Hell's Greatest Dad

Hell's Greatest Dad is one of two songs featured in the Hazbin Hotel episode "Dad Beat Dad". It is sung by Lucifer Morningstar and Alastor to Charlie Morningstar as they compete for her affection. Mimzy later interrupts and inserts herself into it.

Lyrics
Lucifer Morningstar: Haha! Looks like you could use some help From the Big Boss of Hell himself Check out Daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp

(Lucifer Muppets: "Five Stars!" "Flawless!" "Greater than great!")

Oh, with a punch of a pentagram I wap-bam-boom, alakazam Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb But you get the family rate!

Lucifer and Charlie: "Thanks, Dad!"

Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? (Woh-oh-oh!) Michelin tasting menu, free à la carte I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref!

Champagne fountains Caviar mountains That's just a start!

Alastor: Who's been here since day one? Who's been faithful as a nun? Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun? Your executive producer

Charlie Morningstar: That's true!

Alastor: I'm your guy, your day-to-day Your chum, your steadfast hotelier Remember when I fixed that clog today?

Niffty: I was stuck. Thank you, sir!

Charlie: Oh you!

Alastor: I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond

Charlie: Aawww!

Alastor: You're like the child that I wish that I had

Lucifer: Uh, what?

Alastor: I care for you just like a daughter I spawned

Lucifer: Hold on now!

Alastor: It's a little funny You could almost call me Dad!

(Lucifer plays a golden fiddle) (Alastor plays piano) (Lucifer plays accordion)

Alastor: They say when you're looking for assistance It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

Lucifer: Others say that in your needy hour There's no substitute for pure angelic power! Who just happens to also be your blood!

Alastor: Sadly, there are times A birth parent is a dud They say the family you choose is better

Lucifer: What a bunch of losers!

Alastor: Can you butt out of my song?

Lucifer: Your song? I started this!

Alastor: I'm singing it, I'll finish it!

Lucifer: Oh you tacky piece of—!

Mimzy: It's me! Yes, it's me! I know you were all waiting for me!

I'm here! What a gas! Took a while but I'm present at last!

It's me! It's me! Mimzzzyyyyyyy!

Lucifer: Who?

Trivia

 * This song was released on Spotify as part of the "Hazbin Hotel Original Soundtrack (Part 2)".