Stolas/Quotes

This is a transcribed copy of iconic quotes by Stolas. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the respective episodes.

Helluva Boss pilot
"There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!"

- Stolas, to Blitzo, over the phone

"Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~"

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"When I'm lonely, I become hungry…and when I become hungry, I want to CHOKE on that red **** of yours ***** your s**** and lick all of your *** before taking out your **** and **** with more teeth until you're screaming ***** like a fucking baby--!"

- Stolas, graphically describing sexual activity, to Blitzo, over the phone

"Murder Family"
"Mmmmm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo, over the phone call

"My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo, about the grimoire

"Anywhooo, I have been thinking. You know, I have been... permitting you to access the mortal realm less than... legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors? Doesn't that sound… enticing?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"Then, let me keep it simple: Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of… …paaassionate fornication~ Aaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm? Sound fair, my little Imp?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"Ooh, Blitzo! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy c** inside of my **** del***, de-...butter the d***"

- Stolas, to Blitzo on a phone call before being cut off by Martha.

"-*** I'll use while you and I are ****** jelly sandwiches all night!"

- Stolas, still talking on Blitzo's discarded phone.

"Loo Loo Land"
"When you're scared, and you don't know where I am, you must remember…No matter what happens to me, I will never be far away from my special little star fire!"

- Stolas, before singing his lullaby to Octavia

"It was unexpected! I didn't have time to go to a motel!"

- Stolas, when Stella got on his case about sleeping with an imp

"We're rich and we are hot. People want our money AND our bodies! Speak for yourself, princess."

- Stolas talking to Octavia "Now, I'm calling the ONLY man who can **** me! Who can protect me, us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know."

- Stolas talking to Octavia his daughter

"Why hello, my big-dicked Blitzy!"

- Stolas calling Blitzo

"Language everyone! I have a special request."

- Stolas talking to Blitzo and Octavia

"You are so cute when you are serious!"

- Stolas complimenting Blitzo

"Hmm! I think I'm supposed to be bodyguarded right now!"

- Stolas, hoping to be saved by Blitzo

"Uh that's better! Now where is Blitzy? HE'S my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones."

- Stolas, asking where Blitzo is

"I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for…everything…happening right now. I know it's…a lot. I, uh-- I should have listened."

- Stolas, apologizing to Octavia

"You need to understand…your mother and I…I just-…I felt-…She's always been…I haven't been- Ha-…We weren't in…I'm sorry, I- I- I don't have the words."

- Stolas, during his conversation with Octavia "I think it's time to leave this place. You were right. You are too old for it, anyway."

- Stolas and Octavia leaving Loo Loo Land

"The Harvest Moon Festival"
"As shocking as it may seem Blitzy, my grimoire is actually incredibly important and it isn't supposed to be lent out to itty-bitty imps like yourself."

- Stolas to Blitzo when needing the book for his clients.

"Oh! Why don't you all join me at the festival? I can guarantee you all…special access."

- Stolas asking Blitzo to participate in the Harvest Moon Festival.

"Greetings tiny Wrath Ring imps, I hereby welcome you to another year of celebrating the spoils of your labor that continue to feed the citizens of Hell! I'm happy to kick off the start of these games that will challenge the toughest imps to show their skill and dominance, good luck to you all! Especially that sexy little one there, yoo-hoo Blitzy~!"

- Stolas's opening speech at the festival.

"The winners are, Striker and my darling Blitzy~!"

- Stolas at the end of the festival games.

"My dear commoners of the Ring of Wrath, I, Stolas of the Ars Goetia, hereby curse this year's harvest with the glow of the true harvest moon!"

- Stolas before revealing the harvest moon to the imps.

"Truth Seekers"
"Who dares threaten my impish little plaything?"

- Stolas when entering D.H.O.R.K.S. headquarters

"What's the matter demon hunter? Never seen a REAL demon before?"

- Stolas possessing Agent Twp

"How the fuck did you get caught by humans?! Are you little creatures not being careful up here? You know, if YOU get in trouble, I get in trouble. WE don't want that."

- Stolas seeing that I.M.P almost get cornered by Agents One and Two

"Luckily for you, most don't believe the word of the demon-obsessed lunatics. They are seen as kooks. Kooks, such a silly word."

- Stolas after calming down

"Ozzie's"
"That's a mood, Gabriella."

- Stolas when he watches Hell-a-Novela

"Are you asking me on a date, Blitzy?"

- Stolas during the phone call with Blitzo

"W-well I-I just wanted to look a little nicer for you. This is our first real date after all."

- Stolas, to Blitzo about their first date

"Oh Blitz, how romantic is this? What made you choose such a place to bring me?"

- Stolas, to Blitzo about Ozzie's

"Right, right…so, what made you decide to ask me out after all this time?"

- Stolas asking Blitzo about his reason for inviting him on a date

"Thank you, for…inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I…I enjoyed spending time with you."

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia's with her mother this weekend, So, we could--We could talk, or…watch a movie, or…maybe cuddle?"

- Stolas, suggesting to Blitzo

"The Circus"
"My birthday! My birthday! It's my birthday!"

- Young Stolas waking up to realize today is his birthday

"This is my book on the difference between frogs and toads. There's a lot of differences! And this is my book on plants and herbs! Did you know that plants can hear you?"

- Young Stolas showing Blitzo his books

"I want you to **** me with your imp **** get it all the way *** *** *** all the way through me you *** *** ***-"

- Stolas while being seduced by Blitzo

"That. Was the sound…OF A FUCKING DIVORCE!"

- Stolas gleefully shouting at Stella on sleeping with Blitzo

"I tried so many years to make it comfortable for us, to have this family. But, it was never enough."

- Stolas telling Stella how he really feels about their relationship.

"I don't care what your arrogant brother thinks!"

- Stolas to Stella when she tried to slap him and remind him what would her brother think of the divorce

"Seeing Stars"
"In the great expanse of the nether there exists boundless amounts of magnificent phenomenon the great brilliance of an exploding star, the nimble dance of space dust through a nebula but once every one thousand years our corner of reality is treated to an incredible sight from the deep eldritch recesses of the cosmos the tears of a forgotten colossus begin to fall. Tears made of the hopes and dreams of every living thing that never came to be. Condensed and sent shooting across the night sky in a dazzling final display. What appears to mortal beings as a meteor shower we can see for what it is: Azathoth's Tears."

- Stolas, to Young Octavia, about Azathoth's Tears

"Yes, I know! It will be there, shortly. Of course they're being careful!"

- Stolas, to Stella, over the phone

"Apparently, your mother can't exist somewhere for two minutes without the entirety of her possessions--"

- Stolas, to Octavia, before Stella interrupts

"What? No! I'm not turning her against you-- Yes, Stella!"

- Stolas, to Stella, about Octavia

"What? Oh. I hardly think so. Knowing your mother, this will take all weekend."

- Stolas, to Octavia, about moving Stella's possessions

"Don't be gentle about it, now! Break whatever you have to to get it all in there."

- Stolas, to the Imp movers

"Darling, can we not talk about this now? Your mother's being a real B-I-T-C-H."

- Stolas, to Octavia, about Stella

"Well, how was I supposed to know you can spell?! I've never seen you read!"

- Stolas, to Stella, over the phone

" BLITZO! "

- Stolas, when Blitzo tells him what happened to Octavia and the grimoire

"How could this happen?! Do you just let anyone waltz into your office and grab infinitely powerful artifacts?!"

- Stolas, to I.M.P

"Why would she do this? How are we supposed to find her? Where would she go?"

- Stolas, fretting over Octavia

"Sadly, no. I'm afraid without my grimoire, my powers are just a tad limited in the human world."

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"Oh! Your memory's so great? What's his phone number?"

- Stolas, calling out Blitzo

"Oh! You are strong."

- Stolas, after getting picked up by a bodyguard

"Blitzo, if your performance on stage is half as good as it is in bed, you'll leave them breathless."

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"Now, hurry up and wow them, so we can get back to finding Via. Break a leg, darling!"

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"I'm just relieved you're okay! But, what would possess you to do such a thing? You know I haven't taught you spells like this yet."

- Stolas, to Octavia

"The stars? *gasps* Azathoth's tears! Oh, no. Oh, my dear sweet Via. I am so--"

- Stolas, to Octavia, before she hugs him

"Western Energy"
"Andrealphus, cheating implies there was a betrayal. This woman never gave two shits about me or our very much arranged "marriage". As far as I'm concerned, this divorce is far overdue."

- Stolas, to Andrealphus about Stella and his divorce with her

"Oh dear. This is worrisome."

- Stolas, after getting tied up by blessed rope

"I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy. But, umm...I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch. I'm tied to the back of a horse at the moment."

- Stolas, to Blitzo over the phone

"Um, well, no. Rather unlucky. I seem to have been stolen by little cowboy friend of yours."

- Stolas, to Blitzo, about Striker

"I believe he has bound me with blessed rope, which limits my ability to free myself, I'm afraid. So, I think you should come save me."

- Stolas, to Blitzo

"Oh, ha, ha. Well, I do agree that is very important...But, I--"

- Stolas, before Striker interrupts his phone call with Blitzo

"Oh, shit. Am I in danger right now?"

- Stolas, realizing that he's actually in danger

"How does one get their own theme song?"

- Stolas, asking Striker about his theme song

"So, my wife paid you for this, hmm? Wouldn't a holy bullet have sufficed? Or can you not afford those?"

- Stolas, to Striker

"So. Train tracks? Really? Seems a bit cliché, doesn't it?"

- Stolas, to Striker, about the train tracks

"Is the giant statue of yourself also a "classic" or...?"

- Stolas, questioning Striker about the giant statue of himself

"Oh I'm just impressed you seem to want to suck your own dick this badly."

- Stolas, telling off Striker about his giant statue

"Well, you seem to be forgetting; you are working for a royal right now!"

- Stolas, to Striker about working for Stella

"Blitzo handles me rougher than that in bed. Nice try."

- Stolas, after Striker breaks his leg

"Blitzy's knife is bigger... and hits sooooo much deeper."

- Stolas, after Striker stabs his leg

"Blitzy says far more dirtier things to me with much sharper objects at my throat."

- Stolas, after Striker threatens him by cutting his neck

"Don't you dare breathe a word about my daughter."

- Stolas, when Striker mentions Octavia

"I swear… If you go near her I will destroy you!"

- Stolas, threatening Striker after he mentions Octavia

"Oops"
"Well, um, that's actually what I'm here about. You see, I um... seem to have found myself with feelings for him. And I'm not sure if it's a mutal thing."

- Stolas, to Asmodeus

"Oh! No! Never! Never that!"

- Stolas, to Asmodeus during the discussion about Lust

"I just... You see... This imp has a business he runs. He needs to access the mortal realm to carry out his work. I know your demons are some of the only ones who can traverse freely, and legally. I was wondering if you could assist me in finding a way he could too?"

- Stolas, to Asmodeus

"I think it's a recording."

- Stolas, to Asmodeus about Crimson's video recording

"Sire, you need to know the contents of this contract, you can't just sign it. A deal made with a Sin like yourself. would be everlastingly binding... Perhaps I can look over. I'm a fast reader."

- Stolas, to Asmodeus

"Oh. Hmm... This is a contract giving Crimson all of Ozzie's factory assets and giving him permission to use Fizzarolli's head for a wall decoration."

- Stolas, to Asmodeus about one of the contracts

"Ooh, this will be fun! I love words!"

- Stolas, when Crimson's lawyer shows the real actual contracts

"Ok, so! I believe this draft allows you for some factory ownerships, specifically located in the Greed Ring with allocated funds going to your client for forseeable future while ensuring the safe return of one "Fizzarolli"."

- Stolas, reading the contract

"Hmmm... Get fucked, little one."

- Stolas, to Crimson's lawyer while leaving

Столас/Цитаты