Murder Family/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Murder Family". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Mrs. Mayberry: [narrating] I was a good person, before it all went down... I was good my entire life.

''[The scene opens with a shot of a red school house. Birds fly in the background. “Learning is fun” is written on the side of the building. There are trees and a playground. A bell on the roof rings. Mrs. Mayberry opens white curtains, revealing two birds singing on a tree branch. Inside the classroom, Mrs. Mayberry writes “Good morning!” on the blackboard.]''

Mrs. Mayberry: Good morniiiiiiiing!

[She twirls around and catches her piece of chalk.]

Mrs. Mayberry: I hope you all did your homework!

''[Several smiling students nod in a dance at their desks. A brown-haired boy wearing a dunce cap spins on a stool and faces the wall.]''

[The Teacher’s Song begins.]

Class: ♫ We love to do our homework, and we love our teacher, too! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Then when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do! ♫

Class: ♫ Okay! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Two plus six is… ♫

Class: ♫ Eight! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And good behavior’s… ♫

Class: ♫ Great! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And now it’s that part of the class when we say the time of day and date! ♫

Blonde boy: ♫ It’s nine in the morning… ♫

Girl 1: ♫ On January 8th! ♫

Girl 2: ♫ The sun is out smiling! ♫

Dunce boy: ♫ And it’s your husband’s birthday! ♫

''[The class sings “la la la” while Mrs. Mayberry faces the board. She drags her piece of chalk in a line on the board, the piece almost gone. Her face is beaded with sweat and her eye twitches.]''

Mrs. Mayberry: [faces the class] Oh my stars! Stop singing, children! Hush up now!

[The class falls silent.]

Mrs. Mayberry: I forgot it’s my husband’s birthday! I didn’t get him anything special!

Girl 2: Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!

''[Scene cuts to a bedroom. “Wifey” appears with a ringing telephone icon on a computer screen. A sock lands on a corner of the computer. Giggles and an “oh yeah,” and ”not there, not there,” come from the room. An unused condom hits the screen as Mrs. Mayberry’s face appears from the other side. Back in the classroom, her face turns red in anger and then shock as she stares in bewilderment. The children stand behind her with concerned, fearful looks.]''

[Her face blank and in shadow, Mrs. Mayberry stands up and walks away.]

Girl 2: Wait! Mrs. Mayberry! [grabs hold of Mrs. Mayberry’s arm] Remember what you taught us? Think before you act.

''[Mrs. Mayberry grabs hold of the girl’s neck and tosses her through the roof. She walks out the door.]''

''[The children scurry to the window to see Mrs. Mayberry drive through a white picket fence in her green car. The children head back to the computer to watch.]''

Jarold: Okay. [Notices Mrs. Mayberry] Oh shit, sweetie. What are you doing here?

Mrs. Mayberry: Shut up, Jarold!

[A woman’s screams and shots are heard.]

Mrs. Mayberry: You scream like a bitch!

''[Dunce boy cowers in his seat as the sound of a chainsaw is heard. Blood splatters against the computer screen as the children stare in horror.]''

Jarold: Oh god, what have you done? Sh-She had a family!

Mrs. Mayberry: [sobs] We could’ve had a family!

''[Gunshots are heard and several children look away in disgust. Mrs. Mayberry wipes away the blood from the screen. She looks frazzled at her students.]''

Mrs. Mayberry: Oh dear God, what have I done...? In front of you all! [sobs] I’m so sorry, my children! Don’t forget to work on your timestamps!

[Another gunshot is heard and the children faint on the floor one by one.]

Mrs. Mayberry: [narrating] You do everything right in life, play by all the rules... and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world!

''[The camera lowers to show a pipe and fossils underground, followed by hanging stalactites. The camera stops at the outside of the I.M.P. building. A shot of the door reads “I.M.P. Headquarters” with “Meetins in progress” on a taped piece of paper. Blitzo is seen on his office chair looking bored as a shadow silhouette of Mrs. Mayberry paces the room.]''

Mrs. Mayberry: After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that’s why I’m here.

''[Mrs. Mayberry turns around, revealing her demon form. Her face is partially shadowed by blinds. She holds a cigarette in her hand.]''

Mrs. Mayberry: To get my revenge.

Blitzo: I mean, was she hotter?

''[Mrs. Mayberry glares at Blitzo with an “excuse me?” look on her face.]''

Blitzo: I’m just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits.

''[Mrs. Mayberry seethes in anger, her aura glowing red.]''

Blitzo: Anywayyyy, I don’t think you quite understand how we’re operating down here.

[Blitzo stands up and Mrs. Mayberry glares at him.]

Blitzo: See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of death…

''[Mrs. Mayberry clenches her fist. Her red aura glows again.]''

Blitzo: …frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop!

[Blitzo boops her on the nose.]

Mrs. Mayberry: [clenches her claws] Not... all of them. That whore survived. Now they all call her a hero.

''[The camera zooms up to a hospital bed with a bandaged blonde woman recovering. The room is filled with colorful bouquets of flowers. The woman’s children and husband are by her bedside.]''

Woman reporter: How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?

Martha: I just hope that sick woman finally found peace.

Woman reporter: You are so brave. Here’s two million dollars!

[A golden check slowly moves toward her.]

Martha: [innocently] Ohhhh! Thank you!

[Cameras flash as Martha smiles by her husband.]

[Martha stands with her husband Ralphie and their two children in front of a house by a lake, surrounded by a picket fence.]

Mrs. Mayberry [narrating]: Between the talk shows and the donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash... getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!

''[Scene cuts to Martha standing at a podium with “VNN” on it. A news reporter holds out a microphone among several other microphones.]''

Reporter: You’re a hero!

[Martha is then seen jogging with a dark-skinned woman with blonde hair.]

Jogger: You’re a hero, girl!

[In a grocery store, a boy wearing a beaver-skin cap talks with a cashier lady named Brook.]

Boy: My mama’s a hero!

Brook: She is a hero!

[Ralphie and Martha have sex in a bedroom and he grunts in pleasure.]

Ralphie: [grunts] You’re a hero!

''[An old priest is seen with his hands folded in prayer by church doors. Martha stands next to him with her hands folded.]''

Priest: You’re a herooooo!

''[Martha is then seen standing at the front of Mrs. Mayberry's old classroom. Another teacher introduces Martha to the class. “How to deal with trauma 101” is written on the board.]''

Class: You’re a hero!

[Martha smiles as she is given anal sex from another man.]

Man: [groans] You’re a hero!

[Back in Hell, Mrs. Mayberry’s purple fists create cracks on Blitzo's desk as she smashes down on it.]

Mrs. Mayberry: [shouting, her voice echoing] SHE IS NOT A HEROOOOOO!!

[She leans in close to Blitzo’s face, her face red with anger.]

Blitzo: [frightened] Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly.

''[Blitzo rapidly presses a red button from underneath his desk. A red light flashes by a label reading “Deranged client.” The other labels read “More coffee,” “Soiled my pants,” “Horny client,” “Client giving birth,” “Ghost,” and “Stolas.”]''

''[The camera moves to Moxxie, who is holding a black and red crossbow in his hands. In front of him is a picture of a smiling family: a father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms are shaking as the pointer hovers around the man’s crotch area.]''

Millie: Moxxie, stop shakin'! You’re gonna shoot our only hellhound!

''[Loona lies on a gray couch and holds up the family picture in one hand and her phone in the other. On the wall are drawings of Blitzo in a horse shape and a drawing of Robo Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it.]''

Loona: [sarcastically] Wow. I feel soooo loved here.

Millie: Just take a deep breath, [inhales] and let it out!

Moxxie: But... it’s a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?

Millie: I mean, if that’s what the client wants.

Moxxie: Maybe like a shitty dad. Or a mob family. [speaking with a stereotypical Italian accent] That’s understandable. [speaks normally] But to eradicate an entire innocent—seemingly in this instance—upper middle class family bloodline?

[Loona looks at the picture as she thinks for a moment.]

Loona: Hey! You don’t know they’re innocent! [points to the boy] This kid probably sets dogs on fire, [points to the girl] maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, [points to the father] and this guy… This guy definitely watches.

Millie: Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties. It’s why so many of them end up here.

Moxxie: But—

Millie: Guilty and innocent aren’t our business, Mox. [cups Moxxie’s cheeks as she shakes them] Killin' who we’re paid to is our business. Choose a target. [kisses him]

[Moxxie aims his crossbow.]

Moxxie: I just think it’s a bit excessive, and we could be a bit more selective, is all.

[Blitzo barges into the room followed by Mrs. Mayberry.]

Blitzo: Guys! I want you to meet—

''[A startled Moxxie accidentally fires his arrow and it ricochets around the room. Millie jumps into Moxxie’s arms as the arrow hits a computer. The arrow then flies and creates a hole in the family picture that a stunned Loona is holding. The arrow hits the bottom of a tank with eels and the tank starts to wobble dangerously. The arrow flies toward Mrs. Mayberry, but Blitzo catches it with one hand.]''

Blitzo: ...our newest client!

''[The eel tank falls down. Glass and water spill on the floor. The eels fall out and bursts into electricity, setting the room on fire.]''

Blitzo: Dammit, Moxxie! I just BOUGHT those eels!

''[Outside the building, imp firefighters carry the eels away and head into a red fire truck. Mrs. Mayberry drives off in a yellow taxi cab as Blitzo waves goodbye.]''

Blitzo: Byyyyye! And don’t worry, we’ll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours or your first kill is freeeeeeee!

[Blitzo waves as the car drives away.]

Moxxie: When did we start implementing that deal?

[Blitzo turns with a glare to Moxxie.]

Blitzo: When you set fire to my office in front of a [yells] CLIENT, YOU FUCKIN' DIPSHIT!!

[Blitzo grabs Moxxie’s face and pushes him away.]

Blitzo: Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!

''[A nearby billboard with Blitzo’s face on it reads with misspellings: “Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don’t fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo-“]''

[Loona types on her phone.]

Loona: You mean... our only ticket to the other side? [Pulls out a blue book from behind her] Yeah. Got it.

Blitzo: And that’s why you’re my favorite, Loonie. [In baby talk voice] You get a tweat now!

[Blitzo holds up a dog treat to her.]

Loona: Ew. Stop.

''[Blitzo throws the treat into the air and catches it with his tongue, like a frog. He pulls it into his mouth and chews.]''

Loona: You’re so gross!

''[Millie draws a pentagram with chalk on the wall. It glows red and creates a portal to the human world.]''

Blitzo: Awwww, stop it. I get enough of that from my therapist.

''[Loona rolls her eyes and leaves. Blitzo puts his hand on Moxxie’s face, who struggles to walk to Millie.]''

Blitzo: Now, let’s go lick some ass!

Millie: The expression is "kick some ass"... Blitzo.

[Millie snaps her fingers at Blitzo as she walks through the portal.]

Blitzo: Mine’s better.

[Blitzo walks through the portal.]

Moxxie: [sighs] Aww, ffffuck…

''[Moxxie walks through the portal. All three imps stand in front of a small red house by the lake as the sun sets. Blitzo and Moxxie lean against the side of the house, rising from bushes. Blitzo stands up and peers into the window.]''

Blitzo: That’s gotta be her. [chuckles darkly] This is too easy. Moxxie, do you want this one?

[Moxxie looks pleasantly surprised.]

Moxxie: Me??

Blitzo: Yeaaaah, this one’s simple enough for you to handle.

''[Moxxie stands up and peers through the window. His faces falls as he looks at the family having dinner.]''

Blitzo: It’s just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital.

''[Martha and Ralphie affectionately rub each other’s noses. Martha holds a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitates at the window.]''

Blitzo: You snooze, you lose, Mox!

[Martha’s face is seen in a reflector, her doe eyes wide and blinking innocently.]

Blitzo: Aaaand I’ve got ya, bitch.

Moxxie: Wait... Are we actually killing a family?!

Blitzo: No, don’t be a puss. We’re just killing a mother.

[Blitzo positions his rifle.]

Blitzo: We’re ruining a family!

[Rifle clicks.]

Moxxie: But… Ho- Hold on, hold on! Let’s just think about it.

''[Moxxie lifts up Blitzo’s gun as he fires. The bullet hits a glass mirror inside the house. All four family members gasp in fear.]''

Martha: What was that, Ralphie?

Ralphie: [Shakes his head] I don’t know, Martha! But whatever it is…

[Grins evilly as he stands up holding a rifle in his hands.]

Ralphie: ...they’re gonna be tomorrow night’s dinner!

''[Martha sets the platter on the table and pulls out another rifle. She drinks a glass of wine and smashes it onto the floor.]''

Martha: Alright, kids! Guns out!

''[The boy pulls out a small gun from his beaver-skin hat. The girl pulls out another rifle. All of them have evil grins of sharp teeth.]''

Ralphie: Looks like we got some rabbits to catch, young'uns! [chuckles darkly]

[Cuts back to Blitzo and Moxxie.]

Blitzo: [fumes in anger] What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?!

''[Moxxie breathes anxiously, eye twitching. He lets out a croak with his snake-like tongue out. He then falls to his knees, hands over his face.]''

Moxxie: I’m sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy.

[Tears fall from Moxxie’s eyes as he takes more breaths.]

Moxxie: I panicked!

[Blitzo facepalms.]

Blitzo: Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you’re already a parasite leeching off your momma’s tits!

[Blitzo leans in and pokes Moxxie’s head.]

Blitzo: Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby dick prune!

[A blast shoots through the wall and hits Blitzo in the arm, black blood flying out.]

Blitzo: AAAAH! A new hole! SCATTER!

''[Blitzo and Millie flee the scene and Moxxie hides in the bushes. Another hole appears and part of the wall explodes. Ralphie and Martha grin and leap through the large hole with guns drawn. Moxxie peers out from the bushes and rapidly looks around. A child’s hand grabs Moxxie by his tail and he yelps.]''

[Ralphie fires at Millie who flips backwards and dives into the lake.]

Ralphie: Where'd you go, little critter?! Y’all can’t hide long from me!

''[Millie is seen with her head above the water under the dock. A knife is in her mouth. Millie breaks through the dock and lands on it, with her knife and a grin. Ralphie swings a glass bottle and Millie runs behind him out of the way. Millie jumps up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swings his bottle upwards, knocking Millie in the head. She cries out and falls to the ground. She struggles to stand, but collapses onto the dock. Her eyes twitch. Ralphie smiles evilly down at her as the cloudy sky spirals red.]''

''[Moxxie opens his eyes and gasps with a squeak to find himself tied to a stitched up dead body in a chair. Moxxie’s face falls in fear as he looks at the girl and boy. Both their eyes are red and devious sharp grins form on their faces.]''

[Moxxie tries to defuse the situation.]

Moxxie: Oh! Well, hello there, little ones. Aren’t you cute?

[Both kids speak in low creepy tones, the boy finishing seconds after the girl, speaking instantly after Moxxie.]

Kids: It’s nice to have a new critter to play with.

''[Moxxie glances up in fear at a red light above him. The light reveals a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls are stained with red blood. Two plaques hold stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displays a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest is connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones reveals another face made of skin inside it. Human skin is tacked to the wall with “bless this mess” stitched onto it. Moxxie looks and sees a dead human body on a platter in front of him, an apple in the human’s mouth. Organs are in a nearby bowl.]''

Moxxie: Ohhhhh... crumbs.

''[The scene cuts to four gunshots ringing out in the woods. Blitzo dashes through a bush. Martha’s evil laughter follows as Blitzo runs through the forest. He slides down a hill and catches his breath at the bottom.]''

Martha: [in a sing-song voice] I know you’re hurtin’, little devil!

''[Blitzo takes deep breaths as he leans against a tree. His eyes go wide as he covers his mouth. A silhouette of Martha is shown walking through the woods.]''

Martha: [in a sing-song voice] I promise, that I can make that pain go real quick! Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!

''[Blitzo sighs in relief before his phone lets out a yelling ringtone. Blitzo pulls out the yellow cell phone and it flips through the air. The phone has "GFY" written on it with a laughing devil emoji on it.]''

Blitzo: Dammit!

[Blitzo tries to grab hold of the phone eventually doing so, then he holds it to his ear.]

Blitzo: Stolas! This is a really bad time.

''[Stolas is shown in his palace relaxing in a bathtub. There are candles with blue flames around the tub. The floor has glowing astrological symbols on it. The curtains look like the starry night sky. Glowing constellations float around the room. Stolas holds an old rotary phone to his ear, in the shape of sunflowers.]''

Stolas: Mmmmm, when isn’t it a bad time, Blitzy?

Blitzo [frustrated]: What is it?!

Stolas: I’ve been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my Grimoire?

[Blitzo’s angry face appears in a bubble.]

Blitzo: What did you just call me?!

[Stolas pops the bubble with his finger.]

Stolas: My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?

''[Blitzo looks scared as a rifle clicks. A bullet flies through the tree where Blitzo was moments before. A shadow of Martha with red eyes and mouth appears through the hole.]''

Martha: I can HEAR you, darlin'!

Blitzo: Shhhit!

Stolas: Anywhoooo, I have been thinking. You know, I have been... permitting you to access the mortal realm less than... legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors?

''[Stolas runs his finger on the edge of the tub. He makes walking motions with his fingers as they begin glow red.]''

''[Scene cuts back to Blitzo running through the woods. A bullet hits a tree and Blitzo duck behind another one.]''

Stolas: Doesn’t that sound… [speaks in a seductive voice] enticing?

Blitzo: You gotta stop using your fancy ass rich-people talk, okay? I’m trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my A!

[A bullet hits the tree that Blitzo is hiding behind.]

Stolas: Then let me keep it simple: Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of…

[Stolas’ eyes glow red and he lowers himself into the water with a lustful look.]

Stolas: …paaaaassionate fornication~

[Stolas leans slightly over the edge.]

Stolas: Aaaaaaaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm? Sound fair, my little Imp?

Blitzo: Fine! Whatever!

Stolas: [through the phone] Ohhh, Blitzo! I’m so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy c**k inside of my ****. To ***** the—

[Blitzo cringes and closes his eyes as Stolas rambles on about his lust for Blitzo.]

''[Blitzo drops his phone as he is pinned to the tree by the butt of Martha’s gun. Stolas continues talking on the phone through censored bleeps.]''

Martha: Gotcha! So, you’re a little devil, huh? Come to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well... NOT TODAY, SATAN!

[She presses the gun harder into Blitzo.]

Martha: Gonna send y’all back where ya came from!

''[The scene shifts to Moxxie, who struggles to free himself from the rope, his hands tied behind his back. He looks up and gasps as he sees fires being lit from outside. A hangman’s noose hangs from the wall.]''

Moxxie: Millie!

''[Both kids stare at Moxxie with wide evil grins. Moxxie grunts and struggles again. He notices the girl pull out a sharp knife. He looks at the blade and then glares with determination. The girl raises the knife but Moxxie pushes the chair backwards, knocking her to the ground. He frees himself with the knife. A silhouette of Moxxie appears as he breaks through the window, holding his gun. A “Live, Laugh, Love,” sign hangs from inside the room. He races outside through the forest, where red symbols hang from tree branches. There are torches in rows and tents. A full moon appears in the sky. The camera pans down to reveal Millie and Blitzo tied to a stake decorated with spikes at the top. Ralphie laughs as he pours gasoline on the ground under their feet. Nearby, a grinning Martha holds a torch in her left hand.]''

Blitzo: [sighs] I had that fucking shot. God dammit, Moxxie!

''[Martha wears skull earrings, jeans and a low-cut shirt with polka dots. Her eyes are red and her hair is thick and blonde.]''

Martha: Satan! We return your FILTHY creatures back to the pits of Hell!

[Martha rises her torch as Blitzo and Millie struggle to free themselves.]

Martha: May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy WORK!

''[Martha grunts as she tosses the torch to the ground, where it lands under Blitzo and Millie. Evil laughter follows. The flames rise up around Blitzo and Millie, but they remain unharmed.]''

Blitzo: Yeah, that’s not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn’t really hurt us, but I mean, I could fake it if that’ll get your dick hard.

''[Millie and Blitzo smirk. Martha stares confused.]''

Martha: Oh. Shit.

[Martha rolls her eyes.]

Martha: Well... I’ll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!

[She grins and pulls out her rifle.]

Blitzo: That would be more effective.

Millie: [in anger] Blitzo!

''[Martha laughs evilly again as she aims her rifle at the imps. Both imps close their eyes and flinch. Martha then yelps as a gunshot is heard. Martha’s eye flies from her socket and she collapses to the ground. Moxxie is shown holding his gun.]''

Millie: Moxxie!

[Moxxie runs over and unties the rope, freeing Blitzo and Millie.]

Blitzo: You’re not gettin' your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!

''[Blitzo falls down. Moxxie and Millie smile at each other and embrace. They both move their heads. Ralphie trips backwards on Martha’s body before fleeing the scene.]''

Blitzo [sarcastically]: Oh, yeah, thanks! I’m fiiiiiiine!

[Moxxie helps Blitzo up and supports him.]

Moxxie: I’m sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm’s way. It won’t happen again. I promise.

[Blitzo pulls Moxxie into a hug.]

Blitzo: Apology accepted. [speaks in a low voice] But if you ever pull a stunt like this agaaaaain, I will fuck you and your wife.

''[Blitzo lets go as Moxxie looks fearfully. Millie raises her arms in a cheer.]''

Blitzo: Alrighty! Job well done! Now let’s get off.

''[Blitzo pulls a gray and black horse toy from his chest. He puts it back and retrieves his cell phone.]''

Moxxie: Ehhhh, yeah. Give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house.

Blitzo: Okay, fine, but hurry up.

[Blitzo speaks loudly into the phone.]

Blitzo: Loonaaaa! We’re ready to come home, dear!

''[Moxxie runs through the woods with a determined look on his face. Stolas has continued to rave over the phone about his plans for Blitzo.]''

Stolas [over the phone]: ...**** use while you and I and **** and jelly sandwiches all night...!

''[The next scene shows the two kids being lifted into their father’s arms in the corner of the house. Moxxie points his rifle at them. The girl and boy look scared and the girl has a teddy bear with her.]''

Moxxie: Don’t move!

Ralphie [chuckles]: What are you gonna do little guy? Kill us?

Moxxie: I should! You people are monsters! But… you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes justly!

[Moxxie picks up the remote.]

Moxxie: I will call your earthly authorities, and they will make sure you are dealt with fairly. I'm handling this... my way.

''[Moxxie presses a button and the television turns on. Moxxie looks surprised and glances behind him.]''

Moxxie: Oh, shit.

[Moxxie glances at the TV remote, the buttons looking like eyes and a face.]

Moxxie: Uh... do you, uh... Do you have a phone to summon 911?

Ralphie: [motions his thumb behind him] Yeah, it’s in the kitchen.

Moxxie: Then... what is this for?

Ralphie: It’s a universal remote. Got it for the kids.

[Ralphie hugs them as Moxxie smiles, eyes shining.]

Moxxie: Awwwww.

[The scene switches to Moxxie arriving at the portal with Blitzo and Moxxie at night.]

Blitzo: There he is. Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?

Moxxie: Excuse me?

Blitzo: Look, I don’t care where you cum in the living world. Just come to your job on time, alright?

[Blitzo pokes Moxxie several times for emphasis.]

Blitzo: See you at the office!

[Blitzo goes through the portal]

[Millie places her hand on Moxxie’s cheek.]

Millie: You doing okay, sweetie?

Moxxie: Better now, honey. I think I just needed a minute to process.

[Millie touches Moxxie’s chest.]

Millie: You have a goooood heart, honey.

[Millie playfully pinches Moxxie’s nose.]

Millie: Just a fuzzy head!

''[Millie kisses Moxxie and Moxxie smiles lovingly. Millie walks through the portal.]''

[Moxxie turns around and notices two police cars and a helicopter outside the house.]

Loudspeaker voice: We got em’, boys!

''[A helicopter fires a missile through the roof and the house explodes in an massive inferno. Something hits Moxxie in the head. He looks down to see what is left of the teddy bear head. He looks stunned as Blitzo grabs his neck and pulls him through the portal.]''

''[The final scene cuts to Mayberry and the imps celebrating their victory. A white banner reads “killed the bitch” in red letters. Loona and Mrs. Mayberry are holding pieces of cake on their plates. “We did it! :)” is written on the cake in light blue icing. Blitzo has his arm in a sling. Everyone is wearing party hats. Everyone laughs and cheers except Moxxie, who sits with a distressed look on his face.]''

Millie: Ahhh, did you see my little Mox-Mox?

Mrs. Mayberry: Yaaaaaay!

Blitzo: Ohhhh, yeah!

Millie: [hugs Moxxie] We did it! Oh, Moxxie!

Blitzo: Well, here’s to another mission accomplished! And Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up.

[Millie rubs Moxxie’s head.]

Millie: And killin' people isn’t that big of a deal if they try to kill you back!

Mrs. Mayberry: That’s messed up. But I paid for it!

''[Everyone except Moxxie laughs. Blitzo raises a fist.]''

Blitzo: Yeah, fuck that family!