Welcome to Heaven/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Welcome to Heaven". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

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[The episode begins with Vaggie and Charlie in their room. Charlie is packing clothes into a suitcase while Vaggie sits on the bed, looking troubled because Charlie is overpacking a lot of things to the point she has a closet-sized suitcase, a guitar case, two extra large suitcase luggage, and a small handbag.]

Charlie: Ok, I have my warm weather clothes and my cold weather clothes. I have a light jacket, flak jacket and rain jacket- wait, does it rain in Heaven?

Vaggie: Charlie, you're only going to heaven for a few hours.

[Charlie stands up and paces a bit.]

Charlie: Vaggie, we are only going to heaven for a day. And I just want to be prepared! It's our last chance to convince heaven a soul can be redeemed.

Vaggie: Yeah, I wish I could come, sweetie, but I have that…thing.

Charlie: What thing?

Vaggie: The thing with the.. thing uhm.. fuck, gah, I'm such a bad liar.

[Charlie takes Vaggie's hand.]

Charlie: Vaggie, you're my partner, I need you there with me.

Vaggie: *sighs* Fine.

Charlie: Yes!!

[Charlie hugs and kisses Vaggie's cheek. The scene then changes to the main hotel room, as Angel Dust stumbles into the lounge with exhaustion.]

Angel Dust: Oh, fuck.

[Niffty pokes her head out of a plant pot with a feather duster before coming down to see him.]

Niffty: You look messy! What happened to you?

Angel Dust: It's who happened to me, and the answer is everyone! Twice. Val had me working 16 hours straight on a fucking whim. The absolute dickbag. UGH!

[While Angel is explaining this, he pulls his hands back to straighten his backside with crackles of bone being popped. He collapses on the couch to rest or sleep for the night. Charlie and Vaggie come into the scene with Vaggie holding two luggage suitcase with all of a sudden, the wall explodes, freaking Angel out of the couch. Angel gets annoyed that it's the second or third time the same wall that was fixed was blown up again.]

Angel Dust: Argh! What the fuck is with that wall?!

[An female outline appears from the red smoke in the now-destroyed hole on the wall, holding a bomb in her hands.]

Cherri Bomb: What up, hoes! [laughs]

[Angel Dust hears the laughter and immediately gets up from the couch with excitement.]

Angel Dust: Holy shit! Cherri Bomb?! Long time no see, baby!

[Cherri jumps into the room.]

Cherri Bomb: Angie, ya bitch! You been texting me depressin' shit all day! Figured we could tear shit up like old times. It's been fucking forever!

[Cherri senses Charlie coming up behind her and gives the bomb to Charlie.]

Cherri Bomb: Here, hold this.

{Charlie freaks out and plays hot potato with the bomb.]

Charlie: Ah! Oh my god! Oh my god!

[Charlie tosses the bomb back and forth in her hands until Vaggie takes it.]

Vaggie: Nope, gimme that.

[Vaggie throws the bomb out of the oh-so broken wall and said bomb explodes 'safely'.]

Angel Dust: I love seein' ya Cherri, but I'm too tired. I need to pass out.

[Angel tries falling back down onto the couch, but Cherri catches and pulls him up.]

Cherri Bomb: Oho, you can sleep when you're double dead, fuckhead! Come on, what you really need is a recharge! A reinvigoration, a re—

Charlie: Responsible night on the town! That is a great idea! Hi! *shakes Cherri's hand* Charlie! That's my wall that you just blew up. It's so nice to meet one of Angel's friends! Aagh! He never brings anyone around.

Cherri Bomb: *snorts* Wonder why.

Charlie: [obliviously] Yeah, me too. Anyway, Angel and everyone else have been working so hard, I think they deserve to have a little fun.

Cherri Bomb: W-w-wait, they?

[Charlie waves over to Husk and Niffty. Husk doesn't seem to care much, but Niffty is shaking so fast that shaking rattling sounds can be heard from her body.]

Charlie: Yeah! Hi, everyone! Angel and his friend are taking you all out for a night of fun and relaxation!

[Cherri mistakes Charlie's suggestion and tries to make her understand.]

Cherri Bomb: Wait, I'm only here for Ang—

[Charlie hands Cherri Bomb a large stack of money.]

Cherri Bomb: —Ooh! Never mind, Let's Go!

Charlie: Make sure they have the best time tonight! Anyway, the portal to Heaven should be opening right about…

[Just as Charlie predicted, the portal to Heaven opens in the middle of the lounge.]

Charlie: [Screams with delight] Now!

[Charlie grabs Vaggie with both arms and throws her into the portal, and as she steps a foot inside, she turns back to the guests and workers with Cherri Bomb, waving them goodbye for the day.]

Charlie: Bye!!

[Charlie enters the portal and vanishes on the spot just before Sir Pentious walks by with a drink in his mouth. He notices Cherri Bomb and spits out his drink in shock]

Sir Pentious: Well! If it isn't my arch-nemesis! Have you come to meet your fate in battle, Cherri Bomb?

[Sir Pentious doesn't notice one of Charlie's discarded luggage in his way and ends up tripping over while Cherri Bomb doesn't seem to mind about him.]

Cherri Bomb: Apparently, I'm going out with Angel and I gotta drag your sorry asses along.

[Cherri Bomb takes out a piece of gum and starts chewing. Sir Pentious hears her well, and is flustered by Cherri's suggestion. He immediately goes over to her and seemed nervous while Cherri faces him and blows a bubble.]

Sir Pentious: Oh, oh, you and me are going out like for fun? I… I didn't think this would ever happen. *panicked* What-What do I do? What-What do I wear?

[Sir Pentious grabs Cherri's shoulder for suggestion, but she doesn't like Sir Pentious touching her and grabs his claw to the point it seemed like she's crushing it.]

Cherri Bomb: Don't fuckin' touch me, ya munted dickhead.

[And with that, Cherri leaves behind the flustering Sir Pentious who is blushing red after Cherri touched his hand.]

---

[The scene cuts in front of the golden gates of Heaven where Charlie and Vaggie are shown to be outside as the portal closes behind them.]

Charlie: Vaggie, look at this place! It's so clean! Isn't that amazing?

Vaggie: *sarcastically* Yup, super cool. Heaven. Wow.

[Charlie and Vaggie approach the front desk where St. Peter pops up from behind his desk.}

St. Peter: Hiya! Welcome to Heaven! Can I get your name, please?

Charlie: Oh! Uhhh, uh, uh, Charlie Morningstar!

[Peter opens the book of reservations that are supposed to be a list of names they've cataloging for those who are to enter heaven.]

St. Peter: Charlie Morningstar, hmm, *mumbling names from list* I'm not seeing you on my list here, that's so odd.

Charlie: Uh, um, my dad got me this meeting, so maybe...

St. Peter: [in background] Oh, Dad! Okay!

Charlie: Try Lucifer... Morning... star?

[Peter realizes who Lucifer is.]

St. Peter: Oh, fuck! *nervously* Yeah, hoooo, hehehe. Yikes, am I right? Are you sure you're in the right place? Because I think you might be a little lost.

[Peter nervously flies down from the desk to Charlie and Vaggie. Vaggie is unamused of St. Peter, crossing her arms in disappointment.]

Vaggie: Oh, here we go.

Charlie: No, uh… we're, we're here for a meeting.

[Just then, high above the three of them, Sera and Emily suddenly appear in their angelic forms before turning into their humanoid forms as they land in front of Charlie and Vaggie.]

Sera: St. Peter. We can take it from here. Greetings, daughter of the Morningstar. I am Sera, the high seraphim of heaven. [Emily squeals and laughs in excitement.] You are gifted to be here.

[Emily comes forward to greet them.]

Emily: Hi! I'm Emily, the other seraphim, though you can call me Em! Emmy, E, whatever you want, I go by whatever. *giggles* Welcome to Heaven!

[Peter flies overhead to get the gates open and starts to sing as "Welcome to Heaven" begins. The gates open to reveal to Charlie and the unamused Vaggie the world of Heaven, a beautiful, clean paradise that is the complete opposite of Hell. Even the angels look completely different than the demons.]

St. Peter: Dearly beloved, it is my pleasure to say onto thee...♫ Welcome to Heaven, oh oh! ♫

St. Peter: ♫ Where the virtuous reside, 24/7, oh oh! ♫

♫ People are happy that they died, 'cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries, no strife. It's the perfect afterlife! Welcome to Heaven, oh oh! ♫

[St. Peter flies amongst many advertisements in Heaven.]

♫ Check out our sick decor! The spirits leaven, oh! ♫

♫ Please keep your brimstone off the floor, we've got the best and brightest, the politest of the lot. ♫

[St. Peter flies and poses into a male angels arms, surrounded by many other angels.]

♫ And ev-ery-one is hooot! ~♫

Emily: ♫ Gosh, I'm so pleased to show some outsiders around. After you see our realm, you'll never wanna go back down! ♫

Sera: ♫ Of course it is just temporary, I'm sorry you can't stay. ♫

[Emily and St. Peter grab hands and fly up together, before falling back down and posing with some other angels.]

St. Peter and Emily: ♫ 'Cause every single day in Heaven is a happy day! Welcome to Heaven! ♫

St. Peter: ♫Yeah!♫ [He pants after finishing the song]

[Charlie, Vaggie and Emily run hurriedly, unexpectedly passing Adam, who is drinking a soda, and Lute. They both immediately pause as they see Charlie and Vaggie.]

Adam: Holy fucking shit balls, am I seeing who I think I'm seeing?

Lute: What is she doing here? How did she even get up here?

Adam: Who cares? I'm handling this shit right now.

[Adam goes to challenge Charlie and Vaggie, but Lute stops him.]

Lute: Wait! You want to start a fight on the promenade in front of everyone?

Adam: Better than waiting for the fucking extermination!

[Lute immediately grabs Adam by his collar and pulls him to shush him harshly.]

Lute: SHHH. Sir, what was the Seraphim's one rule?

Adam: Uuughhh, "No one but the exorcists can know about the exterminations". I know, fine. *slurps drink* Don't fucking shush me, bitch.

[Just before they can settle this, Sera suddenly appears behind them both, teleporting them to an office-like building with just one sway of her wings. The light goes white on the screen before reappearing to show Adam and Lute being confronted by a stern Sera.]

Sera: You should listen to your lieutenant, Adam.

[Adam turns around and looks at Sera with shock.]

Adam: Fuck! Sera! You can't sneak up on a guy like that, jeez.

Lute: Your highness, forgive me, but what are the hell-spawn doing here?

Sera: Well, you failed to control the demons' unrest, and now Lucifer is involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter. I never would have agreed to your...*Adam slurps his soda drink* 'yearly activities' if I thought it would bring trouble to our doorstep. Keeping Heaven safe was my only reason for allowing it.

Adam: What do you want from me? I'm just one guy.

Sera: I want you to do whatever you need to do to keep this problem from getting any worse. Are we clear?

Adam: *sighs* Yeah. Got it.

[Vaggie and Charlie are shown in their hotel room, Vaggie putting their big tons of luggage down as Charlie sits on the bed excitedly.]

Charlie: Okay, I love Heaven! Vaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!

Vaggie: Those are just rainbow sprinkles.

Charlie: *stands up excitedly* Emily's going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft! You coming?

Vaggie: Uh, I need a break. But hug a koala for me.

Charlie: O.M.G! Can you imagine an actual koala? *squeals happily* See you later!

[Charlie zips right out of the door, leaving Vaggie alone for herself. She lays on the bed and sighs, but there is a knock on the door a second later. She answers it, revealing Adam, barging right in to greet her.]

Adam: Hey there, Vag-asaurus!

Vaggie: Charlie will be back soon, you need to get out, now.

[Adam enters the room, Lute behind him]

Adam: I'm not looking for the blonde, babe. I'm looking for you.

Vaggie: Why?

Adam: Maybe 'cuz you left the band. You tried for a solo career, or I guess it's more of a... duet.

Vaggie: I don't know what you're talking about.

Adam: Do you really think I wouldn't recognize one of my top girls just cuz you're out of uniform?

[Vaggie immediately grows pale when she realizes how Adam has never forgotten her. A flashback cuts to show a past Extermination. Exorcists come flying down with swords and spears as they hunt and kill every Demon Sinners they find. Screams can be heard as many demons are being massacred by the Angels. An Exorcist flies down and kills a demon, before taking her helmet off, revealing it to be Vaggie with a shorter haircut.]

Adam: (voiceover) You were on the front lines, I wouldn't forget a bad bitch like you. It's why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaggie.(/vædʒiː/))

[Cuts back to the present with the annoyed Vaggie.]

Vaggie: Actually, it's pronounced Vaggie.(/vægiː/)

Adam: Hmmmmm- no. Anyway, you sure fucked up, didn't you?

[Cuts to a flashback of the Extermination. As Exorcists kills a demon, a sinner child is running away while being chased by a vicious Vaggie as an Exorcist. The child runs into an alleyway where he reaches a dead end. He turns, and starts crying where he is prepared to meet his demise. However, Vaggie hesitates, seeing the innocent child right before her eyes crying in fear. She reconsiders her decision.]

Vaggie: [whispering] Go, run. Now!

[The sinner child flees from Vaggie right before Lute's shadow appears behind her. Vaggie realizes she has been spotted, dropping her spear before Lute stabs her eye out. Vaggie screams in pain. Her eye falls before Lute steps on it. She steps on Vaggie.

Lute: Sinful filth like you has NO place in Heaven.

[Lute brings up Vaggie's head and rips her wings off. Vaggie pants as she watched Adam appear before her in a shadow silhouette before Lute throws her discarded wings away and sword before she and Adam leave with her halo. The scene then changes to Vaggie stumbling down an alleyway, now with only one eye. She collapses against a dumpster, before Charlie, in the past, spots her. She puts a bandage over her missing eye, and Vaggie smiles. In return, Charlie smiles back.]

Adam: To think someone as worthless as you landed Lilith's little hottie. 'Grats on that I guess.

[The scene cuts back to the present where Lute is disgusted of their relationship.]

Lute: Their love is vile and blasphemous.

Adam: Hot as fuck though. But I wonder what your bitch would think if she found out you are actually one of us, hmmm?

Vaggie: What do you want?

Adam: Simple, you work for me again and at the hearing, you're gonna help me shut this kindergarten snowflake bullshit down for good.

Vaggie: Never!

Adam: Oh yeah, you know, that's totally cool. I guess I'll just tell little miss butterflies and rainbows that she's been fucking someone who's killed-- thousands of her people. I'm sure your relationship will be fine. See you in court!

[Adam and Lute leaves the room, Vaggie scared.]

---

[The scene transitions to an angelic courtroom, where Charlie and Vaggie are sat down. Adam walks by on his way to his seat with Lute.]

Charlie: Oh no, not him again!

[Adam flies up and sits down beside Lute.}

Adam: What up, baby? Saw that you went to my manager. Low blow, Karen.

Sera: We are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed into the heavenly realm via means of this "Hazbin Hotel". Princess Morningstar?

Charlie: *sigh* Thank you, Seraphim. *clears throat* Webster's dictionary defines redemption as—

Adam: Objection, lame and unoriginal.

Sera: Sustained. No further dictionary references please.

Charlie: Right, ok, uh, uh… uhhmmmm…

[Charlie shuffles through multiple cards, all which have various dictionary references on.]

Adam: If you have actual evidence, then show it already.

Charlie: We have a patron right now who is making incredible progress!

Adam: Who?

Charlie: Angel Dust.

Adam: Oh yeah, the porn demon. He's totally worth being redeemed. *blows raspberry*

Charlie: Well, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?

Adam: Uhmm… w-w-well… Uhh…

Sera: Is everything ok, Adam?

Adam: Give me a fucking minute, ok? *mutters*

[Adam scrawls something down on a golden piece of paper, before teleporting it over to Vaggie.]

Vaggie: *reading list* "Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man". Are you fucking serious?

Adam: Uh, yeah. Sure got me here, didn't it? *laughs nervously* Right, Sera?

Sera: He was the first human soul in Heaven...

Charlie: Well, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!

Adam: Then let's fucking see it bruh! *snaps fingers*

[A spying orb appears in the middle of the courtroom.]

Charlie: Your honor, may I present: exhibit A.

[Scene transitions to the nightclub Angel Dust and co. are at]

Cherri Bomb: Woo! Isn't this place the fucking best?

Husk: I'll admit, "Consent" is a good name for a sex club.

Sir Pentious: Niffty, dear, what are you doing?

Niffty: I'm sweeping! Urgh, look how icky it is in here!

Sir Pentious: That's because we're at a club, dear.

Niffty: Oh! I thought the hotel looked different! *giggles*

[Sir Pentious leans over to Cherri Bomb.]

Sir Pentious: Ms. Bomb, I-I-I'd like to buy you a drink.

Cherri Bomb: *smugly* Why? Didn't you say we're arch-rivals?

Sir Pentious: Um… uhh… because I'm buying EVERYONE a drink!

Crowd: Free drinks! I love alcohol!

Angel Dust: Good, I need a drink after today. You know, Val, he's into this waterboarding shit now, I don't know, it's a kink.

Cherri Bomb: Angel, enough with the Val talk. He already ruined your whole day, don't let him ruin your night too. *holds out three pills* Here, take one of these and you won't be worrying about nothing.

Husk: Here we go.

Cherri Bomb: Oh look! The drunk sobered up long enough to judge us.

Husk: I ain't the one trying to get into Heaven. Look, you want to fuck up all your progress? Be my guest. I just… *sighs* I just thought you were better than that.

Cherri Bomb: Thanks, Captain Buzzkill. Come on, Angie, let's get fucked up! It's been too long.

Angel Dust: I uhh… I don't know, it's been a long night and I don't need to go too wild.

Husk: *approvingly* Hmm.

Cherri Bomb: Come on, bitch. If you've really been working that hard, you deserve a little R and R, some THC, or maybe PCP with DMT. Aw, fuck it, let's see where the night takes us, huh?

[Sir Pentious slithers back into frame holding shots.]

Angel Dust: I.. I guess?

Sir Pentious: Cherri, I bought you a shot. B-because I bought everyone another shot! Hooray! *chuckles*

Crowd: Yeah! Another drink! I love alcohol!

Angel Dust: *drinks shot* ah… Fuck it, let's do it.

Husk: *sighs*

[Transitions back to the courtroom.]

Adam: Heavenly people, what more do you need to see? The porn star chose a night of debauchery. That's not a soul worthy of being in Heaven!

Charlie: Uhm, objection! Are you really telling me you've never had a drink with friends at the end of a hard day?

Adam: Uh, we don't have hard days? It's fucking Heaven, bitch. You seriously gonna sit there and pretend like this behavior is ok?

Charlie: *growls*

Adam: *To Vaggie, with malicious intent* What do you think?

Vaggie: I-I- I have to go the bathroom!

[Vaggie rushes out of the courtroom.]

Charlie: What? Vaggie, can you hold it?! *frustrated groan* Angel will make good decisions, come on! We have to keep watching! Please?

Sera: *sighs* Yeah, I don't know.

Emily: Yeah, let's give him a chance.

Sera: Very well, the court will allow it.

Charlie: Fuck yes! I mean… heh… thank you.

[The scene transitions back to the club, where the gang have had multiple drinks. Cherri Bomb walks into frame with 5 shots]

Cherri Bomb: Round 12, motherfuckers! Heels are coming off!

[Cherri Bomb sets the shots down on the table and hands them out to Husk, Angel and Sir Pentious]

Angel Dust: Ho ho yeah! Keep 'em comin'! Come on, right here! Come right here to daddy.

Sir Pentious: Oh, it's wonderful to have friends! *chuckles*

[Niffty reaches across the table trying to reach her shot glass.]

Niffty: Everything's spinny! *giggles*

Angel Dust: Ha, I think you're done, tiny.

Niffty: No! Gimme gimme gimme!

Cherri Bomb: Oh come on, bitch! She can handle a little more!

Angel Dust: She's like 10 pounds soaking wet and— oh shit, where'd she go?

[Niffty is shoving other patrons' drinks into a sack.]

Guys at a table: Hey! Fuck!

Niffty: Dirty, dirty! Make it CLEAN!

Angel Dust: Damn it, Niffty. Sorry fellas, here, next one's on me. Niffty? Shit!

[Niffty's digging through a supply closet.]

Niffty: Chlorine…! Bleach…!

Cherri Bomb: Angie, the fuck you doin'? You're supposed to be relaxin', not playin' nanny!

Angel Dust: Look, she ain't used to this scene, I-I just don't want her to end up in the gutter like I used to.

Cherri Bomb: Pfft, whatever, nerd, just catch up when you're done.

Niffty: *laughing*

[Angel picks Niffty up.]

Angel Dust: STOP!! You can't take tha- GOD, Niff, why you bein' such a mess?!

Niffty: I'm... the mess? *Niffty starts crying*

Angel Dust: Oh, oh shit! Hey hey, Hey calm down. *Take deep breaths* You ain't a mess, it's fine..! Shh.. Hey, you wanna play with the kitty?

Niffty: *stops crying* yeah...

[Angel puts Niffty on Husk's head while she giggles about it.]

Husk: The fuck is this?

Angel Dust: She's wasted, just go with it.

Husk: Re-Really? *Sees Niffty playing with his ears and wings* Ugh, get the...

[Scene changes to Sir Pentious falling off his seat and slithering over to Cherri Bomb at another table.]

Sir Pentious: Ahh... HEY, wow!!!! Hey, so… I see the club has a sex room, so I was thinking, maybe you'd want to, uhm… do a… sssSEX with me?

Cherri: *snort* I'm sorry, why would we have sex?

Sir Pentious: Uh… Uh…uhm… because I'm having sex with everyone here! *laughs briefly before being grabbed*

[Crowd cheers, before dragging Sir Pentious towards the 'sex room'. Many sets of eyes are visible inside]

Sir Pentious: Wait! *screams*

Cherri: You know, we can do this fucking shit every fuckin' night! You don't have to spend all your off hours "working on yourself", you little bitch.

Husk: The hotel isn't a problem in his life, it's—

Angel Dust: Valentino.

Husk: Exactly. So why don't you-

Angel Dust: No, Valentino.

[Camera pans to Valentino at a large sofa-bench talking with some female demons]

Valentino: Yeah, I'm here all the time, they know me. You're gorgeous, do you need a job? How many dicks can you suck? Ooh, I could make you a star.

Angel Dust: Let's get the fuck outta here, okay? Come on.

Valentino: [in the background] Yeah, a star.

Angel Dust: Where's Niffty?

Valentino: Porn star. OK, yup, bring me another drink or I'll fucking kill you.

[Niffty is seen running towards Valentino]

Niffty: Bad boy! *giggles*

Valentino: I said I'll fucking kill you, and I will.

Angel Dust: Excuse me. Pardon me. Get out of my way.

[Angel tumbles onto the platform and grabs Niffty, who is still running in midair as Angel holds her.]

Valentino: Holy shit, Angel Dust? What are you doing here, baby? You didn't get enough dick today?

Angel Dust: Funny.

Valentino: Who's this chiquita? You bringing me fresh meat?

[Niffty attempts to bite Valentino's finger and he yelps.]

Valentino: Oi!

Niffty: I just want a taste.

Valentino: Ehh, weird, but there's a kink for that, I'm sure!

[Angel stands up, still holding Niffty.]

Angel Dust: Fuck off, Val.

Valentino: Excuse me?

Angel Dust: I said fuck off! I may have to put up with your bullshit, but you ain't fuckin' with any of my friends!

[Valentino summons his red smoke chain and grabs Angel with it, pulling him close.]

Valentino: You forget who you're talking to? I own you, bitch.

Angel Dust: Yeah, you do, in the studio. And you can do anything you want to me there, just like our deal says. But out here, I get to do what I want. So once again, FUCK. OFF.

[Valentino smacks Angel, sending him tumbling to the side onto the ground. As Angel coughs and splutters blood from his mouth, Valentino walks over.]

Valentino: Enjoy the rest of your night, bitch, because I'm going to enjoy making you pay for it tomorrow.

Cherri: Fuckin' dickhead...

[Angel stands up and walks back to his friends while wiping blood from his mouth.]

Angel Dust: Fuck it. It was worth it.

[Husk smiles and puts a hand on Angel's back as they walk off.]

Husk: Way to go, kid.

[Niffty appears tearing off a part of Valentino's fur.]

Valentino: Ow! What the fuck?!?

Niffty: *chuckles* For my collection! *further chuckling* Wait up, guys!

Cherri: Did you just call these c**** your friends? Thought that was my job.

Angel Dust: There's room for everyone, and ya know… you could come crash with us too.

Cherri: Okay, look, Angie, I'm glad this hotel shit is workin' for you, but you know me, bitch, I'm doin' just fine! In fact, I'm gonna fuck the next guy I see, okay? But if you need me, you know where to find me, yeah?

Sir Pentious: *panting* Is Cherri still here? [Cherri walks into the sex room with another demon.] Dammit!

[Scene transitions back to the angelic courtroom.]

Charlie: See! He did everything on your checklist! He was selfless, he stopped Niffty from stealing and he stuck it to that moth man!

Adam: Uhhh… well, uh… Then, then why isn't he here then? Hm?

Emily: Yeah, why isn't he here?

[The angels observing the court all murmur together.]

Charlie: Wait... none of you know what gets someone into Heaven?

Sera: *abruptly* This questioning stops now. We know when a soul arrives, we know when they pass divine judgment, it is our job to ensure these souls are safe.

[Emily conjures Adam's list and looks over it. Three things on Adam's list are crossed out. You Didn't Know starts.]

Emily: ♫ But she was right, Sera ♫

♫ She showed us a soul can improve ♫

[Emily flies up and shows the orb with the scene of Angel defying Valentino.]

♫ He saw the light, Sera ♫

♫Checked all the boxes that you said would ♫

[Emily flies with the orb and asks the other angels observing the court.]

♫ Prove a person deserves a second chance ♫

♫Now we turn our backs, no second glance?♫

Sera: ♫ It's not as simple as you think ♫

[Emily flies back up to Sera, who takes her hands.]

♫ Not everything is spelled in ink ♫

[The camera turns back down to Charlie staring defiantly with Vaggie in the background.]

Charlie: ♫ It's not fair, Sera ♫

[Vaggie steps forward and puts a hand on Charlie's shoulder.]

Vaggie: ♫ Careful, Charlie, keep a cool head... ♫

[Charlie pulls away and looks at Sera.]

Charlie: ♫ No! Don't you care, Sera?♫

♫ That just because someone is dead♫

♫ It doesn't mean they can't resolve to change their ways ♫

[The orb shows multiple images of Angel and the others.]

♫ Turn the page ♫

♫ Escape infernal blaze ♫

Sera: ♫ I 'm sure you wish it could be so ♫

♫ But there's a lot that you don't know ♫

[Camera turns to Lute and Adam's seat abruptly.]

Lute: ♫ What are we even talkin' about? ♫

♫ Some crack-whore who fucked up already? ♫

♫ He blew his shot, like the cocks in his mouth ♫

[Lute stands up and puts her Exorcist mask on.]

♫This discussion is senseless and petty♫

[Both Adam and Lute fly up in front of Charlie, before flying over to and landing on the orb.]

Lute and Adam: ♫There's no question to be posed♫

♫He's unholy, case closed♫

♫ Did you forget that "Hell is forever"? ♫

Adam: ♫ A man only lives once ♫

♫ We'll see you in one month♫

[Adam flies off of the orb and gets closer to Charlie, who briefly turns into her full demon form.]

♫ Gotta say, I can't wait to ♫

Sera: Adam...

Adam: ♫ Come down and exterminate you! ♫

Emily: Wait!

Adam: Shit!

Emily: ♫ What are you saying? ♫

♫ Let me get this straight ♫

[Emily flies down and lands in front of the orb, which now displays an silhouette of an exorcist standing among frames, staring sadly.]

♫ You go down there and kill those poor souls? ♫

Charlie: ♫ You didn't know? ♫

Adam: Whoops!

Lute: ♫ Guess the cat's out of the bag... ♫

Adam: ♫ What's the big deal?♫

[Emily looks up at Sera.]

Emily: ♫ Sera, tell me that you didn't know ♫

Sera: ♫ I thought, since I'm older ♫

♫ It's my load to shoulder ♫

Emily: No!

[Sera flies down to Emily and takes her hands.]

Sera: ♫ You have to listen ♫

♫ It was such a hard decision ♫

♫ I wanted to save you, the anguish it takes to ♫

[Sera takes Emily's hand and forces a smile, the fire from the orb reflecting in her eyes.]

♫ Do what was required ♫

Emily: ♫ To think that I admired you ♫

[Emily tugs out of Sera's grip and flies upwards.]

♫ Well, I don't need your condescension ♫

♫ I'm not a child to protect ♫

[Emily turns in the air and questions Sera directly, before she lands in front of the orb next to Charlie]

♫ Was talk of virtue just pretension? ♫

♫ Was I too naïve to expect you ♫

♫ To heed the morals you're purveying? ♫

Charlie: ♫ That's what the fuck I've been saying! ♫

[Both Charlie and Emily fly onto the orb as the camera spins.]

Charlie and Emily: ♫ If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie! ♫

Sera: Emily!

Charlie and Emily: ♫ If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky ♫

[Emily and Charlie fly off the orb and move out of the way, showing an Exorcist murdering a demon.]

♫ The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say ♫

♫ When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again ♫

[The members of the court are shown to be horrified.]

Charlie: ♫ I was told not to trust in angels ♫

[Adam walks nearer to Vaggie.]

Adam: ♫ By her? ♫

[Lute leans on Vaggie's shoulder.]

Lute: ♫ Ha! She should know ♫

[Vaggie walks over to Charlie, who takes her hands.]

Vaggie: ♫ We should go ♫

Charlie: ♫ No! Don't you see? ♫

♫ We've come so close ♫

[The camera cuts to an above view, showing the angels all talking together and Emily refusing to listen to Sera.]

♫ Look at them fighting; they're at each other's throats ♫

Adam: ♫ Don't you act all high and mighty ♫

♫ Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar? ♫

[Adam walks through the gap between Charlie and Vaggie and approaches the orb.]

Vaggie: ♫ Don't, Adam, please! ♫

Adam: ♫ What's the fuss? ♫

♫ Why hide the fact that you're an angel ♫

[Adam sinisterly turns while Lute grabs Vaggie and pulls her over to them.]

♫ Just like us?♫

[The orb shows Vaggie in the past as an Exorcist, a shadow falling over the darkened courtroom as she spreads her wings.]

[Song ends.]

[Charlie falls to her knees in disbelief as Vaggie runs to her and Emily settles back by Sera.]

Sera: *Inhales to keep composure* I'm sorry... but this court finds that there is no evidence souls in Hell can be redeemed.

Adam: Oh, FUCK, YES!! I WIN!!! SUCK IT BITCHES. You better save the date c****, 'cause we're coming to your hotel FIRST.

[Adam snaps his fingers, reopening the portal to Hell.]

Charlie: What... NO!! NO!! You can't-

Vaggie: You... Motherfu-

[Charlie and Vaggie scream as they are transported back to Hell through the portal.]

Emily: Charlie!! Don't give up on this! I'll figure something out, I promise!

Sera: That was uncalled for, Adam.

Adam: Yeah, But did you see the looks on their fucking faces, it was.... d-d- *stammers* Sorry....

[The court, Adam, and Lute fly away.]

Emily: Extermination...of human souls!? Demon or not there is NO reason to be doing this!

Sera: They were uprising, Emily! It is my position as the head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs. And it's your position to keep them happy and joyful.

[Sera leans forward, putting her hands on Emily's shoulders.]

Emily: How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?

Sera: Heaven needs us, Emily. Everyone looks to us... and we can't doubt ourselves or worry about the fates of demons when we have our own souls to protect. Please.... if you start to question... you could end up like Lucifer: Fallen. I couldn't bear to see you suffer that fate, so please, let me worry about this, ok?

[Sera kisses Emily's forehead.]

Sera: I'm sorry.

[Sera walks away. Saddened, Emily puts a hand on Adam's list gently, as the episode ends.]