Exes and Oohs/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Exes and Oohs". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. ''[The scene opens with an exterior shot of I.M.P. Headquarters. Cut to a scene inside the office with Moxxie holding a jug, and Loona texting on her phone. Moxxie looks around.]''

Moxxie: You know, I checked the scale today. (inhales) And it said I lost two pounds this week.

[Loona looks at Moxxie, then rolls her eyes back to her phone, indicating what little interest she has in Moxxie's comment, much to his annoyance.]

Moxxie: I. Am not. FAT!

''[Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie, as she stomps around the office mumbling angry. Passing Loona, she hits a button entitled "Nut button" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying "Hi I'm a Hooman!", then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Moxxie looks at her disturbed.]''

Moxxie: Millie, honey. Everything okay?

[Millie hisses back at Moxxie, disturbing him even more, but she manages to calm down.]

Millie: Yeah. Just... bumped into an ex.

Moxxie: Oh! Oh...

Millie: He just kept going on about how he has money now, and "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."

Moxxie: Wait, what?

Millie: (yelling) Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it, I just need to--

''[Millie punches a filing cabinet in frustration. Blitzo enters the room shortly after.]''

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise?! I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned-- (holds a photo of two imps in horsesuits) what is this?

Blitzo: Uh... research! For science! Just put it back correctly, okay, I alphabetized them. [walks back into his office] Okay, so let me get this straight: you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

[Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.]

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Uh, you want us killing someone in hell, 'cause I gotta tell ya, that ain't exactly our business no more.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. (smokes cigar) It's in regards to a business venture I'm sure will be very worth *through the phone* your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. *chuckles* Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already *through the phone* been taken care of.

''[Blitzo notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the main office Moxxie and Millie are in to find the helicopter in front of the main window.]''

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

''[The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall in the process. Loona looks on without a word.]''

Blitzo: Satan's ass crack! Enough with the walls shit, we have a door!

[With the damage walls, a wind gusts all the photos Blitzo had been saving.]

Blitzo: My research!!

''[Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one of them crying and the other vomiting from the result. The helicopter approaches Blitzo, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.]''

Pilot: I.M.P.? Right this way, please!

[Moxxie points a gun towards him.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir? What's going on?

Blitzo: Now don't worry, it's just some fanchy shmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

[Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie walk towards the helicopter.]

Moxxie: Uh, sir, I don't think this is a good idea.

Blitzo: It'll be fine. Now get your asses moving.

[Blitzo pushes Moxxie and Millie in the helicopter, and as she tries to buckle herself in, Millie notices her seatbelt is broken.]

Millie: Is this thing safe?!

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

''[However, they were NOT careful as they then take out a huge chunk of wall as they fly off. Later, the very same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring as they fly over Loo Loo Land, which is going under reconstruction, along with other carnage as they fly over a sign reading, "Welcome to Nomafia Town; No mafia here! We're Mafia free!"]''

Moxxie: *disdained groan* I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh yeah, this is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Moxxie: Yeah, unfortunately. I grew up just over there, swore I'd never come back, and-- uh... uh-- what-- what, where are we going?

[The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.

Moxxie: What-- Blitz... who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

[The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.]

Moxxie: Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

[The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.]

Client: [off-screen] There he is!

[The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen.]

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and give your daddy a hug!

Blitzo and Millie: "Daddy?!"

Client: I only let Moxxie call me that... unless you pay me! (laughs)

Moxxie: Guys, (clears throat) this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz. And my--

Millie: Millie! I'm his wife!

[Millie takes her hand to greet Crimson as he accepts

Crimson: And what a beautiful wife you are. [he kisses Millie's hand] Mox, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Millie: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us... eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure. You gotta be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

Crimson: No, no! From all over. Looks like you're building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.

Blitzo: Really? *chuckles* Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Crimson: *laughs* I like your attitude. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabolous dinner for ya.