It's A Deal/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "It's A Deal". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

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[The episode opens with a shot of the Hazbin Hotel. The camera then cuts to Charlie's room, where Charlie is fixing her hair and putting on her suit, accompanied by Vaggie.]

Vaggie: Charlie, babe, I think you need to drop this.

Charlie: Drop what? I'm just trying to clear up the misinformation about the hotel.

Vaggie: There is no point. Those fuckers work for Vox. Katie Killjoy is just gonna do the same thing the Vees did. Don't feed into this crap. Just stay with me today. And the guests, also the guests.

Charlie: I knooow, but I feel like if I explain myself on live television, then they won't be able to edit it like that video! You know I did not strike Velvette with an open fist.

Vaggie: (chuckles softly) I'm aware.

Charlie: So... just keep holding down the fort--you're doing great by the way--until Niffty and I get back.

Vaggie: Niffty?

[Cut to Niffty standing between Charlie and Vaggie.]

Niffty: Hi.

Vaggie: AHH!

Charlie: (pecks Vaggie on the cheek) Okay. Have fun. Love you. Bye!

[Charlie picks up Niffty and carries her out of the room. Vaggie turns around and sighs.]

[Pensive music plays. The camera cuts to Alastor in his hotel room, standing in front of a vanity with a cigarette in hand and a glass of rum on the tabletop. Buzzing can be heard as the camera focuses on his chest injury. Alastor sighs. He downs his rum then puts out his cigarette on an ash tray.]

[Tranquil music plays. The camera cuts to the hotel lounge. Lucifer Morningstar sits with a "deer season" mug in hand, separated from Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust who are occupied with their phones. Angel scrolls through paragraphs of Valentino's texts, which makes Cherri scoff. Alastor enters with a "duck season" mug in hand, humming, which catches Lucifer's attention.]

Cherri Bomb: Fucking dickhead.

Lucifer: Oh! Look who it is interrupting this riveting conversation I was having with... Who are you again?

Angel Dust: Uh, Angel Dust.

Lucifer: Angel Dust! I knew that. (laughs) You're funny.

Angel Dust: (confused) What?

[Alastor sits down, mildly irritated.]

Alastor: You're still here?

[Lucifer yawns and places his mug down on the chair beside him, causing the duck on top of it to squeak. He stretches his limbs out.]

Lucifer: Someone has to actually help out around here, (in silly voice) Mr. Useless. (laughs mockingly) What do you actually do here?

Alastor: I told you, I'm the host of the hotel.

Lucifer: Huh, I thought that was, uh, I thought that was Charlie's girlfriend's job, because she, my friend, is on it with running this whole hotel... (voice lowers) thing.

[Lucifer smiles smugly. Alastor growls.]

Lucifer: So you're doing a poor job at that! Oh, and I hear you got your ass kicked and ran away when Charlie needed you most.

[Alastor's eyes light up and turn into radio dials, causing a sharp sound.]

Lucifer: It's a sure good thing I showed up, (laughing)', am I right? (duck squeaks)

[Lucifer points at Angel Dust.]

Lucifer: (laughs) This guy knows.

Angel Dust: (confused) What?

[Alastor glares at Lucifer through narrowed eyes, accompanied by a whining radio sound. Alastor places his mug on the table.]

Lucifer: You... (music builds up) should use a coaster.

[Alastor abruptly stands up and walks off.]

Alastor: That's it! Fuck this, I quit.

Lucifer: That's it, Bambi, walk away.

[Lucifer smugly and loudly sips his mug. Alastor's shadow proceeds to hit the bottom of the mug and spill the contents onto Lucifer's clothes.]

Lucifer: Agh! Oh gahhh- You...

Angel Dust: (laughs; to Cherry) You should've moved in sooner.

[The camera cuts to a 666 News broadcast.]

Tom Trench: Coming up, on Katie Killjoy Tonight, an exclusive interview with Hell's not-so-favourite nepo baby Charlie Morningstar, only on 666 news.

Katie: You don't wanna miss this.

Ethan: Alright, people, we're on in five.

Charlie: (huffing, determined) Alright, Niffty, we've got this, right? I mean, all I gotta do is talk from the heart, for the people. Set the record straight.

Niffty: (nodding) Real straight.

Charlie: Explain what really happened.

Niffty: (nodding) Real straight!

Charlie: Right, ha. You got the cards ready?

[Niffty holds up a sign with a doodle of Vox with red teeth at the top. It reads "VOX LIES" followed by "HOTEL IS GOOD!!" at the bottom. Cheering effect from the background.]

Charlie: Perfect.

Velvette: Is that the princess? Didn't learn your lesson yesterday?

[Charlie quickly rises to her feet.]

Charlie: What you guys put out yesterday was heavily fucked... with. So I'm here to set the record straight with my own words that you can't fuck with.

Velvette: Sure, sweetie. Katie! You know what to do.

Katie: Ho-ho, right. It's nice to meet you, Miss Morningstar.

[Katie is crouched down to Charlie's level, offering her hand which Charlie shakes. Katie then pulls Charlie close.]

Katie: It is Miss, right? 'Cause we all know queers can't get married.

Charlie: What?

Katie: Well, let's not waste any more time, dear. Come on! You still need to get camera-ready.

[Charlie looks down at herself. Niffty holds up a sign with heart doodles on it that says "KYS!!" beside Charlie.]

Charlie: I am camera-ready.

Katie: Oh, sweetheart... yuck.

[Katie snaps her fingers. The light flashes, then fades into Charlie sitting at the interview table, stunned by the light. A ringing sound can be heard. The camera zooms out to include Katie and Tom beside Charlie in the frame.]

Charlie: Wow, that's bright.

Katie: Welcome back to me, I'm here with Charlie Morningstar, homosexual daughter of our big old devil daddy and founder of the Hazbin Hotel...

[There are photos of Charlie, Lucifer, and the Hazbin Hotel beside Katie's head, just above Tom. Katie pushes Tom off his seat, causing a thud.]

Katie: ...which is starting to live up to the name, wouldn't you say? (chuckles) I would.

Charlie: Firstly, I'm bi, but thanks, Katie. You know, the name was kind of a funny story actually-

Katie: Phenomenal. So tell us, Chazzie--

Charlie: It's Charlie.

Katie: You're here to set the record STRAIGHT about your hotel, yes?

[As Katie says "straight", she slides her finger past her neck in a slicing notion. This makes Charlie frown.]

Katie: What exactly is there to tell us? I'd say we already saw everything in last week's hit docuseries Hazbin Hotel: Behind Closed Doors, available on VoxTek video.

[Niffty pops up in front of the crowd, holding up the "VOX LIES" "HOTEL IS GOOD!!" sign. Charlie smiles. She brings up a drawing of the new hotel and its guests. It reads "HOTEL IS AWESOME!"]

Charlie: Well, as you know, Vox paid a visit to our hotel recently, yes, and he lied about everything that--

Katie: Whoa, duh-duh, lied? (laughs) I'd say that's a pretty intense accusation, don't you think?

Charlie: Well, he, um... (clears throat) misrepresented things, so--

Katie: Oh! Using fancy words now.

Charlie: He bent the truth!

Katie: I wish he'd bend me. Right in half, ha, you know what I'm saying? (laughs)

[Charlie rolls her eyes.]

Katie: (through gritted teeth) Tom, laugh!

Tom: (forced) Oh! Ha ha ha.

[Cut to Velvette smiling off-broadcast.]

Charlie: (laughs nervously) Oh, no...

[The camera cuts to Alastor humming happily as he walks the crowded streets of Cannibal Town. He is wearing a pink and white-striped suit. He plucks a bouquet of roses off a nearby rose bush, before entering Rosie's Emporium.]

Alastor: Knock, knock, Rosie my dear, Alastor's here!

[Rosie descends the stairs. She wears a white dress with pink ruffles at the edges, and a pink and white-striped corset. She summons a floating teapot and teacup in a poof of dust.]

Rosie: Oh! Alastor. Don't you know it's rude to show up on a lady unannounced? I have nothing prepared.

Alastor: Oh, please, no need to gussy up for little old me now.

[Alastor's shadow pokes at a bouquet of flowers in a vase, which wilts upon contact. Alastor replaces it with his new bouquet of roses.]

Alastor: I just dropped in to tell you the great news.

Rosie: Oh, great news? That's always exciting for me to hear!

[Rosie settles down on a chair and starts pouring tea for her and Alastor. Alastor sets a gift down on the tabletop before sitting down.]

Rosie: By all means, (whispers) tell me.

Alastor: I'm sure you know all about Charlie's little hotel and how I've been "helping out."

Rosie: Of course I do.

Alastor: Yes, well... I just quit.

[The sound of glass shatters. Rosie calmly sips her tea.]

Rosie: You what?

[Alastor pushes the gift box lid open, He takes a finger out.]

Alastor: You see, I've been there about a year or so, and after all the pointless singing and crying... (throws finger into mouth and munches) I'm afraid I see no further reason for my presence there. We really aren't getting any closer to--

Rosie: Ah, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup, Alastor, sweetie, pumpkin. I'm afraid that isn't up to you, (her face darkens) is it?

Alastor: See, I thought that, too, but I also thought our little deal meant that I was the strongest Sinner in all of Hell.

[Alastor rises to his feet with glowing eyes. His shadow appears on the walls behind him.]

Alastor: Yet here I am with the scars and a busted-up staff that proves otherwise.

[Rosie stands up, picks up a bottle of "Man Eater Gin", then returns to the table. She downs the gin.]

Rosie: Oh, come on now, Alastor. You really thought being the most powerful Sinner, which you are, meant you could take on an archangel? (chuckles) You're still as cute and stubborn as the day we met.

Alastor: (growls) Don't. Remind me.

Rosie: (smugly) Oh, but I will.

[Flashback begins. The camera pans to New Orleans. Alastor, in his human form, twirls into frame with a charming smile.]

Rosie: (voiceover) You were a handsome young man, such a charmer.

[People walk across the screen, transitioning into Alastor at a desk, talking with three different producers, all of which are smoking a cigarette.]

Rosie: (voiceover) And quite the gentleman, if I recall. Hustling yourself and dazzling those yuppy producers.

[Smoke covers the screen, transitioning into Alastor in a recording room. Two producers watch from behind the screen.]

Rosie: (voiceover) Overcoming so much to be the star of your own radio show.

[Two glasses clink, transitioning into a scene of Alastor playing the piano, human Mimzy laying and laughing with a wine in hand atop it. Other people are gathered around the two with smiles.]

Rosie: (voiceover) The toast of New Orleans.

[Mimzy's glass hovers over one of Alastor's eyes, which turns into his demonic radio dial in the wine. The drink then pulls away, spilling on Alastor's sleeve. The camera cuts to Alastor standing by another man who is waving a wine glass in one hand.]

Rosie: (voiceover) But you were a bit naughty... weren't you?

Unnamed man: Oh! (laughs)

[Cut to the forest. The man screams as he is thrown onto the floor. Alastor's silhouette is shown stabbing him with a knife. The camera then cuts to a house with warmly-lit windows in a dark bayou. The camera shows a fireplace, multiple dead corpses strewn across the house, sticks hung from the ceiling and tied together in voodoo symbols, then a radio with a skull-like pattern on a rose, stick, and bone-adorned table.]

Rosie: (voiceover) I'll always be impressed with how prepared you were for all this while still human. I can't imagine how many rituals it took to get through to the other side, but, when I heard your voice... I just knew. I knew you were the one.

[Cut to Alastor drawing a bright red sigil onto a blood-splattered floor with his finger.]

Human Alastor: (chuckles) Tu es prêt à manger...

[Alastor laughs maniacally as he licks the red off his finger. The camera pans up as Alastor kneels before the radio, sigil glowing underneath him.]

Human Alastor: I call on you, voices of the afterlife. I wish to make a deal with you.

[The radio screeches, then glows. Two, flowy strings of light float from the radio, the ends resembling clawed hands. Rosie's voice is heard over the radio.]

Past Rosie: Why have you called me here, human? To curse? To give? To learn?

Human Alastor: Allow me to cut to the chase. I know what awaits a man like me after death. But I do not want to exist in Hell a tortured soul. I want to secure myself, amongst the highest demons. I want to continue my fun!

[As he speaks those last words, most of him is in shadow. At the word "fun", the fireplace behind him flares larger.]

Past Rosie: Wow. That's a new one. I must say, a soul like yours is unlike any I've seen.

[A string of light weaves around Alastor. As past Rosie explains, Alastor's demon shadow rises up above him.]

Past Rosie: I can grant you power. Power beyond what your mortal mind can imagine. The most powerful Sinner in Hell, but...

[One hand rests on Alastor's cheek, then caresses his chin. The camera cuts back to the floor behind Alastor, where his human shadow is cast. Rosie's string of light hand hovers over the shadow, before wrapping around its body.]

Past Rosie: ...you must do something for me. And until you complete this task, your soul will be mine.

Human Alastor: (in a low voice) It's a deal.

[Alastor and past Rosie's string of light shakes hands, causing green and orange light to appear on the screen, flowing like electricity. The orange light briefly forms a rose symbol. Voodoo symbols surround Alastor as he laughs maniacally.]

Rosie: (voiceover) It's pretty funny that the next day, you died in the most hilarious way possible, ha!

[The camera pans up to human Alastor dragging a body down the forest. A dog barks at him, backed by a shadowed silhouette. The camera cuts to Alastor's silhouette with pure white eyes in front of a tree, resembling a deer in headlights.]

Rosie: (voiceover) Mistaken for a deer and shot while hiding a body. (laughs) I mean, just perfect.

[The shadowed silhouette shoots Alastor. The shot rings out.]

Rosie: (voiceover) So anticlimactic.

[The camera cuts back to Hell, where Rosie is chortling excessively, tears in her eyes. Alastor scratches his hair with narrowed eyes and a disturbed grin.]

Rosie: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[Rosie falls onto Alastor, still chuckling. He is still not pleased.]

Alastor: (forced chuckle) Yeah-ho-ho. Oh, hilarious! Ha-ha, ha. Ah-ha-ha!

[Eerie music plays.]

Alastor: Look, you can toy around with me all you want, but I've been running all over Hell on some fruitless crusade for years, playing nice at a stupid hotel because you promised me power, and now I'm lacking, so you better--

(Don't You Forget starts playing.)

Rosie: ♪ Sounds like you really could do ♪

♪ With a little reminder of who you're talking to ♪

♪ An honest woman, always there to lend an ear ♪

♪ I dealt with you fairly, been patient, it's true ♪

♪ But remember, my "deer"... you're in my zoo! ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ You are my pet! ♪

♪ I say when to sit and stay, roll over or go fetch ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪ [Alastor runs down the stairs he is in a spotlight]

♪ There's no way out! ♪ [Alastor is inside a rectangular yellow cage that has skeletons skulls on the exterior]

♪ You're a debtor till the day you settle your account ♪

[Rosie is on top of the cage on the exterior]

Alastor: ♪ I've served you faithfully for an age ♪

♪ Obeyed demands, contained my rage ♪

♪ Went off the air for years on your behalf ♪

Rosie: I know, and you're so kind!

Alastor: ♪ And since you made me disappear ♪

♪ My name inspires much less fear ♪

♪ The least that you can do is fix my staff ♪

Rosie: In due time.

Sing along, dear, you know the words!

Rosie: ♪ Don't you forget ♪

Alastor: (grumbles) ♪ I won't forget ♪

Rosie: ♪ You are my pet ♪

Alastor: ♪ Yours since we met ♪

Rosie & Alastor: ♪ I say when to sit and stay ♪

♪ Play ball ♪

♪ Or just play dead ♪

Rosie: ♪ Don't you forget ♪

Alastor: ♪ I'm in your net ♪

Rosie: ♪ The coop can't be flown! ♪

Alastor: ♪ At least not yet... ♪ [The camera zooms out to show Rosie holding a wooden thing while strings is attached to Alastor's arms and legs like Rosie is moving Alastor like a puppet]

Rosie: ♪ The moves you make are mine ♪

♪ And mine alone! ♪

Rosie: ♪ Looks like you'll have to do this on your own! ♪ (Alastor: ♪ Looks like I'll have to do this on my own! ♪)

Alastor: *His arms crossed* Fine!

(Don't You Forget ends.)

[The camera cuts to black, then fades into a shot of Alastor walking and grumbling in a low voice, towards a golden statue with the Morningstar family on it. Dramatic music plays.]

Alastor: Oh, calling me her pet. I'm not your pet, you lousy... (inhales) I'll show her. Oh, she'll see.

[Alastor starts pacing in front of the Morningstar family statue. He then sits down on the bench in front of the statue. The music shifts into the melody from Stayed Gone.]

Alastor: Think. Think. Come on, Alastor. Come on. There must be a way. (gasps softly) Oh. Oh, that's clever.

[Alastor is hunched over on the bench, face leaning against his hands. The Morningstar family statue stands behind him. There is a golden plaque on the bench which reads "In Memory of Susan I wish she'd die again". Alastor sits up after he laughs.]

Alastor: I can fix my own problems.

[Cut back to 666 News.]

Katie: So basically, what you're trying to tell us is that an angel told you your silly little snake friend was alive. The same angels that made it their whole "thing" for seven years to kill as many of us as possible?

[As Katie speaks, the camera zooms out of the TV screen to show the camera crew and audience, Niffty included.]

Katie: And you just expect us to believe all that?

Charlie: Yes! (abruptly calms down) Well, I mean, yes, they don't want to hurt us anymore. Now that Sir Pentious is redeemed, I'm sure they are going to help us, so--

Katie: (invading Charlie's space) Oh, you're sure, are you? You're so sure? Because I'm sure that Vox reported on how you have no evidence at all, and that you just put your guests in danger for fun!

Charlie: Well, sure, but, see, he made it look that way. If you take something out of context, you can make someone say anything! It feels like he was just waiting for me to say something awful, like that (in a lower, somewhat silly voice) "I think Sinners deserved the Extermination because they're bad people." (laughs) But I would never actually say that!

Katie: Oh! Did you get that?!

[Katie points at Charlie. The camera zooms out to show giant red arrows pointing at Charlie, a large sign that reads "SHE SAID IT!!!", confetti falling from the ceiling and colored party lights flashing as a fog horn blasts in the background.]

Katie: Breaking news. Charlie Morningstar claims that Sinners deserved to be exterminated in shocking new statement.

[A picture of two demons with red exes crossed over both their eyes. Broken heart symbols surround them. The frame zooms out to show the broadcast being streamed live, with a chat moving rapidly up on the right.]

Charlie: No! No. That is not-- Like-- What?! Stop. That is not what I said, it was just an example. Not like I meant it, you know! Please stop quoting everything I'm saying, it is distracting me! WHAT?! Don't compare me to Hitler! How are you even typing this fast?!

[As Charlie speaks, the camera cuts to multiple Sinners watching the broadcast from a TV outside, then Sinners watching from a bar, then the camera crew watching with unimpressed faces. Everyone starts texting on their phones as she panics. The stream chat rushes past.]

Katie: (to the TV) I am so getting that fucking bonus. (back to a disgruntled Charlie) Now, Charles, do you have anything else you'd like to clarify about your Hashbrown Motel?

Charlie: (gasps) I... Um, uh, y... you know.

[Niffty is on the floor, sucking on a bug. Charlie quickly picks her up and places her on the news table.]

Charlie: N-N-N-Niffty! Here. Come up here and tell us all about how amazing the Hazbin Hotel is.

[Niffty stares blankly at the camera.]

Charlie: Just tell them!

[Zoom in to the camera lens. Cut back to Charlie fanning herself with a hand.]

Charlie: Uh... Uh... Oh, shit. The camera thing. Uh... G- Oh! (grabs Niffty) Hey, Niffty, guess what? That is not a camera, it's a roach.

Niffty: That's a big roach.

Charlie: (nodding) Y-yeahh. Tell the big roach about how much you like the hotel.

[Cut back to the camera lens, then back to Niffty. She blinks. The next time the camera lens is shown, it turns into a roach with a kawaii face, pink hearts surrounding it in a purple to white gradient background.]

(Clean It Up! starts playing.)

Niffty: ♪ There's an endless stream of trash and filth and hundreds of bugs ♪

♪ If you love the stench of jizz, wait 'til you smell our rugs ♪

♪ 'Cause people barf and piss and cum on them a ton ♪ *she moves like making a snow angel*

♪ And when they do, I get to go and clean it up! ♪

Charlie: (deeply disturbed) What?

Niffty: ♪ Hypodermic needles left all over the place ♪

♪ And our rats have grown immune to being sprayed by mace ♪

♪ So I got to take my knife and and stab 'em all in the face ♪

♪ And now they treat me like their queen because I'm covered in RAT BLOOD ♪

Charlie: Niffty, no!

Niffty: ♪ Magical land ♪

♪ Hotel of my dreams ♪

♪ Disgusting-est, ugliest building that I've ever seen ♪

♪ And I get to clean it up! ♪

Charlie: Niffty, what are you doing?

Niffty: Helping!

Charlie: Can you help differently???

Niffty: Okay!

(In Japanese) ♪ ホテルは本当にとても素敵です (The hotel is really nice) ♪

Charlie: Um...

Niffty: ♪ チャーリーはとても優しい上司です (Charlie is a very kind boss) ♪

♪ 彼女は成功すると信じています (I believe she will succeed) ♪

Charlie: Can anyone understand this?!

Niffty: ♪ とても大好きです　いつも！ (I love it so much, always!) ♪

Charlie: Whyyyy?

Niffty: ♪ 犯罪者は TRASH (Sinners are TRASH) ♪

♪ そして彼らは ASSHOLES (And they are ASSHOLES) ♪

Charlie: Oh, no...

♪ でも私はまだ夢を信じています (But I still believe in the dream!) ♪

♪ 私は CLEAN IT UP! (I CLEAN IT UP!) ♪

YES! (panting)

Charlie: ♪ And that's why the hotel is... good, ♪ right? Yay...!

(Clean It Up! ends.)

[Dramatic, eerie music starts playing. The camera cuts and pans down to a silhouetted Alastor walking down the streets of Hell. He speaks into his radio mic stand, making his voice echo and be heard across all of the city, eyes glowing.]

Alastor: I know you're watching.

[Cut to shocked Sinners looking up at the sky.]

Alastor: Come on out! No need to be shy, Vox.

[Cut to Sinners standing idly on the street. The one in the centre yells and explodes into blood because of electricity. Vox appears in their place.]

Vox: Alastor. For what do I owe the displeasure? Did I strike a nerve? Finally ready to plead with me to stop shitting on your precious hotel?

Alastor: (tapping Vox's screen with his staff) Frankly, I'm bored of hearing your incessant slander. It's not even clever. This ends now.

[Valentino pops up behind Vox in a plume of pink smoke. Vox is pissed. His hypnotic eye is out and fully focused on Alastor.]

Valentino: Ugh. Voxxy, you can't just get all up in this and then zip out like that. (sultry) I thought you liked it when I--

Velvette: TMI, Val. Now, who are we killing? And can I film it?

Alastor: No, no, dear. I don't think Vox would want the public to see me put him in his place a second time.

[Alastor's shadow tentacle shoots out from the wall. Vox punches it.]

Vox: FUCK YOU, TWINK! UGH!

[Dramatic music plays. Vox teleports. Velvette runs over. Valentino follows, laughing as he cocks his gun. Cut to Alastor trying to use his powers and failing. Vox proceeds to blast him thrice and hit him into two Sinners. His wires follow him, and he backs Alastor against a TV.]

Vox: What's wrong, old man? Getting your ass beat by Adam fuck you harder than you thought? Hiyah! Oh!

[Vox lifts his arm, but Alastor's shadow tentacle tugs it down and throws Vox into a building. Pink smoke circles Alastor. Three bullets fly past Alastor, forming hearts in the smoke.]

Valentino: What's the matter, bitch? Can't get it up? (laughs)

[Valentino runs through the smoke. Alastor sends two shadow tentacles his way, which he narrowly dodges. Valentino brings out moneyshot.]

Valentino: Daddy's home.

[Valentino shoots twice. Alastor dodges and blocks with his body. Valentino punches Alastor in the stomach and lifts him into the sky.]

Valentino; Oh dear, does that hurt? Ha-ha!

[Valentino cocks his gun. One of Alastor's minions jumps onto his gun, and another jumps onto his neck fur. Valentino waves wildly and falls down.]

Valentino: Hey! Fuck!

[Alastor reappears on a shadowed hand he summoned from the ground. Velvette shoots an arrow at him, scarring his cheek. Cut to Velvette streaming herself live mid-battle. There are constant pinging sounds as Velvette talks.]

Velvette: Damn. It's gonna take a lot more to fix that hairdo. (brightly) Hey, my little puppets. I'm putting up a poll. Vote "yes" or "no" if you want me to absolutely OBLITERATE this guy.

[The "YES!!!" button lights up. She laughs joyfully, pulls out the "YES!!!" button out of the screen and attaches a purple string between both ends, forming a bow. She shoots several arrows at Alastor all at once. Alastor protects himself with a shadow shield, but one just misses his shoulder. His shadow travels up to Velvette and crashes her down into a car while Alastor's shadow drops. Electricity crackles around him. He disappears before Vox crashes into the floor in his place, silhouetted in black with highlighted eyes and teeth.]

Vox: Come on out…

[Zoom into Vox's face. The screen glitches back to 666 News, with Charlie and Katie talking over each other]

Charlie: Are you fucking kidding me? You are very rude.

Katie: Look at you go... Yada, yada, yada.

Charlie: This has all been a whole setup, and once more, you are very homophobic, Ms. Killjoy, and I DO NOT LIKE YOU.

Katie: I'm not homophobic, I just hate gay people!

Charlie: This has been the worst fucking interview of my entire life.

Katie: So sue me.

[Niffty stabs a bug. The camera briefly cuts back to the Entertainment District, then back to Niffty next to a TV screen with a still image of Vox and Alastor from the fight. It reads: "VOX vs ALASTOR FACE OFF!!! COLLATERAL DEATH COUNT RISING".]

Niffty: (gasps) Alastor's in trouble!

[Niffty speeds through the streets of Hell and back into the hotel. Cut back to the hotel bar.]

Angel Dust: Hey, have you ever heard of a blob fish?

Husk: A... what?

Angel Dust: Check this out. (shows Husk blob fish on his phone)', How cute is that?

Husk: Why are you like this? (more serious) Look, Angel, I-- (notices Niffty) Oh, hey, Niff.

[Niffty huffs heavily as she picks Husk up and over the bar counter.]

Husk: What the fuck?!

Angel Dust: Huh?

[Niffty zooms off with Husk. Angel Dust turns back to his phone.]

Angel Dust: A lot of weird shit happens here.

[The camera cuts back to a dark alleyway as dramatic music plays. Vox's silhouette stands menacingly in the centre. His wires perk up, then the camera cuts to them wrapping around Alastor's shadow on the wall, revealing Alastor.]

Vox: Found you!

[Vox throws Alastor against a different wall with his wires. Alastor's tie is undone and his shirt is open, revealing his chest wound. Vox wraps Alastor up in wires then leans forward. As Vox speaks, he cuts Alastor's chest stitches with his claws.]

Vox: Someone should really put this thing out of its misery!

[Radio screeches.]

Niffty: We're here, Alastor!

[Niffty rushes forward, carrying Husk with a bottle in hand.]

Niffty: Husk, go!

[The Vees and Alastor idly stare on. Niffty knocks out Velvette by throwing Husk at her, taking her off-screen.]

Velvette: What the--?!

Husk: The fuck is this about, Alastor? You still fighting these nobodies?

Velvette: (gasps as her mascara running down her cheeks) My hair! (growls at Husk) I'm gonna KILL YOUUUUUU!!!!

[Velvette's hands glow purple. As soon as Husk replies, floating purple knives are aimed at him.]

Husk: Look, lady, I didn't mean to-- Oh, shit.

[The knives plunge into the floor and trail after Husk. Energetic music plays. Husk leaps into the air and is followed by a purple trail of explosive smoke. A playing card spins in front of it and Husk re-appears, throwing the now-multiplied cards down at Velvette. She runs, cards exploding the floor behind her. Cut to Valentino watching in surprise.]

Niffty: (with a darkened expression) Hey, bad boy.

Valentino: (shocked) You again?!

[Niffty climbs into Valentino's coat. He grunts as she stabs him from the inside.]

Valentino: Ow! Fuck!

Niffty: Oh!

[Cut to Alastor against the wall before Vox. Alastor uses his shadow tentacles to free himself, pushing Vox away.]

Alastor: Looks like it's me and you again. Ready to lose?

Vox: Not this time.

[Cut to Husk flying, narrowly avoiding Velvette's flying knives.]

Husk: Geez.

[Husk flies into a magician's box. Velvette's knives pierce into it. Husk opens one of the doors, unharmed.]

Husk: Calm down, bitch!

Velvette: This outfit is worth ten of you.

[As she speaks, a purple sigil appears on Velvette's hand. She summons a sigil underneath her and Husk's magician box. Floating demonic emojis appear and turn demonic, shooting out strings which pierce through and squeeze Husk's magician box.]

Velvette: Put a shirt on, you MANGY STRAY!

[Cut to Husk's magician hat falls to the floor, shooting flowers at Velvette. Husk gets out of the hat with scratches, and places the hat back on his head. Cut back to Valentino and Niffty, the smaller of which stab him in the neck.]

Niffty: Hmm. Not there. Oh.

Valentino: OW!

Niffty: (laughing maniacally) Oh. No.

[Valentino cocks his gun and protests angrily in Spanish. He shoots a Sinner by accident. Niffty stabs the front of Valentino's coat/wings and jumps onto his face.]

Valentino: Te voy a matar, chiquita (I'm going to kill you, little girl.) — Ow! Aah!

[Niffty launched into the air and comes down at Valentino with her knife. Before she lands, Valentino grabs her by the neck and throws her down at the floor, holding her at gunpoint. She turns her head around to face the gun.]

Niffty: Gun! He-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[Cut to Vox holding Alastor against the wall by the throat.]

Alastor: Wait. Call off your goons. (slowly) I have a proposition for you.

Vox: Excuse me?

Alastor: (singsongy) Now or never.

Vox: Val, hold on.

[Two of Vox's wires wrap around Valentino's gun-wielding arm, and tug it away from her face. Valentino groans.]

Alastor: We keep going back and forth, and it's growing really tiresome, uh, quite boring actually, and it's making it harder for me to do what I have to do.

[As Alastor speaks, he pushes Vox's face back with a finger. His shadow hands him his staff and he stands upright, stitches regenerating over his chest wound.]

Vox: Yeah, of course, you're trying to talk your way out of this. Get to the fucking point!

Alastor: How about... we make a little deal?

[Still speaking, shadows appear on the wall behind Alastor, with silhouettes vaguely resembling the Vees and Alastor in the centre.]

Alastor: I'll join your propaganda parade and be your little prisoner?

[A small shadowed cage with a mini Alastor in it forms out of the ground. Alastor steps on it as he speaks.]

Alastor: All I ask for in exchange is, ooh, two, tiny, itty bitty conditions.

Husk: The fuck is he doing?

Vox: What conditions?

Alastor: Let these irrelevant little nobodies run along home, but more importantly, you're not to lay your hands on Charlie Morningstar.

[At Charlie's name, his eyes turn black with red dials, and his teeth are closed and glows as he speaks.]

Vox: Wait. That's it? Psha-ha!

Alastor: That's it. Pretty enticing, isn't it? Think of the headlines.

Vox: That's- that's... (stammers excitedly) It's a deal!

[The camera spins down on the two from the sky. Electricity buzzes and surrounds the place as the two shake hands launching The two other Vees, Husk and Niffty into the air.]

Vox: (laughing) Yes! I fucking did it! Ha-ha-ha!

[Cut to a blue-colored room in the V Tower.]

Vox: Holy fuck! Everyone out. Look who I have! Ah-ha-ha!

[Vox spins Alastor out on a chair. Alastor's arms are tied behind him, and he is wearing a blue cloth over his mouth with a frown.]

Vox: Velvette, cameras!

[Cut to Charlie with her jaw dropped in surprise.]

Unnamed Sinner: Oh, VoxTek!

[Sinners clamor and push past Ethan.]

Ethan: Alright, you heard him, people. Everyone out! Move your asses.

[Overlapping chatter. Charlie is carried out with the Sinners. Alastor remains idle on his chair in the background.]

Charlie: Alastor, what happened? What's going on? Wait! Wait! ALASTOR! Woah!

Unnamed Sinner: Move, bitch. Move.

Charlie: Ugh! Oh, stop pushing me! Alastor!

Unnamed Sinner: (pushing Charlie away) Bitch, move!

Charlie: Ugh. Wait. Let me back in. I am the princess of Hell!

[Cut to a tower broadcasting Alastor's capture.]

Charlie: What the actual fuck is happening?!

[Cut to the streets of the Entertainment District. Vox is throwing a parade for Alastor's capture. The crowd cheers as the Vees and Alastor move past on a moving platform. There is a banner on it that has a crossed out "I" then reads "We WON!!! HAHA HA!"]

Vox: (laughing) Oh! No. No, thank you. No, yeah. Thank you. I- I... I won. You like--? I know I-- I know I won. I like winning.

[Cut to a 666 News interview. Alastor and Vox are seated in a couch together while Katie gawks from her interview desk.]

Vox: And let me be the one to tell the world that Alastor does NOT have a tail!

[The camera zooms out. There is a big sign above that reads "LAUGH" and the Sinners do laugh. The news headline reads: "ALASTOR: PHONEY TAIL-LESS LOSER?!"]

Katie: (with a thumbs up) Ha ha ha ha! Oh, that's gonna piss some people off.

[Cut to Alastor and Vox at a diner. Whimsical music plays.]

Vox: One... smoothie, please.

[Vox looks back at Alastor with a grin. Alastor continues to look unimpressed, dark eye bags visible. Cut to the two of them sitting opposite to each other at a table, Alastor tied up and masked while Vox loudly slurps on a red and blue smoothie that has two loopy straws that are red and blue with his being a blue loopy straw. Then cut to a graph of an arrow diagonally rising on a graph back at the V Tower.]

Vox: (laughs) Oh-ho-ho!

[Skip to a bedroom, where Vox flops onto his back, partly covered by a blanket. He does not wear any clothes. Vox stretches then puts his arms underneath his head with a smile.]

Vox: Oh! Ah! Today was perfect. Right, Val?

[Cut to Valentino sitting on the bed beside him. His arms are tied up above him and he is smoking. He has a glass in one hand and is also naked. Vox is shown beside him.]

Valentino: Uh-huh, sure, babe.

[Cut to Alastor beside the bed, tied back to his chair, still masked. His mood is still sour. Vox's clothes are strewn across the floor beneath Alastor.]

Vox: Hmm? And what- what do you think, Alastor?

[Alastor looks away. Radio static plays.]

Vox: Oh, why the long face?

[Vox steps out of bed laughing. Vox hums. Cut to Vox's wire handing Valentino his glasses then stealing his cigarette. He takes a drag then pulls down Alastor's mask and blows smoke on his face. Radio static plays again.]

Vox: Mh-hmm. Mm. Isn't this nice?

[Vox then walks off and yanks Alastor and his chair with him with his wires. Cut to Vox putting his suit and shoes back on. Then cut to a large red window of the city, which Vox stands and Alastor sits before. Vox proceeds to pull Alastor's chair forward with his wires.]

Vox: Look at all this. I know you feel it too. And to THINK you could have had this all and without the public humiliation.

[Vox walks off and several screens of Alastor and Vox from recent events appear behind Vox.]

Vox: (laughs) Yeah, this calls for a celebration!

Alastor: Hmm, yes, not like you haven't been doing that all day...

[Vox pulls Alastor's chair with the wires again, sits himself down on a chair with Alastor on the other side.]

Vox: Whiskey? Gin? I could call up and get you a Sazerac?

[Alastor stays quiet, hair covering his eyes. Vox takes a sip from his glass.]

Vox: You know I've waited for this moment for almost 70 years. I'm curious. What makes the princess and her crappy little hotel so great that the RADIO DEMON gives up what little dignity he had left to help out with it? Or, how a guy from the 30s landed in Hell and somehow (places his heel underneath Alastor's chin) became one of the most powerful Overlords?

[Radio static plays.]

Vox: (menacingly) Tell me how.

Alastor: Mm, nope. Our deal is for me to be your captive, I don't have to tell you anything.

[Alastor turns away in his chair. Vox readjusts his feet on the desk.]

Vox: Seriously? You usually love to run your mouth. But I guess being a BRAT is kind of your THING, isn't it?

[As he speaks, Vox turns Alastor back around with his wires.]

Alastor: (laughs) You'd be nothing without those two.

Vox: Excuse me?

Alastor: You really haven't changed, have you? Still so reliant on all those around you.

[Alastor's face darkens. His eyes begin to glow and shadows start to generate from his body.]

Alastor: Always seeking someone to put up with your incessant--

[Vox wraps wires tightly around Alastor's mouth.]

Vox: You know, I think I prefer the silence.

Alastor: (over speaker) What? Don't want to be reminded of how desperate you were for attention? Back then, you and I were as close to equals as I'd imagined down here.

[Alastor's smile is closed but glowing as he speaks. He leans back against the chair.]

Alastor: You had your decent ideas, you were growing your power, and it was almost impressive.

[Vox claws through the desk.]

Alastor: And I respected you.

[Vox's eyes widen. Electricity crackles.]

Alastor: And then you went and ruined it. I thought you found me... what was it? "Inspiring"?

[The camera zooms in on Vox with a pale expression, his screen glitching. The scene then cuts to a flashback of Vox and Alastor sitting at a bar. Alastor is wearing his pilot outfit.]

Past Vox: You're inspiring! Really! And when you think about it, modern entertainment actually started with radio.

[As Vox is talking, Alastor puts his drink down on the table. Alastor hums.]

Past Vox: Ah, am I boring you with my compliments?

Past Alastor: Perhaps.

Past Vox: (blushing) Well, look, I'll just get to the point. We've been close for a few years now, right? I mean, people know us, they love us. And with new Overlords popping up every day, and before you hit me with a, (in Alastor impression) "Well, you're pretty new yourself." I know, okay, but I'm much more forward-thinking, so it's in your best interest to hear me out.

Past Alastor: I'm listening, pal. (gestures to the Bartender) Barkeep, another whiskey.

[Vox smiles and looks away. Electricity flows and crackles between his two antennae. The barkeep makes Alastor another whiskey and Alastor tosses a coin to the barkeep.]

Past Vox: So, I've been thinking, Alastor, with your incredible power and my massive influence, we would be unstoppable. Radio AND video. Me and you-- we could rule Hell, together, as partners.

[Vox lifts his hand out for a handshake, only for Alastor to start chuckling. Alastor then bursts out into laughter, much to Vox's concern.]

Past Alastor: Oh, that's- Oh, you're serious? Ah-ha-ha, come now, Vox! (buries his head in his arms, laughing) I knew you could be pathetic at times, but I didn't realize you were so WEAK.

Past Vox: (chuckles weakly) What?

Past Alastor: Oh, fuck! (laughs and hits the table) You need me to join your team. And here I thought you might actually be approaching my level, but asking for assistance? A partnership? I am quite disappointed in you.

[Vox looks down, distraught by his words. He then sits down, watching his lap as his vision blurs and unblurs, hazy and black at the edges.]

Past Vox: I- I just thought you know, since we're friends--

Past Alastor: FRIENDS?! There ARE no friends in Hell, Vincent! I thought that was something you understood. How embarrassing.

[As he says this, Vox's screen glitches. His frown gets bigger and for a brief second, there's a tear in his eye, but then he turns angry. The camera cuts back to the present moment.]

Alastor: Oh, the tantrum you threw after-- now THAT was entertainment! (bursts out into laughter) I did really have to put you in your place, didn't I? Ah... And now you finally have me, but you still rely on others for your power, like always.

[Crackling electricity can be heard as Alastor speaks. When he's done, Vox's anger reaches its peak, but he quickly switches up into a smile.]

(Don't You Forget (Reprise) starts playing.)

Vox: ♪ You think your little mockery is gonna make me cry? ♪

♪ That I'm bawling ‘bout the past that could've been? ♪

♪ Look around ya, Al ♪

♪ I've been scheming this whole time ♪

♪ I got a team, I got a dream ♪

♪ And all I'm gonna do is win ♪ (laughs)

♪ You're in my house with my rules ♪

♪ In my room with my tools ♪

♪ And worse, you're at my mercy ♪

♪ Cursed to watch me take it all ♪

♪ You've gone ass up ♪

♪ You're deep fried ♪

♪ Your last luck has run dry ♪

♪ At last your check has cashed ♪

♪ I'd laugh at how you look so small ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ You're on my string ♪

♪ You can try to squirm and struggle ♪

♪ And it wouldn't do a thing ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

Alastor: ♪ You're so obsessed with me ♪

♪ I knew you'd need me here to be your unwilling audience ♪

♪ When you lose your marbles in act three ♪

Vox: ♪ You're huffing glue if you think I won't end this tale a ruler ♪

♪ I'm just like you except I'm smarter, sharper, brighter, newer ♪

♪ So I'll keep your smug ass alive to-- ♪

Alastor: To show me you're not a loser?

Vox: Do you ever shut up?

Alastor: ♪ Don't you forget ♪

Vox: Oh, here he goes...

Alastor: ♪ YOU AIN'T WON YET ♪

Vox: Ooh, I'm scared.

Alastor: ♪ You still need me like you did before ♪

Vox: So cute, you think I care! (laughs)

♪ Now I'm the master ♪

♪ And you're my bottomest bitch ♪

♪ No more Al, the high and mighty ♪

♪ Now that I flipped the switch ♪

♪ Though the radio's gone dead ♪

♪ You know, the show must go on ♪

♪ By the time I've had my fun ♪

♪ You'll wish that you had stayed gone! ♪

[Vox laughs menacingly. He and Alastor pant in each other's faces.]

Valentino: Ay, you two should just fuck already.

(Don't You Forget (Reprise) ends.)

[Sexy music plays as the camera pans to Valentino, still in bed, watching Vox and Alastor from across the room.]

Valentino: What? Am I wrong? And can I film it?~

[The episode ends.]