Truth Seekers/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Truth Seekers". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

''[The episode opens up to panning shots of four monitors. The first shows Blitzo and Moxxie outside Martha' s house, Moxxie then pushing Blitzo's gun causing him to shoot in the wrong direction in "Murder Family". The second shows Millie coming out of the ocean after killing the fish monster in "Spring Broken", the third shows Millie and Moxxie French-kissing while swinging on a rope in "C.H.E.R.U.B.", and the fourth shows a shot of horses, which then zooms in past them onto Blitzo, who's making a goofy face. Someone then points at the screen with Blitzo.]''

Agent One: Right there! This was the first sighting.

Agent Two: They are definitely from Hell. They must use this dark magic to cross over into our world... and they seem to be killing specifically targeted people. But why?

Agent One: They always attack at random, aaaaaaall over the country. There's no way to predict where they'll show up next!

''[A loud clattering noise is heard from outside, followed by a stock angry cat sound. The two agents immediately glance over to a barred-up window obscured by heavily damaged blinds. Agent Two makes a gap between the blinds to the outside to see what made that noise. The agents then see the source of all the racket: Blitzo, standing on a box and a dumpster while holding the dumpster lid open. He looks around suspiciously.]''

Agent Two: Ahhh, well... That's convenient.

[Cuts to Blitzo outside, standing on trash bags and holding a dumpster lid open.]

Blitzo: Shhhhh! Remember, we can't be seen.

''[Blitzo slams the dumpster lid loudly, but then falls backwards into a pile of trash bags. Millie silently chuckles at his predicament, then walks away.]''

Moxxie: Pardon my words, sir, but you're currently being the loudest.

[Blitzo jumps up out of the garbage pile covered in trash; he has an old newspaper on his forehead, a half-eaten lollipop stuck to the side of his head, a scrap of paper on his horn with an old banana peel impaled on the end of it, and a used condom on his index finger, the same finger he uses to poke Moxxie's face indignantly.]

Blitzo: [softly] I said shhhhush your dick-sucking lips, Moxxie!

''[Moxxie steps away from his boss for a short moment, likely grossed out from Blitzo's condom finger, as he notices a portal opening behind him. Loona is seen on the other end and Millie jumps into it, waving to Moxxie. Moxxie begins to walk towards the portal but is suddenly tackled to the ground by Blitzo, barely missing a net being shot their way.]''

Blitzo: GET DOWN!

''[Agent One cocks his net launcher, readying another capture net. Blitzo looks behind him and sees Agent Two jump down on a rope from a building, landing in front of the portal.]''

Blitzo: LOONA! CLOSE IT!!

Millie: Wait, no! [tries to run through the portal before it closes, but fails]

''[Moxxie, seeing the portal close, is distraught at first but quickly shifts to angry, pulling out a pistol in an attempt to fight off the two agents while Blitzo hides. He jumps off a wooden pallet to dodge both a tranquilizer dart and a capture net and prepares to fire. However, he is hit in the neck from behind by a tranquilizer dart.]''

Moxxie: [stumbles, mumbling incoherently, then falls to the ground]

Blitzo: MOXXIE!

''[With quick thinking, Blitzo grabs Moxxie, knocking down the trash can he was hiding behind, and runs away. He smacks Agent Two in the face with Moxxie and keeps on running through the alleyway.]''

Moxxie: [slurred] I smell... [sniffs] colors...

''[Blitzo eventually reaches a dead end. The agents waste no time in cornering him. Blitzo raises his gun, ready to fight.]''

Blitzo: Back off, you tuxedo-wearing FUCKS!

''[Blitzo and the agents both ready their guns and prepare for a firefight. But just as Blitzo is about to fire, Agent Two pushes a button on her gun, causing Blitzo and Moxxie to be electrocuted. Moxxie is shocked out of Blitzo's grip and Blitzo is zapped a second time from residual charge, dropping his gun and going down for the count. The agents are then seen through Blitzo's eyes.]''

Agent One: [chuckles confidently] I'd like to see the suits at corporate callin' us losers now! That was pretty badass.

Agent Two: Super badass!

''[Soon enough, Blitzo's eyes close as he passes out. Meanwhile in the I.M.P. office, Millie furiously punches the wall, tears in her eyes and making vicious demon screeches, before falling to her knees devastated.]''

Millie: SHIT! Shit, shit, shit!

''[Millie wails with her head and hands on the floor. Loona stands behind her with Stolas' Grimoire in her hands, looking concerned.]''

Loona: You, uh... You okay there?

[Millie suddenly stands up, startling Loona into dropping the Grimoire and holding her hands up defensively.]

Millie: What're you doing sittin' there?! The boys are in trouble! Open it again!

Loona: Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. That means it was serious, which means I don't open it until--

[Consumed by rage and worry for her husband and boss, Millie grabs Loona by her shirt and yanks her down to face level.]

Millie: [furious] OPEN THE FUCKIN' PORTAL NOW!!!

''[Cuts to a sequence of Loona and Millie gearing up for a rescue mission. Loona zips a backpack labeled "Blitzø's Emergen-C Bag" closed, an angry Millie twirls and lifts a giant double-headed axe with the 'M' in the middle, and Loona transforms to her human form with a wolf howl in the background. The portal opens again, and Millie leaps out and lands in a pose while Loona nonchalantly steps through.]''

Millie: They aren't here...!

''[Millie drops her axe and falls to her knees again, tears welling in her eyes. Before she can cry, Loona suddenly grabs and lifts her up, bending down to sniff the ground to track where Blitzo and Moxxie went.]''

Loona: It smells like they went this way.

[Loona drops Millie into the backpack and slings it onto her back, then grabs Millie's axe off the ground, resting it on her shoulder.]

Loona: Come on... let's find the Dumbass Twins.

''[Loona starts running towards the screen while carrying Millie. Meanwhile, in an unknown location, Moxxie wakes up and looks around groggily. The camera zooms out revealing that he and Blitzo are tied to chairs. Moxxie panics and briefly struggles to get out, until Agent Two grabs the lamp over their heads and brings it close to Moxxie's face, causing him to flinch away.]''

Agent Two: Finally awake, huh, little fella? [releases the lamp] Your partner has been a while now.

[The camera zooms out to reveal that not only are Blitzo and Moxxie tied up, but their tails are wrapped together and chained to an iron ball.]

Blitzo: Look, shitbag, it takes a lot to keep me down, alright? I took a fuck-ton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of. Also, I've been strapped nipple first to a car battery, so I- [flinches as the lamp is shined in his face by Agent One] Ohhh, okay!

Agent One: Tell us, demon scum! Who do you work for? Satan?!

''[Agent Two grabs the light again. They begin grabbing it back and forth as they interrogate the two Imps.]''

Agent Two: How did you get to our world from the afterlife?

Agent One: Why are youse killin' humans?!

Agent Two: When did you show up here?

[The two agents stop passing the lights as Blitzo interrupts them.]

Blitzo: [annoyed] Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a veeeery nasty shock. And I'm still feelin' fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffee in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want somethin' iced, bitch! [turns his head around to Moxxie] Mox?

Moxxie: I'll have a Neapolitan cappuccino, more cappu- than -ccino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk; the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup--they always put "Foxy" or "Roxy"; I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional misto. Please use soy milk, with two blond shots affogato [points foot accusatorily at Agent Two] AND ristretto! I'd also love... three vanilla pumps at the very bottom, then add the coffee after, then add--

Agent One: ENOUGH! We aren't getting youse coffee!

Blitzo: Wow. I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox. Congrats!

Agent Two: [leans up close to Moxxie's face] If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers outta you nasty hell beasts!

Moxxie: When you say "torture", do you mean physical or psychological? Physical seems counterproductive; we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you would have no way of knowing what was true!

Blitzo: Or we might like it too much. And then you've got a whole new thing to deal with.

Agent One: [points accusatorily at Blitzo] What do you mean by that?

Blitzo: Ah, you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy.

[Moxxie squirms in his chair trying to hold in his laughter but laughs anyway.]

Moxxie: [laughing, stomps his hoof on the floor] Good one, sir! "Daddy likey"!

Agent Two: You better stop laughin' at us!

Agent One: [grabs Blitzo by the collar] Yeah! [pulls an amused Blitzo closer] YOU are the ones at our mercy!

Moxxie: It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied here for what, hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!

Agent Two: [leans down curious] What are you?

Moxxie: I'm a Virgo.

Blitzo: HAAAA!

Agent One: Ohhhhh, a smart guy, eh?!

Agent Two: One more quip outta you and we'll shut you up!

Blitzo: Ooh, getting kinkyyyy!

[Both agents recoil in shock and horror.]

Agent One: WHAAAAT?!? We aren't playin' into your vile demon kinks!

Blitzo: I mean, that's what it sounded like back there, you sickos!

Moxxie: [sarcastic] Please don't give them ideas, sir!

Blitzo: Why not? I know the shit you're into!

[Moxxie gets an embarrassed look.]

Agent One: STAAAAHP! We are [leans towards Moxxie, pointing] NOT gettin' kinky wit youse!

[Agent Two grab Agent One and pulls him back.]

Agent Two: Calm down, One! Don't let these monsters get to you!

[The agents start to walk away.]

Blitzo: Heyyyy, aren't we gonna get our phone call, bitch?

Agent One: Well, that entirely depends! Who are you gonna call? Hmmm?

Blitzo: Your fat mom, thankin' her for a fat time!

Agent Two: Nice try, demon! His fat mom is DEAD!!

[Agent One starts crying into his own arm.]

''[Cuts to the exterior of the D.H.O.R.K.S. building Blitzo and Moxxie are trapped inside of. Two guards armed with naginata stand outside the entrance. Four security cameras loom over their heads. Millie and Loona peek around the side of the building, looking for a way to sneak in.]''

Millie: This where they ended up?

Loona: I think so. Fuck, this looks intense. How are we gonna get in?

Millie: [sees a small vent over their heads and points at it] Lift me up to that vent!

''[Loona raises her hand and Millie climbs up, opens the vent and crawls inside. She opens the side door from inside the building and lets Loona in. They sneak through the halls trying to find Moxxie and Blitzo, completely unaware that an unnamed D.H.O.R.K.S. guard can see them on the surveillance camera. The guard spits out his coffee in surprise--unintentionally soaking another guard--and sounds an alarm to alert the other guards of the trespassers.]''

''[Loona screeches to a halt. The camera zooms out, revealing a bunch of agents holding several Japanese melee weapons. An agent holding a naginata runs toward Loona and Millie and swings it at them. The girls duck, avoiding the blade. Loona jumps, swings the axe, chopping off an agent's leg while Millie shoots him twice with twin pistols. Loona throws the axe at another agent's face where it sticks. Millie climbs the agent's body and removes the ax from his head, jumps to avoid yet another guard's katana swing, then chops the katana-wielding agent in two vertically. Loona runs into an agent with twin nunchaku and attempts to split kick him, but he avoids it. She then rolls back and jumps to avoid his strikes. An agent swings his kusarigama at Loona but Loona ducks low to the ground, allowing the nunchaku guy to be decapitated instead. Millie sneaks up to the now surprised kusarigama-wielding agent and snaps his neck, and as he falls to the floor face first Loona grabs Millie who then grabs the axe from the floor, running towards another set of three agents inside a large doorway.]''

''[Cuts to said agents. One agent hits a button attempting to stop the girls by closing the blast door on them. The other two reveal their shuriken and proceed to throw them at the girls, though they miss entirely.]''

Millie: Throw me!

Loona: [throws Millie, grunting]

''[Holding her axe in front of her, Millie flies toward the group of agents, landing with a roll just as the blast door labeled "CAUTION BLAST DANGER" closes behind her. Screams of agony can be heard as Millie slaughters them off-screen. The blast door opens back up to show Millie surrounded by dismembered corpses and blood splattered on the walls and ceiling.]''

Loona: [walks into the room, impressed] Damn! You're pretty agile for an old lady!

Millie: I'm, like, five years older than you.

''[Cuts back to Blitzo and Moxxie. Agent One yells at Blitzo while he responds by making a goofy blep face at him.]''

Agent One: STOP INSULTIN' MY MOTHER! She's DEAD!!

Agent Two: Hey, hey. Let's just leave them here until they feel like talkin'.

''[The two agents exit the room, slamming the door behind them. Blitzo glances at the door just to be sure, then immediately tries to struggle in his bonds for a couple second before giving up.]''

Blitzo: [sighs] Don't worry, Mox. If we keep being obnoxious, they'll eventually slip up and we'll get a chance to get out. Let's just keep fuckin' with them until they get so frustrated, they stop thinkin' clearly. It usually works.

''[As Blitzo speaks, the camera zooms out until it is looking at a video feed of him and Moxxie, Blitzo's audio degrading to add to the effect. Agents One and Two watch them through the screen.]''

Agent One: Hmmm! So the demons wanna play games, huh? Well, we can play games...

''[Agent Two chuckles and hits a button between "HAHA GAS" and "BITCH JUICE". As she lifts her fist away, the camera zooms in on the button, now glowing a bright green and is revealed to be labeled "TRUTH BOMB".]''

Agent Two: Heh! Yeaaaaah.

''[Cuts back to Moxxie and Blitzo. Blitzo is still struggling against the ropes to no avail.]''

Moxxie: I'm just worried about Millie. She'll be on her way by now, I'm sure!

Blitzo: Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It would take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset.

Moxxie: We've never dealt with the human government before! She's in danger!

[As they speak, a green gas begins filling the room.]

Blitzo: [suddenly angry] Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie?! It's always [mockingly imitates Moxxie] "Oh, how's Millie?" "I can't tonight. I'm hangin' with Millie!" "I'm so worried about Millie!" And she's ALWAYS... FIVE FUCKIN' FEET away from you! It's pathetic!

Moxxie: That... was oddly personal.

Blitzo: [surprised] Y'know, you're right! I don't know why the fuck I just let my guts spill like that.

[Moxxie glances at the floor and sees the green gas surrounding the two of them, eyes widening in fear.]

Moxxie: Sir! They're filling this room with something!

Blitzo: Fuck! [sniffs] The hell is this?

Moxxie: I think it's some kind of airborne truth-telling serum!

Blitzo: Oh, you just guess that's what it is?

Moxxie: Well, uh... Just ask me something specific I wouldn't normally tell you.

Blitzo: Okay. Uh... Does Millie ever peg you?

Moxxie: [smiles at the thought] Sometimes~ [eyes widen in realization] Wait! EWW! Fuck! Why that?!

Blitzo: Heh! I knew it.

Moxxie: Well, your suit is tacky! [flinches in regret] Fuck! I'm sorry...

Blitzo: [gasps dramatically] How fuckin' DARE you! Youuu have shitty taste in MUSIC!! [flinches in regret] AH, I'm sorry!

Moxxie: "Shit taste"?! [tears up] You said you liked that musical I recommended to you!

Blitzo: I lied! I left halfway through!

Moxxie: You... You said you loved it!

Blitzo: [in tears] It was awful, Moxxie! It was about ugly, horny caaaaats!

''[Moxxie starts crying hysterically. Once again, the scene zooms out into them being watched by Agents One and Two again.]''

Blitzo: [tears flowing] Oh, God, Moxxie! I've said so many lies to you!

Agent Two: [chuckles] This is gonna be a gooood night!

''[View switches to a vent pumping more of the gas into the room. Blitzo coughs and we switch to a POV shot we watch as the room wobbles and distorts, changing into something else. He shakes his head and turns back to face Moxxie angrily.]''

Blitzo: Dammit, Moxxie! This is all your fault!

Moxxie: HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?!

''[A musical trill and the sound of wind are heard. Moxxie stands up, the ropes falling away from him, and he walks forwards into purple fog. As he walks into the fog, the art style subtly shifts into something more Disney-esque and Moxxie's outfit changes into something classically appropriate. Organ music begins to play as Moxxie looks around in confusion.]''

Moxxie: Blitzo? [coughs] I- I can't see you! God, this smells awful! What's that music? Is that you? Is this a prank? Because I swear to Satan--!

''[Moxxie's rant is interrupted by a figure behind him standing at an organ at the top of a staircase that slowly pans into view. The other figure appears to be Blitzo dressed like similarly to Erik the Phantom from "The Phantom of the Opera". He is wearing a black cloak with a wide fringed collar as well as a mask over his right eye, turning it entirely red and imitates the white blotch normally seen on his face. The symbol on his forehead has also changed into a broken heart.]''

Blitzo: [speaking in a deeper octave than normal] IT IS NO PRANK, BITCH!

Moxxie: Heyyyyyy! Why do you sound like that?

Blitzo (hallucination): Because YOU, my precious little bitch boy-

Moxxie: Stop it, sir!

Blitzo (hallucination): -are tripping [echoing] BAAAAALLLLS!

''[The shiny organ pipes act as a spotlight and points at Moxxie, who flinches. He then grabs a candelabra and ascends the stairs, beginning to talk-sing.]''

Moxxie: ♫ No! What?! How could this be? ♫

♫ I've never tried acid, shrooms, or DMT! ♫

♫ It's a bad trip! Oy Gevault! ♫

♫ Of course, Blitzo, this would be your fault! ♫

''[Cuts to a close up on hallucination Blitzo's gloved fingers as he plays the organ. The camera goes back to Moxxie, who starts singing normally.]''

Moxxie: ♫ My lungs are full of honesty ♫

♫ Would you promise me that you won't judge? ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Yes, biiiiiiiiitch! ♫ [dramatically plays his organ]

Moxxie: ♫ Not trying to divulge too much, ♫

♫ But I'm in too deep, so first of all: ♫

[points accusatorily] FUCK YOU!

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Whaaaat?! ♫

Moxxie: [talk-singing] ♫ This is just typical!

♫ Well, two can play at this game of dismay! ♫

♫ 'Cause if you're here, causing frustration, ♫

♫ I'm torturing you in your hallucination! ♫

''[Moxxie's coattails transition the scene to inside Blitzo's hallucination, where he finds himself sitting on a chair in a strange, formless wasteland made of ink. Stalactites made of ink drip in the foreground. Blitzo's art style has shifted to be similar to early animation, presumably rubber hose. He is also now wearing a clown outfit and the symbol on his forehead, as in Moxxie's hallucination, is now a broken heart. Four globs of ink in pink, black, brown and red float around him in swirling motions. Blitzo stands up, almost falling over backwards from the softer terrain. The red glob becomes a 6-eyed monster and screeches at Blitzo, dripping a bunch inky sludge on him. He looks at his hands, now coated in the red ink. He sniffs and licks at it before the ink monster comes up behind him screaming. Frightened, Blitzo stumbles and falls backward into the black ink ground. The ink monster lands and morphs into a version of Moxxie drawn a la the plan segment from "Spring Broken" that speaks in a British accent with old-timey audio quality. All the while, gloomy rock music plays in the background.]''

Moxxie (doodle): I simply follow your orders! It isn't my fault that your orders are as nonsensical as a sun tanning bed left out on the cold, rainy porch of a fresh April shower!

Blitzo: Why are you talking like that? What the fuck does that even mean?!

[The doodle Moxxie begins shifting between doodle and real Moxxie, his audio changing back and forth accordingly.]

Moxxie (doodle): I am simply speaking Satan's plain English! Perhaps you should crack open a dictionary some time! And then maybe you can understand half of the frivolous things I carry on and on about on my many rants about--

''[The music gets louder while being accompanied by a high-pitched tone, drowning out doodle Moxxie's words. The camera zooms out as Blitzo looks up at the three other ink glob creatures circling around them.]''

Blitzo: [to doodle Moxxie] SHUT UP!

[Cuts back to Moxxie's hallucination.]

Moxxie: ♫ Why do you hurt me so? ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I knoooow! ♫

Moxxie: ♫ Why must you push your friends away? ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): [harmonizes] ♫ I push my friends awaaaaay ♫

[Both begin talk-singing.]

Moxxie: ♫ Why does it seem like a recurring theme ♫

♫ That you alienate with your toxic routine? ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I don't know! ♫

♫ Eventually, everyone goes! ♫

Moxxie: ♫ Cause you're thoughtless and cruel, ♫

♫ And you'll end up alone! ♫

[Cuts to a close-up of the hallucination Blitzo's mask covered eye looking back at Moxxie, seemingly shocked by Moxxie's accusations.]

''[Cuts back to Blitzo's hallucination again. He is now standing motionless while the remaining ink creatures swirl and drip in the air above him.]''

Moxxie (doodle): [off-screen] Admit it, my dear boss; you don't know what you are doing half the time... and you depend on me and the missus to manage your foolish flights of fancy!

Blitzo: I don't neeeeeed you! I can do this shit on my own SO easily!

''[The brown ink creature grabs him by the neck and throws him on the ground. It then morphs into Striker, who speaks with Blitzo's voice in a Southern drawl.]''

Striker (hallucination): But ya don't wanna do things alone, Blitzo!

[More brown sludge grabs Blitzo and tosses him up into the air, then the grey ink creature morphs into a rubber hose version of Fizzarolli, who also has his voice.]

Fizzarolli (hallucination): You tried the solo act! It didn't work out so well! [laughs like a distorted robot]

''[Hallucination Fizz winds him up and throws him to the ground. Blitzo coughs as the pink ink creature lands on the ground, morphing into a hallucination of Verosika Mayday and taunting Blitzo in his voice as well while crawling towards him seductively.]''

Verosika (hallucination): Yet you still shove away anyone who gets too close until they [voice gradually becomes warped and distorted] resent you for being a selfish, shitty, shit fuck!

''[Blitzo sees a staircase forming from the ink behind him. He pulls hallucination Verosika's hands away from his face and scrambles to it. The stairs transform into pristine white stairs with golden railings. Blitzo runs up the ink-covered stairs as shiny, glowing white feathers fall onto the stairs and dissolve the ink away. Blitzo trips on some residual ink and looks up, seeing Stolas sitting on a throne at the top the stairs getting fanned by two Blitzo silhouettes.]''

Stolas (hallucination): [voice-over] Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?

''[The fans flap and transition into a close-up of Stolas, who grins at Blitzo. Blitzo begins to climb the stairs on his hands and knees. Two of the glowing feathers fly onto his wrists and turn into golden shackles, while his clown costume turns into his normal suit with a flash of light.]''

Moxxie (hallucination): I believe your subconscious is trying to tell you that you simply cannot fathom proper intimacy, but... also crave it as well. It's rather unfortunate, sir, considering it's often how you treat those who stand by you... such as myself.

''[As hallucination doodle Moxxie is talking, Blitzo is almost to the top when another feather slaps onto his throat, turning into a golden shackle attached to golden chains while also cleaning the ink off his face and returning him fully to his normal art style. Stolas pulls on the chains, pulling Blitzo close to him and grinning mischievously. Cuts to the bottom of the stairs where the Striker, Fizz and Verosika hallucinations are gathered around doodle Moxxie as he monologues. They then turn back into inky sludge again and flu off. Doodle Moxxie then turns into a semi-normal Moxxie, looking quite feminine while wearing a purple dress and holding a fan in one hand. His audio quality also returns to normal.]''

Moxxie (hallucination): Are you worried I may have enough of it one day as well?

Blitzo: STOP... FUCKING TALKING, ALL OF YOU!!

[Hallucination Moxxie gets angry and closes his fan as he dissolves into gold dust and blows away.]

''[Cuts back to the D.H.O.R.K.S. interrogation room where Blitzo and Moxxie are drooling, locked in their respective trips. Agents One and Two look at them from behind the glass, drinking soda and eating popcorn.]''

''[Cuts back to Blitzo's hallucination, where Stolas turns into gold dust and blows away. His throne and its feathered surroundings also meet the same fate. The unseen hallucinations begin taunting Blitzo.]''

Stolas: [sing-song] You're going to die aloooo-one!

Fizzarolli (hallucination): You're gonna die alone, Blitzo! [laughs]

''[In the sky above, all of the ink creatures swirl together. The gold dust that was once Stolas and his throne ascend and join the multicolored vortex above. Blitzo is surrounded by a tornado of feathers, which surround and stick to him. The hallucinations keep repeating, “You’re gonna die alone, Blitzo!”. Blitzo is covered in feathers until his arms are bound together and his mouth is covered. He opens his mouth in a silent scream, tearing the feathers away.]''

[Cuts back to Moxxie's hallucination.]

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Whyyyyyy, Moxxie, whyyyyyy, ♫

♫ Have you held your true feelings insiiiiiide? ♫

Moxxie: [sets candelabra down on a table] ♫ I am scared of rejectioooooon ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Whyyyyyy, Moxxie, whyyyyyy, ♫

♫ Do you have Millie put it in your buuuuuutt? ♫

Moxxie: ♫ It gives me an erectio- ♫ Heyyyy!

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Noooooo need to hiiiiide ♫

♫ We accept your true feelings, so promise meeeeee ♫

Moxxie: ♫ That I can dooooo ♫ [begins walking to the stairs]

Both: [harmonizing] ♫ To be truuuuue ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ The world is your anus, so peg it with honesty ♫

Moxxie: Ohhhh...

[Moxxie walks up to hallucination Blitzo and joins him in playing the organ.]

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I've been a jackass, it's truuuuuue ♫

Moxxie: ♫ You’ve been a jackass, it's truuuuuue ♫

Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ But soon as we're back as ourseeeeelves... ♫

Both: [harmonizing] ♫ I will be a better friend ♫

♫ Than I was before ♫

Moxxie: ♫ Be better at speaking my miiiiiiiiiiiiiind, aaaaand... ♫

Both: [harmonizing] ♫ Togetheeeeer ♫

♫ We can begin to become... ♫

♫ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine ♫

[The two hallucinations finally end as Moxxie and hallucination Blitzo smile at each other.

''[Cuts back to Millie and Loona walking up to a three-by-four 12-digit keypad. Millie walks closer and sees that the 1 button is the only one that shows any wear, while the other buttons are untouched.]''

Millie: Try 1.

''[Loona presses 1 five times. The door slides open, revealing a reception desk. The girls look to each other in affirmation and run inside. Millie vaults over the desk as the door slams shut behind them.]''

''[Cuts back to the camera feed watching Blitzo and Moxxie. Now that their respective trips have worn off, they slowly wake up. Blitzo glances up to see that the truth gas is no longer being pumped into the room. Both are silent for a moment.]''

Moxxie: Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?

Blitzo: ...Not really.

Moxxie: I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped.

Blitzo: Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don’t expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out.

Moxxie: Thank you, sir.

Blitzo: You know my name... Use it.

Moxxie: Thanks, Blitzo.

''[Blitzo and Moxxie suddenly look up as they hear a muffled pounding coming from the ceiling. Millie crashes through the ceiling, landing with a superhero pose.]''

Moxxie: [excited] THERE'S my Millie!

[Millie runs over to Moxxie and Blitzo and begins to untie them.]

Blitzo: Impressive work, Mills! How'd you get here all by yourself?

[Millie and Moxxie have a tender reunion but are rudely interrupted when Loona smashes through the one-way window using Agent Two as a makeshift battering ram.]

Blitzo: LOONIE?!

Loona: Get your asses out here before MORE FUCKERS SHOW UP!

''[Loona throws Agent Two at Agent One as he stands behind her in shock. She crouches, wolf ears sprouting from her head, and leaps, having instantly reverted to her Hellhound form as she lands. A wolf howl sound effect plays as she lands. She drops her backpack and Blitzo and Moxxie grin maniacally at each other. Moxxie pulls out twin submachine guns while Blitzo brandishes his trusty flintlock pistol, flicking the hammer. Agent One weakly presses a button, setting off an alarm. The I.M.P group turn as a few disposable mooks drop from the ceiling holding Japanese weapons, before even more cartoonishly slide in from the sides and encircle them. The I.M.P. group hold fighting poses, ready for a smackdown.]''

Blitzo: Ooookay, I've had one too many emotions for today! Guys... [turns to Moxxie] let's fuck these fuckers UP!

''[Moxxie give an evil, toothy smile and nods. A fluid fight scene starts as one agent attempts to strike Blitzo with the sickle end of his kusarigama, only for Loona to catch it in her mouth and yank hard, throwing the wielder across the room to hit an agent with a katana. A female agent attempts multiple strikes at Loona with her naginata, but Loona deftly dodges and, with the kusarigama sickle still in her mouth, stabs the agent through the throat. She releases the kusarigama and grabs the chain in her hands while running, wrapping it around another agent's neck and yanking hard enough to decapitate both him and the agent with the sickle end in her throat, sending both their heads flying.]''

''[As the two agents' severed heads fly, Millie jumps and twirls in the air with her axe and goes for an agent wielding a katana. He tries to block but is unsuccessful as the axe easily breaks through his sword and he is cleaved in half, splattering blood and brain matter around her. Millie sees an agent with a two-handed sword running toward her, so she runs up to him and dismembers him in two quick swings. She uses her axe to deflect incoming shuriken and swings at their thrower, but he backflips away as another agent with a sword runs at her. She jumps and flips in the air and lands with a pose, then briefly clashes with the sword-wielding agent before taking off his entire lower half. The shuriken thrower makes a second attempt, but he is easily cut down. She then happily runs off while spinning her axe as the agent she dismembered earlier is seen helplessly flailing his bleeding stumps.]''

''[Cuts to a dolly arc shot of Moxxie and Blitzo firing on a multitude of agents coming their way. Blitzo discards his flintlock pistol and reaches for the backpack.]''

Blitzo: Mox! Cover me!

Moxxie: Yes, sir!

''[Moxxie unloads his submachine guns in a wide arc, before disposing them as Blitzo hands him two golden revolvers that he uses to great effect. Blitzo, meanwhile, pulls out a vicious-looking knife and runs off, stabbing one agent to death while decapitating another.]''

Blitzo: ''EAT! MY! ASS!''

''[Blitzo pulls out his phone and takes a selfie with the agent's severed head before throwing the head to the ground. Moxxie fires his revolvers until they're spent, then he viciously beats one agent to death with the butt of one before discarding them. Blitzo picks up a demonic pump-action shotgun, fires off a shot, then hands it to Moxxie, who blasts two more agents with it. Blitzo shoulders the backpack so it sits on his chest. He and Moxxie turn to each other and nod before running in opposite directions, Moxxie making a demonic hiss as he does.]''

''[Quick pan over to Loona as Blitzo joins her. He slithers up into her hair and shoots an agent with a crossbow. One agent swings at her with a sword but she counters with a roundhouse kick to the face. As Blitzo jumps away, Loona turns and delivers a powerful uppercut to the jaw of another sword-wielding agent, sending him into the air. An agent with twin sai comes at her and she crouches down before leaping towards him, biting down so his entire head is in her mouth. She briefly shakes him back and forth before throwing him and grabbing another agent by the face, slamming him to the floor. Blitzo hands her an energy rifle of some sort, which she fires at a few agents]''

Loona: DIE, MOTHERFUCKERS!! [looks down at Blitzo] What?

Blitzo: I am just so damn proud of you, Loonie! [hugs Loona's face and kisses her cheek] Bye, sweetie!

''[Blitzo slithers off of Loona, who growls angrily at his affection. She then bites down on another agent's head and throws him.]''

''[Quick pan back to Blitzo. An agent carrying nunchaku runs at him but is blindsided and knocked away by the agent Loona just threw.]''

Loona: [to Blitzo, off-screen] Watch out!

[Blitzo turns to see Millie cut down two more agents with her axe and twirl it with a flourish.]

Blitzo: Hey, Mills!

Millie: Hey, Blitz! Just one sec!

''[Millie jumps and swings, decapitating one agent. She cuts a leg off of a female agent holding sai, relieves a male sai-wielding agent of his lower torso, then twirls her axe to completely eviscerate an agent holding a straight sword and poses. Blitzo appears to the side with the backpack still strapped to his chest and offers Millie a pump-action shotgun.]''

Blitzo: Do you need a gun or anything?

Millie: Nah, I'm good!

''[Millie spins to the side, taking off the lower legs of a female agent with kusarigama then eviscerating her. She swings her axe as leverage for a leap onto another female agent, wrapping her legs around her neck and decapitating at least two more agents with the axe. Millie severs the leg of the agent she's held onto, who then collapses before Millie begins strangling her with her thighs. Blitzo appears to the side again, this time offering a bottle of water.]''

Blitzo: How about some water?

Millie: Sure!

[Blitzo squeezes the bottle, squirting its contents into her open mouth]

Millie: Ahhh. [snaps the agent's neck] Thanks, Blitz!

Blitzo: [throws the bottle away] No problemy, Millie-Billie!

''[As Millie runs off to murder even more agents, Blitzo pulls out a submachine gun and a shotgun. Cuts to a close-up of him with a sadistic smile and lightly glowing eyes.]''

Blitzo: Now, who wants some quality time with Daddy?

''[The camera zooms out to reveal more agents ready to kill. Blitzo spins his guns, runs at an agent with sai and leaps on him, firing at five agents with his shotgun before blasting the one he's grabbed onto. He leaps off and frontflips, killing two agents with the submachine gun. Once he lands, he pulls a spiked baseball bat out of the backpack strapped to his chest, trips an agent with it, then beats him in the stomach with it. He pulls a grenade out of the backpack and uses the bat to hit it away into a group of hapless agents.]''

Blitzo: FOOOORE!

''[The grenade explodes. Cuts to Agents One and Two attempting to flee the building. Blitzo's grenade explodes, and they duck and cover their heads in fear. They then see the corpse of an agent hit the floor, a femur sticking out where his leg should be and his katana falling down and impaling him in the chest.]''

Agent One: Good God, WHYYYYY are we only usin' weapons from Japan's EDO period?!

Agent Two: [grabs Agent One by his suit] Hey! The Edo period was badass, and you know it!

Agent One: Dammit, you're right.

Agent Two: LOOK OOOOUT!

''[Agent Two pulls Agent One down to the floor down with her as Loona turns around firing her energy rifle at more agents. She fires at agents offscreen as Agents One and Two pull themselves along the floor towards the exit. They are stopped by an agent's freshly severed head landing in front of them, courtesy of Millie. An agent with twin nunchaku runs at her only for limbs and blood to spatter, one nunchaku-wielding arm comically flying up to the ceiling like a helicopter before falling to the floor. The agents turn and pull themselves another way as Loona shakes an agent back and forth in her mouth.]''

''[Cuts to Moxxie standing on a pile of agents, blasting agent after agent with his shotgun and screaming bloody murder. He flips one agent into the air with his tail, causing him to spin, then he blasts him away. More agents run at him, only for Moxxie to flll them with buckshot.]''

Moxxie: BIIIIIITCHEEEEES!

Blitzo: [suddenly appears next to Moxxie] Hey, Mox!

''[Startled, Moxxie drops his shotgun and it lands on hits buttstock, accidentally going off but hitting an agent in the crotch. The unfortunate agent weakly reaches a hand up at Moxxie.]''

Blitzo: Ohhh, wow. Really goin' for the dick there, ain't'cha?

Agent: [weakly] Help...

Blitzo: Here, I got it for ya.

[Blitzo takes out the knife he used earlier and stabs the agent.]

Blitzo: Now, hold this.

[Blitzo places the backpack in Moxxie's arms and pulls from it a comically oversized rocket launcher appropriately named "MY DICK".]

Blitzo: OHHHH YEAAAAAH! I'm gettin' HAAAARD holdin' this motherfucker!

[Blitzo fires a rocket labeled "PUSSY DESTROYER" and ''gives an evil laugh. The rocket flies toward a group of agents on the other side of the broken window and explodes, causing both Millie and Loona to flinch away from the flames. Millie's axe is also blown out of her hands by the blast. Moxxie then comes into view.]''

Moxxie: Oh, crumbs! Is everyone okay?

[Blitzo jumps on him.]

Blitzo: WOOOOOO! How's THAT for demon scum?!

''[Cuts to the broken window. Blood is dripping from the few shards left in the frame. Pans over to Agents One and Two hiding under a desk. Agent Two nods at Agent One, signaling him to hit a red button next to him aptly labeled '"RED BUTTON". This sets off an alarm and causes the entire screen to be tinted red.]''

Blitzo: Oh, shit! C'mon, fam! Let's blow this cocksicle joint!

''[Blitzo and Loona run for the exit. Millie hoists Moxxie off the ground and they join the rest of the group.]''

Loona: HEY!

''[Before they can leave, the doors close in front of them. A set of iron bars lowers in front of the doors, then a garage door closes further down, then a large steel door clamps down, lasers activate outside of it, and bathroom doors close outside of that, the vacancy indicator switching to "Occupied".]''

[Subtle fade back to the I.M.P. gang as they beat against the door.]

Moxxie: [to Loona] Quick! The book!

[Loona pulls Stolas' Grimoire out of the backpack and attempts to read it.]

Loona: Shhhit! I can't... I can't read the spell in this light! I can't see ''dick! [looks around worried]''

[Blitzo searches himself for more weapons but comes out empty-handed.]

Blitzo: Well, shit. Looks like we've milked this weapon tit dry, and now we're out of badassery.

[The silhouettes of Agents One and Two slide menacingly into view.]

Agent Two: Ha! You demons aren’t goin' anywhere now! Haaa!

''[Before the two agents can do anything, they begin noticing strange happenings around them. The I.M.P. gang's shadows growl and morph into meld into a hideous beast. A screen suddenly turns on flicker, rattling around aggressively before turning off, showing the agents' reflections and the four-eyed silhouette of a certain someone who wasn't there before. The agents are startled as the screen breaks off of the wall and falls at their feet and slide away. Two more screens then break off of the wall whiole the rest shuddr and display static.]''

Stolas: [from the shadows] 'Who DAAAARES threaten... my impish little plaything?'

Agent One: Who said that?!

''[The agents look at the floor, where bird-like footprints appear coming towards them. Another monitor bashes Agent One in the face, removing his shades and knocking him to the floor. He turns to look at Agent Two]''

Agent One: Agent Two?

''[Cuts to Agent Two. Her head is spasming, her red eyes wide and mouth slack in shock and/or horror. Around her dead bodies stand up, eyes completely black and empty. Agent Two tries to stop her head spasming with her hands but fails. The black-eyed bodies kneel. Agent One stands back up, his shades returned to his face, and attempts to approach Agent Two. She removes her own shades and her head twists around "The Exorcist" style to look at Agent One. She now has sharp teeth, bloodshot eyes, and her mascara has formed sharp streaks down her cheeks.]''

Agent Two: [speaking with both a British accent and Stolas' voice] 'What's the matter, demon hunter? Never seen a REAL demon before?'

''[The dead bodies draw Stolas’ summoning circle around Agent Two in their own blood, which is now dripping from their eyes and mouths. She chuckles maliciously, eye twitching and nose bleeding. Agent One looks on in terror as Agent Two's head whips back to its normal orientation. Her eyes have rolled back. She throws her head back and vomits shadowy sludge and feathers. Demented laughter can be heard in a variety of voices. Agent Two and the I.M.P. gang watch--Loona snapping a photo--as the shadows coalesce into a demonic, shadowy owl monster. The shadow beast approaches the two agents, screaming and roaring at them as they huddle together out of sheer horror. The demon beast's essence pulls back and turns into Stolas, looking at the agents with disdain. He turns away from them and clicks a button, shutting off the alarm and the red light as well. The series of doors is heard opening off-screen. Stolas walks up to the gathered I.M.P. group., stopping in front of Blitzo.]''

Blitzo: Stolas? Wha-... A- Wh- Hold on, how did you know that we needed help?

Stolas: I have my ways, darling. Are you alright?

''[He leans forward, gazing into Blitzo's eyes as he places a hand on his cheek. Blitzo rolls his eyes.]''

Blitzo: Ugh. I'm fine, Stolas.

Stolas: [softly] Mm. Good. [caresses Blitzo's head]

[Stolas pulls Blitzo's head in roughly and adopts a sharper, angrier tone.]

Stolas: How the FUCK... did you get caught by humans?! Are you little creatures not being careful up here?! You know, if you [boops Blitzo's snoot] get in trouble, I get in trouble! WE... [grabs Blitzo's cheek] don't want that!

[Moxxie pulls Stolas's hand away from Blitzo's cheek.]

Moxxie: They... caught us off guard, your highness.

Blitzo: ...Yeah, you can unclench your bird-puss, Stolas. It’s not gonna happen again, 'kay?

Stolas: Luckily for you... most don't believe the word of the demon-obsessed lunatics.

[The camera pans and cuts to Agents One and Two holding each other, shaking in fear.]

Stolas: [off-screen] They are seen as kooks!

[Cuts back to Stolas giggling and looking rather pleased with himself.]

Stolas: Kooks! Such a silly word! [claps his hands together] Now! Let us all return!

[Stolas opens a portal back to the I.M.P. office.]

Moxxie: Yes, please. I'd like to get back to the correct hellhole as soon as possible.

[Moxxie hops through and helps Millie through, Loona walks through looking at Stolas' Grimoire, and Stolas picks up Blitzo in a bridal carry.]

Stolas: Am I going to get any thank you for the rescue, Blitzy?

Blitzo: Well, I suppose you should. Want me to fuck your brains out tonight?

Stolas: Very much so. [leans in for a kiss]

[Blitzo grabs the back of Stolas' head and pulls it back, causing him to blush.]

Blitzo: Alright, but you're keepin' quiet, or I'm usin' those bear traps.

[Blitzo runs a finger down Stolas's face as he shudders with obvious pleasure, his feathers fluffing out.]

Stolas: Ohhhh, please do~

''[The two of them partake in a French kiss. The portal closes behind them. Agents One and Two watch as they leave.]''

Agent Two: ...So, what now?

Agent One: [excited] What now?! [walks off-screen] We finally got the evidence we needed to be taken... seriously!

''[Agent One walks over to a computer, pushing some rubble away before typing on the keyboard. Four monitors go from static to showing security camera footage of the events of the last few minutes. The first three monitors show footage of the I.M.P. crew slaughtering agents while the fourth shows Stolas rearing over the cowering Agents One and Two in his demonic beast form before transforming into his normal form. Notably, all three of the monitors showing the I.M.P. crew are green while the footage of Stolas is red with a cracked camera lens. Agent Two walks up and the two agents put their shades back on, smiling confidently.]''

Agent One: Nobody in corporate is ignorin' this. [chuckles maniacally]

[The four screens go back to static one at a time, starting with the footage of Loona, followed by Millie, then Blitzo and Moxxie, and finally Stolas, who could be seen staring into the camera.]