Overture/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Overture". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Charlie: Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil. Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into the Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream. But Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and her songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an Extermination, to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.

[As Charlie finishes narrating, she closes a book titled "The Story of Hell" and looks out to Pentagram City.]

Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.

[Charlie looks out the window to a recovering Pentagram City, just as Vaggie comes into the room.]

Vaggie: Charlie?

[The key Charlie is holding transforms into KeeKee who scampers away, and Charlie turns to Vaggie in surprise.]

Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?

Vaggie: Uh, yeah. I was right there. [Vaggie points her thumb to the doorway.]

Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...

Vaggie: [Vaggie chuckles] Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay? [Vaggie sits down with Charlie.]

Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.

Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom?

[Charlie shakes her head in dismay.]

Vaggie: Oof.. how long has it been now?

Charlie: Not that long, only...seven.....years, off doing something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.

Vaggie: well, at least your not alone

Charlie: I just hope that what i'm trying to do here will work.

Vaggie: It will. i have faith in you

[Keeke leaps into Charlie's arms, and Vaggie stands up]

Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us (heads to the door)

Alastor: (the camera turns on with static) Well, hello there you wayward sinner. Do you like blood violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in hell. But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin hotel, A misguided path to redemption. Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte. Morningstar, come place your fate in her inexperienced hands as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you. Here we offer fun things such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control. Custom rooms. and just look at this tacky parlor, enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow. All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel. Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.

[Alastor turns off the television]

Alastor: So what do you think?

Vaggie: I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?

Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit off. We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um...

Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.

Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious.

Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.

Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial with to let sinners know we are trying to help them.

Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement. (Taps the Television twice) So I had a little fun with it.

Vaggie: Oh fun? You had a little fun with it? Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.

[ Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch]

Vaggie: What?

Angel Dust: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?

Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star.

Angel Dust: A famous porn star. I'll have the Horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.

Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.

Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells don't it? I swear if you film me going at it with Mr. fancy talk creepy voice here, you'd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.

Alastor: Ha ha. Never going to happen.

Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.

Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.

(Charlie chuckles nervously until Charlie’s phone rings from Lucifer)

Charlie: hold that thought? I'll be right back.

Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.

(While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call)

Charlie: Hello? Dad?

Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?

Alastor: Oh, trust me, I can. (Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic)

Husk: Why do you think I'm here? You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?

Nifty: I like being forced.

Husk: Keep that to yourself. Nif.

Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?

Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.

Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty

Vaggie: Angel. Let Husk do his job and no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.

Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?

Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.

Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.

Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?

(Charlie hangs up the phone and gasp in excitement)

Charlie: Yes…YES!

(Chuckles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish)

Vaggie: Ah! what?

Charlie: (mumbling) get over here!

(Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around happy)

Vaggie: What's going on?

(Charlie breathes in and out)

Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead,

(Charlie was hyperventilating)

Vaggie: But-but the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-

(then Charlie sings a song)

Charlie: I can do this! Somehow, I know it!

I'll get Heaven behind my plans!

Vaggie: Charlie, hold on...

Charlie: There's just no way I could blow it

Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance!

Vaggie: It's just a meeting.

Charlie: To change their minds

And touch their hearts

Or... whatever angels have!

Vaggie: This could be bad...

Charlie: Cheer up, Vaggie!

This could be swell!

Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell!

Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.

Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!

Vaggie: Is she—?

Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!

Vaggie: Ugh, no...

Charlie: There's a warm, fuzzy feeling

That wafts through the air

Every street so revealing

It's hard not to stare!

It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre

If you don't mind the smell...

It's a happy day in Hell!

Hi, mister! (Demon: Go fuck yourself!)

Demon #1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul (Charlie: Hello!)

Demon #2: And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! (Charlie: Ah, excuse me!)

Demon #3: Doing what is required, we all have our role

Demon #4: I'm not doin' well!

Demons: Another shitty day in Hell!

Charlie: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed

That any soul can change!

(Vaggie: Those angels' minds are hard to change)

Then they will know everyone can be redeemed

From the evil to the strange!

(Vaggie: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!)

I can hear all their stories

The lost and displaced

And I know that they're more of an acquired taste

But if I open the door and I give them a place

At my Hazbin Hotel

It'll be a happy day in Hell!

From the porn studio

Where the cinephiles go

To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows!

To the cannibal town

Where they don't wear a frown 'cause

Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?!

And I don't give a crow that

His brain's got in my eye!

Cause I know I can spare them

From Heaven's genocide!

I can do this, I just know it!

(Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul)

I'll get Heaven behind my plans!

There's just no way I could blow it

(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole)

Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance!

To change their minds

(Trenchcoat Demon: And touch my parts!)

Charlie: Uh... No thank you. I'm just gonna...

Fulfill my destiny!

(Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss, bitch!)

I can already tell!

Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!

Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell! Today, we have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?

Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?

Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! (Eye twitched)

[Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination.]

Angel: Wait, what? Why?!

''[A drone scours an area until they found a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.]''

Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!

Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!

[Adam destroys the projector, causing its light to disappear only showing Adam's glowing evil smile.]