The Circus/Transcript

This is the transcript of Helluva Boss season 2, episode 1: "The Circus".

Episode opens on what is clearly a younger Stolas in his bed.

Young Stolas: [Yawn] my birthday, my birthday, it's my birthday! Yay! Birthday! Birthday! Woohoo! Birthday time!

Servant: Calm yourself young prince, you know excitement is unbecoming of a goetia.

Young Stolas: Oh Right. [Sighs] But father told me today is the day I am old enough to know my purpose and responsibility.

Servant: Of course I'm sure it will be wonderful.

Paimon: Ah, there is my little, uh, [aside to the servant] which son is this one there's so fucking many?

Servant: Stolas your highness

Paimon: Stolas! Yes! Haha right right yeah, that's the one, the owl boy. Well my little one it is finally you day becoming a true part of the goetia family. How good for you. Are you ready to know what you'll be meant to do to serve Hell?

Young Stolas: Yes Father

Paimon: You will be entrusted with the study of the Earth's skies, the stars, the prophecies they hold, all that stuff. Isn't that fun? You will begin the studies of your grimoire which will grant you access to the mortal realm to study and observe and you will grow to be a mighty prince of hell with your own legions to lead and pass on your knowledge to.

Young Stolas: I will do my best Father.

Paimon: Wonderful, also son you are destined to sire a precautionary addition to the goetia family so you are now engaged. Congratulations. Isn't she charming? [he shows young stolas and the viewer a picture of young stella strangling another being, her hair is tied up with pigtails but for the most part she looks the same.]

Young stolas: [begins crying and shying away from the picture]

Paimon: Oh, that's an ugly noise son. Here, how about you cease this bitch crying?

Young Stolas: [continues to cry]

Paimon: that usually works. Oh, would you like it if I took you to the circus in town? Children enjoy the circus, right? would that distract you enough from your non-negotiable future marriage?

Scene changes to Young Stolas, the servant, and Paimon who is not personally present but inside of a magic mirror at the circus. Circusy sounding music plays.

Paimon (whispering): is there a spot that's close to the front but also far enough that I don't have to (sniffs and gags) smell the poor?

Quick jump to Stolas sitting with only the servant and mirror in an otherwise empty bleacher with a sign labeled "Goetia" on it. Various Circus acts begin performing.

Paimon: ohohohohohoho (hes clapping inside of his mirror).

The scene keeps flashing back and forth between the performs and Young Stolas who is very clearly Not Having A Good Time Of It.

Cash : Now, everyone's favorite thing about circus shit the motherfuckin' clowns! (clowns with glowing eyes leap out at the audience who scream and pull away.)

A foot steps on a plank with an attached jangley bell noise.

Young Fizzarolli: You ready Blitzo?

Young Blitzo: Born ready

Young Fizzarolli and Blitzo leap out to perform together. They pass by Young Stolas who looks up in awe and then blushes. The camera zooms in on Blitzo.

Young Blitzo: ha! Tada~! [Laughter] Hey'a floks, wanna see me make a horse? [young blitzo takes out a balloon and attempts to make a horse several times but it never turns out correctly and keeps popping. The Balloons are all Green.] crap.

The audidence goes from screaming to quiet cricket noises.

Young Blitzo: De-de-de-de-do-do-do-do- Ah, he he, (nervously) Horns! [He's finally made a horse except it has no legs] well, heh, it was a horse but then it ate too much sugar and it's legs stopped working so they had to amputate, now it's a gross worm horse.

Young Stolas: [Begins to laugh, clearly charmed]

Young Blitzo: [points at Young Stolas] See he gets it, because horses, they make no sense.

The camera zooms over to show that Young Fizzarolli has joined Young Blitzo with a balloon of his own in his hand. His balloon is red.

Young Fizzarolli: Okay Blitzo, that's enough *horsing* around [he makes a balloon horse perfectly on his first try], hey everybody look at this [presents the horse to the crowd] it's Banana Pudding the clown horsey [makes neighing noises, the crowd laughs while Young blitzo looks down sadly]

Young Stolas: I liked his broken horse joke, it was funny. Their legs do stop working when they eat too much sugar, it's called Laminitis. [Paimon looks down at Stolas judgmentally]

Scene changes to Cash drinking back stage as the servant walks in holding the mirror that has the connection to paimon.

Paimon: What a show, that was real great, so *ahem* that little clown you have my son really enjoyed that one, I was wondering if I could buy him.

Cash: Buy Him?

Paimon: Purchase him, yes, accurate. [he claps his hands and the servant pushes a button. The mirror extends out creating the effect like he's leaning over Cash.] My son doesn't have any friends you see, and he liked the little clown boy. It's his birthday, he's so sad and I don't want to deal with him. Can I write a check?

Cash: Well Fizzarolli is a big draw, he has a few more shows to be in today so it would be pretty expensive [squeaky sound effect as he rubs his thumb and finger together in gesture.]

Paimon: [chuckling] no, no, the other one.

Cash: [shocked] Blitzo?

Paimon: Correct, how much?

Cash: wha- well, he's my son so ah, hm, ah, how much ya got in your pocket?

The servant digs around in his pocket and produces a crumpled up bill and condom.

Paimon: A wadded up five and a slim fit condom.

Cash: Ah, that's plenty. Done.

Paimon: Splendid. Fetch him for me and we will be on our way. [he claps his hands and portals out destroying half the tent in the process.]

The scene changes to Young Fizarrolli and Blitzo playing with their balloon horses together.

Young Fizzarolli: I'm Banana Pudding and I like to dance!

Young Blitzo: I am Worm Horse (transcriber's note: I cannot actually tell if they're saying "war horse" or "worm horse" and my brain is having a hard time parsing it if someone with better ears could please double check that would be lovely, thank you) and I? I am sad!

Young Fizzarolli: Why are you sad, Worm Horse?

Young Blitzo: Because, I have no legs!

Young Fizarolli: Oh, well that's okay

Young Blitzo: I lost all my legs in The War.

Young Fizzarolli: [gasps] the war!?

Young Blitzo: Yes! The Great Pirate War!

Young Fizzarolli: No, no pirates.

Young Blitzo: It's a great pirate warrrrrrr.

Young Fizzarolli: [exasperatedly] if you keep talking about pirates, I will punch you.

Young Blitzo: I fought bravely but I could not run fast enough they took my legs, there was blood everywhere!

Young Fizzarolli: [laughing] Oh no, ew, no blood. Blood is disgusting.

Young Blitzo: No, it's cool! [laughs]

Young Fizzarolli: Well Banana Pudding is here to save the day with his magical feet he dances around with. He will dance all over worm horse and make him feel better.

Young Blitzo: and then [dramatic pause] there will be more blood! [he squirts a red liquid onto the balloon horse.]

Young Fizzarolli: Blitzo! that's so gross! [laughing] stop.

Young Blitzo: Never!

Cash appears behind them, grabs Blitzo and pulls him up.

Cash: Boy, I've got a job for you. You are gonna spend the day with one of the Goetia princes.

Young Blitzo: Ew, why?

Cash: Because Money! Now listen carefully, you are being bought out to be his playmate, but I want you to steal as much from those rich fuckers as you possibly can.

Young Blitzo: [scared] Steal? but what if I get caught?

Cash: Don't you want your family to be able to buy a bigger tent? better food? don't you want to be able to help me and your mama out?

Young Blitzo: of course I wanna help mama!

Cash: then you gotta do this, everything those rich fucks have will be worth a fortune [hic]

Young Blitzo: but if I'm caught - I'm scared dad.

Cash: There are scarier things, aren't there son?

Young Blitzo: but - [Cash makes sad eyes at Young Blitzo, he responds dejectedly] yes papa.

The scene changes to Paimon, his servant and Young Stolas in front of their house while Young Blitzo and his father walk up to them.

Paimon: Here is your new friend my son, happy birthday.

Young Stolas: [excitedly] A friend?

Young Blitzo: I guess. Hi, uh, I'm Blitzo.

Young Stolas: I'm Stolas [he bows] it's nice to [paimon hits his head] ouch

Paimon: Don't bow to that one, he bows to us. Idiot.

Young Stolas: oh right sorry father.

Paimon: I'm so good at daddy-ing (transcriber's note: No.... No, he really isn't.....)

The scene changes to Young Blitzo and Stolas inside a library sitting on the floor surrounded by books. Blitzo is bored while stolas is excitedly info-dumping about the books in question.

Young Blitzo: [groans]

Young Stolas: This is my book on the difference between frogs and toads, there's a lot of differences! And this is my book on plants and herbs! Did you know plants can hear you?

Young Blitzo: Plants are boring, this is all boring stuff.

Young Stolas: Oh I'm sorry, I've never had a friend to share my books with.

Young Blitzo: You know what would be fun? a game. Let's Play 'Treasure Hunt'.

Young Stolas: What's that?

Young Blitzo: It's where we pretend we are pirates and we go around the house collecting all the nicest things and then we throw them out the window!

Young stolas: [incredulously] We throw them out the window?

Young Blitzo: Yes.

Young Stolas: Since when did pirates throw things out windows?

Young Blitzo: Since like, the dawn of time, come on, priates are always throwing stuff out windows.

Young Stolas: I don't think they had windows.

Young Blitzo: What did a book say that?

Young Stolas yes actually! [he pulls out two books titled 'Pirates' and 'the porthole myth'] Several!

Young Blitzo: Well in this game [he grabs the books and chucks them] we're throwing them out the window, because it's *fun*.

Young Stoals: Well that's an odd game. [Gasps] Is this an imp game?

Young Blitzo: Sure, why not.

Young Stolas: Well if it's what you want to play?

Young Blitzo: Let's do it!

The scene switches to the two of them giggling and filling up bags with things from around the house while a version of Blitzo's theme that sounds vaguely music box-y plays.

Blitzo: [sprinting ahead] C'mon c'mon c'mon

Young stolas runs behind him panting a little with the exhertion.

They continue going through different areas taking things and giggling.

They stop at a chandelier and look at it in wonder. Blitzo takes a piece of it.

Blitzo: yes.

Young stolay: Yay!

the camera twirls around the two. They fally to the floor and lay on their backs giggling.

The scene changes and they run by a balacony giggling. there is a whistling noise. Blitzo runs up to the edge of the balcony with his bag of treasures. His father pops out of a bush down below and makes a throw to me gesture. Blitzo looks behind him to Stolas who is bouncing on a stool trying to reach something and doesn't see anything. Blitzo grunts with effort and throws the bag of treasure down to his father.

Young Stolas: Blitzo, over here!

Young Bltizo runs over to join him. The scene changes to the two of them outside by a tree. Young Stolas is sitting on the roots and Young Blitzo is climbing it. Young Blitzo falls out of the tree hanging by only his tail.

Young Blitzo: so what is that, your diary?

Young Stolas: no, this is my new grimoire! It's a spell book! I have to learn it so I can access the living world!

YOung Blitzo: the living world? Like the world with Humans and stuff? where the sinners come from?

Young Stolas: mmhmm.

Young Blitzo: That's cool!

Young Stolas: yes! I'm supposed to use it to study the sky!

Young Blitzo: Why?

Young Stolas: My dad says I can find prophecies, but I don't really know. But I'm supposed to, that's what my job will be when I grow up. To join the rest of the goeita family.

Young Blitzo: Well, you know what's I'm gonna do when I grow up? [he jumps back on the tree] I'm gonna run my own circus and I'm gonna be the most famous imp ever and I'll be able to do what I want to do, all day! I'm gonna make so much money and buy myself a big building, with a big office!

Young Stolas: a big office? For a circus?

Young Blitzo: Yeah! A big office! Circus Buisness with clowns and horses! and the horses will all have good names like Stapler and Buiscuit Queen.

Young Stolas: [giggles] I'm sure you will. That sounds like a good buisness.

Young Blitzo: Yeah! And if you want to apply I'll hire you. Maybe.

Young Stolas: [laughs] you'll hire me?

Young Blitzo: Yeah if I feel like it.

Young Stolas: Well I hope I qualify. [giggles] You'd be a good boss.

Young Blitzo: You say that with sarcasm but I totes would.

The two laugh together and the camera pans out. A thudding sound effect and a title card "25 YEARS LATER" drops on the screen. Adult Stolas wakes up looking dejected. He groans and gets dressed in his robe, goes to his budoir, and takes a bottle of pills. He goes to his library and opens up his grimoire, in the window behind him blitzo appears and sees the magic floating out of the book. He tries to pull open the window to get inside. Stolas closes the book and walks away. He did not see Blitzo. Blitzo falls off the window.

Stella: [muffled] Yes together we're (transcriber note It's too muffled for me to make out what she's saying sorry, but she's clearly having some kind of conversation bitching about Stolas.)

Stolas checks on a sleeping Octavia and then wanders into his kitchen where Stella is loudly having a phone call.

Stella: I know still being married isn't a big enough occasion but to be fair it's no picnic being married to a boring stiff like Stolas.

Stolas looks as though he wants to speak to her but she holds up an index finger at him and he instead walks away to his kitchen table to drink his morning drink. He uses magic to open up and hold the newspaper up in front of him. It reads "Not Divorced: Anniversary Party! Couples only.".

Stolas: Stella, what in Hell is this?

Stella: Ugh, Stolas, you know I like throwing parties, plus it's true so you know you can come if you want. [She flips her hair feathers] (the muffled background music is the same music that plays right before Verosika pops up to sing in Spring Broken).

Stolas takes a a drink of his morning beverage and the image cuts to him drinking out of a goblet at a fancy party. We see the guests standing and dancing. Stella is with her two bird friends from the pilot.

Stella: [Laughs loudly] No, Stolas is terrible in bed. I swear to fuck he just lays there staring at the wall and I have to do everything, it's embarrasing. [sighs] I'm glad one egg fell out of me so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass. [loud drink sip sound and then even louder laugh as she tosses one of her two glasses behind her and the glass shatters. Her friends laugh with her.]

The camera pans to Stolas standing not too far away from the group, clearly hearing everything that's being said about him to his immense displeasure. The camera jumps out slightly so we can see he stands under a banner that proudly proclaims "Not Divorced!" while Stella and her entourage walk away laughing.

Stella: [turns to look directly at stolas] What a pathetic fucking man.

Stolas: [Snarls + bird sound effects. He catches a waiter's attention] Do you have anything stronger than this?

Waitstaff: We have Absinthe, your highness. [stolas puts his wine glass on her tray and takes the skewers of mice.]

Stolas: Bring me all of it [He eats all skewers in one swallow.]

Stella: [muffled and in the background] Poor People! Ugh, I'm so glad that they're not allowed into this thing I don't want them any where near me [laughs] can you imagine if you didn't have money? [derogatory laughter]

A different waiter brings Stolas a tray with a tiny shot glass and a green bottle, he pours a shot. Stolas takes the green bottle and begins chugging it.

Someone Off Screen: Stolas, Sir?

Stolas chokes on his drink and spits it out.

Waiter: I'm fine!

Two Hellhounds stand holding Blitzo up between them one looks more wolf like and the other looks like a chihuaha or daschund.

Right Hellhound: we caught this nasty imp trying to sneak into your chambers, what should we do with him?

Stolas: Into my chambers, really? oh well that is, concerning. [clears his throat] leave him to me, I'll will handle him accordingly [a blush appears on Stolas' face]

The two hellhounds drop Blitzo.

Stolas: Follow me, imp.

Stolas walks past and Blitzo follows glaring around the room.

Blitzo: Look I didn't mean to interrupt your whatever party I was just trying to -

Stolas: don't bother with excuses, I know why you were here.

Blitzo: [Cringes] you do?

Stolas leads Blitzo into a dark private room and closes the door behind them.

Stolas: Yes, you are here [poses against the closed door] to ravish me, weren't you?

Blitzo: Uhhhhhh, you?

Stolas: Why else would you be breaking into my room? You could've asked to visit you know, it's been a long time but I have a very good memory [he claps his hands and candles light up]

Blitzo: oh yeah [he sees Stolas' grimoire and you can see the journey on his face as he decides to play into Stolas' fantasies to get closer to the book] well you know I figured since you're a prince and all it might just be easier to scale the walls and slip on in [he wiggles his eyebrows at Stolas] certainly is easier than going through your fucking staff.

Stolas: One would think you might be here for Nefarious Reasons, if you are sneaking in during the cover of night.

Blitzo: Well I wanted to crash the party and it's always more fun you know to make an enterance.

Stolas: I recall how you enjoy making an enterance! (they walk to his couch and sit down together) So over two decades since I last saw you, are you still a circus clown?

Blitzo: oh [laughs] no, not anymore, no I kill people now.

Stolas: Oh [laughs nervously and pulls away a little] how afraid should I be?

Blitzo: [looks at the grimoire and then back to Stolas] well I mean, [his voice changes from flat to more seductive and he entertwines their fingers] how afraid do you want to be?

Stolas: [a little flustered, confused maybe like he'd meant this as a joke that Blitzo was unexpectedly taking seriously] oh um, well, I, uh, you know I was teasing I don't really -

Blitzo: Yeah you seem pretty tense [he crawls towards Stolas] how about I help you out there?

Stolas: ummmmmmmm [he leaves the couch and Blitzo falls onto the floor] you know this is, um, getting a wee bit, is it hot? I'm starting to feel it getting very hot [Blitzo slams him against the book shelf] oh! What are you doing? [his grimoire wiggles and falls to the floor] I barely remember your name.

Blitzo: [Watches the grimoire fall to the floor, he utilizes the ladder to pull Stolas into a dip, clearly trying to get closer to the book] It's Blitz. [His tail begins pulling the book closer]

Stolas: Didn't it have an "o" at the end, like a clown name? I remember - oh!

They trip and Stolas Stumbles back hitting his bed. The grimoire slides by it. Blitzo pins Stolas to the bed.

Blitzo: [sighs] yeah well it's silent now, kay, so call me Blitz.

Stolas: [Squirms backwards further up the bed pursued by Blitzo] Okay, Blitz, what are you doing to me?

Blitzo: What do you want me to do to you?

Stolas: I, uh, well, [Blitzo reallizes that Stolas will be able to see that his Grimoire is missing and bites down on Stolas' neck as a distraction. Stolas moans.] Oh my Fuck!