Exes and Oohs/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Exes and Oohs". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [''The scene opens with an exterior shot of I.M.P. Headquarters. Cut to a Scene inside the office with Moxxie holding a jug, and Loona texting on her phone. Moxxie looks around.'']

Moxxie: You know, I checked the scale today. (inhales) And it said I lost two pounds this week.

[Loona looks at Moxxie, then rolls her eyes back to her phone, indicating what little interest she has in Moxxie's comment, much to his annoyance.]

Moxxie: I. Am not. FAT!

[''Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie as she stomps around the office, mumbling angrily. Passing Loona, she hits a button entitled, "Nut button!" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying, "Hi I'm a Hooman!" then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Moxxie looks at her, disturbed.'']

Moxxie: Millie, honey. Is everything okay?

[Millie hisses back at Moxxie, disturbing him even more, but she manages to calm down.]

Millie: Yeah. I just, bumped into an ex.

Moxxie: Oh! Oh...

Millie: He just kept going on about how he has money now, "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."

Moxxie: Wait, what?

Millie: (yelling) Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it! I just need to--

[''Millie punches a filing cabinet in frustration. Blitzo enters the room shortly after.'']

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise?! I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned-- (holds a photo of two imps in horse suits) what is this?

Blitzo: Uh... research! For science! Just put it back correctly, okay, I alphabetized them. [walks back into his office] Okay, so let me get this straight: you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

[Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.]

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Uh, you want us killing someone in hell, 'cause I gotta tell ya, that ain't exactly our business no more.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. (smokes cigar) It's in regards to a business venture I'm sure will be very worth *through the phone* your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. *chuckles* Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already *through the phone* been taken care of.

[''Blitzo notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the office Moxxie and Millie are in to find the helicopter before the main window.'']

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

[''The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall. Loona looks on without a word.'']

Blitzo: Satan's ass crack! Enough with the walls, shit, we have a door!

[With the damaged walls, a wind gusts all the photos Blitzo had been saving.]

Blitzo: My research!!

[''Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one is crying, and the other is vomiting from the result. The helicopter approaches Blitzo, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.'']

Pilot: I.M.P.? Right this way, please!

[Moxxie points a gun toward him, while Millie holds a knife.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir? What's going on?

Blitzo: Now, don't worry! It's just some fancy shmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie walk toward the helicopter.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir, I don't think this is a good idea.

Blitzo: It'll be fine. Now get your asses moving.

[Blitzo pushes Moxxie and Millie into the helicopter, and as she tries to buckle herself in, Millie notices her seatbelt is broken.]

Millie: Is this thing safe?!

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

[''However, they were NOT careful as they then take out a huge chunk of a wall as they fly off. Later, the very same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring as they fly over Loo Loo Land, which is going under reconstruction, along with other carnage as they fly over a sign reading, "Welcome to Nomafia Town; No mafia here! We're Mafia-free!"'']

Moxxie: *disdained groan* I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh yeah, this is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Moxxie: Yeah, unfortunately. I grew up just over there, swore I'd never come back, and-- uh... uh-- what-- what, where are we going?

[The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.]

Moxxie: What-- Blitz... who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

[The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.]

Moxxie: Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

[''The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.'']

Client: [off-screen] There he is!

[The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen.]

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and hug your daddy!

Blitzo and Millie: "Daddy?!"

Client: I only let Moxxie call me that... unless you pay me! (laughs)

Moxxie: Guys, (clears throat) this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz. And my--

Millie: Millie! I'm his wife!

[Millie takes her hand to greet Crimson as she accepts.]

Crimson: And what a beautiful wife you are. [he kisses Millie's hand] Mox, where have you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Millie: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us... eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure. You gotta be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

Crimson: No, no! From all over. Looks like you're building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.

Blitzo: Really? *chuckles* Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Crimson: *laughs* I like your attitude. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for you.

Millie: Hey baby, why haven't I met your Pa before?

Moxxie: *nervously* Well uh, y'know, i-it's just, never been a--

Crimson: Hey! You two, move it before it gets cold.

Moxxie: Look, look, Millie, we can talk about it later.

[''Millie takes Moxxie's, and both enter the house with Blitz. Crimson's smile fades before he snaps his fingers and enters the house. The two men standing at the door follow him inside, closing the door behind them. Inside, Crimson prepares a drink for Blitzo.'']

Crimson: So, Blitzo, ya always been a hitman?

Blitzo: No, no, not always. Yeah, *takes the drink from Crimson* I was in the circus for a long time.

Crimson: Show business! *sits down* Good money in that.

[Everyone sits in the room in an awkward silence]

Moxxie: What are we doing here, sir?

Crimson: Moxxie, I raised you better than that. *lights cigar* Ya know there's no business before dinner. Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.

[Suddenly, the last guest kicks his way into the house, making an entrance]

Guest: Woo-hoo-hoo, what is up, party people?!

Millie and Moxxie: Chaz?! *to each other* Wait... What?!

Moxxie: You know him?!

Millie: *she groans and slaps her forehead* You remember that "ex" I was talking about?

[Chaz walks over and hugs Moxxie and Millie]

Chaz: Looks like I got two big sex reunions today. *singing* How lucky am I?!

Millie: *surprised* Did you date him too?!

Chaz: Ha, yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I'm in--

Blitzo: *angrily* Are you fucking kidding me?! There's someone who's fucked both of you?!

[Moxxie pushes Chaz's arms off of himself and Millie]

Moxxie: *bitterly* It was a long time ago.

Chaz: But I still remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso! Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle! It was like *fondly* it was written in the stars.

Blitzo: Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich.

[''Blitzo then notices all of the items in the room to back up Chaz's story: A photo of Crimson and a mob boss, the many trophies of hellbeasts hanging on the wall, and a framed family painting of Crimson, a younger Moxxie, and Moxxie's mother, as if posing like a mob family, hanging over the fireplace. Blitzo hears a knock on the door and looks, just in time for Crimson's goons to enter carrying a body bag.'']

Blitzo: Oh shit.

Millie: *concerned* You've never told me this before.

Moxxie: I don't like to talk about this part of my life. But, *dramatically* I first saw Chaz at my induction.