Blitzo/Quotes

This is a transcribed copy of iconic quotes by Blitzo. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the respective episodes.

Helluva Boss pilot
"This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? Oooh, what about a billboard?"

- Blitzo, denying Millie's car wash suggestion

"Hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spittin' bullshit!"

- Blitzo's reply to Moxxie's point

"Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did? Cus' right now, all I see is just my dad's ASSHOLE talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside."

- Blitzo, dramatically arguing with Moxxie

"Hi, there! I'm Blitzo! The "o" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P! Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!"

- Blitzo, advertising the company

"The FUCK is "insurance"?"

- Blitzo, to the doctor

"Hey, now. We don't blame our screw ups on Loona okay? She didn't do anything wroooooong~"

- Blitzo, babying Loona

"Oh, God. It was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged ASSHOLE, none of us would have access to the living world!"

- Blitzo, about Stolas

"Got the book, got the book, got this fucking heavy book. Oh, OH SHIT!"

- Blitzo, stealing Stolas's book and trying to sneak out of his house

"Sorry I fucked your husband."

- Blitzo, to Stella

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of family."

- Blitzo, defending Loona

"That is offensive. Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life."

- Blitzo, about homeless people

"Spoiler alert, the butter is spoiled."

- Blitzo, to Millie "Whatcha dreamin' about?"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Now, let's get back to talking about my outfit"

- Blitzo, about his outfit

"They wanted us to kill an actual CHILD?"

- Blitzo, after Loona claims Eddie was in fact their target.

"...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God."

- Blitzo, before killing Eddie

"Y'know, folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people! So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares."

- Blitzo, in a voiceover as the I.M.P disassembles Eddie's corpse.

"Murder Family"
"I mean, was she hotter?"

- Blitzo, to Mayberry

"I'm just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits."

- Blitzo, after listening to Mayberry's backstory

"Anywayyyy, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here. See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of death… frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you."

- Blitzo, to Mayberry

"Boop!"

- Blitzo, booping Mayberry on the nose

"Yeah! Okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly."

- Blitzo, nervously agreeing with Mayberry

"Damn it, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!"

- Blitzo, when Moxxie sets I.M.P office on fire

"When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKIN' DIPSHIT!!"

- Blitzo, scolding Moxxie

"Now, someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!!"

- Blitzo, asking about the condition of the grimoire

"Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don't fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo-"

- An I.M.P billboard behind Blitzo, full of misspellings

"Now, let's go lick some ass!"

- Blitzo, right before entering a portal to the living world

"Look, I don't care where you cum in the living world. Just 'cum' to your job on time, alright?"

- Blitzo, teasing Moxxie

"No, don’t be a puss, we're just killing a mother. We're RUINING a family!"

- Blitzo explaining his plan to Moxxie

"Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth you're already a parasite leeching off your mama's tits, now get the FUCK over yourself you baby-dicked prude-"

- Blitzo yelling at Moxxie for messing up his shot

"OW! A NEW HOLE! SCATTER!"

- Blitzo when he gets shot "Stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I'm tryna concentrate on not getting FUCKED IN MY A!!!"

- Blitzo, on the phone with Stolas

"Yeah that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't hurt us. But, I mean, I could fake it if that would get your dick hard."

- Blitzo talking to Martha

"Apology accepted. But, if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will FUCK you and your wife-Alrighty, job well done, now let's get off!"

- Blitzo accepting Moxxie's apology for messing up his shot

"Well, here's to another mission accomplished! And Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up."

- Blitzo, celebrating after killing Martha and her family

"Yeah, fuck that family!"

- Blitzo, about Martha and her family

"Loo Loo Land"
"[Impersonating Millie]: Oh, Blitzo, you're such a good boss! [Impersonating Moxxie]: "Yeah, I really want you, sir." [Impersonating Millie]: "Me, too!" Let's three-way!"

- Blitzo playing with dolls and fantasizing about a threesome with Moxxie and Millie

"Ah... Look, I just had a chemical peel. So, you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass!"

- Blitzo telling Stolas to sleep with someone else

"Oh, well make sure she washes it."

- Blitzo, after mistaking Stolas's request

"We're assassins, not bodyguards, okay? Don't invite us to SHIT unless someone is gonna die!"

- Blitzo about to reject Stolas to be his bodyguards

"Listen to your hoe, Mox."

- Blitzo, convincing Moxxie to buy a one-time-use novelty cup

"Hey! I am NOT a day hooker!"

- Blitzo responding to Octavia's comment

"I hate that fucking clown..."

- Blitzo and Octavia saying they hate Robo Fizz

"Hey the "o" is silent, now!"

- Blitzo responding to Robo Fizz

"Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo rip-off of an overrated sellout jester!"

- Blitzo insulting Robo Fizz

"No. But, I'm really good with guns now. Dance, bitch!"

- Blitzo to Robo Fizz

"Oh, what a mouth!"

- Blitzo, after Robo Fizz catches and spits out a bullet fired by Blitzo

"Worth it! That slutty toy clown had it coming!"

- Blitzo responding to Moxxie

"Spring Broken"
"Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!"

- Blitzo, warning Verosika that she has three seconds to find another parking space

"Oh, shit! Verosika?! I should've known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd. Because, I believe the nearest ocean is... three rings down!"

- Blitzo, after he sees Verosika

"Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!"

- Blitzo, insulting Verosika

"Why are you parking here?! This is the ONLY parking spot my company has! So, take your tampon race car SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

- Blitzo, telling Verosika to move

"And run three rings to Wrath, and max your credit card on shitty horse riding lessons. God damn it, whore you will not let it go!"

- Blitzo, to Verosika

"Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that."

- Blitzo, to himself

"Okay, look. You're all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your personal lives."

- Blitzo, claiming he doesn’t pry into his employee’s personal lives

"Moxxie! Don't let her access any of your holes!"

- Blitzo panicking when Moxxie gets sexually harassed by Verosika Mayday and her crew

"If you’re gonna be shitty to my employees, then I challenge you to a fucking…challenge! Fuck, I said that twice."

- Blitzo, threaning to start a "demon duel"

"Every year, you STD go up topside for easy pickin's while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds! So I bet you succu-bitches can't FUCK as many people as we can OFF by the end of the day."

- Blitzo, explaining his proposed demon-duel

"Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen, sorry sweetie. Spring break is not a place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!"

- Blitzo, breaking the fourth wall

"God DAMMIT! That bitch started her goadish mating call! Now she's gonna win with all these sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys!"

- Blitzo, when Verosika starts singing

"Wha-- Wha-- Where's my baby?!"

- Blitzo, referring to Loona

"ConverSATION leads to HPV!!!"

- Blitzo, to Vortex

"Because, I adopted you! And that should mean something!"

- Blitzo to Loona

"Enjoy your break, Loonie. I'm gonna go something!"

- Blitzo, to Loona

"Come on, Loonie Tooney! Let's go back and park out FAT, FUCKIN' car in our FAT, FUCKIN' SPACE!!"

- Blitzo to Loona, while attempting to antagonize Verosika

"Oh my god, I just went through puberty twice."

- Blitzo, during the end credits after poorly singing along to "Mustang Dong"

"C.H.E.R.U.B"
"Please, tell me you got that insurance thing."

- Blitzo when he sees Loopty Goopty break a hole through the wall

"Not even a shit’s length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion!"

- Blitzo introducing himself

"Mm hmm, you gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?"

- Blitzo, to Lyle saying not to listen to the Cherubs about how great nature is

"HEY, HORNY LOVERS! WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD FUCK THIS OLD MAN?"

- Blitzo, asking if anyone would like to sleep with Lyle, who is referred to as ugly

"Well, someone wants that fucker dead! And he paid in advance and I spent it all on this: *shows a jewel toy horse* so he gotta go!!"

- Blitzo, telling the Cherubs that Loopty wants Lyle dead.

"Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him. So, we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he'd probably up in Heaven, now. So... it's a shame. All our client wanted was revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated. And now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up... ...Oh, I already sent him a text, and we're in good hands because texts don't make people angry."

- Blitzo, disappointed they didn't finish the job.

"The Harvest Moon Festival"
"Wrath, huh? My employees are from there. I’ve never really been there. I've heard it's full of inbred chuckle fucks."

- Blitzo, to Stolas about the Wrath Ring

"Look, I told you, we’re not bodyguards, okay? That was a one-time thing we did badly."

- Blitzo, reminding Stolas of the time I.M.P accompanied him to Loo Loo Land

"Oh fuck my clients!"

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"It's a pleasure to finally meet the sperm and egg factory that popped out this little gem of an assassin! You two raised a sturdy bitch!"

- Blitzo, complimenting Lin and Joe on their parenting skills

"Ha! He's right, Moxxie. You got a cute wittle baby hands like your baby dick."

- Blitzo, being demeaning towards Moxxie

"Millie, I am not above hitting a female in front of her daddy."

- Blitzo, to Millie

"Yeah, well if you’re good at somethin', you should probably capitalize."

- Blitzo, to Striker about having a killing business

"Well, it’s long and complicated, but the short answer is yes. But he’s not like, you know-- W- We’re y- We're not, like... We’re not doing it... We w- What's betw- It’s a transactional fucking, you see."

- Blitzo, explaining to Striker about his connection with Stolas

"I heard games! What games? I'm in!"

- Blitzo, when Joe mentions about participating the Pain Games

"Just say my name RIGHT! Fuckin' dick!"

- Blitzo, when Stolas announces the winners of the Pain Games

"Uh, excuse me...the FUCK?!?!"

- Blitzo, to Striker, when seeing him about to kill Stolas

"You think I wanted to stand there with hillbillies excited about corn and shit with a thirsty owl on stage?"

- Blitzo, to Striker about his reason for not staying at the festival

"Yeeaaaaahhh. Well, I'm not a fan of someone I offered a JOB to about to off my easiest lengthy ticket to Earth behind my back!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Took ya long enough, Mox! Ha-HA! Wow, you should’ve seen your dipshit face!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Wow... Woah, okay. Cliché much?"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Oh, you DADDY FUCKER!!!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"HA! You seem to have forgotten something, fucko!"

- Blitzo, before he whistles for Loona

"Ugh, fuckin' damn it, Loona."

- Blitzo, when he notices Loona hasn't come to rescue

"In your wet dreams you honky-tonk GOAAAAT!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Aw, Moxxie, look at you! Speechin' like a big boy with his big paaaants!"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie, when he stands up for Millie

"Truth Seekers"
"Shh! Remember, we can't be seen! ... I said shush your dick-sucking lips, Moxxie!"

- Blitzo, whilst rummaging through a trash can

"Back off you tuxedo wearing fucks!"

- Blitzo before being captured by Agents one and two

"Look, shitbag. It takes a lot to keep me down alright? I've took a fuck ton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of, also I've been strapped nipple first to a car battery so I- o-okay!"

- Blitzo being interrogated by the Agents

"Or we might like it too much. And then you got a whole new things to deal with."

- Blitzo, trying to irritate the D.H.O.R.K.S agents

"Ah you're stupid huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy!"

- Blitzo talking to Agent One during interrogation.

"Ohhh, gettin' kinky!"

- Blitzo, being an immature douchebag "Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It'd take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset."

- Blitzo, telling Moxxie that Millie's fine

"Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie?! It's always "Oh how's Millie? I can't tonight, I'm hangin' with Millie. I'm so worried about Millie!" And she's ALWAYS FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU! It's pathetic."

- Blitzo being affected by the Truth Gas

"Dammit Moxxie this is all YOUR fault!"

- Blitzo before entering his trip

"It is no prank, bitch! Because you my precious little bitch boy, are tripping BALLS!"

- Hallucination Blitzo talking to Moxxie "♫I know! I push my friends away... ...I dont know, eventually everyone goes!♫"

- Hallucination Blitzo to Moxxie

"♫Whyyy, Moxxie, whyyy? Do you have Millie put it in your butt?♫"

- Hallucination Blitzo, being gracefully immature

"Look, I'm hard on you because I know what you're capable of Mox, you care too much about with everyone thinks expect for me because, you know, my opinion is correct but, just keep doing a good job kay? You shoot and kill good, you escape things easy, you can be strategic and coldblooded when you need to, and don't expect any more compliments I'm maxed out."

- Blitzo opening up to Moxxie

"You know my name, use it."

- Blitzo when Moxxie calls him sir

"Okay, I've had one too many emotions for today, guys let's FUCK THESE FUCKERS UP!"

- Blitzo when being surrounding by D.H.O.R.K.S. agents

"Now, who wants some quality time with daddy?"

- Blitzo being surrounded by the agents

"Alright, but you are keeping quiet or I'm using those bear traps."

- Blitzo agrees to have sex with Stolas

"Ozzie's"
"Woo, that was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!"

- Blitzo, after murdering all the lumberjacks

"Y-you know, you have really nice eyes, daddy?"

- Blitzo, to the bouncer

"I was wondering if you... wanna come with me to a club tonight?"

- Blitzo, asking Stolas out on a date

"Wow. That's a bit overkill, don't ya think?"

- Blizto, about Stolas's entrance and outfit for their date

"Oh, no fucking way. Not HIM!"

- Blitzo, upon seeing Fizzarolli on stage

"Hey, now. I've watched those two pork many times."

- Blitzo, about Moxxie and Millie "And, honestly, they make missionary look relatively exciting!"

- Blitzo, about Moxxie and Millie's sex life

"You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave."

- Blitzo, after Moxxie's performance

"I'm not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just…I'm really not in the mood, Stolas."

- Blitzo, refusing to have sex with Stolas

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. [voice breaking] But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? I'm sorry."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Queen Bee"
"Hey, Loonie. How you doin', you alright?"

- Blitzo, to Loona

"N-no, I'm just here picking up my daughter."

- Blitzo, to the Imp partygoer

"No, no, thank you. But, I think Loonie wants to head back."

- Blitzo, to the Imp partygoer

"I think we need to go, m'kay? I think it's been a long night."

- Blitzo, to Loona

"*growls* Watch it."

- Blitzo, when a hellhound flirts with Loona

"Okay, fine. Maybe one drink."

- Blitzo, to Loona

"Christ on a stick you would be a Dennis, get the fuck away from me! I'm not fucking a Dennis tonight!"

- Drunk Blitzo, to Dennis

"I need a Monica or Alejandro in here, stat!"

- Drunk Blitzo, calling out at random people

"I had a shitty day…"

- Drunk Blitzo, to Loona after the party

"Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. Will you be there, Loonie?"

- Drunk Blitzo, to Loona

"I dunno jus- [drunken mumbles] ..Lonely... Gonna die alone…"

- Drunk Blitzo, to Loona

"Fuck! Yeah, I did need to throw up."

- Drunk Blitzo, after puking

"The Circus"
"Heya, folks! Wanna see me make a horse?"

- Young Blitzo, to the audience

"De-de-de-de-do-do-do-do- Ah, heheh... Horse!"

- Young Blitzo, attempting to make a balloon horse

"Well, heh. It was a horse, but then it ate too much sugar and its legs stopped working so he had to amputate. Now, it's a gross worm horse."

- Young Blitzo, to the audience, about his legless balloon horse

"I guess? Hi, uh, I'm Blitzo."

- Young Blitzo, when first meeting Young Stolas

"You know what would be fun? A game. Let's Play 'Treasure Hunt'."

- Young Blitzo, to Young Stolas, about playing a game of "treasure hunt"

"It's where we pretend we are pirates and we go around the house collecting all the nicest things and then we throw them out the window!"

- Young Blitzo, to Young Stolas

"Well, you know what's I'm gonna do when I grow up? I'm gonna run my own circus and I'm gonna be the most famous imp ever and I'll be able to do what I want to do, all day! I'm gonna make so much money and buy myself a big building, with a big office!"

- Young Blitzo, telling young Stolas his dream

"You say that with sarcasm, but I totes would be."

- Young Blitzo telling young Stolas about wanting to own a circus

"Look, I didn't mean to interrupt your whatever party. I was just trying to-"

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Well, you know, I figured since you're a prince and all it might just be easier to scale the walls and slip on in."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Well, I wanted to crash the party, and it's always more fun you know to make an entrance."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Oh. *laughs* No, not anymore. No, I kill people now."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Yeah, well. It's silent now, 'kay? So, call me... Blitzo."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Alright, fine. *inhales* I can do this real fast."

- Blitzo, before making this "real fast"

"Seeing Stars"
"Shit, shit, shit, shit! What the fuck am I supposed to tell Stolas?!"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie while panicking over Octavia and the grimoire

"Okay, my dick is good. But, it's not that good, Moxxie."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"So, what? You just want me to call him up and be like, "Hey, Stolas"--"

- Blitzo, before the phone call with Stolas "So, your daughter came by, took your book, and teleported off to who the fuck knows where, and we have no way of getting either of them back, okay?! Okay! Good talk, byeee!"

- Blitzo, on the phone with Stolas

"Oh, this doesn’t look much different from Hell."

- Blitzo after arriving in L.A.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to put a salad in your body every now and then."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Now, first things first, if we're gonna do this the old-fashioned way we're gonna need disguises."

- Blitzo, to I.M.P and Stolas

"No chance you can conjure us a couple of those, can ya?"

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"What, you can't memorize your fucking spells?"

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"The fuck is a Brendon Rager - Oh."

- Blitzo, when someone sees him with his disguise

"Millie! Where are you and your whore bag husband?!"

- Blitzo, when he was crowded by Brendon Rager's fans

"Loonie, go find Via! We'll catch up soon!"

- Blitzo, to Loona

"She's in great hands."

- Blitzo, reassuring Stolas

"Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! I-I... I can't do this. No, not again. I-I haven't performed since--"

- Blitzo, panicking over his tv performance

"No. No, no, no, you can't have her! She's mine, and I love her!"

- Blitzo, to the Child Actor

"Now, let's go find our daughters."

- Blitzo, making a dramatic scene while the studio is on fire

"Exes and Oohs"
"Are you fucking kidding me?! There's someone who's fucked both of you?"

- Blitzo, after Chaz is introduced

"Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich."

- Blitzo, about Moxxie's family being a mafia

"Isn't that from that boat movie?"

- Blitzo, after Moxxie's flashback

"I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office. And I hope you are 'cuz I got a plan to get us out of this dump but I'm going to need some help, you think you can give me a hand? I need to get out to my daughter. The babysitter will kill me if I don't get back soon. Do you like kids? 'Cause lemme tell 'ya. They're a-fucking-dorable."

- Blitzo, when first meeting Moxxie in prison

"Ha! There’s dicks in walls, oh that’s fucking hilarious!"

- Blitzo, after seeing the dildos come out of the walls.

"Oh, I was wondering how long it would take you to make a pass."

- Blitzo, to Chaz

"Ew, what the- Do you think I would violate my friend's trust by sleeping with their ex, especially one who fucked them over the way you did?"

- Blitzo, to Chaz

"Okay, fucker, nobody who's that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. I know you gotta be hiding something..."

- Blitzo, snooping around while Chaz's asleep

"Oh, fuck that! No one fucks with M&M's marriage but me!"

- Blitzo, upon finding out Chaz's master plan

"That seductive dick-hole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he's not even rich!"

- Blitzo, to Millie about Chaz

"Buckle up, Mille... we're doing a Shrek!"

- Blitzo, before crashing into the wall

"I object!"

- Blitzo, after exiting the car

"By the way y'all should probably know Chaz isn't even rich, okay? Check his car, he just played you like a fucking rube. Later loosers!"

- Blitzo, taunting Crimson after the fight.

"Well I'm glad everything ended up okay, Good to know we both have Daddy issues, Mox. Also, I got to plow your Ex-Boyfriend, isn't that great? Now we all fucked the same guy!"

- Blitzo, celebrating after the botched wedding.

"Western Energy"
"Oh, shit. Stolas! It's really not a good time, buddy..."

- Blitzo, to Stolas over the phone

"Pffttt...lucky bitch."

- Blitzo, when Stolas mentions being tied to the horse

"Ohh, which one?"

- Blitzo, when Stolas mentions his little cowboy friend

"Oh, for fuck's sake! Can't you just get away? Aren't you powerful?"

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"Oh, shit. Stolas, I can't today, alright? I'm sorry. I-I'm literally on my way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies s-h-o-t."

- Blitzo, to Stolas

"It takes years to book an appointment at this place. It took five for this one, and she's been doing a lot of field work so, you know, she needs it."

- Blitzo, explaining his situation to Stolas

"Well, hurry. Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time. And knowing that guy's aesthetic, my money's that he's in Wrath. Now get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie and Millie

"Christ on a stick! Of all the days for him to get his stupid feathered-ass kidnapped...I have waited five fucking years for this appointment! FUCK ME AND MY LITTLE RED HOLE!"

- Blitzo, expressing frustration on Stolas getting kidnapped

"The fucking Hellbies shot you fucking re-allly can't say that word anymore."

- Blitzo, stopping himself from saying the r word to the nurse

"Oh, please. I bet the hardest work you've ever done is convincing your husband that little shit's his."

- Blitzo, arguing with a mother "Me? Oh, I kill people. How does a two for one special sound, whore?"

- Blitzo, threatening to kill the mother and her kid

"Loona, yeah. And you can hurry up, please; she isn't a fan of shots. So, let's make this quick for all our sakes."

- Blitzo, to Doc

"Yep right there, told ya dipshit."

- Blitzo, to Doc

"Stolas got what? How? ... He can get hurt?"

- Blitzo, shocked and horrified to learn that Stolas got badly hurt

"Unhappy Campers"
"Well, if it isn't Nurse Pussy Face."

- Blitzo, to the Rehab Nurse

"As many as it takes to get me off. Now, enough with this foreplay. Where's Barb?"

- Blitzo, to the Rehab Nurse

"Oh, that's nice. Why don't you take that advice and shove it right between your pussy liiiips!"

- Blitzo, when falling off the window

"What part of "NO. FUCKING. TIIIIIIIME." do you not understand? Just handle it yourself."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Hi, I'm lookin for one of your employees, her name is Barbie. Does she work here?"

- Blitzo to the pharmacist

"Someone who's gonna get reeeal creative if you don't tell him what he wants!"

- Blitzo, to the pharmacist

"Christ on a stick, you're still working on that? It's been like a fucking week. THIS is why I don't trust you with dick, Mox."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Apparently, helping finish your botched job...But, mostly I'm looking for my sister."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Do I know her? That's my sister, fuckface!"

- Blitzo, to Moxxie, about Barbie

"I should be asking you the same thing! You check yourself out of rehab, no call, no note, and I have to track you down to this shithole with-who the fuck is this?"

- Blitzo, to Barbie

"Oh, shit. Barb! Looks like your little boy toy got himself into some trouble."

- Blitzo, to Barbie, about Counselor Jimmy

"Oh, fuck... supplier of what? You're not back on that H-8 are you?"

- Blitzo, to Barbie

"Barb, wait! I want help you- Let me help you. Please? You're clean now, right?- Let's... grab dinner, we'll catch up, and we'll talk about-"

- Blitzo, to Barbie

"Gonna be honest, Moxxie. Not too bad for your first solo mission."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Nooo, no, not really. You're a fucking disgrace."

- Blitzo, to Moxxie

"Oops"
"Look lady, it's not my FAULT if you only know how to make coffee that tastes like piss!"

- Blitzo, after getting kicked out from the coffee shop

"Oh fuck... It's you."

- Blitzo, after meeting Fizzarolli again

"Oh don't fuckin' flatter yourself, clown. I have my own life, ya know. Without YOU in it."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"The "O" is silent now, bitch!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli when he calls him by his former name

"And gee whiz! We've been each other's relative vicinity, TWICE in the last fifteen years! That would make me... THE SHITTIEST STALKER IN HISTORY!!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Yeah, well at least I'm still actually working for my shit. And not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention whore!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Oh, chill out, jester. Christ on a stick, it's like you've never been tied up before!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Am I? Okay. Am I the psycho or the piece of shit?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Well yeah, unlike you, I fuck who I want, when I want. I'm not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Point is, royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us. They're all the fuckin’ same."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Oh, great. The fuckin' supremacist is on my side, wonderful."

- Blitzo, about Striker, sarcastically

"Ya know? You're really bad at this."

- Blitzo, watching Fizzarolli struggling to free himself

"Hmm... You want me to get you out?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarollil

"Now stop bitchin' while I work this."

- Blitzo, after freeing Fizzarolli from his tape bonds

"What the fuck, Fizz?! How is someone this flexible, this useless in combat?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Well, good to know you're still a wimpy circus puss..."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"You always CARE what I thought!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, it was an accident!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"I DID CARE! It WAS an accident! IT WAS!"

- Blitzo, when Fizzarolli accuses him for not caring for what happened

"Ok, you're right, it was all my fault, ok? I... I should've done more to help, I was... I was TRYING. There was so much going on. I was trying to get help, Fizz. I just... It was still my fault..."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli, while blaming himself

"Look, I'm sorry, Fizz... I am so sorry you got so hurt... I'm sorry for what you lost, and I... I KNOW I Can never make that right. But you have no idea what I lost in that fire... I mean it's... it's all my fault. I'd hate me too."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"I tried. You were all I had left, Fizz. But they told me you didn't want to see me."

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Bullshit. You didn't?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"What, you're telling me getting blown up didn't ruin your life?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Yeah, that's lovely. You got good thing going on with that horny roster fucker, don't cha?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli, about Asmodeus

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, I get it! I'm happy for ya, Fizz"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Ohhh, don't you dare talk sexy to me!"

- Blitzo, to Striker

"Fizz! Remember how you used to distract my dad so I could steal his booze?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"Yeah, well, I need to get up that window there to bust us out"

- Blitzo, telling Fizzarolli to distract Crimson's mafia and Striker

"I'mma need another sixty seconds!"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli during his musical number

"I did... But this time, I stuck around."

- Blitzo, after saving Fizzarolli

"Wooooould iiit... fuck up the moment if we made out right now?"

- Blitzo, to Fizzarolli

"MAMMON'S MAGNIFICENT MUSICAL MID-SEASON SPECIAL (ft Fizzarolli)"
"Alright, I'm gonna say it. That was too many clowns"

- Teen Blitzo, to Teen Fizzarolli

"What's the point? Isn't being the star of our imp circus enough? Plenty of people already know who you are, Fizz. You don't need to go work for Mammon like some creepy mascot."

- Teen Blitzo, to Teen Fizzarolli

"Well, he's... definitely something alright. I mean I dunno, was it worth all our savings just to have him put on an over-hyped commercial, and then bitch about taxes, and then assault us with clowns, vomit, and pass out on stage?"

- Teen Blitzo, to Teen Fizzarolli

"Hey, aren't you that creep who's always trying to sniff around our dressing rooms?"

- Teen Blitzo, questioning Burnie Burnz

"Dude, weird fuckin' pitch! Fuck off!"

- Teen Blitzo, telling off to Burnie Burnz

"Hey shit-dick! Beat it now or I'll make ya swallow your fangs!"

- Young Blitzo, to Burnie Burnz

"Cheeeeese and hot sauce, Fizz, your fans are something else."

- Teen Blitzo, to Teen Fizzarolli, about Burnie Burnz

"Hey, hey, don't let one asshole get to you, okay? You're... You are plenty good enough."

- Teen Blitzo, reassuring Teen Fizzarolli

"I think if anyone's gonna be the new clown face on everything, it'll be you, Fizz."

- Teen Blitzo, to Teen Fizzarolli

"Ehn, that's a weird way to put it, but eeyup, that's me."

- Blitzo, when Asmodeus calls him on the phone

"Oh shit, the big Ozz himself! Heh, is there a reason you're calling me on the weekend? Your sin-sinness? Sinfulness? Sin-- *stammers* Royal big man?"

- Blitzo, to Asmodeus

"Yeah, I was the one who usually had the stronger opinions. Yeah, like, like one time. He tried convincing me that juggling was cool, but it's only a little cool at best."

- Blitzo, to Asmodeus

"What? Why? Doesn't he always win?"

- Blitzo, to Asmodeus, about Fizzarolli winning the Clown pageant

"Well, my special skills are killing things without giving fucks and pointing out people's flaaaaws... Alright, count me in!"

- Blitzo, accepting Asmodeus's request to help Fizzarolli

Blitzo/Frases Блиц/Цитаты