Oops/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Oops". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode begins with a wideshot of Asmodeus' palace, in which we then see his bedroom. Fizzarolli and Asmodeus are sleeping together in the same bed. An alarm clock goes off, to which Fizzarolli wakes up and makes himself some coffee before waking Asmodeus with an airhorn.]''

Fizzarolli: Rise and shine, Ozzie! Huehahahahaha!

Asmodeus: Ugh, again with the horn?

[He turns in bed, covering his head with a pillow.]

Fizzarolli: Don't blame me, blame how fuckin' fun they are!

[He blows the horn again.]

Fizzarolli: Mmkay, so; Today you have a meeting with the distributor about the new shipment of vvvibrators, then you gotta host a safety meeting because of what happened with the old shipment of vvvvvvibrators~. And then you have a nooner with Prince Stolas.

Asmodeus: Ahh, you scheduled me during lunch?

Fizzarolli: Welll, you're pretty good at squeezing things in. But I left time for a big ol' breakfast!

Asmodeus: Let me guess; I'm handling that too?

Fizzarolli: I mean... unless you want me to take a crack at cooking again.

Asmodeus: Hahahahahaha! No. Never again.

Fizzarolli: Whaaaat? Maybe I could burn the milk this time!

Asmodeus: Stooopp…!~

Fizzarolli: OH! You know what I'm craving? Burgers!

Asmodeus: No! It's too early for burgers, you maniac!

Fizzarolli: Burger time! Burger time! Burger time!!!

[The two laugh together.]

''[In the kitchen, Fizzarolli opens up a newspaper. An article reads- "King of Ozz- a HYPOCRITE?!" Fizzarolli stuffs the paper into a trash can, then proceeds to throw the entire can out of a window while Asmodeus hums, making breakfast. Asmodeus opens the door to the refrigerator, which lacks something.]''

Fizzarolli: Yeah yeah, I know, I can pick up some more while I'm out today.

Asmodeus: About that. You're still going to that contest rehearsal… without me?

Fizzarolli: Welll... y- you have a packed day today.... and I know you arent big on the whole Mammon thing, soo....

Asmodeus: It's the Greed ring. One of the cities is literally called Ransom.

Fizzarolli: Ah, you worry too much, You know I ain't afraid of ropes. 'Sides, I'm slippery~.

Asmodeus: I mean... only after I...

Fizzarolli: What?

Asmodeus: What?

Fizzarolli: Come onnnn, Ozz. I can be on my own one day!

Asmodeus: But you haven't been to the Greed ring alone since becoming Mam's big brand figure.

Fizzarolli: Yeah, I guess, but it's not like I'm gonna stick around!

Asmodeus: I can get you an escort.

Fizzarolli: Ah! I can handle it! Come on, Big Daddy. Pweeeaasee? [Fizzarolli pulls puppy eyes on Asmodeus.]

Asmodeus: Mmhahahaha! Well, you know I can't say no to a face that cute.

Fizzarolli: Mhm. That's why I use it.

Asmodeus: Just try to stay out of trouble, Fizzy-frog.

Fizzarolli: Ah, stop it!

Asmodeus: Noooo~!

''[Asmodeus picks Fizzarolli up in a tight squeeze, laughing. A small succubus walks intp the room holding a stack of boxes.]''

Succubus employee: Ozz, I have the new shipment of- ''[She stops as she sees the two. Asmodeus and Fizzarolli stare at the worker wide-eyed.]''

Fizzarolli: Ya mind?! Tryna have an unemotional bang sesh here!

Asmodeus: Yeah! Cuz we're so not in love!

Fizzarolli: Yea! Love is stupid!

[The succubus sets the boxes down and walks out of the room, staring oddly at the two.]

Fizzarolli: Whew! That was close, huh?

Asmodeus: (sigh) Just come right back when it's over. And keep your phone on ya, okay?

Fizzarolli: Got it riiight here! Be riiight back after. Don't worry, Ozz! I'll be super lowkey. Nobody will notice me. [Fizzarolli sips his cup of coffee, while Asmodeus facepalms in doubt.]

''[We immediately transition to the Greed ring, where Fizzarolli runs over a cup in a glamorous limo. He steps out on the red carpet, while speakers and confetti blasters, seemingly shaped like dildos push out of the car. The confetti sprays over everyone, while one demon brushes it off, and another demon chokes to death on one of them. Fizzarolli walks off and his devil dogs come out the car and start to feast on the dead corpse. Fizzarolli whistles to get the dogs' attention to start going. They arrive and spiral around Fizz, spinning him as he chuckles. Roller skates come out of his shoes as he blasts off.]''

Fizzarolli: Whoa, girls, girls, girls! Heheheheh!

''[Fizz rolls around the block, with his dogs, also being Valentino’s queef, running at top speed. His glasses' built-in window wipers wipes all the mud off of his glasses.]''

Fizzarolli: Man, it's great not being in the spotlight for once.

''[All of the demons immediately spot Fizzarolli. While he is skating, he encounters Blitzo, and while we don't know why he's in Greed, we do know he is currently getting kicked out of a coffee shop.]''

Blitzo: Look lady, it's not my fault that you only know how to make coffee that tastes like piss!

[Fizzarolli becomes shocked, and hits the brakes on his skates, while Blitzo stammers in fear.]

Fizzarolli: Oh, wow. Lookee who it is.

Blitzo: Oh, fuck. You again.

Fizzarolli: Stalkin' me now, huh?

Blitzo: Oh, don't fucking flatter yourself, clown. I have my own life, y'know, WITHOUT YOU IN IT.

Fizzarolli: Uh huh, sure. Blitzo.

Blitz: The "O" is silent now, bitch! And gee whiz, we've been in eachother's relative vicinity TWICE, in the last 15 YEARS! That would make me, THE SHITTIEST STALKER IN HISTORY!

[Fizzarolli pets his dogs.]

Fizzarolli: Twice, is ALREADY WAY TOO MUCH.

[Blitzo dusts himself off, and says something to Fizz before he walks away.]

Blitzo: Yeah, well at least I'm still actually working for my shit. And not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention whore!

''[Blitzo has now stuck a nerve in Fizzarolli, as we can see when he growls out of anger. But he regains conciousness that Asmodeus is really someone faithful to him when we see his devil dog hand him a bone, then Fizzarolli moves the bone to show the leash, with gold lettering saying "From Ozzie with 💛".]''

Fizzarolli: Yeah well, guess that's what resilience & talent gets ya'. (chuckle) Plus, my horns were always bigger than yours. Weren't they?

''[It grows silent for a bit, while Blitzo stands in anger. Before Fizzarolli walks away, Blitzo charges at him and they start to get into a street scuffle. The screen shifts upward to find a skyscraper-like building where Striker and Crimson, Moxxie's father, unknowingly reside.]''

Crimson: So, you say you're good? Cuz' we really need a big score right now.

Striker: The best. Had a royal on the ropes just last week!

[One of Crimson's mafia members pours him a glass of wine, while he follows up Striker's response.

Crimson: Sure, but not dead?

Striker: It was… called off. But I have a body count in the hundreds! I ain't afraid to go after anyone. Women, kids-

[Striker's speech is cut off by one of Fizzarolli's devil dogs getting launched on the outside of the building window.]

Striker: And cute little-faced puppy looking things. Don't matter!

''[Striker then catches onto the fact that some drama is going on outside. He listens to Crimson's judging while still walking to see the problem.]''

Crimson: Hm. I'll tell you what; If you can deliver something of value… I'll consider it.

Striker: One moment…

''[Striker pulls out his surprisingly long lasso, to pull the root of the outside problem, Fizzarolli & Blitzo into the room, considering them something of value. He does so, and he slams them against the wall.]''

Crimson: Hired! Hahahahaha!

Striker: Funny to run into ya' again, Blitzy!

[Striker pulls out his knife in notice of Fizzarolli, knowing he‘s in cahoots with a "blue-blood".]

Striker: And with a famous friend…

Blitzo: Oh, fuck me.

Fizzarolli: For the record, we are not friends.

''[We cut to Asmodeus' factory back in his palace, where they manufacture things for Ozzie's, and for general Lust ring products. Currently, they are creating a new toy to test for the new vibrator shipment. An imp flies away with a box containing the test vibrator, while we pass some painter imps working on dildos. A transition can show two more imps fighting with dildos on the job, while we now pass to a different imp carrying the same test vibrator.]''

Asmodeus: Larger. You can never be too large, mmhahaha, you can never be too large.

[We see a conveyor belt passing the test vibrator onto a hazmat-suited imp, who flies away to return the final product to Asmodeus.]

Asmodeus: Hm… smaller, smaller. Hit the spot right there, oh, that's good. I like-oh, I like that, that's good, mhm!

''[Asmodeus now has the test vibrator in hand, only to hand it back to the hazmat-suited imp to then carry a blueprint to see if there's anything else needed to be modified. Two imps then put the vibrator into the test chamber to see if they get results. They turn on the machine, (after everybody gets safety goggles on) and turn on the vibrator. Turns out, it explodes, and the project is a failure.]''

Asmodeus: (groan)

''[Asmodeus sits alone at his desk, missing Fizzarolli when he looks at a painting of them together. Lightning strikes, as Fizzarolli's eyes strangely glow blue. Asmodeus is startled, both to the lightning, and his watch, signaling an alarm for his lunch meeting with Stolas. We then transition to Stolas sitting on a couch in the waiting room, until Asmodeus finally opens his doors.]''

Asmodeus: Stolas! Hey there, birdie babe. Haven't seen you since you crashed my club, how ya' been? Hmhmhm, still gettin' yo' kink on with that feisty imp?

Stolas: Aha, well, um, that's actually what I'm here about! You see, I, um…. seem to have found myself with… feelings. For him. And, I'm not sure if it's a mutual thing…!

[Asmodeus grows unamused, assuming he's looking for something to un-morally force Blitzo to love him.]

Asmodeus: Well I can tell ya', if you're lookin' for a love potion, you came to the wrong. Fuckin'. Guy. I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit. Lust, shouldn't be about force. It's an art! To be, earned! And enjoyed… It's all about that journey, to Pleasuretown… ya' feel me? Hmhmhmhm…

Stolas: Oh, no, never, never that! I just, you see-

[While Stolas is speaking, Asmodeus decides to devour his whole bowl of various sex-shaped cereals and/or candy.]

Stolas: This imp has a business he runs, he needs to access the mortal realm to carry out his work. I know your demons are some of the early ones who can traverse freely and legally. I was wondering if you could assist me in… finding a way he could too?

Asmodeus: (gasp) Oh! Hmm, Stolas, my heart bleeds for you! But my partner- uh, business partner, Fizzarolli, HATES your imp guy. Blitzo, right? Yeah. HAAATES.

Stolas: He does? But, why?

Asmodeus: Not my story to tell, but trust me. I would help if I could, but I can't. Sorry…

''[Asmodeus notices his newly delivered message from Fizzarolli’s contact, put under “Froggie 🤍”. He smiles in relief and opens the notification, causing the phone to fly across the room in a grand display and grow larger to show a widescreen version of the message.]''

Crimson: Hello, Asmodeus.

[Asmodeus and Stolas grow concerned at the appearance of Crimson, and not Fizzarolli.]

Crimson: You don’t know me, but you don’t need to. All you need to know is I have your little jester here with me.

''[The recording shows Striker bringing Fizzarolli to the camera tied up with tape over his mouth. Asmodeus now grows enraged at the sight of this and tries to strangely grab the hologram out of anger.]''

Crimson: If you want him back alive, you will give me exactly what I want.

Asmodeus: Do you have any idea who you are ' FUCKING WITH?! '

[Asmodeus glows to turn a vivid neon version of his natural colors, while his head turns red, showing his outrage.]

Stolas: I… think it’s a recording.

Crimson: You probably just asked if I know who I’m dealing with. And, oh yes, I know. The weakest and most non-threatening of the Sins. The king who will do whatever it takes to save the worst kept secret in all of Hell.

[Asmodeus grows embarrassed and turns his head away from the video, with Stolas becoming worried for him and trying to console him.]

Crimson: We both know you won’t risk anything happening to the clown. So be a good little bitch boy, and do the thing. My lawyers will be over shortly with the contract of demands. You have until the witching hour to sign it. Hueheheheheheheh! Now, cut. I SAID CUT IT, YA FUCKIN’ MORON!

''[The phone falls back on the table, and Asmodeus grows powerful out of rage, and the whole room shakes. Stolas starts to step away when Asmodeus roars, making the whole room glow with a beam of energy. The transition shows Crimson’s mafia member giving him a lighter to smoke a cigar. He walks off, while the mafia member sets Blitzo & Fizzarolli in a cage, which Striker is on top of. Fizzarolli stammers in fear, while Blitzo scoots back.]''

Blitzo: Oh, chill out, jester. Christ on a stick, it’s like you’ve never been tied up before!

Fizzarolli: Sure, but not by a bunch of psychos! (grunts, falls down) And a piece of shit!

Blitzo: Am I- okay, Am I the psycho or the piece of shit?

Fizzarolli: Both!

Blitzo: Yeah, that checks.

Fizzarolli: How is this happening?! I was just supposed to grab some gas station milk and rehearse some juggling…!

Blitzo: Oh relax, I’m sure your big royal chicken ain’t gonna let anything happen to his peppy lil’ fuckdoll.

[Fizzarolli gets frustrated, and sits up straight to scoot in front of Blitzo.]

Fizzarolli: Ohh, playin’ that card, huh? Okay, what about you? Seems your tastes have gotten more… regal, lately. Heheh…

Blitzo: Well yeah, unlike you, I fuck who I want, when I want. I’m not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole.

Fizzarolli: You could’ve fooled me the way Princey was cozying up to you at Ozzie’s.

Blitzo: Hey! Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress, it’s nothing… y’know…

[Fizzarolli gives him a look, knowing that he’s in denial.]

Blitzo: (sigh) It’s nothing else.

Fizzarolli: Then why were you even there?

Blitzo: Other very important reasons, of course!

Fizzarolli: Whatever, I don’t actually care.

Blitzo: I mean Stolas is just a loud thirsty bitch who loves feelin’ the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class. It’s a novelty to him.

Fizzarolli: …Literally just said I don’t care.

Blitzo: And then, he’ll call me to see how “my day was!” and he’ll pretend to care about me, and comment on my photos, and LAUGH AT MY JOKES-

Fizzarolli: (sarcastic) Oh, well that’s “definitely” your clue right there that it’s all bullshit.

Blitzo: I KNOW, RIGHT?

[Fizzarolli rolls his eyes, due to Blitzo not getting his clear fact of sarcasm.]

Blitzo: He’s just a fake, privileged asshole!

Fizzarolli: Sound like you just hate him for being a prince. Because no one, and I mean no one pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay.

Blitzo: Point is, royal demons don’t give a shit about guys like us. They’re all the fuckin’ same.

Fizzarolli: That’s not- …always true… But I guess you’re right. They can’t all be the same if some have taste, and some wanna ''fuck you. ''

Blitzo: Can we talk about something other than my sex life?! Satan’s taint, is fucking that Lust guy make this what you’re all about now?

Fizzarolli: You brought it up, asshole!

[Striker bangs on the two’s cage.]

Striker: CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?! You bicker like a couple of teen SKANKS.

[Striker steps down onto the boxes, while leaning towards their cage.]

Striker: As far as I'm concerned, you two are BOTH embarrassments to our kind for meddlin' with blue-bloods in the first place. (sigh) But at least loud-mouth here has the sense to only fuck his rich bitch, instead of being a little purse dog.

Blitzo: Oh, great. The fuckin' supremacist is on my side, wonderful.

Fizzarolli: Neither of you filth-bags know what you're even talkin' about. If you think you're superior to ANYONE, then you're no better than any royal-

''[Striker grows agitated at the continuation of Fizzarolli's sentence. Before he could offend him enough, he stops Fizz from talking, and grabs him.]''

Striker: DON'T. YOU. DARE... FINISH THAT SENTENCE, CLOWN.

Crimson: HEY, hick-for-hire! I said watch em', not fuck em'. Keep ya' hands off the merchandise!

[Striker looks at Fizzarolli one more time, before jumping off the cage.]

Fizzarolli: EAUGH! EVER HEARD OF MOUTHWASH?! FUCK-FAAACE!

''[We cut back to Asmodeus, looking frustrated and slightly tired. He is holding the lawyer's contract for Crimson's ransom.]''

Asmodeus: (groans) Can I just sign it already, like, can we move this along?

''[Crimson's lawyer shrugs it off, and gives him the contract. Stolas suspects that the lawyer being fine with this could lead to something off.]''

Stolas: Sire, you need to know the contents of this contract, you can't just sign it! A deal made with a sin like yourself would be everlastingly binding... Perhaps I can look over it, I'm a fast reader. (mumbles through contract) Oh! Hmmm... This is a contract giving Crimson all of Ozzie's factory assets. And, giving him permission to use Fizzarolli's head for a wall decoration.

Asmodeus: Wait, what?!

Greed Lawyer: Juuust making sure you're paying attention! (nervous chuckle) Here's the real contract.

Stolas: (claps) Oohoohoohoo! This will be fun! I love words!

[Asmodeus becomes angry, and disintegrates the fake contract.]

[Fizzarolli struggles to escape his imprisonment, while Blitzo just watches it all happen.]

Blitzo: Ya know, you're really bad at this.

[Fizzarolli grunts, and falls down again.]

Fizzarolli: Hmmm, ya know? Last time I checked, I was a fucking jester , NOT an escape art-

''[Fizzarolli causes getting zapped due to rubbing his hands together on his wrap. He shoots up, his head indents the cage, and he falls back down.]''

Fizzarolli: (sniffles) I just wanna go home...

Blitzo: Hm... you want me to get you out?

Fizzarolli: (whimpering) Ye-ye-yes…

???

Fizzarolli: Show-off.

''[Suddenly, Crimson and his goons came in upon hearing the commotion. Crimson lifts up a cucumber slice to see Blitzo and Fizzarolli have freed themselves and caused a mess in the process]''

???