Alastor/Quotes

The Pilot
"Hell---Lo!"

- Alastor, to Charlie when she shuts and reopens the door to him. "May I speak now?"

- Alastor, after being interrupted twice

"Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on the picture show and I just couldn't resist. What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929, hahaha... So many orphans."

- Alastor, regarding Charlie's performance

"Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, (voice becomes distorted) I would have done so already!"

- Alastor, to Vaggie

"Hahaha! Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom!"

- Alastor, to Charlie and Vaggie

"Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip, and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure."

- Alastor, explaining why he wants to help

"Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear. Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage. And a stage is a world of entertainment."

- Alastor, about Charlie's fight with Killjoy

"Smile, my dear! You know, you're never fully dressed without one!"

- Alastor, seeing Vaggie frown "Hah! No."

- Alastor, denying Angel's offer of a blowjob

"Do I know you?"

- Alastor, after Sir Pentious' claim of a previous encounter

"Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?"

- Alastor, after defeating Sir Pentious

"My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya, in fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of hell! Oh ho ho, I'm on a roll! Yes sir, this is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set!"

- Alastor to everyone, after defeating Sir Pentious

"Now... stay tuned."

- Alastor's last line in the Pilot

A Day in the Afterlife
"Here you go, you filthy scavengers, enjoy!"

- Alastor, feeding the carnivorous birds deviled eggs. "Give Rosie a hello from me!"

- Alastor, to the cannibals.

"...obnoxious... ...Pompous... ...piece of Shit...television..."

- Alastor, walking away from the TV's with Vox's face on them.