alastor: Let the slaughter begin.

''[Alastor laughs maniacally as he swings his microphone, causing a huge force field to appear around the hotel which traps the attacking Exorcists inside. Adam and Lute watch in confusion from outside the force field]''

Adam: The fuck?

Lute: They appear to have some kind of shield, sir!

Adam: Oh, really? I didn’t see this giant fucking shield in front of me, you dumb bitch! No shit!

[The force field sprouts tentacles and begins slashing at the Exorcists that are trapped on the outside of the force fiel with angelic weapons]

Adam: That’s how they can kill us? With our own weapons?! Fucking weak, dude.

''[As Lute raises her sword and flies to attack the shield, Cherri and Angel attack Exorcists from the inside of the force field, with Angel shooting with his Tommy gun and Cherri throwing her explosives. Pentious watches them from his cannons]''

Angel: Come and get some!

Cherri: Eat shrapnel, fuckers!

Pentious: All angelic weapons fire at will!

[Husk flies past, throwing his explosive cards at angels]

Husk: Hey, yelling while fighting doesn't help.

''[Niffty runs around stabbing every angel she can see, even the dead ones. Charlie and Vaggie are fighting back to back]''

Charlie: Alastor's shield is working!

Vaggie: Trying to focus, sweetie!

Charlie: We might actually have a chance!

Vaggie: Love the optimism. Still trying to focus.

''[Adam and Lute are still hovering over the force field. Adam clearly has had enough of being left out of the battle]''

Adam: I'm fucking over this.

''[Adam draws backwards before flying straight at the shield. With one punch, he causes it to dissipate, leaving the hotel exposed]''

Angel: Fuck!

Charlie: Oh, no!

''[As the smoke clears, Adam sees Alastor standing on the roof. Recognising him as the creator of the shield, Adam flies down to the roof to meet him. The Vees watch from V Tower, Vox preparing to see Alastor die. Vox thrusting]''

Vox: Oh, fuck! I am so hard right now!

[Alastor takes a few steps forward to meet Adam]

Alastor: Adam! First man, next to die.

Adam: Who the fuck are you?

Alastor: Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure. I'm about to end your fucking life.

[Alastor taps his cane on the ground, causing four tentacles to rise up around him]

Adam: Nice voice. Don't you know jazz is for PUSSIES!

''[Adam summons his guitar and flies straight at Alastor. Alastor stands still as his tentacles lash out at Adam. Adam slashes at them all before gearing up to attack Alastor himself]''

Alastor: Ah ah ah!

[Adam attempts to attack Alastor with his guitar, but Alastor moves smoothly out of the way, before sending more tentacles towards Adam]

Adam: You really think you can take me one? A mortal soul is no match for me, edge-lord.

Alastor: You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate.

''[Alastor's shadow looms behind him, making it appear as though there was a crack in the hotel's roof. The crack leads up to Adam, where one of Alastor's shadow monsters appears and punches Adam]''

''Adam: Ohoho, you think you're tough shit, huh? *destroys Alastor's shadow monster*''

''Alastor: Tougher than you. Ha ha ha!''

''[Adam swings at Alastor with his guitar. Alastor easily dodges his strikes]''

Alastor: You lack discipline, control, and worst, *goes into full demon form* you're sloppy!

[More of Alastor's shadow creatures appear, attacking Adam and crawling all over him, sending him flying upwards]

Adam: And you're...fuck-fuck you...you red piece of f-too much fucking red...fuck...shut up!

[Using one of his tentacles, Alastor grabs Adam and sends him flying into the sign on the hotel's roof]

Alastor: Ha ha ha! Poetry!

Adam: I'm going to wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, CAUSE RADIO IS FUCKING DEAD!

''[Adam flies a few metres into the air and swings his guitar, sending a shockwave towards Alastor. When it dissipates, Alastor has been forced out of his full demon form and his microphone has been snapped in two]''

Alastor: (with absolutely no static) What just happened? *notices microphone* Fffuck.

''[While Alastor is distracted by his microphone, Adam manages to score a hit on him, slashing him across the torso and sending him flying back to the edge of the roof. Vox cheers from V Tower]''

Vox: Yes! Fuck you, Alastor! *flips off screen* Ahahaha! *jumps on top of table* THIS IS BETTER THAN SEX!

[Alastor picks up the 2 pieces of his microphone, disoriented and his eyes going in and out of his full demon form]

Alastor: (singsongy) Have to disagree with you there! Radio's not dead, but it is ending this broadcast.

''[Alastor flees the battle and melts into his shadow. Adam, laughing, watches him disappear while leaning on his guitar]''

Adam: Bye, bitch!

[Meanwhile, Vox watches in anger from V Tower, disappointed that Alastor wasn't dead and angry at him for seemingly being a coward and fleeing]

Vox: No! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! PUSSY!

[At the front of the hotel, Pentious commands the cannibals from the balcony]

Pentious: Right flank, advance! Left flank, watch your six. *addressing Charlie and Vaggie* Ladies! There are more coming up on your right. Get ready for them, Vagatha!

Vaggie: Not my name, but got it.

''[The scene cuts to the ocean waves washing the beaches in Heaven. In a beach chair, a lone woman with a large fedora hat sits there, watching the sea. As her hair flows by the winds, Lute came to her and then the next scene, she dumps the deceased Adam's halo on the ground in front of her.]''

Lute: Adam is dead. Your deal is done and I'm in charge now. Your brat is threatening the very foundation of Heaven. And if you want to stay here, *leans down and pointing at the sea* you're going down there *points at the woman*, and stopping that bitch. You understand me...Lilith?

[The woman, revealed to be Lilith, stared up at Lute before she furrows her eyebrows from behind the sunglasses in annoyance with an ominous music playing in the background, as the episode ends.]