Ozzie's (episode)/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Ozzie's". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The scene opens up with a city shot that pans down on Imp City. Yelling can be heard in the background. Loona can be seen reading a magazine called "IMP GOSSIP" with Verosika Mayday on the front page and drinking out of a glass bottle. She places the bottle on an open page of Stolas's grimoire and rolls off the table. The page of the book glows and creates a portal to the human world. A tree falls through the portal, along with a severed head. Moxxie peers out of the fallen tree, carrying a chainsaw. Blitzo walks into the office.]''

Blitzo: Woo, that was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!

[Millie crawls across the floor, with an axe between her teeth.]

Millie: I'm still so jazzed up!!

''[She snaps the axe in half and laughs. Millie walks over near the rest of the group.]''

Moxxie: Well you better stay jazzed, [points finger guns] Babe, because guess where I'm taking you tonight?

Blitzo: Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street.

Moxxie: Actually sir, it's our one-year marriage anniversary. So I'm taking Millie to Ozzie's in the Lust Ring!

[Millie's eyes sparkle and she squeals in delight.]

Millie: [gasps] Ozzie's?! No way! That place is always booked!

Moxxie: Yeah, well I've been planning it for quite a while.

Millie: Moxxie!

''[She jumps into Moxxie's arms and kisses his face before they both start French kissing and making out. Blitzo rolls his eyes.]''

Blitzo: [groans] Ugh, can you two not?

Moxxie: I'm sorry sir. Maybe another time?

Blitzo: No, it's fine! I-I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy.

Moxxie: Uh no. The reservation is for us.

Blitzo: Uh huh.

Moxxie: Just us.

Blitzo: Mhm.

Moxxie: Without you there. Explicitly without you there.

Blitzo: I wear something nice. It's a big deal after all. [hugs Moxxie and Millie tightly.] See you lovebugs later!

''[He whistles on his way out. Moxxie growls.]''

Millie: Relax sweetie, don't let him get to you today. Let's just go home and clean this blood off.

''[She drags her finger down from Moxxie's chest and makes a seductive purring sound. They walk offscreen. The scene cuts to Hell's version of an airport.]''

Intercom: Elevator 666 departing for Lust [in seductive tone] in 5 minutes.

''[Moxxie fixes his bowtie, Millie walks on screen. They both walk off together and Blitzo peers from on the other side of a pillar. Millie and Moxxie sit down in a waiting area as Blitzo spies on them behind a newspaper and calls Loona.]''

Loona: [voicemail] Yeah it's Loona. Whoever you are, go for it.

Blitzo: Hey Loonie, just wanted to let you know I'm not gonna be back home until real late. I got something important tonight.

''[Blitzo ends the voicemail and smirks. The scene cuts to several flickering neon signs. Then it zooms out to Ozzie's and cuts to Moxxie and Millie walking inside the building. Blitzo attempts to walk inside but the bouncer pulls him aside.]''

Bouncer: Woah there buddy. Got a reservation?

Blitzo: Oh yeah. I'm with those two.

Bouncer: This club is for couples only.

Blitzo: It's what?

Bouncer: No date, no reservation, no entry.

[Blitzo looks up and down]

Blitzo: ...Y-you know, [bats eyes] you have really nice eyes, daddy?

''[He gets thrown into the lid of a dumpster, then shut inside. Blitzo pops up out of the trash.]''

Blitzo: You fucking prude! [Flips him off.]

''[He gets out and lies down on top of trash bags. He crosses his arms and smiles. It cuts to Stolas pouring milk into his cereal. He groans as it shows him sitting at an empty table. He carries his bowl to a couch and covers himself with a blanket. Stolas turns on the TV to "Hell-a-Novela" and slumps down.]''

Gabriella: Why won't you love me Alejandro?

Stolas: That's a mood Gabriella. [Eats spoon of cereal]

''[The telephone rings. Smoke comes out and says "Blitzy is calling". Stolas realizes and scrambles over to the phone, spilling his bowl and getting stuck in his blanket in the process.]''

Stolas: Helloo? Hello Blitzy!

Blitzo: Stolas, hey you-uh, shit… you busy tonight?

Stolas: Umm, why do you ask?

Blitzo: I was wondering if you… wanna come with me to a club tonight?

Stolas: Are you asking me on a date, Blitzy? [blushing]

Blitzo: I-yes, I suppose that is what's happening. How fast can you get down to Lust?

Stolas: I can be ready in 20.

Blitzo: All right, fantastic. See you soon.

Stolas: I'll see you Blitzy~

''[Stolas pulls out an outfit, transitioning to him putting on eyeliner, looking in the mirror. He turns around and puts on blush. It switches over to Blitzo pacing back and forth on a street.]''

Blitzo: Come on, come on, come on…

[Stolas arrives and steps through a glowing portal behind Blitzo.]

Stolas: Oh Blitzy, I'm here~

[A spotlight appears on Blitzo.]

Blitzo: Wow. That's a bit overkill, don't ya think?

Stolas: [chuckles] W-well I-I just wanted to look a little nicer for you. This is our first real date after all.

[They both walk off together, holding hands.]

Blitzo: Oh yeah, I guess this is, huh.

Bouncer: You again? Beat it shithead-

Stolas: Ahem, do we have a problem?

Bouncer: ...Oh uh, shit-uh my apologies your highness. Uh, please go right in.

[Blitzo pops out behind the curtain and flips off the bouncer before going inside.]

[Blitzo and Stolas enter Ozzie's and find a table]

Stolas: [gasps] Oh, MY! Oh no; no, but yes! Oh Blitz, how romantic is this? What made you choose such a place to bring me?

Blitzo: [pulls out a pair of binoculars] Oh, it just sounded like- I just thought we'd have a blast here, you know? [Blitzo eventually finds Millie and Moxxie] gotcha!

Stolas: Oh, Blitz. What are you looking at?

Blitzo: [doesn't turn around] I'm looking at nothing; how about that?

[a waitress comes over to their table]

Waitress: Can I get you two off- I mean, start you two off with some drinks?

Stolas: Yes! Um, perhaps some wine to share; do you prefer red wine or white, Blitz? Or perhaps some champagne?

Blitzo: [still not turning around] Yeah, whatever.

Stolas: [nervously chuckles] Well, perhaps all three. Why not? So Blitz, how was your day?

Blitzo: [finally looks at Stolas] Huh? Oh, good I guess. We killed a bunch of beardos

Stolas: THAT sounds fun! How did you kill them?

Blitzo: How? I-I-I mean, there was a lot of them, so I-bullets.

Stolas: Right, right... so, what made you decide to ask me out after all this time?

Blitzo: Uhhhhhhhhhh

[music starts playing and several dancers descend from the ceiling]

Fizzarolli: Ladies and gentlemen! I see some sexy faces around here tonight! [descends from the center stage] Welcome, welcome, to Ozzie's: Lust ring's number 1 place for all kinds of sick twisted fantasies. Put on display for all you 'Sleaze' and 'Sleazettes'. The gem joint of Asmodeus himself! C'mon, give him some LOVE!

Stolas: Did he just say 'Asmodeus'?

Blitzo: Oh, no fucking way. Not HIM. [hides behind a menu]

Fizzarolli: I am the one and only Fizzarolli. Some of you may recognize this dashing clown face from my numerous toy botic replicas across the rings of Hell. Gloriously designed by the big man himself and [rolls up a sleeve] ribbed for your pleasure tonight. We have a great lineup for you tonight: Verosika Mayday, Wet Dream and 'The Squirters' [Verosika appears at the bar and quickly shoves aside Wally Wackford as the latter hands her a drink.] But as everyone's warming up, I got a funny one for y'all: did any of you hear about the bat-shittery that happened at Loo Loo Land? [audience laughs] Ha ha ha, oh yeah, oh wow. I'll tell you what: I'd sure love to shake the hand of the crazy son of a bitch who decided to burn down that off brand shithole and then slap them across the penis, 'cause I am VERY MUCH looking to sue! [both Stolas and Blitzo look away] That robo me made us more money entertaining those kids than the ones we sell to get you fleeks off, if you know what I mean. [giggles maniacally]

Random patron: Oh, I know what you mean! I have four of them!

Fizzarolli: [into mic] Okay, keep that guy FAR away from me. [back to the audience] SO, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one! Coming at us from a little imp from the Wrath ring, give it up for Moxxie... with no creative stage name whatsoever.

''[Moxxie takes a guitar and kisses Millie as he goes on stage. Fizzarolli jumps up into the prime box seat above the stage]''