Blitzo/Quotes

The Pilot
"Alright now, I know business has been a bit... slow lately, yes. And it's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie... Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?"

- Blitzo, starting off a company meeting "This is Hell, Millie, no one cares about cars being clean here. Oooh, what about a billboard?"

- Blitzo, denying Millie's car wash suggestion "Helpful, Moxxie, really glad you're in the room right now. Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "Hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spittin' bullshit!"

- Blitzo's reply to Moxxie's point

"Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "Cus' right now, all I see is just my dad's ASSHOLE talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside."

- Blitzo, dramatically arguing with Moxxie "I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I made you Employee of the Month!"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "Hi there, I'm Blitzo! The "O" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P! Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!"

- Blitzo, advertising the company "Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!"

- Blitzo, in the I.M.P ad "The FUCK is "insurance"?"

- Blitzo, to the doctor

"Hey, now, we don't blame our screw ups on Loona okay? She didn't do anything wroooooong"

- Blitzo, babying Loona

"Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I gotcha a little somethin'!; I'm sorry! You love spiders!"

- Blitzo, to Loona

"Oh God, it was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged ASSHOLE, none of us would have access to the living world!"

- Blitzo, about Stolas "Got this book, got this book, got this fucking heavy book. Oh, OH SHIT!"

- Blitzo, stealing Stolas's book and trying to sneak out of his house "Sorry I fucked your husband!"

- Blitzo, to Stolas' wife "Soooo, what can I do for you this time, Stolas?"

- Blitzo, on the phone with Stolas "Eat this, and you know the bridge over the freeway? Shit off it."

- Blitzo to Loona after destroying his phone due to Stolas' graphic sexual threats

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of family."

- Blitzo, defending Loona

"That is offensive. Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life."

- Blitzo, about homeless people

"Spoiler alert, the butter is spoiled."

- Blitzo, to Millie "Whatcha dreamin' about?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "You a lil' baby-wiener-haver?"

- Blitzo, immaturely insulting Moxxie "Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you two do outside work hours, so DON'T judge ME!"

- Blitzo, arguing with Moxxie "No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive... retarded."

- Blitzo, immaturely insulting Moxxie "Do NOT talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!!"

- Blitzo, defending Loona "Oh, shut up kid! You're lucky to witness this!"

- Blitzo, to Eddie "Now let's get back to talking about my outfit"

- Blitzo, about his outfit "Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling so how does it look, it's good right?"

- Blitzo, to Loona, about his outfit "Wow. Ah, y'know kid, you kinda are a piece of shit."

- Blitzo, to Eddie "They wanted us to kill and actual CHILD?"

- Blitzo, after Loona claims Eddie was in fact their target. "Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!"

- Blitzo, before shooting Eddie "Y'know, folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people! So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares."

- Blitzo, in a voiceover as the I.M.P disassembles Eddie's corpse.

Murder Family
"I mean, was she hotter?"

- Blitzo, to Mayberry "I'm just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just SPAT at me, Tits."

- Blitzo, to Mayberry "Aanywayyyyy, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here. See, we take revenge out on the LIVING, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop!"

- Blitzo, explaining why he can't help Mayberry "Mm-hmm. Yeah okay, my thoughts exaactlyy...."

- Blitzo, to an enraged Mayberry "Guys, I want you to meet-- --Our newest client...!"

- Blitzo, introducing Mayberry to the employees "DAMMIT MOXXIE, I JUST BOUGHT THOSE EELS!"

- Blitzo when Moxxie sets his office on fire "Byyyyye! And don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours or your first kill is FREEEE!!!"

- Blitzo, to the exiting firefighters "When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKIN' DIPSHIT!!"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie after the latter inquired why he offered to make the kill free after 24 hours "Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!!"

- Blitzo, asking about the condition of the grimoire "Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don't fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo-"

- An I.M.P billboard behind Blitzo, full of misspellings "And that's why you're my favorite, Loonie! You get a tweat now!!"

- Blitzo, attempting to compliment Loona "Now, let's go lick some ass!"

- Blitzo, right before entering a portal to the living world

"No, don’t be a puss, we're just killing a mother. We're RUINING a family!"

- Blitzo explaining his plan to Moxxie "What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?!"

- Blitzo, after Moxxie fumbled the shot "Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth you're already a parasite leeching off your mama's tits, now get the FUCK over yourself you baby-dicked prude-"

- Blitzo yelling at Moxxie for messing up his shot "OW! A NEW HOLE! SCATTER!"

- Blitzo when he gets shot "Stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I'm tryna concentrate on not getting FUCKED IN MY A!!!"

- Blitzo, on the phone with Stolas "Yeah that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't hurt us, but I mean, I could fake it if that would get your dick hard."

- Blitzo talking to Martha "That would be more effective."

- Blitzo, when Martha decides to shoot him and Millie "You're not getting your goddamn paycheck for this one, Moxx!"

- Blitzo, annoyed at Moxxie for screwing up the job "Apology accepted, but if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will FUCK you and your wife-Alrighty, job well done, now let's get off!"

- Blitzo accepting Moxxie's apology for messing up his shot "Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?"

- Blitzo, teasing Moxxie "Look, I don't care where you cum in the living world. Just 'cum' to your job on time, alright?"

- Blitzo, teasing Moxxie "Well, here's to another mission accomplished! And Moxxie finally learned not to FUCK UP!"

- Blitzo, to nobody in particular

Loo Loo Land
"[Impersonating Millie]: "Oh, Blitzo, you're such a good boss!" [Impersonating Moxxie] "Yeah, I really want you, sir." [Impersonating Millie] "Me too!" [As himself] Let's three-way!"

- Blitzo playing with dolls and fantasizing about a threesome with Moxxie and Millie "What the fuck?!--"

- Blitzo's reaction to Stolas calling him 'Big-dicked Blitzy' "Ah... Look I just had a chemical peel. So you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass!"

- Blitzo telling Stolas to sleep with someone else

"We're assassins, not bodyguards okay. Don't invite us to SHIT unless someone is gonna die!"

- Blitzo about to reject Stolas to be his bodyguards "Pay me what?... DONE!!!"

- Blitzo, to Stolas's offer "M and M, get in here! We're going to Loo Loo Land!"

- Blitzo calling for Millie, and Moxxie to get ready for Loo Loo Land

"LOO LOO LAND!!!"

- Blitzo shouting Loo Loo Land out loud "Now, remember; this is work and work ONLY. Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your 'perverted bird needs', alright?"

- Blitzo, to Stolas upon arriving at LooLooLand "Okay, yeah, hold on right there sweetie. If you try fuckin my little ass in that part I swear to-"

- Blitzo, interrupting Octavia to lecture Stolas "Ah, wait 'til her dad tries to fiddle your holes."

- Blitzo's response to a Loo Loo Land mascot claiming he finds Octavia creepy "Listen to your hoe, Moxx. How 'bout I take the first watch while you two have a little... fun?"

- Blitzo, convincing Moxxie to buy a one-time-use novelty cup "Save it bitch, I'm working."

- Blitzo, to a horny Stolas. "Hey! I am NOT a day hooker! What? I said I'm NOT one, prude!"

- Blitzo responding to Octavia's comment, then to a passerby

"I hate that fucking clown..."

- Blitzo and Octavia saying they hate Robo Fizz

"Hey the "O" is silent now!"

- Blitzo responding to Robo Fizz

"Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo rip-off of an overrated sellout jester!"

- Blitzo insulting Robo Fizz "No but I'm really good with guns now. Dance, bitch!"

- Blitzo to Robo Fizz "Ohhhh,,, FUCK MEEEEEE.....!!"

- Blitzo, being launched through the sky by Robo Fizz "Ohhh, hey guys! You should probably go, uh, make sure Stolas is okay. I've got some unfinished... business to take care of."

- Blitzo, to Millie and Moxxie "Oh, what a mouth!"

- Blitzo, after Robo Fizz catches and spits out a bullet fired by Blitzo "Worth it! That slutty toy clown had it coming!"

- Blitzo responding to Moxxie

Spring Broken
"I love this song"

- Blitzo, when "Mustang Dong" blasts from the car radio "♫You were a spicy little- uh- demon with the- uh- bleach blonde haaaaaiiiirrr! Fieeeeenden' for that semen when I caught your staaree... Thoooought it might be love, but you went--♫ UNHOLY SHIT FU--"

- Blitzo, singing along to Mustang Dong before almost crashing "Oh, you "suck for life", do ya?"

- Blitzo, about a license plate on a pink car

"Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your TITS out of my parking spot!"

- Blitzo, warning Verosika that she has three seconds to find another parking space "Oh shit! Verosika?! I should've known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is... three rings down!"

- Blitzo, after he sees Verosika "Oh yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!"

- Blitzo, insulting Verosika "Why are you parking here?! This is the ONLY parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car SOMEWHERE ELSE!!"

- Blitzo, telling Verosika to move "A WEEK?! No, no, you are NOT parking here for a FUCKIN' WEEK!"

- Blitzo, to Verosika "And run three rings to Wrath, and max your credit card on shitty horse riding lessons. God damn it, whore you will not let it go!"

- Blitzo, to Verosika "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now or I'm gonna.... Or I'll... uh... uh.. I- I'll call HR!"

- Blitzo, threatening Verosika "Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that."

- Blitzo, to himself

"Huh...? Oh yeah, her, yeah. We dated."

- Blitzo, answering Loona's question about Verosika

"Okay look, you're all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your personal lives."

- Blitzo, claiming he doesn’t pry into his employee’s personal lives "Okay, look, let's just drop it! Millie j- find a temporary spot for that truck. Okay. Loonie, Moxxie, let's go handle this shit."

- Blitzo, to his employees "Moxxie, shut the fuck up."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Moxxie! Don't let her access any of your holes!"

- Blitzo panicking when Moxxie gets sexually harassed by Verosika Mayday and her crew

"If you’re gonna be shitty to my employees, then I challenge you to a fucking…Challenge! Fuck, I said that twice."

- Blitzo, threaning to start a "demon duel" "Every year, you STD go up topside for easy pickin's while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds! So I bet you succu-bitches can't FUCK as many people as we can OFF by the end of the day."

- Blitzo, explaining his proposed demon-duel "Alright, shut your assholes, here’s how we’re going to do this shit. First, we find fuck ton of clients, we portal up, we have our fun murdering time as per usual, we pile all of the bodies into a big fucking canoe, we push said canoe into some water, we light it on fire to attract the sharks, an eagle, and maybe a goose, too, fuck it. They come eat the bodies, we win the bet, we rub it in that sloppy bitch’s drunken whore-ass face. Do we have any questions?"

- Blitzo, explaining his plan

"I’m sorry but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs."

- Blitzo, calling Moxxie slow

"I'm calling you slow, Moxxie. God, why don't you learn to take criticism you talentless baby-dicked troll?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Well, why don't YOU see how expensive they are?!"

- Blitzo, after Moxxie tells him to take an Art class

"Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen, sorry sweetie. Spring break is not a place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!"

- Blitzo, breaking the fourth wall "Now, remember, we can't be seen alright? And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie?"

- Blitzo, explaining the plan "Oh, Loonie, look at you, you look downright awful. I'm so proud. Now fetch!"

- Blitzo after seeing Loona's human disguise "God DAMMIT! That bitch started her goadish mating call! Now she's gonna win with all these sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys!"

- Blitzo, when Verosika starts singing "Wha-- Wha-- Where's my baby?!"

- Blitzo, referring to Loona "ConverSATION leads to HPV!!!"

- Blitzo, to Vortex "I just wanted to see what was so important that you'd be distracted from your job!!"

- Blitzo, arguing with Loona "Because I adopted you, and that should mean something!"

- Blitzo to Loona "Y'know, we could keep this little B-movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space..."

- Blitzo, bribing Verosika "WE FUCKING WOOOOOOONNNNN!"

- Blitzo after Verosika agress to give him the remaining part spot "Come on, Loonie Tooney! Let's go back and park out FAT, FUCKIN' car in our FAT, FUCKIN' SPACE!!"

- Blitzo to Loona, while attempting to antagonize Verosika "Oh my god, I just went through puberty twice"

- Blitzo, during the end credits after poorly singing along to "Mustang Dong"

C.H.E.R.U.B
"Please tell me you got that insurance thing."

- Blitzo when he sees Loopty Goopty break a hole through the wall

"Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"

- Blitzo figures out Loopty Goopty died a few moments ago

"Not even a shit’s length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I’m Blitzo, the “O” is silent."

- Blitzo introducing himself "Eh, y- y- y- You do know, Poopty-- Of course! Of course... if we do kill him though, and he ends up down here, y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever."

- Blitzo, telling Loopty what will happen if they kill Lyle "Oh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?"

- Blitzo, asking Moxxie what weaponry he has "Oh, fantastic! He’s gonna do our job for us!"

- Blitzo when he realizes that Lyle Lipton is trying to kill himself

"Oh HELL no!"

- Blitzo, after hearing that the cherubs want to save Lyle's life

"Mm hmm, you gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?"

- Blitzo, to Lyle saying not to listen to the Cherubs about how great nature is "Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close."

- Blitzo, trying to convince Lyle nature isn't all that great "Hey, dipshit! Wanna see who's lap you're sittin' on?!"

- Blitzo, showing a child who 'Santa' is "HEY HORNY LOVERS, WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD FUCK THIS OLD MAN?"

- Blitzo, asking if anyone would like to sleep with Lyle, who is referred to as ugly "Makin' things too real now, Moxxie."

- Blitzo, telling Moxxie he's getting to realistic. "Well, at least we made it bad."

- Blitzo, after the actress is crushed by a stage light. "Well someone wants that fucker dead! And he paid in advance and I spent it all on this: *shows a jewel toy horse* so he gotta go!!"

- Blitzo, telling the Cherubs that Loopty wants Lyle dead. "Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he'd probably up in Heaven now, so... it's a shame. All our client wanted was revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated. And now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up... ...Oh, I already sent him a text, and we're in good hands because texts don't make people angry."

- Blitzo, disappointed they didn't finish the job. "Everyoe, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS! Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!!"

- Blitzo, concerned about his walls "Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, and now this?!"

- Blitzo, to a dying Moxxie "No, I’m serious. Get the FUCK out!"

- Blitzo to Wally Wackford after he made a lame pun

The Harvest Moon Festival
"When this happens, it’s not really something I fuss about. But do you really need the book for this farm bullshit? I have like fifteen new clients waiting for heads to roll."

- Blitzo, to Stolas about the grimoire

"Wrath, huh? My employees are from there. I’ve never really been there. I've heard it's full of inbred chuckle fucks."

- Blitzo, to Stolas about the Wrath Ring

"Look, I told you, we’re not bodyguards, okay? That was a one-time thing we did badly."

- Blitzo, reminding Stolas of the time I.M.P accompanied him to Loo Loo Land

"Well, if you promise this isn't some fuckfest invite, it does sound like it could be a blast and a half. Plus, it's not like we can do jack shit without your book anyway."

- Blitzo, about Stolas's festival invite

"Oh fuck my clients!"

- Blitzo, to Stolas, about his clients

"Hey, hope I didn't wake ya, Moxx! How would you and Mills like to visit the Wrath Ring for some harvest bullshit this year?"

- Blitzo, inviting M&M to the festival with him "Yeah, she's my DAUGHTER!"

- Blitzo, about Loona "It's a pleasure to finally meet the sperm and egg factory that popped out this little gem of an assassin! You two raised a sturdy bitch!"

- Blitzo, complimenting Lin and Joe on their parenting skills "Ha! He's right, Moxxie, (speaks baby talk) You got a cute wittle baby hand like your baby dick."

- Blitzo, being demeaning towards Moxxie

"Millie, I am not above hitting a female in front of her daddy."

- Blitzo, to Millie

"Yeah, well if you’re good at somethin', you should probably capitalize."

- Blitzo, to Striker about having a killing business

"Well, it’s long and complicated, but the short answer is yes. But he’s not like, you know-- W- We’re y- We're not, like... We’re not doing it... We w- What's betw- It’s a transactional fucking, you see."

- Blitzo, explaining to Striker about his connection with Stolas

"Now, just remember, your rep with the in-laws is on the line here! So, no pressure at all, you totally will not make an ass of yourself in front of everyone important in your life. Go get 'em, tiger."

- Blitzo, coaching Moxxie on killing a hell hog

"Oh, he totally does. KICK ITS ASS, MOXXIE!! YEEEEAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

- Blitzo, cheering on Moxxie in hopes to see him destroyed

"Just say my name RIGHT! Fuckin' dick!"

- Blitzo, when Stolas announces the winners of the Pain Games

"Isn't this guy great??"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie and Millie about Striker

"Yeaah! I asked him if he wants to join I.M.P"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie about Striker

"Uh, excuse me. The FUCK?!"

- Blitzo, catching Striker about to shoot Stolas

"You think I wanted to stand there with hillbillies excited about corn and shit with a thirsty owl on stage?"

- Blitzo's reason for not staying at the festival

"Yeeaaaaahhh. Well, I'm not a fan of someone I offered a JOB to about to off my easiest lengthy ticket to Earth behind my back!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Took you long enough, Mox! Ha ha! Wow, you should’ve seen your dipshit face!"

- Blitzo, to Striker after catching Striker off guard

"Wow... Woah, okay. Cliché much?"

- Blitzo, to Striker when Striker threatened Blitzo with a dagger from behind

"Oh, you DADDY FUCKER!!!"

- Blitzo, to Striker after firing at Moxxie

"HA! You seem to have forgotten something, fucko!"

- Blitzo, to Striker before whistling for Loona

"Ugh, fuckin' damn it, Loona."

- Blitzo, when he notices Loona hasn't come to rescue

"In your wet dreams you honky-tonk GOAAAAT!!!!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Aw, Moxxie, look at you. Speechin' like a big boy with his big pants!"

- Blitzo, while Moxxie sticks up for Millie

Truth Seekers
"Shh! Remember, we can't be seen! ... I said shush your dick-sucking lips, Moxxie!"

- Blitzo, whilst rummaging through a trash can "Loona! Close it!"

- Blitzo, telling Loona to close the portal "Back off you tuxedo wearing fucks!"

- Blitzo before being captured by Agents one and two

"Look shitbag it takes a lot to keep me down alright? I've took a fuck ton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of, also I've been strapped nipple first to a car battery so I- o-okay!"

- Blitzo being interrogated by the Agents

"Okay I'm gonna stop you right here bitch, first of all, we just woke up from a VERY nasty shock and I'm still feelin' fucking woozy so I'mma request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean everyone gets coffee in shitty movie with scenes like this am I right? I want something ICED bitch. Moxx?"

- Blitzo getting annoyed from the two agents

"Wow, I was gettin' massive douche chills just there Mox congrats."

- Blitzo when Moxxie lists his coffee order "Or we might like it too much. And then you got a whole new things to deal with."

- Blitzo, trying to irritate the D.H.O.R.K.S agents ""Ah you're stupid huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy!""

- Blitzo talking to Agent One during interrogation. "Ohhh, gettin' kinky!!"

- Blitzo, being an immature douchebag "Don't worry Moxx, if we keep being obnoxious they'll eventually slip up and we'll get a chance to get out. Let's just keep fuckin' with them until they get so frustrated they stop thinking clearly, it usually works."

- Blitzo, reassuring Moxxie (and himself) that they'll be fine "Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It'd take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset."

- Blitzo, telling Moxxie that Millie's fine "Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie?! It's always "Oh how's Millie? I can't tonight, I'm hangin' with Millie. I'm so worried about Millie!" And she's ALWAYS FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU! It's pathetic."

- Blitzo being affected by the Truth Gas

"Dammit Moxxie this is all YOUR fault!"

- Blitzo before entering his trip

"It is no prank bitch! Because you my precious little bitch boy, are tripping BALLS!"

- Hallucination Blitzo talking to Moxxie "Why are you talking like that? What the fuck does that even mean?"

- Blitzo, to Hallucination Moxxie "♫I know! I push my friends away... ...I dont know, eventually everyone goes!♫"

- Hallucination Blitzo to Moxxie "I don't NEED you, I can do this shit on my own SO easily!"

- Blitzo talking to the hallucination of Moxxie

"STOP FUCKING TALKING ALL OF YOU!!"

- Blitzo before his trip ends "♫Whyyy, Moxxie whyyy, do you have Millie put it in your butt?♫"

- Hallucination Blitzo, being gracefully immature "Look, I'm hard on you because I know what you're capable of Mox, you care too much about with everyone thinks expect for me because, you know, my opinion is correct but, just keep doing a good job kay? You shoot and kill good, you escape things easy, you can be strategic and coldblooded when you need to, and don't expect any more compliments I'm maxed out."

- Blitzo opening up to Moxxie

"You know my name, use it."

- Blitzo when Moxxie calls him sir

"Okay, I've had one too many emotions for today, guys let's FUCK THESE FUCKERS UP!"

- Blitzo when being surrounding by D.H.O.R.K.S. agents

"I am just so DAMN proud of you Loonie! *kisses Loona's cheek* Bye sweetie!"

- Blitzo talking to Loona during fighting

"Hey Mills! You need a gun or anything? How 'bout some water?"

- Blitzo to Millie

"Now who wants some quality time with daddy?"

- Blitzo being surrounded by the agents "Hey Moxxie-? Oh wow, really going for the dick there, ain't'cha? Here, I got it for ya. Now hold this."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "Oh yeah, I'm getting HARD holding this motherfucker!"

- Blitzo, holding a rocket laucher named 'Pussy Destroyer' "Oh shit, come on fam let's blow this cock-sicle joint!"

- Blitzo noticing the alarms for when the red button is pressed

"Stola- wha- what, hold on how did you know we needed help?"

- Blitzo when Stolas shows up

"Alright, but you are keeping quiet or I'm using those bear traps."

- Blitzo agrees to have sex with Stolas

Ozzie's
"Woo, that was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!"

- Blitzo, after murdering all the lumberjacks

"Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie "Ugh, can you two not?"

- Blitzo, as Millie and Moxxie are making out

"No, it's fine! I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy."

- Blitzo, about joining Moxxie and Millie on their first anniversary "Uh huh. Mhm."

- Blitzo, while Moxxie is stating he isn't wanted at the anniversary.

"I'll wear something nice, It's a big deal after all. See you lovebugs later!"

- Blitzo, not caring about what Moxxie is telling him. "Hey Loonie, just wanted to let you know I'm not gonna be back home until real late. I got something important tonight."

- Blitzo, sending a voice message to Loona

"Oh yeah. I'm with those two."

- Blitzo, to the bouncer about him with Moxxie and Millie "It's what?"

- Blitzo, wondering why he can't enter Ozzie's

"Y-you know, you have really nice eyes, daddy?"

- Blitzo, to the bouncer

"You fucking prude!"

- Blitzo, after the bouncer throws him to the dumpster

"Stolas, hey you-uh, shit... you busy tonight?"

- Blitzo, calling Stolas

"I was wondering if you... wanna come with me to a club tonight?"

- Blitzo, asking Stolas out on a date

"I-yes, I suppose that is what's happening. How fast can you get down to Lust?"

- Blitzo, planning to meet with Stolas

"All right, fantastic. See you soon."

- Blitzo after arranging a date with Stolas.

"Wow. That's a bit overkill, don't ya think?"

- Blizto, about Stolas's entrance and outfit for their date

"Oh, it just sounded like- I just thought we'd have a blast here, you know?"

- Blitzo, paying zero attention to Stolas at all

"Huh? Oh, good I guess. We killed a bunch of beardos."

- Blitzo, after Stolas asks how his day was

"How? I-I-I mean, there was a lot of them so I- bullets."

- Blitzo explaining how he killed a bunch of beardos

"Oh, no fucking way. Not HIM!"

- Blitzo, upon seeing Fizzarolli on stage

"Hey now, I've watched those two pork many times."

- Blitzo, interrupting Asmodeus’s song "And, honestly, they make missionary look relatively exciting!"

- Blitzo, about Moxxie and Millie

"Oh, Verosika, you're here."

- Blitzo, upset that Verosika showed up

"You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave."

- Blitzo, after Moxxie's performance

"I'm not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just…I'm really not in the mood, Stolas."

- Blitzo, refusing to have sex with Stolas

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. [voice breaking] But I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? I'm sorry."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

Blitzo/Frases