Radio Killed the Video Star/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Radio Killed the Video Star". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. [We open with an exterior shot of the Hazbin Hotel before cutting to inside with Charlie pacing]

Charlie: Okay. So the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year. No big deal! Just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half. But who needs a whole year to save souls, am I right?! [Starts to panic.] And next time when they cut the time in half again and again, we'll just handle it, right?!

[ Vaggie grabs Charlie, calming her down.]

Vaggie: Yes. We will.

Angel Dust: Oh, please, ya had less then half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now...ain't no silver lining this time, toots.

Charlie: Sure there is! We just...have to look a little harder for it!

Angel Dust: Well, while you’re lookin’, the rest'a hell's goin' nuts. [Angel waves his phone in their faces.] People are already freakin' out about the news. Look at what's happenin' in the Doomsday District.

[He scrolls down an article with the bottom showing a demon screaming in front of a fire. suddenly a pink message appears.]

Charlie: What's a...Donkey Show?

Angel Dust: Oh! uh, it's nothin'. My boss, Val, is also freakin' out. like i said, all of Hell's losin' their shit.

Vaggie: Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate. Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?

Charlie: Huh ... This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!

Angel Dust: Cute idea and all, but you really goin' out in all of this? [waves the phone with the place still on fire and demons in panic.]

Well, it's not like people' re gonna show up on our doorstep -

[The wall behind Charlie explodes and Sir Pentious voice's booms.]

Sir Pentious: Show yourself Alasssstor. Come and ssssee - [Alastor is shown to be nonchalantly sipping coffee] Oh there you are - sssssee my wrath!

Alastor: Oh, who are you?

Sir Pentious: Who am I? Who am I? I am the great Ssssssir Pentiousssss! Inventor, archietect of dessstruction, villain extraordinaire!

Egg Boiz: Ooh you tell 'em boss.

Niffty: Ooooh, he's a bad boy!

Alastor: Ha, well if all that's true, you think I'd have heard of you.

Sir Pentious: I attacked you literally last week.

[Alastor cocks his head.]

Sir Pentious: We've done battle, like, 20 times.

Alastor: Well, you must've been really bad at this.

Sir Pentious: Silence! Now cower, for when I ssslay you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal.

Niffty: Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?

Alastor: Oh, nobody important. ''[Cut to the Vees' headquarter. An advertisement of Vox's technology is screened.]''

Ad: New VoxTech designer voyeurscope, Peeping on the neighbours has never been more stylish. VoxTech! Trust us with your money!

[Crowd hynotized swarms in buying all the tech products.]

This week's episode of "Yeah, I fucked your sister, so what?" is brought to you by VoxTech. Trust us with your entertainment! VoxTech! Trust us! Trust us! Trust us...!

Vox: Muhahaha now that's good television!

Vox: Hello, there Velvette. How are you this hellish morning?

Velvette: Cut this shit Vox. I need you up here now.

Vox: Whatever could be the problem, my dear?

Velvette: Your little boytoy is wrecking my apartment, while I'm trying to pull together a show. And -

[Valentino can be heard cussing off-screen.]

Velvette: Just get your ass here! NOW! Damn it, Valentino!

Vox: Oh god. Here I go, Valentino. Just another fucking day with Val. Hey Hey hey. Fuck my life.

[Vox goes down the lift.]