Sera: On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark-cloaked figures
Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do?
Adam: My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and–
Sera: That's a one,
Critical fail, Lute what do you do?
Lute: Well, I believe in anticipation;
My rogue would try and hide behind a tree–
Okay, I rolled a one-
Sera: *inhale* That's another critical fail
Emily, what does your human bard do?
Emily: …Active perception check.
Adam: That's a natural 20.
Lute: Let's fucking go.
Adam, Lute, and Emily: I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes!
These motherfuckers mean to harm us and they got to go!!
So c'mon get 'em now;
You picked the wrong day to fuck around with my tight crew, ooh, ooh!
There's no escaping it, I can perceive you!
Here's what we're gonna do:
Me and my boys are gonna mess you up!
Adam: I rolled a one. (Lute: I rolled a one!)
Adam and Lute: Fuck!
Emily, Adam, and Lute: My boys are otherwise engaged!
So I'm gonna bring it all myself!
Emily: Hey, I forgot,
You're supposed to tell me what I see, right?
Sera: Yes, thank you, let's just slow it all down a bit!
So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter–
Adam: I cast vicious mockery!!
Nat 20, let's go!!!
Adam, Lute, and Emily: You're a short motherfucker and nobody likes you!
Adam: Short!
Adam, Lute, and Emily: Everybody says "Look how fucking short that guy is"
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships!
And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head,
But then the doctor said "Wait,
This stupid motherfucking tiny short-arse baby
Got a tiny little itty-bitty body
And I hate it!"
Sera: Your attack lands and absolutely SHATTERS the mind of the cloaked figure!
Perception check, please!
Lute: Nat 20, let's go!
Sera: You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child! (Adam: it's always a kid…)
Specifically, the child you've been looking for, for the last 15 days game-time,
And five days of our actual lives!!!
Adam: Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll be better…
Fuck, his body's just lying there, right?
…Right?
Sera: Yes? …don’t-
Adam, Lute, and Emily: Loot that body (gotta loot that body, now)
Loot that body (gotta loot that motherfucker)
Playing my flute when I loot that dead kid's body!
Emily: Bitch!